The Brian and Justin Saga Continues…
Directed by: Michael DeCarlo
Teleplay by: Del Shores
Story By: Ron Cowen, Daniel Lipman & Del Shores
Overall theme? To tell you the truth, I was so wrapped up in Brian and Michael that I didn’t really pay that much attention to how the rest of the gang fit in with a theme. But the Brian and Michael theme was most definitely… Boys and their toys.
A couple of things that appear in this episode more than once… like all the ball jokes in S4… religion (again) and little boy Brian with his shiny new Babylon toy. I’ll mention them as we go along but here’s why I think they are there.
First the religious stuff. It’s subtle and not too overbearing. It’s just there, in the background and kind of insignificant really, but I get the feeling that the overall message for this is that not all religious efforts are bad, not all religious fanatics are crazies and most importantly, that gays are Godly like everyone else. They are not the God-less souls that the crazies make them out to be and I think that’s why so many of the characters are making mentions of Him, even though most are just in passing. With the political climate all about religion these days it seems to make sense that they would try to show some of their gay characters as believing in God and in religion. It’s an attempt to dispel another myth… to be gay means you must not believe in God and the Bible because of what they say God and the bible say about homosexuality. More illusions that need to be imploded. They’ve addressed religion quite a bit on the show but other than the one minister in Season 2 and Emmett’s kneeling prayer over the toilet at Michael’s birthday bash in Season 1, it’s all been negative. And even Emmett’s promise to God ended up not showing religious queers in a very good light. Pun fully intended there. So it didn’t do much for imploding the illusion - just showed more religious craziness. They added to the nutcase theory with Joan and all her rhetoric. Then Cody’s visit to the church with Justin and Reverend Swineheart in 501. But having religion doesn’t have to make you a crazy. The reality is that there are good, sane, loving religious people out there… straight as well as gay. I could be totally off here, it’s only been two episodes so far, but showing the gang believing in a God and in the Bible will be something I’ll be watching for as the season progresses.
Now for the little boy and his new toy. I’ll dive into this deeper in each scene but I see the overall message of this is to show that it’s not that the Babylon partying, dancing, drinking, drugging, tricking lifestyle is wrong. It’s to show that there’s a time for it in your life. I was of the belief that to show Brian growing up, he would have to see it as wrong... as immature. And that’s why I’ve always been okay with him not growing up in that context. I hated Ben for his disapproving condescending crap toward the way Brian lives his life. So in defiance I kept thinking he didn’t have to give it up to show maturity, just not “need” it anymore. It’s who he is… why couldn’t he have it all if it’s a want and not a need? There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s only wrong because people are being judgmental against that lifestyle. But the toy theory helped me with that way of thinking. It’s not about being a wrong way to live. It’s about when you become too big to fit your butt in the swing and too tall to play on the jungle gym. There just comes a time in your life when spinning on the merry-go-round does nothing for you but make your stomach queasy and your head ache. Doesn’t mean the playground shouldn’t exist or that the kids shouldn’t be allowed to play on it. I don’t know, it’s just a theme I see being set in place and something that I’ll be watching for…
For the other stuff… this is where I had so many problems writing this recap. I had so much so say and couldn’t figure out how to say it. So basically, these are totally random thoughts regarding the other characters when they don’t interact with Brian or Justin and then we’ll get to them.
Emmett - His pointy hair-do gave me the willies. But other than that, I love Emmett. I love his confidence in his job. I love that he’s good at it. I’m even okay with the obvious nod to Queer Eye (if it ends up being a nod, but the jury’s still out on that). Regardless, there’s a lot of room for some great humor to come from this storyline. And I love the comment from Emmett that he got his fairy wings by having the ability to turn a disaster into something beautiful. But this is what I hate about Emmett’s storyline…
I hate this bride! That said, I’m going to insert a little bit of my cock-eyed thinking here. When I first started to write about this woman, I was ranting about how it seems that all the straight women on this show are a joke. And I complained about needing more Daphne and Jennifer to balance this shit out. I bitched about how the writers must really have it in for straight women (women, not men, because the straight men seem to be okay for the most part) to continue to make us out like these crazy, stupid women they write into the show. I had a full paragraph… then I remembered a conversation on the boards some time ago about why there weren’t enough straights on the show. That gays have straight friends so why aren’t they represented. Hell, even Peter made a comment about it in an interview. Back then I said that I didn’t need straights on this show. It’s not what the show is about. I still stand by that, I don’t need them, my problem with this straight female character and most others was not about that, it was about the fact that they’re not being shown respectfully like Daphne. But I deleted the whole thing. I mean, who the hell do I think I am, right? It’s a gay show… written by gays… for gays. What occurred to me is that this “pissed off” feeling I have must be how they feel when watching basically straight shows where the occasional gay character is made out to be a clown, a joke, an incompetent boob, just like Alien or Predator, whichever one she’s supposed to be. So there it is… this stupid, self-absorbed, neurotic straight woman is there as a healthy dose of our own medicine. And if that’s the case, well then, okay… it’s funny.
But I can’t say this actress did a good job portraying her. She sucked in that regard as well. The wine spill? Puh-lease. And the nagging voice… can I shoot her?
And since I’m watching for them… Emmett says he’ll talk with God about the weather to ensure that nothing rains on the psycho bitch’s parade. Wow, religious and Barbra references in the same sentence. That’s gotta be a first.
Ted - What is Ted? Ted is Brian’s nightmares in the flesh. What is happening to Poor Teddy is exactly what Brian is fearful of. And because of that, you would think that Brian would run as far away from Ted as he could. But he doesn’t. They are thick as thieves. Guess hanging out with someone like Ted makes Brian all the more desirable. You think he knows that?? LOL
So we saw Ted deny his problem in 501 until the chubby chaser gave him a bit a reality then the go-go boy handing out flyers at the diner makes matters worse for him. But he goes to the hairdresser still willing to deny it’s that bad. Of course that gets quickly squashed as well.
Hairdresser: Well, I hate to contradict Mrs. Brolin, but the mirror has only one face.
Hehehe. Would you believe I didn’t get that at first? All I could figure was that it was another Ms. Barbra reference. I was so focused on the Mrs. Brolin and “healthy head of hair” comments that I totally missed the “one face” part. I had to ask a friend what the deal was. I’m a total dork when it comes to the great gay icons and was embarrassed when the answer came back… The Mirror Has Two Faces. Duh! **hangs head in shame**
Okay, so the mirror has one face… it doesn’t lie. The truth of the matter is, Ted’s hair is thinning. GASP!!
Ack! Then the old guy. And he mentions Palm Springs! Double ack! Please someone dispel this myth that as an aging gay man all you have to look forward to is retiring in Palm Springs and oogling the Mexican boys. That just has to be an illusion. I don’t want Brian to be right about this. **bangs head on desk** But okay. The reality of the situation is that everyone ages. Can’t help it. It’s the trick that never leaves. Hmmm, sounds familiar. Oh, sorry, had a Justin vision there. Back to thinning gray hair, wrinkles and poochey bellies… and this gay fascination for youth and beauty.
External beauty… what a conundrum. In one of my favorite movies, Circuit, there’s a hot stud turning thirty who’s seeing the beginning of crow’s feet and feels his life is ending… after resorting to extreme measures to maintain his perfect image, he ends up killing himself. Not just over his looks but it’s everything that goes along with his looks. His stud status. His image of perfection. They’ve addressed this with Brian and Ted since Season 1. Ted’s never had it and desired it. Brian has it and is scared of losing it. This external beauty thing… there’s something there… something more prevalent in the gay community than to the world in general. I think it’s a guy thing. Everyone always says that in straightsville men are hung up on external beauty and women on the internal beauty. So in gaysville where we are talking about men and men, it makes sense that the importance of external beauty would be doubly strong. When Emmett deserts the dead Babylon for Popperz, he doesn’t say because that’s where all the men are… he says it’s because that’s where all the HOT guys are. “Hot” being the key. But when he comes over to Teddy’s, he gives him the speech about his internal beauty and what a wonderful guy Ted is and how strong… that he’s a beautiful pearl inside the not so beautiful shell. It was a very moving speech but all it did was convince Ted that he was right. He has to fix the shell, his external beauty. This isn’t a sad-sack Ted storyline… it’s a look inside a very real problem in the gay community. However, I will say that I believe Emmett’s quest for “hot” guys is all about tricking and not so much about being superficial… he really does believe his pearl theory and always looks at internal beauty when falling in love. He fell for George, remember.
Debbie/Horvath - Horvath was missing from this episode but one thing did happen in regards to their relationship in the scene at Debbie’s with Michael and Ben and Horvath’s chair… or should I say, Horvath’s “toy”. Now do you think this was placed in the scene just so Michael and Ben could have a reason for being there or to show their brute strength or to remind us the local furniture mover of the gang (Justin) is still in California? Nope. I think it’s there to make a relationship statement regarding boys and their toys and making concessions for your partner.
Deb and Horvath are merging their lives. That means that you have to take all of that person. The good with the bad. Deb doesn’t want the chair in her house, it doesn’t fit, but it’s part of Carl so she has to accept it if she wants Carl in her life. She’s making a concession. But instead of totally sacrificing her décor (herself) for Carl, she finds a way to make it fit. She adds a piece of her to it (the coverlet) and now it’s all better. It’s a merging of his and hers. Taking two separate things and putting them together to make it work for the two of them. Not sure how this fits into the season or the current storylines, but I’m positive that’s the message and that it’s important. So, just tuck that in your back pocket and we’ll see if we need it later.
Michael/Ben/Lindsay/Melanie/JR - What a mess. This is the storyline that has my thoughts so jumbled. So these are not solid cohesive thoughts at all, just totally random rantings of things not discussed in the Brian or Justin scenes below… Michael goes to Melanie’s and apologizes for “getting all worked up”. Melanie quips. Lindsay makes excuses for her. Michael then says he’s sorry that Mel and Lindz couldn’t work things out between them. Melanie quips again. Melanie is bugging me. Michael brings up the fact that they need to discuss a “time sharing” schedule for “our child”. Hmmm, didn’t he say in 501 that he didn’t want JR in a time-sharing arrangement? He should make up his mind. But no one notices that, it’s the “our child” that both Melanie and Lindsay hear. Lindsay, who’s pacing with a sleeping JR, looks at Michael in shock that those words just came out of his mouth. I think she senses trouble immediately. Brian sure didn’t act this way about Gus. Melanie reacts the Melanie way… and all hell breaks loose… “complimentary sniping” included. Didn’t Michael say he didn’t want complimentary sniping? Maybe not, but here he is participating in it.
Melanie screams. Lindsay says don’t scream or she’ll wake the baby. Of course it’s already too late. JR starts crying. Melanie denies screaming. Says she’s making a point. Lindsay says not to JR she’s not. And boy, is that true. Why think of the baby when you’re trying to make a point? I mean, what’s more important? Now Michael screams. Melanie screams some more. JR screams. Michael screams. Lindsay tries to interject but clearly this argument is between Melanie and Michael and she doesn’t count. Melanie screams some more. JR screams some more. Michael screams some more. Melanie, because she’s a lawyer, uses the excuse of having to feed JR to get in the last word. The last word always being the important thing to accomplish.
The thing that I don’t get is why is Michael so adverse to JR being raised by a single mom or in a broken home. He had a single mom and while I understand that he wished he had a father, I don’t see what that has to do with anything. He’s going to be JR’s dad no matter where she lives. And Brian, his best friend, grew up in a house with two parents and look how he turned out. So where does this adversity come from? There’s nothing in his past to indicate why he’s so against it. That leads me to believe that his only real issue is that he’s caught up in the illusion after spending so much time with Monty and Eli. He’s simply trying to justify his fantasy of being the nuclear Ozzy and Harriet family… two loving parents, house with the white picket fence, and 2.2 kids. The trappings of clonesville.
He does mention a “loving” home and that much I agree with him on. The main thing kids need is love and a good solid picture of it all around them. That’s what Brian lacked in his two-parent childhood and what Michael had in spades in his single-parent upbringing.
The colic… Melanie can’t get any sleep because JR has colic… they tell us how many times?? I lost count. However when Lindsay’s holding her, she sleeps until the screaming wakes her up. Later when Deb comes over and holds her… she sleeps. Babies sense tension and Melanie is pulled pretty tight. I’m not sure it’s colic that has JR in a tizzy. I think it’s her MOM! Way too much anger and resentment - not enough love. But it’s Debbie who tells us that JR inherited the colic from Michael. Gee, was that on the questionnaire when they were choosing a father? I bet it wasn’t. Let’s see… how many more ways can we make Melanie sorry that she chose Michael over Brian??? LOL
The next time we see Michael, he’s packing up boxes at the apartment with Ben. He’s telling Ben all about the horrible conversation he had with the girls. Ben is being agreeable and supportive… and believing every word that Michael says. But we know he’s not telling the truth.
Michael: …screaming so loud she woke up the baby.
True, she did. But… Michael wasn’t? He conveniently forgot that fact. Oh right, he’s excused from that kind of behavior. Mikey can do NO wrong in Mikey’s eyes. Ben gives his condescending chuckle at what a terrible mother Melanie must be then reminds Michael that they can't overreact, that they have to stay calm and rational. Right. With the Novotny genes in his system? No chance in hell of that happening. I don’t think Michael knows what calm and rational mean. And “overreact” is his middle name.
Stable home life? This whole storyline has me nauseated. Michael’s last line of proclamation to Ben (“there’s no way I’m giving up my kid”) sounded vaguely like Brian’s child-like pout of “I want it!” when he was talking to Ted about Babylon. I’m wondering, could JR simply be Michael’s new toy?? I strongly believe so. He needs JR to complete his fantastical illusion of cloning Eli and Monty. He’s completely delusional. He’s blinded by what he wants. This has become a mission… a mission to get the toy that someone else is waving just out of his reach. And I think Ben knows it.
Later, Lindsay offers help because Mel is clearly stressed out. But she refuses the help even if it’s in the best interest of her daughter. Melanie makes me crazy. Is no one thinking about JR while they are all doing what’s best for her? I swear I’m ready to pull my hair out. And she’s still bitching at Lindsay… over everything. She pisses me off to no end. And poor Gus… sitting right there in front of all the complimentary sniping. But how cute was he with the thing on his head?? LOL
Then we have the single mom scene with Michael and Debbie.
Michael: I wasn’t even thinking about you.
Debbie: So what else is new?
Well it’s about freakin’ time that someone acknowledged the fact that Michael rarely thinks of others when he opens his big mouth! And the fact that it’s his mother makes it even better. I can’t tell you how great that feels. It’s a flaw in his character that needs to be fixed and I’m just glad that it’s being addressed. Now maybe he’ll start to do something about it as the season progresses. I was really beginning to think that I just saw Michael this way as an excuse to not like him. But here it is… said out loud on the show by the writers! It’s been no illusion on my part all this time… in reality, it’s been there as a part of his character. Halleluiah!
I’m not going to go into my thoughts on the single mom thing… too long and drawn out and they’ll be opportunities to do that in future episodes when I’m not so irritated. But I do love that while Deb supports Melanie being a single mom, she’s very adamant about the fact that that the only “side” she’s on in this whole debacle is JR’s. Good for her. And she even put Melanie in her place when Mel told her she shouldn’t be there. “You still haven’t learned, have you?” No, she hasn’t. When you’re a parent, single or not, the child’s needs come first. Always. All three of those parents need to learn that because all three of them are only thinking of themselves right now and what they want.
Of course, I can’t fail to mention her King Solomon comment… the story in the Bible where the two prostitutes were fighting over the baby. Solomon was a wise man but I just hope that his decision to cut the baby in half isn’t what is about to transpire here even though I fear it is or his name wouldn’t have been mentioned. Yikes!
The last Michael/Melanie scene has two things I agree with… one, taking a nursing baby away from its birth mother. I completely agree that JR shouldn’t be spending the night with Michael or Lindsay right now. Not while she’s nursing. So I was nodding my head with Melanie until she said, “when she’s 4 or 5”. Puh-lease! Four or five? How stupid does she think Michael is? Well pretty damn stupid because that was just ludicrous to even suggest he wait that long. So then I started agreeing with Michael and nodding my head with him. Oh boy!
I’m completely sucked into this storyline. I have to give props to any storyline that makes me want to throw things at the TV.
So on with the Brian and Justin show…
The show starts with Justin walking into the Hollywood studio, looking broken-hearted and sad. A few people are busy taking things down off the walls and packing things up. Justin goes to his art table but doesn’t pack anything but his pencil pouch. He looks around, thinking, perhaps remembering what could have been. There are drawings strewn on his table but the only one he picks up is a storyboard of JT and Rage in three poses… a loving embrace, having sex and kissing. He looks at it, folds it and places it in his bag. That’s all he’s taking… that’s all he wants. And of course I find that significant.
There’s been talk about Justin’s motives for returning to Pittsburgh and I’ll talk more about that later, but the thing for me about this scene and that drawing and it being the only thing Justin wants to take is this… As he’s thinking, I’m sure he has a feeling that he’s lost everything. His dream shattered. But the drawing represents what he does have left… Brian. So I don’t think he perceives his situation as, “well Hollywood is over, I can always go home to Brian.” And the reason I say that’s not it is because that gives off a sense that Brian was #2… second choice… left-overs. And I don’t like that view. It indicates negative things about Justin and his love for Brian. I don’t think we’ve been shown anything to make us believe that Brian is a vegetable side dish only to be eaten after all the good stuff is gone. I have a lot more faith in Justin than that. I view his thoughts as more along the lines of “Thank God, I still have Brian.” Brian is not left-overs but he is all Justin has left at this point. Same situation, same outcome, but there’s a big difference in the attitude of how it’s viewed. Why does it have to be a negative one? In other words, I view this scene as a redux to this…
Brian: Now I really have lost everything.
Justin: Not everything.
Remember that? And that scene was viewed as nothing but positive for the state of their relationship. Everyone squee’d over it. I don’t remember anyone saying that the only reason Brian was with Justin in 401 was because he had nothing else. No one made Justin the leftovers. Why then, would it be seen as negative when the shoe’s on the other foot? Double standard when looking at Justin and Brian, perhaps? Doesn’t really seem fair.
Me? I’m just thrilled that the only thing he wanted as a keepsake from his time in La-la-land was a picture of JT and Rage. Oh yeah, he hasn’t lost everything.
And isn’t Randy just beautiful in that scene?
Novotny-Bruckner House - Michael, Ben
Pondering Plans
Gosh, I love Brian and Ted. I do, I do, I do. This scene is two-fold. It shows Brian and Ted discussing Babylon (Brian’s new playroom) at the same time that Ben and Michael are discussing their new house (and their new playroom for JR). They are in direct contrast with each other and we see just how far apart Brian and Michael are right now. Complete opposites. Brian as the kid. Michael as the grown-up. Gee, I never thought I’d say that. Oy vey!
We start with Brian and Ted entering Babylon and Ted giving Brian a status report on the purchase of Babylon.
Ted: It all seems to be coming together. No glitches that I can foresee. Everything looks good. The lease has been signed. The liquor license has been transferred in the name of Kinnetik Corp. You've got enough insurance that if someone so much as sneezes, you’re protected. In short... the joint’s all yours.
Brian: Theodore... you are a marvel.
Awww, I love that!! Brian is obviously putting a lot of faith in Ted. He’s not just his accountant and financial advisor, he’s treating him like his business manager - an all encompassing manager - almost a partner. That kind of tells me that IF Brian were to ever expand Kinnetik, he would trust him to run the Pittsburgh branch. Hmmm, nice thought but like Teddy said in 501, he would advise against expanding too quickly. So, not right now, it’s too soon, Kinnetik is too young, but with time…
But when did Kinnetik become a corporation? Umm, wow. You think Brown Athletics is more than just a client? Could they be investors as well?
Ted: Well when I said go buy yourself a new toy, this isn't exactly the toy I had in mind.
Brian: It says on the box, “appropriate for boys ages 19-30” so stop fretting Mother, I can afford it.
Ages 19-30? Interesting. So even Brian knows the age restriction for this playground. I guess this ties back to his reaction to turning 30. Just tonight I caught a rerun of Will and Grace… Jack walks into Grace’s office depressed. He tells Karen that he just turned thirty. She doesn’t get the big deal and he tries to explain it by asking, “Do you know how old that is in GAY years?” There’s a stigma attached to being gay and over 30 and it’s hitting Teddy right between the eyes at this very moment and it’s plagued Brian for quite some time.
Brian knows that playing with this toy has an expiration date… written right on the box! We all know Brian’s ads and how he thinks… same here… thinking outside the box. But… while that is a great thing to do in advertising, it’s not so great for the illusions of holding on to one’s youth. He’s, what, 34-35 now? Clearly he’s not of the “appropriate” age range any longer… by his own admission! He’s on borrowed time now… just waiting for the inevitable to happen and fighting it tooth and nail. But I think it’s important to note that he knows!
But, he’s not worried about the money, that’s for sure. He can afford it. No fretting. No reassurance needed.
Cut to Michael and Ben… Michael is fretting… is worried. He needs reassurance.
Michael: Are you sure we can afford it?
Ben: We did the math a dozen times and even without the movie, we each have enough income. Plus the money we've saved.
Michael: I just need some reassurance.
They kiss.
Ben: Uhmmm. How’s that?
Michael: I'm already thinking color scheme.
Back to Brian and Ted entering the backroom. Brian is also thinking color scheme. Basic black. Dark with the illusion of night.
Brian: All the backroom needs is a fresh coat of black paint and a condom dispenser.
Brian - safety first. Why did that just make me flash back to Julia Roberts holding up an array of condom choices to Richard Gere and saying, “I’m a safety girl”? I must be losing it!
Okay, sorry. Brian… black. Michael? Entering an empty bedroom, he’s thinking… pink?
Mikey: What about pink walls with a sky blue ceiling and white fluffy clouds for the baby's room?
Blue skies? White fluffy clouds? Bright with the illusion of day. Well, well, well… you think they are telling us that Brian and Michael are as different as night and day? Hmpf, that was easy.
Ted: Yeah, it's amazing how with a few simple touches you can turn a tired old room into a fresh and inviting space.
Um, yeah just like all the Stepford Fags have done to the rundown neighborhood. Was Ted channeling Eli and Monty here… the dialog sounded exactly the same! Hmmm…
And let’s think about that line a minute… “with a few simple touches you can turn a tired old room into a fresh and inviting space”… sounds very close to being an ad for plastic surgery.
Ben: Or we could wallpaper. Remember how Monty and Eli had their kids room wallpapered with Disney characters?
Well actually Ben, I tried to forget but Ted had already reminded us. But Ben wants to decorate the walls with Disney characters while Brian’s decorating his walls with condom dispensers… hahahahaha
Brian: And get a cleaning crew in here to jackhammer the dried cum off the floor.
You think Ben and Michael will have that same problem in their new house?? Eh, probably not.
Ted: Half of it's probably yours.
Okay, that was funny. I love Ted. I do, I do, I do. But seriously, have we ever seen Brian have an orgasm without being inside some kind of tightly closed receptacle? I don’t think too much of his precious cum ever even hit the floor… heee!
Michael and Ben walking down the stairs of their house…
Mikey: With all this space at least we won't be on top of each other.
Ben: Unless we choose to be.
So Ben does make sexual innuendo remarks? Who knew?
Brian and Ted walking down the stairs of Babylon and talking about all the things that need to be done…
Brian: I want to reopen by Friday.
Ted: Friday... THIS Friday? But that's impossible.
Brian: You said that every day we’re closed that we’re losing money.
Ted: Yeah but we still need to line up bartenders, go-go boys, a new manager.
Brian: Well then you'd better line them up.
Ted: But...
Have you ever known a kid to not want to tear into his new toy right this second? No? Me, neither. Brian is as impatient as a child on Christmas morning! We already know how he feels about time. Every second counts when the clock is ticking. He wants it now, now, now.
Michael and Ben in the kitchen talking about all the things that need to be done.
Michael: There’s so much to do.
Ben: They say it took 500 years to complete Notre Dame.
Michael: Is that supposed to be encouraging?
Ben: We’re making a home together. Who cares how long it takes?
But with Ben’s encouragement, Michael can be patient. His alarm clock already went off. He doesn’t have any more time constraints. He’s got all the time in the world. And isn’t patience a virtue?
Remember that looming question from last week? Who will accept their reality and who will fight against it? That scene just gave you the answer.
And don’t you just love that Brian is having Ted line up everything for the club. He is definitely more than his accountant. He’s his right-hand man! I love this!
Babylon Blows
Emmett, the wedding planner, is on the phone with a client discussing their wedding. She’s being a pain in the ass.
Emmett: Well if there's a problem we’ll just change the table cloths... and the napkins... and the flowers… and the menu. Let me know if you want to change the groom... okay
Michael: Who was that?
Emmett: The wedding of Alien and Predator. The groom’s the producer for the Channel Five Six O'clock News so it means I'll be big news if I survive. Bride is a twice divorced drama queen, Panzer Division…
Hahaha, a bulldozing tank destroying everything in its path… gee, that is such a perfect way to describe her!
Emmett: …who’s convinced theirs is going to be a disaster. And believe me if she doesn't get off my ass... which are words you rarely hear me say... there may be.
Ted: Well can't be any worse then Mel and Lindsay’s anniversary surprise.
Michael: No shit.
Emmett: Now, honey, you can't let yourself get all worked up.
Deb in Background: Keep your fucking pants on, I'll take your order as soon as I can.
Emmett: Of course I realize that it may be genetically impossible.
Oh, I get it now! We are supposed to forgive Mikey when he sticks his foot in his mouth or when he gets unnecessarily worked up because it’s genetically impossible for him to control himself! Well, I say bullshit! They want us to view Mikey as a grown up? Then they better start making him accountable for those times he gets “all worked up”, acts like an immature brat and says hurtful things without thinking.
Deb comes over with their orders.
Deb: ‘Kay boys. Bacon cheeseburger for Michael, pot pie for Em and a BLT for Teddy, hold the bacon, lettuce, bread, mayo and fries.
Michael: Tryin’ to keep yourself in shape for your new boyfriend?
Emmett: He's adorable.
Ted: Yep. He's history. He jacks off to photos of Ted Kennedy. Actually thought Marlon Brando needed to gain a few pounds. That’s why he was in love with me… fat and old turned him on.
Emmett: Teddy, you’re not fat. Well, not hugely, grossly.
Wasn’t Emmett the one in 501 that was telling Ted he’d gained too much weight? Oh, but not hugely, grossly… LOL
Michael: And you’re certainly not old.
Maybe not in chronological years but in gay years, he’s well past the expiration date. And meat-head go-go boy knows it, he calls Ted “sir” and Emmett and Michael “guys”. OUCH! That is not what Teddy’s fragile ego needed right now.
Go-go Boy: Excuse me, Sir... Sir... Babylon reopens Friday night. Here you go guys.
Ted: He called me, Sir. He spoke loudly so I could hear.
Ted becomes lost in thought. Being on a diet isn’t going to fix the “old” part. It’s useless. He picks up one of Michael’s French fries and nibbles on it. Maybe he’s contemplating a move to Palm Springs?? Oh, poor Teddy… but, as usual, life goes on around him.
Michael: I thought Babylon went belly up.
Emmett: You mean you didn't know? Tell him Teddy.
Enter Brian and he plops down in the booth next to Michael.
Brian: I resuscitated it… put my mouth on it and blew.
Why oh why was that little line so damn sexy? It’s that mouth, that’s what it is. I instantly had this full visual of Brian Kinney putting that mouth on something and blowing… you saw it too, didn’t you? I can’t be the only one.
Michael: So that’s how you spent your disposable income? You should have bought a house.
Yeah, like you did… ‘cause you have all the best ideas and do everything right and for the right reasons?
Brian: Some of us queers prefer dancing and fucking to kiddies and picket fences.
I find it rather amusing that Brian looked at Emmett as he said that. Emmett is still of the appropriate 19-30 age range so in that regard Brian thinks he should understand. Emmett is the only one that hasn’t moved onto other things. Dancing and fucking, they have in common.
Emmett: Word out on the street is that Popperz is the new hot spot.
Brian: Friday night Popperz goes back to being the piss hole it always was.
After that you can hear the Go-go boy in the background continuing to hand out those $20 Babylon flyers (for FREE!) and telling the boys to “check it out.” Brian is just so darn proud of himself. It’s so sweet and cute. He wiggles in his seat (kind of like how Conner wiggled in his itchy costume - LOL), grins that little boyish grin and mouths to Michael, “Check it out.” Michael smiles back. That little bit at the end felt an awful like a child saying, “lookie what I got, aren’t you proud of me?”
Proclaiming Promises
Brett Keller is packing to go direct a movie, giving orders to his butler, talking to Justin and has his assistant on the phone. The guy has five hundred million things going on at once. Justin seems a tad overwhelmed or uncomfortable or lost or something. He just wants to know what is going on with Rage but Brett has all this other stuff going on.
Brett: Just make sure you pack my swimsuits and t-shirts. It's summer in Australia.
Butler: Yes Sir.
Brett: Anyway, they fired him three days into production. First time director, huge production... he couldn't handle it. Also I hear that he and Orlando Bloom did not get along. Oh Blair, I want that trainer at my hotel every morning at 5 am. Well call the producer and fucking demand it.
Justin: How long will you be gone?
Brett: It's a six month shoot provided I could do post here, you know we’re still negotiating. Where the hell is my Ambien? On an 18-hour flight, it's the only way to fly.
Justin: I'm sure.
Justin is trying to be polite and give a shit about Brett’s flying habits but his disappointment and confusion are still evident. Then another nail gets pounded into Justin’s already fragile state…
Brett: Listen, I don't mean to throw you out or anything but I just figured while I was gone it would be a good time to do some work on the house, you know redecorate. But please feel free to stay for a couple of days until you line up something else.
Justin: Thanks.
Oh gee. Thanks. More of his county-club mannerisms. I get this feeling that Justin is looking for answers from Brett and not just about the movie. Kind of like, what do I do now? Tell me what to do. Finally Brett notices how Justin must feel and decides to give him a little pep talk.
Brett: Even though I'm on the other side of the world I haven't lost my passion for Rage. My development people are gonna to shop it around. The gay crusader is too powerful to be defeated by some asshole who can't see beyond the box office. Right?
Justin: Uh humm.
Brett: Blair? I'm not happy with the time we arranged for the car...
Justin’s agreeing smile is very faint. I’m not so sure that he actually believes Brett at this point but I think he wants to… desperately wants to. He just seems unsure. And Brett still didn’t really tell him what to do. Well, except to find a place to live in the next few days. But he didn’t say go home, he said, ‘line something else up’ so I think Justin saw that as “Kinney-speak” for stick around, we’ll get the movie made. But Brett is going to be gone for six months… stick around for six months?? If Justin was still not going to go home even though he knew it would be at least six months then that shows just how badly he wants Rage to happen. And we all know how Justin is when he wants something bad enough… relentless tenacity.
Ominous Openings
At Babylon, it’s opening night (that means it’s Friday) and Ted is scurrying around with the final touches. But I have to ask… if Ted is telling them to move boxes and finish up with the lights, what the hell is the new manager, Alonzo, doing?
Ted: Finish up with those lights, we're about to open the doors. Can you move those cartons behind the bar?
Bartender: Yes Sir.
Ted: And don't call me, Sir.
Emmett: Break a leg, Baby. Just hopefully not while we’re shaking our booties.
Ted: Em, I didn't think I'd see you here. Thought you'd be too busy with the wedding plans.
Emmett: I'm never too busy to sit ring side on opening night.
See? Like Brian, Emmett is never to busy for dancing and fucking…
Alonzo: Ready in two minutes.
Emmett: And who have we here?
Ted: This is Alonzo. This is Emmett.
Emmett: I'm already picturing a moonlit beach caressed by a Caribbean breeze while the palms sway gently to a Latin guitar.
Alonzo: We didn't have too many palm trees in Trenton.
Ted: Alonzo's the new club manager.
Emmett: And may I say a vast improvement over the former one.
Brian: I haven't had this much fun with a toy since my erecter set.
Emmett: My parents couldn't afford an erecter set so I just had to play with the one God gave me.
Brian chuckles. I’m sure he played with that God-made erector set himself. And yes, now we know, God not only created queers, he created hard-ons as well. hehehe
Alonzo: Okay boys! Take your places! Let’s bring the lights down… and the strobes up!
Ted: And we’re back in business!
Brian: Not quite.
Brian motions to the DJ and the music starts. Why do I love that it’s Brian that ‘turns the music on’? I think he understands, just like Emmett, that it’s all about the ThumpaThumpa. Isn’t the driving bass beat the backbone of the atmospheric illusion? I think so.
Brian: It ain’t Babylon without that...
Emmett: ThumpaThumpa!
Brian: Okay boys, what time is it?
Ted/Emmett/Alonzo: It's SHOWTIME!
It is kind of interesting that both Alonzo and Brian say “boys”… not guys, not men… it’s boys.
Brian is grinning like a fool, he’s so excited. The erector set’s all built and ready to be played with. He eagerly awaits the massive crowd. But he’s looking at the door and no one’s coming in. He grimaces. Ted gets nervous. Uh oh. Five guys walk in. And that’s it. Brian is confused, disappointed. Ted goes to his side… he knows he’s gonna need comforting… LOL
Brian: What the fuck??
Ted: Don't worry. It's still... it's early.
Ted reassures Brian, being the supportive friend. Don’t worry. Stay calm. Don’t panic. But panic is exactly what Ted does to Emmett. Is he worried about the boss not being happy? That he’ll be unfairly blamed and subjected to the wrath of Brian? You suppose he still thinks that if he fucks things up that Brian will have him murdered like he told him in 404? LOL
Ted: Where is everybody?
Emmett: It's Shorts & Shots night at Popperz. All the hot guys are over there. Think I'll go check it out.
Brian was right. Just like him, Emmett is still all about the dancing and fucking. Doesn’t matter who his friends are. Business is business, right? Fucking is fucking. Who could blame him?
Um… me! It’s an act of treason! He’s a traitor! Off with his head! Um, yeah… LOL
Reclaiming Realities
On the other side of the country in a much more happening night club, Justin gets himself a drink and moves through the crowd. He sees Conner…
Justin: Con!
Conner: Hey! Didn't think you were still in town.
Conner seems utterly surprised that Justin is still around. He can’t even imagine why he would still be there. Conner has a young guy with him and I have to say that this confuses me a bit. This club does not appear to be a gay club unless a lot more women go to gay clubs in Hollywood than they do in Pittsburgh. Yet Conner, who is supposed to be straight, is there with a guy. And they’re not just hanging out… they are clearly together. Now I understand the code of silence that exists in the gay community about not outing people so if he’s seen in gay clubs, he’s pretty safe with his straight image staying intact. But with all the women there, and the hint of it being a straight club, it doesn’t seem like a very smart thing for him to do. But then again, would Justin go to a straight club when not escorted by someone else? I doubt it. But then again-again, this appears to be the Emerald Club where Brett took him so maybe it’s just a comfort place because he’s been there before. Ach! I give up. Chalk that up to something that just feels weird to me. Anyway, Conner introduces Justin to his date…
Conner: This is Justin and... so is this.
So why do you suppose that they gave Conner’s new squeeze the exact same name as our despondent hero? Ah! To make a point, of course.
Justin: Seems there's no shortage of us in Hollywood.
That’s right, Justin! You’re a dime a dozen. Aspiring wannabes with big hearts, big dreams and an undying faith in truth and justice. You are a very small fish, a mere helpless guppy, swimming in a very big pond - an ocean with a bunch of sharks!
Conner to Justin-2: Can you get me another (drink)?
Justin: He's cute.
Conner: If you like the type.
Then he checks out the type right in front of him, sort of tilting his neck around at Justin’s ass. So the type is someone with a great ass? We all know Justin fits that description. And oh… is Justin blushing?? Hehe. Oh yeah, they both know he likes that type.
Conner: It really sucks about Rage, doesn't it?
Justin: Yeah, really sucks.
Conner: I swear there's not an ounce of artistic integrity in this fucking town.
Hmmmm, who wrote this episode again? Seems someone is a tad pissed off at tinsel town. Wonder who that could be? coughcough
Justin: Why don't you go back to New York? Do theater?
Ah, so all the artistic integrity is in New York? Good to know. Didn’t Ron or Dan say something about being tired of episodic television and would never do it again - that they wanted to return to what they did in the beginning when they first met - write plays for Broadway. Hmmm, Queer as Folk, The Musical? What do you think? I’m kidding, but seriously… I wonder if being tired of the grind of episodic television is the real reason for the move back to New York or is it more because of the “assholes that can’t see beyond the box office” therefore have no artistic integrity… I think Conner’s voice has been hijacked. Not that I can blame them. They’ve received zero respect for this show. Hell, even self-proclaimed fans don’t give them any.
Conner: I would in a heartbeat if I didn't have a three picture deal with Bruckheimer. So where's our genius director?
Justin: He left yesterday for Australia.
Conner: I heard he's taking over that remake of Manthra? Well it isn't a Brett Keller film unless some thing flies.
Justin: He still plans on doing Rage though.
Conner is shocked. I don’t think he’s seen someone with this much undying faith in a long time. At least not in Hollywood where everyone is jaded.
Justin: His people are out shopping it to other studios now that's it's a turnabout.
Conner: That's turn-a-round.
And while that came out a tad superior and condescending, I think he knows it’s up to him to set Justin straight. I think he liked Justin and doesn’t want him still hanging around for nothing. Remember, he was surprised that Justin was still there and now he knows why. Justin is hanging on to that illusion. Conner sees it as his job to give him the reality of the situation… give him the cold hard facts because obviously Brett didn’t. I don’t see it as his way of hurting Justin or being an asshole, he was just telling him the truth - like Rage would have done - out of respect.
Justin: Right. He swore he's gonna get it made.
Conner: Well, that's our Brettskie. Fighting the evil empire single handedly... but in this business the only thing that rises from the dead is Dracula and then only if Brad Pitt is playing him. When something's over… it's over.
Well, I disagree with the last bit on principle. Not about Hollywood, but in general. Yes, there’s reality. And yes, there’s illusion. But that’s so black and white in the big picture… I believe there’s one other part as well… HOPE.
Pointless point… Is Justin drinking a cosmo? Like Emmett? Or is that a margarita? I have no idea, my knowledge of alcoholic beverages leaves a lot to be desired; but what kills me is that all the women in the scene have the exact same type of glass AND Justin#2 returns with one for himself as well (he gives Conner a more traditional glass… one more like Brian would have). This just tickles me.
But that’s not to say that I don’t get the seriousness and the heavy-handedness of the scene. The look on Justin’s face clearly shows the reality sinking in. You see the hope of “Rage, The Movie” die right then and there. He accepts Conner’s truth and clinks Conner’s glass as a way of saying, “I get it, I can go home now” because the illusion is dead.
