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Hollywood – Justin/Conner
Facing Fears and Fucking Fakes
This scene is going to take some time so you may want to grab a snack. It’s pivotal in showing us a closer glimpse into the mind of Brian Kinney. It’s also a pivotal scene in the Brian and Justin saga… AND it’s ambiguous… very ambiguous. Is it real? Or is it all an illusion? And why is everyone so upset about it?
Brian: Trying to dispose of a large sum of expendable income is more exhausting than one would think.
Michael: Whoever said the world was fair? Next time you'll think twice about becoming a success.
Brian: You're not doing so bad yourself.
Okay so if we didn’t realize it before on our own, they’ve made a point to tell us that both Brian and Michael are successful… the best revenge against the heterosexuals… successful homosexuals. So career-wise, the growth of boys to men is complete. And that includes the other characters as well. Ted is settled as an accountant and is very successful at Kinnetik. Emmett has his party planning business and is very successful with that. Ben was already a grown-up when we met him so his success is irrelevant to that central theme of the show. Justin? Well, that’s the big looming question, isn’t it?
Michael: Ben wants us to buy a house in that new suburb where all the gay couples are moving.
Brian: Ohhh. And become Stepford Fags?
Stepford is an interesting choice of words for Brian and it tells us a lot about Brian’s thinking here. Stepford was about robotic wives that lived life based on the way that their husbands thought they should. They had no minds of their own. They were programmed to act and think a certain way. So in this particular part of his brain, it’s not so much about his refusal to grow up or his fear of change, it’s about non-conformity. His absolute, 100% belief that because he’s homosexual, feeling or acting upon anything remotely similar to that of heterosexuals is nothing more than an attempt to assimilate. He can’t accept the fact that sometimes feelings, wants and desires are simply HUMAN attributes and have nothing to do with being homo- or hetero-. He’s suspended, stuck… just like Rage in the catacombs of the church. And Justin must come to the rescue, just like JT. He has to make Brian human.
Michael: Maybe you should get a new place. A house in the country?
Brian: I HATE the fucking country.
Michael: Buy a yacht?
Brian: Right. Pittsburgh... the new St. Tropez.
Michael: A ride on the space shuttle?
Brian: I’m a tad shy of 20 mil.
I kind of got a little chuckle out of this part. A house in the country just seems like a normal possibility… something anyone would look into for an investment or to blow some cash. But normal Brian is not, so to him, buying a house in the country is just as absurd as having a yacht in Pittsburgh or flying to the moon.
Michael: How about a bottle of wine for Mel and Lindsay's anniversary bash?
Brian: Who says I'll be there?
Michael: I figured since you cancelled your trip...
Brian: That doesn't mean that I'll be raising a glass to their marathon muff-a-thon.
Well of course not. Brian knows it’s all a farce. Lindsay told him last season. And Brian is dead-set against everything fake. They continue to stroll the sidewalk when a very sleek, red motorcycle in a corner display window catches Brian's eye. They stop and admire it but after a short comment from Brian about it, they continue their previous conversation.
Brian: THAT is a distinct possibility. Can you imagine eating pussy? The SAME pussy for ten years?
Michael: No, but I don’t suppose they could fathom sucking the same cock.
Brian: That makes three of us.
Michael: Unless it's Justin's.
And Mikey actually seems sincere here. He knows how Brian feels about Justin. Doesn’t matter what Brian says. But of course, Brian doesn’t comment, he just looks at him with that Brian-Fucking-Kinney “I don’t do love, I don’t do boyfriends” look. Blah, blah, blah. Please, Brian. You sooooo do! You’ve been sucking the same cock for four years already! Just six more to go…
M: It's a shame you couldn't go to LA.
B: I'm busy. He's busy.
M: We're all busy.
Score one for Mikey. When it comes to the one you love, you make the time. You find the time. You squeeze it into your busy schedule. You have to ACT.
M: I just hope he gets back soon so we can finish the next issue of Rage.
B: He's not coming back.
M: What do you mean he's not coming back? Did he tell you that?
B: He didn't have to.
But the thing is… he didn’t tell him that. I don’t really think that that’s what Justin was thinking at the point Brian had this revelation. Brian assumed and cancelled his trip. I think Brian not coming for a visit is what gets Justin worrying. Their earlier conversation showed us that they are communicating but they still have a lack of communication where it counts. They can banter and tell each other about their day and their lives, but they’re still not talking about their feelings. And that problem creates all these misunderstandings of what they think the other is thinking. It’s so frustrating. But I guess that’s drama.
M: When I spoke to him, all he said was that he was gonna have to be there longer than he…
B: Listen Mikey. Are you listening?
M: Yes! For Chrissake, I'm listening!
I think this part of the dialog is one of the first little indicators that Mikey is changing and Brian is not. Brian says the same ole line that he always has but instead of answering with a simple “yeah” or a shake of his head like he usually does, Mikey snaps at him. He’s been calling him on his shit throughout the episode so far. He’s tiring of Brian’s game. And it appears that he's not so willing to just listen to Brian and lap up every word he says as gospel. Michael’s making up his own mind now. And just like he decided he wanted a marriage no matter what Brian thought, he’ll decide about the house on his own too. His initial reaction to Ben’s house proposal could have been just his knee-jerk reaction to change. If he wants a house and a kid and a family, he’s gonna do it, despite Brian’s bullshit. It started in 413 and continuing here… a distancing of their friendship, a changing of it’s dynamic. Mikey’s growing in a different direction.
B: Just figure it out for yourself. I mean, first it's three months. Then it's six months. One project turns into another. And another. Before you know it, he's there a year. Five years.
The rest of Brian’s dialog is interspersed with visions of Justin having sex with Conner James. I’ll describe the cuts with Brian’s words and then we’ll talk about it… lots to talk about here.
We see Justin on all fours in the throes of intense sex. A gasp and a grunt. To the side of Justin, behind him, there are mini-blinds on the window. We don’t see who he’s with at first but then the camera cuts to the guy’s face and we find that it’s Conner James. Back to Justin and another lunge forward with a grunt. Definitely a good and proper fucking. Back to Brian’s face but it’s not a direct view… instead, we his face through the reflection in the store window. There are no blinds on the window but yet there is a striped decoration on the back wall behind the motorcycle so we have these shadowed reflections of what appear to be blinds across his face.
B: It's the way it goes.
First, Brian just spelled out the problem. To him, the longer Justin is gone, the more doomed the relationship. Time is the problem. Time is what has him suspended and bound. Brian sees time as the enemy. Time makes him age. Time creates change. To Brian, the ticks of time are what will make things change between him and Justin. He always said Justin would leave him eventually… that it was “just a matter of time”. And we already know that change is what puts Brian outside of his comfort zone and creates fears.
Back to Justin and Conner. More of the blinds in the background as Conner continues to slam into Justin. The sheets on the bed and the walls are dark gray or black. The whole room is dark except for the light coming in through the window.
Back to Brian. Still with the blind-type shadows on his face, looking in the window. As he speaks, we hear Justin’s continued gasps and grunts.
Brian: I mean, I don't blame him. He's having the time of his life. Working in the movies. Fucking movie stars…
Yep, he’s right. He is. Just as Brian says. Just as Brian FEARS.
Back to Justin and Conner. More grunts, gasps, and then orgasm. It’s quite an intense orgasm for Justin. The light coming in through the blinds reflects onto the wall behind them. Cut back to Brian's reflected face with the striped shadows. He is silent. He has nothing more to say. He’s thinking. Imaging it. We hear Michael, but we don’t see him. The camera stays on Brian.
Michael: That doesn't mean he's never coming home!
Brian: Who the hell would come back to Pittsburgh after LA? I mean if it was me… I'd never come back.
Yep, that is Brian’s motto. Never look back. Remember 121 when he was leaving for New York. He told Justin, “I won’t think of you.” If he’s thinking Justin would do what he’d do, then it’s safe to assume that he thinks Justin will then never think of him again. That his memory of him will fade with TIME.
Camera pans out and we see both Brian and Michael standing next to each other looking toward the store window. After a slight pause… maybe a realization of what Brian is thinking… Michael turns to face Brian.
Michael: He's not you!
Very true. Justin isn’t Brian. But to Brian, he’s “raised” him to be the very best homosexual he can be and in Brian’s current state of mind where he believes that he’s the way he is because he’s a homosexual and not a hetero-clone then that would mean being just like him. Brian turns to Michael and looks at him as he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth. He’s contemplating the possibility… but reverts to form and blows it off.
Brian: Hmm. Well. It's time he got on with his life. It's time I got on with mine.
Time, time, time. This time thing really has him all screwed up. He turns and walks away leaving Michael standing there with concern for his best friend written all over his face. It’s a very heartbreaking scene.
Okay so let’s talk about all the feelings that this scene of Justin and Conner has evoked in the fandom. It’s really not about Justin but because so many seem to be focused on it… let’s just work through it and get it over with…
First issue… Conner James being a repeat. If Brian and Justin don’t have sex with tricks more than once, then why is Justin with Conner… AGAIN? Isn’t he breaking the rules? There are several different possible answers to this question from a bunch of different viewpoints…
1) There are no more B/J relationship rules! Brian calls it a “policy” in 406. But that’s splitting hairs over choice of words. Doesn’t matter. “Never the same ones twice” was a Brian rule or policy long before Justin came onto the scene. And that policy applied because of the image he created for himself – the mystique and status of people wanting what they can’t have. He’s an ad-man, it’s his way of selling himself - it has nothing to do with relationships. Hell, when he made the rule or policy for himself, he didn’t believe in relationships… so it’s just a thing. So when they reunited in 308, the rules were never set back in place for the relationship – they understood what they expected from each other so no rules were needed. Brian still doesn’t fuck anyone more than once but that’s a Brian thing, not a Brian/Justin rules of the relationship thing. So, Justin, who doesn’t subscribe to the “Brian Kinney: How to Trick” rulebook is allowed to make his own tricking rules for himself. And obviously, as seen here, he will do repeats. But still, his tricking has nothing to do with his relationship with Brian or how he feels about him. It’s just tricking – repeat or not. He does it because he wants to with no hang-ups or ulterior motives, unlike Brian, who tends to need it to mask pain or uses it to propel his perfection image and stud status. This is similar to the old “no kissing on the mouth” rule. It’s not a rule between them anymore but it appeared in S3 & S4 that Brian was still not kissing his tricks when in S1, before the 206 rules, he clearly was. So it’s a new thing… a new Brian Kinney policy… because that’s what he wants to do, not because Justin asked him to. I’d like to think it’s because of his feelings for Justin and wanting to keep that special but that’s beside the point here. So… no rules. Justin can do repeats if he wants and it wouldn’t be a lack of respect for his relationship with Brian.
Sound plausible? Okay… here’s another viewpoint...
2) It’s okay that Justin repeats with Conner because Conner is a movie star and that puts him on Ross and Rachel’s “Famous People That I’m Allowed To Have Sex With” Exception To Monogamy list. LOL
How about this?
3) Shame on Justin for breaking the rules. He did it before, it’s not surprising that the little shit did it again. He has no respect for Brian, after all he’s just using him. Conner is richer than Brian, making him a bigger and better deal. So of course the little gold-digger would repeat with him. He’s in stalker mode to get him. Very typical Justin behavior.
No? Don’t like that one? Yeah. Me neither. Here’s another one:
4) Justin misses Brian. He said so during the phone call. He’s desperate to feel him inside him again. And since Conner is playing Rage, that makes him the next best thing. He’s a substitute, a fake, like a paid look-a-like. The closest Justin can get to fulfilling his desire for Brian. If he can’t have the feel of Brian right now, he’ll settle for Brian’s alter-ego, Rage, and that’s Conner. Just like when Brian couldn’t have Justin and missed him so much that he hired the Justin-clone hustler. It’s a 301 redux. So you can say it’s Rage fucking JT, not Conner fucking Justin.
I actually think it’s none of those answers… but we’ll get to that later. That last line of the #4 explanation brings up the second fandom issue that has people in a tizzy… Justin bottoming. Doesn’t he only top his tricks? That’s all we’ve ever seen on screen. Well, there are several different views to the answer to this question as well.
1) The first one actually is a play-off of #4 above. Yes, he usually tops but if he’s with Conner for the sole purpose of fantasizing that he’s with Brian… well then he would have to let him top him, wouldn’t he? That’s what Brian would do. To fulfill the need of feeling Brian inside him, Conner would have to be inside him. No other way for it to happen.
2) Justin’s versatile and likes all kinds of sex. Top, bottom, sideways. Whatever. Sex is sex. He does what he wants, how he wants, when he wants and with who he wants. And just like we don’t see everything that takes place on the show (like Justin’s bashing recovery or his first six months in Hollywood) we just have to assume it took place. So seeing Conner top him should only mean that we just didn’t see him bottoming before… not that he didn’t do it. The fact that he didn’t bottom for anyone but Brian was our assumption based on what we did see. Right or wrong.
Which brings us to the big one… that assumption being right…
3) … that Justin does only bottom for Brian. I’ve said all along that the sex scenes they show us are telling us things. So let’s assume, that by not showing us that he bottoms for tricks, that’s exactly what they are telling us.
So… if #3 is right, then what are we supposed to take away from this sex scene? Why are so many people bothered that Justin is with a repeat and that he bottomed for said repeat? The interesting thing here is that neither issues bothered me. I really saw them as no big deal beyond what it meant to Brian. But so many people were upset that it got me thinking.
We’re not supposed to like it. It was supposed to make us GASP in agony. It was supposed to make us think and shout, “But… but… he’s a repeat! OMG! He’s letting him top him! That’s just all kinds of wrong! This is so fucked up! What is Justin doing? Oh, I just want to die! This can’t be happening! Why? Why, Justin, why!?! Oh, POOR Brian!” I actually read posts just like these when the spoilers first came out. So, mission accomplished with spurning the correct emotion out of the audience.
Of course there would also be those that scream about the inconsistencies in his character and how it was another example of Cow/Lip fucking up Justin… but I ignore those folks… so back to why? …
Why, Justin, why?
Well, it’s because it’s not really happening.
We are pained by it and don’t like it because Brian is pained by it and doesn’t like it. This scene is about what is going on inside Brian’s head… his fear that Justin isn’t coming back. We are watching Brian’s imagination run wild. That’s why it doesn’t make sense for Justin to do it. He’s not doing it. It’s what Brian thinks he’s doing. We are seeing his delusional illusions in the flesh. But by focusing in on the travesty of what Justin is doing, you miss what Brian is doing. And what Brian is doing is the key to this scene… the purpose of the sex scene and what it means to the B/J saga.
You want proof? Okay, here goes.
1) The Justin and Conner scene looks a hell of a lot like the loft. Dark sheets. Dark walls. Horizontal blinds on the windows that cast slat-like shadows on the bed. If Brian is going to imagine Justin with someone else, someone as hot as he is, he would set the stage for the tryst in a fuck pad. Just like his loft.
2) The sex act itself is very much like Justin and Brian sex. We haven’t seen Justin trick much, but what tricking we have seen, he’s never reacted to it like he does when he’s with Brian. Possibly because we’ve never seen him bottom for anyone else. Well, hmmm, neither has Brian that we know of. So if this is Brian’s imagination, he wouldn’t know Justin to react any other way. It’s the only way he’s seen him get pounded from behind… loving every second of it, full of gasps and grunts and intense orgasms. That’s the Justin sex that Brian knows, not the Justin sex that we’ve seen.
3) It’s safe to assume that Justin bottoming only for Brian is something that Brian not only finds “sweet” but also clings to. During the go-go boy story arc, Brian did not like the guys in the club pawing on him. He’s fine with Justin aggressively going after prey, but he does not like Justin being the prey. Caveman behavior at its core. It’s a little twisted, but I think Brian sees it as a big deal. And probably had a lot to do with his pain over Ethan. I think we were supposed to view the Ethan/Justin sex as Ethan topped Justin. And Brian knew it. In 220, Brian makes an issue of Ethan’s dick size and how important it is to Justin. How much he loves it. And Brian’s comfort that only he was giving that to Justin was now blown to bits. It was competition on the same level for a change because Ethan was giving Justin something that had been reserved just for Brian. He no longer had the edge he held over potential tricks. In fact, he was taken down a peg because Ethan gave him that plus the romantic stuff. So if Brian was going to manifest his fears of Justin getting his needs met in the way that’s reserved for Brian, then that manifestation would be Justin getting fucked… and getting fucked but good. The way Brian gives it to him.
4) Brian believes in the no repeat policy. Justin told Brian in 414 that he had sex with Conner James. Based on the phone call they had earlier, it appears that they are communicating about what is going on with the movie. Not to mention the fact that Michael would blab. So it’s safe to assume that Brian knows about Conner being hired for the role of Rage. So here’s a movie star, playing his alter ego, that Justin has had sex with before. We already know that Brian can be irrationally jealous at times. It’s safe to assume that this fact would put all kinds of thoughts into his head. I’m not just saying all that because I wrote a story about this very thing. I thought it made sense then or I wouldn’t have written the story. It’s only natural that I would still think it made sense that Conner getting the job would weird Brian out.
5) Brian has been known to be quite the drama queen. He gets a hard shove from Ben that results in a bad bruise and a few scratches yet tells Mikey he tried to murder him. We all saw his elaborate nightmares with dead Uncle Vic last season. So it is not out of character for his imagination to run wild with exaggeration when he’s facing fear and something out of his control.
6) The way the shadowed slats appear across his face. The way they show us the mini blinds on the windows in the room where Justin and Conner are. The way they have Brian looking through a window. It’s as if Brian is watching them through the window.
7) Brian associates everything with sex. “It’s all about sex.” He says one of the reasons for Justin not coming home is because he’s fucking movie stars. As if Justin wouldn’t be having a good time if he wasn’t out fucking. So if he’s going to worry that Justin isn’t coming home because he found someone better than Brian… he won’t envision this new person making Justin laugh, or taking him for a walk on a romantic beach or something. No, he would envision the nemesis giving Justin what Brian thinks is the only thing he has to offer Justin. A great fuck with a big dick. (Brian may not know that Conner doesn’t have the big dick. LOL)
It all adds up… it didn’t happen. It was not Justin fucking a fake Brian. It was Brian faking the whole fuck! Making it up in his head and imagining it being played out. It was all simply Brian facing his worst fears. His insecurities of what he means to Justin’s life coming to the surface. He’s never believed that Justin would stay with him. That it’s only a matter of time before he found someone new and moved on. Of course we all know that Brian shouldn’t be worried about someone new taking Justin away… he just needs to worry about himself pushing Justin away.
Not really much to say about this short scene so I’m not even going to title it. Just not worth the agony of trying to think up anything. Brian is in the backroom doing what he does best when the lights go on. All the backroom patrons gripe and grumble about the lights until a small entourage of policemen announce their presence.
Officer: This club is officially closed so pull up your pants and go home.
Everyone does except Brian. He’s still enjoying in the blow job and encouraging it’s completion. Mr. Officer is not amused.
Officer: That includes you.
Brian: Wait a sec...
He concentrates, achieves success then zips up and turns to leave.
Brian: Thanks officer. I’ll do the same for you one day.
Mr. Officer seems to be slightly disgusted and slightly intrigued. LOL I’m shaking my head.
Lesbian’s House – Lindsay/Melanie/Michael/Ben
Just going to make note of one thing in this scene and then we’ll get back to Brian.
What a mess this scene is. Lindsay says they’ve been under a lot of stress. Melanie pipes up, “You have no idea how deceit can raise your blood pressure.” Um, yeah well, Michael has a pretty good idea. He’s just been deceived and his blood pressure is on full boil. He loses it and screams at them that when he agreed to be the father it was with the understanding that his child would be raised in a home with two loving parents, not in some sort of time sharing arrangement with complimentary sniping.
So make note of that line – no wasted dialog. Michael DOES NOT want a time sharing arrangement with complimentary sniping for his daughter. Okay.
Deb’s House – Horvath/Emmett
Just had to say one more time… I love this scene. Emmett and Carl talking in their undies!
“I’m not Shawn, honey.”
bwahahahaha
Munchers and Misunderstandings
Okay, I don’t normally knock the writers, God knows I love them, but there’s parts of this conversation that really annoy me. Debbie annoys me and she usually doesn’t. The diner nonsense with the key lime pie and meatloaf annoys me. It kept breaking up the flow and throwing me out of the scene. And that damn bell thing. I don’t know. I giggled my ass off at Michael and Brian but at the same time, I just kept thinking this is so ridiculous and typical and all because of the diner crap. I still want to shove that bell up Deb’s you know what.
Deb: I told Melanie… we were sittin’ right over there. I said, "It doesn't matter what’s going on between you and Lindsay, your first responsibility is that baby.
Customer: Deb, can I get a piece of the Key Lime?
D: When you finish your meatloaf. But did they listen?
Michael: Obviously not.
D: Instead they go and destroy a family. Turn a happy home into a broken one.
M: Without even telling us.
Oh, and they thought the Novotny’s wouldn’t give them any trouble. Oh boy. Enter Brian… and now for some fun.
Brian: Coffee to go, Deb.
D: Want anything with it?
B: How could you eat after what happened last night?
M: You’re telling me. Steam’s still coming out of my ears.
Okay, I’m picturing this. We always knew Michael’s head was full of hot air, but now I’m thinking it wasn’t hot air. It was bullshit. Steaming bullshit. Bwahahaha.
Chef: Hey DEB!
D: If I hear that fuckin’ thing one more time you’re going to be hearing bells.
Yeah, me too. Grrr… Maybe I hate the bell because I played this scene over and over for this next line and the damn bell thing is right before it.
B: My heart’s broken. My soul... crushed.
I sooo love Gale when Brian’s being a drama queen. He does it sooooo well. And this is such a Brian thing. His heart’s broken and his soul crushed. But is it because of Justin? No, it’s Babylon. Oh cripes! I could play that one little line over and over and over. It’s almost as good as the “I think I need to lie down” line from 314. I’m still giggling over it just typing it out. And he’s not even done yet…
M: How do you think I feel?
B: The insensitivity. You know, it's immoral… is what it is.
Insensitivity? Come on, the cop let you finish, didn’t he? I’d say that was pretty sensitive of the man actually. And immoral? Bwahaha… I’ve never seen such a drama queen. LOL Oh wait… laughing time-out to make note of the word immoral… another religious reference. Okay, duly noted, now back to the charm of Gale’s deadpan delivery.
M: You’re telling me.
B: How could they do this?
M: You were right. Never trust munchers.
B: Munchers?
M: Mel and Lindz.
B: What the hell have they got to do with it?
M: Who do you think is responsible?
B: For closing Babylon?
I know that this kind of misunderstanding is standard situation comedy stuff but still, I don’t know. It was funny. Stupid. But funny.
Linens and Loyalty
Michael: Is that all you care about? Who gives a shit if the cops close down Babylon?
Brian: I, for one, give a very big shit that that cum-stained Sapperstein was defrauding the Internal Revenue Service by hiding thousands, perhaps even hundreds of thousands of dollars up in his office in pillow cases. Which, knowing him, you can be sure were not the highest thread count. And now, because of his illegal activities, Babylon is gone. Kaput. Finito.
OMG! The thread count of the pillow cases cracks me up. Brian’s such a linen snob. LOL Three Hundred count sheets and expensive duvets… But anyway, there’s the nice and tidy recap of why Babylon got closed down and what happened to the sleazy Sap.
M: And that concerns you more then the fact that Mel and Lindz where lying to us. And now my daughter and your son are the products of a broken home.
B: Christ! The three of you. Never saw such drama queens.
First off, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? LOL Second, I get why Brian isn’t freaking out here and it has nothing to do with not giving a shit. Brian was raised in a home with two parents and look what that definition of the perfect way to raise a child did for him. Nothing. The dude is messed up. Michael, on the other hand, was raised by a single mother with love and besides a sixteen year infatuation with his best friend, he’s pretty well-adjusted. Broken home and single parenting is not the issue. That’s an illusion. What matters most to the mental healthiness or unhealthiness of a child is being loved. It’s that simple. Brian and Michael are perfect examples of the standard definition of “family” being wrong. Of course, on the other hand, they also fit in with what the religious sectors contribute to homosexuality… domineering mothers and/or an unloving or absent father. That’s interesting.
B: First Lindsay was wailing to me on the phone the night she and Melanie split. Now you.
M: Wait a minute. You’re telling me you knew about this and you didn't tell me?
B: She asked me not to.
M: So your loyalty to her was more important then our friendship.
B: Don't make this about us Michael. Because it's not. The ever changing kaleidoscope of life.
I really do like Brian calling him on his shit here. Michael has made this whole thing so far about him. The girls deceived him. Brian kept their secret. The feeling of being made a fool of is getting the better of him and he’s so blinded by it that nothing else will come into focus. Should Brian have told him? No. Absolutely not. He is Gus’ father, Lindsay is his mother. No matter what, from here on out that bonds them in a way that supercedes all other bonds. But even without all that, the plain and simple truth is that Melanie and Lindsay’s relationship has nothing to do with anyone but Lindsay and Melanie, and it’s up to them to decide who they tell. Brian telling anyone serves no purpose, it’d be for nothing but the sake of gossip.
And besides… who had the bright idea last season to keep a secret from Brian???
JT floats, lost among the stars, wondering if he’ll ever see Rage again.
The accompanied drawings are of JT floating around in outer space with lots of twinkling stars surrounding him. A look of anguish on his face.
Hmmm, if Justin is lost among the stars, then I’d say maybe Brian SHOULD purchase a ride on the space shuttle so he can go get him. Just kidding. Sure… it’s an obvious play on the word star meaning Hollywood stars instead of the outer space kind like we’re shown, but the real key to this little tidbit is the floating and the wondering. It’s like without Brian, without Rage, Justin, or JT, is suspended in mid-air with an uncertain future. Brian hasn’t come to see him and I think this clip is to tell us that he’s becoming more and more aware of where Brian’s head is. The longer he stays gone, the more likely it is that Brian will just let him go. Let him go on with his life. No regrets. And WE know that’s exactly what Brian IS thinking. He knows him so well… it’s almost eerie.
Hollywood – Justin/Conner/Brett
Pulled Plugs and Promises
It morphs into Justin drawing storyboards of JT and Rage. He appears to be a bit distracted.
Looks up, thinking, pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and begins to dial. You just know that he’s going to call Brian. A voice is heard…
Conner: I promised I'd come for you JT, even if I had to go to the end of the universe.
He closes his phone and turns around. Damn it! It’s Conner dressed in his Rage costume, complete with mask, speaking in his Rage voice.
And now we know exactly what Justin’s thinking.
With Conner dressed as Rage and speaking in a Rage voice, it’s safe to assume that he’s quoting a line of dialog from the movie here. And if it is a line of dialog from the movie, then it probably came out of the comic book which means that Justin and Mikey probably wrote it. Art imitating life. Justin wants Brian to “go to the end of the universe” and come for him. He doesn’t want, "I'll be here when you get back," like Justin told Brian in 407. He doesn’t want, “it’s your choice where you want to be,” like Brian told him in 220. This shows us that those old romantic notions that Justin has in his heart are still there. He wants Brian to ACT... it’s what he believes would show him without a doubt that Brian loves him... needs him… gives a shit that he’s not around. Not, “I particularly wouldn’t mind it if you were.” He wants him to come after him, stake his claim, chase him for a change, put a lock on the damn door and say, “I want you here. I need you here.”
Of course at this point, we know Brian won’t be coming for him so if JT is to rescue Rage, he’s going to have to go to him and go home. And that’s a rather sad state of affairs for Justin. Is this supposed to mean that in order for him to keep Brian, he’s going to have to continue to chase Brian? That kind of sucks.
And we can’t ignore the “I promised” bit either. Brian has never promised Justin anything. But it’s obvious that Justin needs him to, so he put the words in Rage’s mouth. Justin knows that with Brian, “a deal’s a deal” so if he were to make a promise to him, he’d stick to it. It’d be a commitment. So maybe that’s what’s needed for them to get to a point where the chasing and rescuing isn’t needed for either one of them and they can just be.
Conner: I just did a test in front of the green screen. So What do you think?
Justin: It's hot.
C: Yeah, and itchy. Check out this package.
J: That's gonna win an Oscar for special effects.
C: Didn't hear you complaining.
Okay, important notes here. One, Conner apparently does not have a big dick. LOL And the funniest thing about Justin saying what he does… it was a very “Brian” thing to say. I loved it. Two, when Conner says that he didn’t hear him complaining, he did not add, “the other night” or “last night” so there is no reason to believe that they’ve been together a second time. He very well could have been talking about their first time. And three, Conner tickles (pokes) Justin in the ribs. Not so sure I like that. I don’t want anyone else to make Justin laugh. Stupid, I know, but I can’t help it. I liked it much better when Justin was poking fun at Conner’s dick size, not Conner poking Justin’s ribs.
Brett: Okay super hero, turn in your tights. Fenderman just pulled the plug.
C: What?
J: He can't do that.
B: He can and he did. Reamed my ass. And not like in scene 32 where Rage gives JT the rimming of a lifetime. The picture’s over budget, over scheduled…
J: You said they say that about every picture.
B: They do.
Oh, this sucks! But we saw this coming as well. We all knew that this movie wouldn’t be allowed to be made. And poor Justin. His idealist, somewhat naïve nature poking through. He believed Fenderman couldn’t pull the plug because of a contract or a promise. He believed Brett when he said they complain about that stuff all the time.
C: So what’s the real reason?
But Conner’s been around the block a few times. He knows the score and gets right to the heart of the matter.
B: He's afraid. The times, the political climate...
J: Well, he’s wrong. Tell him there are millions of queers out there with billions of dollars.
Oh Justin, still standing on the principle of truth and the illusion of what’s right and just.
B: I did. He's more concerned with alienating the family audience, pissing off the parent corporation, displeasing someone in Washington who can make that tax break very hard to come by.
J: What? So it's over? Just like that?
B: He's green-lighting The Passion of Moses. Gay's out... God’s in.
The next of the religious references. The first few episodes are sprinkled with them… a direct result of the ever-changing and predominantly religious political climate in real life.
Justin is so obviously disappointed. His heart… broken. His soul… crushed.
Playrooms and Platforms
Brian is standing in the middle of the now-closed Babylon and looking around.
Ted: Brian? So why the urgent message, meet me at Babylon now?
Brian: I've found that little something you told me to treat myself to.
T: What?
B: You're standing in it.
T: Babylon? I said the toy, not the playroom!
B: I want it!
Boy, didn’t THAT come out with a hint of spoiled brat! And I love that Ted acts like the disapproving parent. Ted and Brian are such a great team!
T: Oh, you want it! What for?
B: Well, I've gotta keep the boys off the street at night. I've gotta provide them with a warm, friendly environment in which to use illegal substances and have promiscuous sex… safely, of course!
T: A noble sentiment, but investment-wise, not very practical.
At this point, I think it’s exactly what Ted calls it. Brian’s playroom. It doesn’t have anything to do with providing all that for the community. It’s about providing it for himself. Just like in 311 when he broke down the backroom door and to which he admitted to Justin in 403. It wasn’t for the community, he did it for himself. The community benefited but still, his motives were selfish. Same here. He can make all the noble sentiments in the world, but this is all about protecting what he wants and nothing more.
But let’s talk about Brian’s warped view of practicalities…
B: And what would be practical, Theodore? To get married and move to the suburbs? And become a home-lovin', child-raisin', God-fearin' imitation heterosexual? And for what? So that I can become another dead soul going to the mall and dropping my kids off at school and having barbecues in the backyard? That's their death. Not mine. I'M A COCKSUCKER! I'M QUEER! And to anyone who takes pity or offense, I say judge yourself. This is where I live. This is who I am.
If Brian’s fear of the clones wasn’t evident before, it is now. Brian truly believes that queers should be, have to be, different than straights. In every sense of the word. He just can not fathom anywhere in his brain that a homosexual might actually want some of the things that heterosexuals want. All he can see is that if a homosexual is getting married, having kids and barbeques in the backyard, then they are doing nothing but trying to blend in, trying to assimilate to be accepted, trying to hide in the background. He just can’t see that maybe marriage, kids and a home is something that a gay man might want. He can’t get past the notion that it’s selling out. But people are human, first and foremost, the heart wants what the heart wants. Gay or straight. Brian’s belief of homosexuals having to be different is what has him bound from finding out who he really is and what he really wants. He spouts and spouts his bullshit so much that it makes you wonder who he’s trying to convince. There was a crack made in Brian’s armor back in 413 when Michael explained to him that he wanted to get married… not because it was the clone-y thing to do but simply because he wanted it. Period. Brian sees the life in suburbia as straight so therefore a queer CAN not want that or it would kill their homosexuality. “It’s their death, not mine.” He sees the life inside Babylon as gay so therefore a queer MUST want that. There is no middle ground and there’s no similarities between the two. He’s not seeing the human factor. He’s making it all about being queer first, man second. He’s defining himself by his homosexuality. He screams, “I’M QUEER. This is who I am.” But Brian is so much more than a queer – it’s sad that he won’t allow himself to see it, feel it.
But there is one part of his platform speech that speaks truth. “And to anyone who takes pity or offense, I say judge yourself.” This, to me, is the most powerful thing he said. No matter how unprejudiced the fandom claims to be there has been a common theme carried throughout in regards to Brian’s behavior. Everyone seems to see his life inside Babylon as him not growing up. That his partying ways and non-monogamy stance is him still being a boy… the eternal Peter Pan who refuses to grow up. That’s wrong. That’s saying his choice of lifestyle is wrong. By who’s definition? That’s exactly what he’s saying here… judge yourself.
For me, and I’ve said this all along, what will show Brian’s growth is not him giving up his lifestyle… It’s not allowing that lifestyle to define him. It’s him opening his heart to love. Opening his mind to all the possibilities of life. To take a walk across that bridge. To lose his demons. To stop protecting himself. To stop trying to live in an illusion and step outside that comfort zone. I really could care a less if he tricks and does drugs til the cows come home as long as he’s not doing them out of some obligation, that as a homosexual, he has to.
Like I said in the beginning of this recap – many many moons ago - the key to true growth is discovering who you are and not cloning yourself after any one group’s beliefs. The true struggle is to find your own true self… whatever that is…
And what does all this have to do with Justin? Well, as long as Brian has roadblocks then there’s no where for them to go as a couple. The roadblocks stifle their progress and leaves them with nothing but dead ends. That’s the point of JT rescuing Rage from his bound and suspended state. The roadblocks have to be destroyed so that they have multiple paths to choose from, and as a couple, they can decide which path to take. It’s the release of the binding mantras and bullshit and illusions and the opening to a new world of possibilities.
RAGE
And as Rage stands at the precipice of a new world.
The accompanied storyboards whiz by so fast that you can’t really see what they are… I progressed through them in slo-mo and this is what is there…
Brian on the catwalk in Babylon.
Brian and Justin kissing inside Babylon (the exact image from 410 when Brian’s hard-on returned).
Brian on the catwalk in Babylon again.
Brian showing a Hard Heroes poster to Michael at the comic book store.
The word, “Brave”.
Brian smiling at Michael.
The word, “New”.
Brian, Michael and Ben sitting at the bar at Woody’s.
Michael’s worried look as he’s talking to Brian (the exact image from the store window scene).
The word, “World”.
A young man looking on… first up close then further away... someone we don’t know.
Brian wearing a suit, sitting at a bar alone.
Brian looking at the camera with that Brian Kinney wicked smile (an image very similar to his look at Justin in 413 when on the stationary bike.)
So the last Rage story tells us what Brian’s new world will contain and what he’s facing as he stands at the precipice - a change in his relationship with Justin – a change in his relationship with Michael – and this strange new guy, whoever he is, and whatever change he will bring. The addition of Brave is asking the question of whether Brian will be brave enough to step out into the light of his future or stay in his comfort zone forever. Change or not change. The “wicked” smile at the end tells us that we’ll just have to stay tuned to find out. Oh, C/L are evil… just evil! ;-)
Ending sidenote: One of the things that happen in the world of show biz is that things change. On the screener version of 501, it is a separate episode and after that last drawing of Brian, it goes into the credits with a song… “Reach Up For The Sunrise” by Duran Duran. But when it aired, it went right into the opening sequence of 502 and the credits for both episodes were combined at the end of 502 with a completely different song. It’s too bad because the Duran Duran song spoke volumes to Brian’s 501 precipice and the looming changes coming for the season… Here are the lyrics:
Reach up for the sunrise, put your hands into the big sky….
You can touch the sunrise, feel the new day enter your life.
When the time has come… has come… has come.
Reach up for the sunrise, put your hands into the big sky….
You can touch the sunrise, feel the new day enter your life.
