The Brian and Justin Saga Continues…
Will Melanie and Lindsay really break up? Will Emmett and Ted finally find themselves a partner that is worthy of each of them? (I’m still hoping for a brave Drew to return “out and proud” and craving for Emmett and I’m still hoping that Blake shows up when it’s better timing.) Will Ben and Michael go to a city or state that is currently granting same-sex marriages to Americanize their Canadian nuptials? Will Brian spend more time with Gus? Will Justin move to La-La Land or fill Brian’s drawers with his drawers or both? Will Hunter still be straight? Will Rage still be gay? And if he is will there still be butt-fucking on every page? And if there is, will we get to see it like we used to? What will Brian’s new bedroom look like?
So many questions… so many months to ponder them. But before we go gah-gah over season five, let’s finish off season four.
You know how I see some things and even though I have very valid arguments, there are some that just can’t or won’t accept that I may be right? Like the red door with its death meaning, the three lamps with Brian’s suicide plans and most notably the use of color… well, I have another one for you. The Wizard of Oz and I’m not talking about the use of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” during the closing credits. Yes, that’s part of it, but it’s only a small part. I have come to the conclusion that Ron and Dan love Judy Garland, Dorothy and everything about The Wizard of Oz.
Parts of their love for this actress and this movie are sprinkled throughout this episode and I’ll point those parts out as each scene comes up but first I want to write out what may be the reason for their love and why it and she may mean so much to them.
Let’s start with Dorothy and the movie. Dorothy was an innocent young girl who felt misunderstood so she runs away in search of acceptance. But instead of finding acceptance away from her home, she lands in Munchkinland, a place where she is even more of a stranger and due to her height alone, even more different. She doesn’t quite fit in with those around her here anymore than she did at home. They tell her to seek out the wizard to get what it is she’s looking for and what she hopes to achieve, but she must travel that path alone. Follow the yellow brick road. Alone.
So you can see already what the connection to Dorothy is. Feelings of being misunderstood, being different, searching for acceptance and embarking on the journey to self-discovery all alone. It sounds very much like almost every story I’ve ever heard about what it was like growing up gay in a straight world.
Not to mention the fact that there have been those that say the movie’s black and white beginning moving into color upon her arrival in Munchkinland is symbolic to them of coming out. That their world feels very black and white or dark and dingy before, but after coming out they are free and it turns their world to Technicolor with bright, vibrant colors. Of course that’s just one way to view the meaning of pride and why the Pride Flag is made with bright vibrant colors. And why in 314, when Stockwell’s reign was pushing all the out and proud gays back into the closet, that Justin said, “It’s like the Wizard of Oz in reverse.” Even last season, their love of Dorothy was evident.
And what about Dorothy’s eventual journey along the yellow brick road? Well, along the way she meets the scarecrow without a clear thought, a tin man without a heart, a lion without courage and a wicked witch. The wizard is located in the Emerald City, a city where everyone is beautiful and happy, and is supposed to help them get the things they need in order to also be beautiful and happy. But what does the wizard tell them? That everything they need is within them and has been all along. Or more accurately, inside Dorothy. Dorothy wants to go home. Home is yourself… it’s everything you are. Home is where your thoughts, your heart and your courage are located. They’re within you and always have been. It’s that damn wicked witch, or your self-doubt and self-hate, that keeps impeding on Dorothy’s path to the Emerald City, or to your inner beauty and happiness.
When Dorothy returned home, she had killed her self-doubt and self-hate, and had begun to use her brain, her heart and her courage. She was proud of who she was and knew that she didn’t need acceptance from others or to be understood by others to be happy. She just needed to be herself. Isn’t that pride?
And then of course there’s the main message of The Wizard of Oz and that’s the straight-forward message, “There’s no place like home.” Obviously that theme will come into play with Justin’s story.
And if you understood all this back in the day of more closeted times then you referred to yourself as “a friend of Dorothy’s” when among mixed company. It was what informed other gays that you were gay without letting the straights around you know. The ultimate “secret society”.
And back to the flag just for a moment… now I haven’t found anything that indicates that The Wizard of Oz had anything to do with why Gilbert Baker designed the flag the way he did. But it is known not only as the Pride Flag but the rainbow flag as well because the colors chosen to represent the diversity of the gay community are obviously the colors of the rainbow. So it’s hard to look at the flag and not think about rainbows and then think about Dorothy’s journey and her famous song which on its own has become an unofficial anthem to the gay community because of its words and is directly responsible for rainbows being a symbol of the gay community. So really, how can it all not be connected in some way?
Which brings us to Judy. So much to say about her, but in an effort to not turn this into a total biography of the woman, I’ll condense it to this. She was in the movie, sang the song, had a gay father and a gay studio mentor, married at least two gay men and in her later years performed in gay piano bars. So you know… she was heavily planted in the community. But some say it was more than that. She was vulnerable yet strong. She was extremely talented and put herself into her songs about intense loneliness and delirious love. “She had legendary stage fright but declared her greatest happiness came from performing.” She was the epitome of internal conflict and it was that that seemed to mirror the lives of gay men in the fifties and sixties. They identified with the contradiction of her life because laws and prejudice against homosexuality forced gays to lead double lives and hide their true selves. (Based on that, who can deny that the Drews of the world exist and that their stories belong on this show?)
And then there’s Stonewall. Judy died on Sunday, June 22, 1969. She was buried on the following Friday and a wake was held in her memory by her gay fans at the Stonewall Inn in New York. It was the early morning hours of the next day, the 28th, or actually really late that same night that the police raided the Inn. Some say that “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” was playing on the jukebox at the time of the initial raid. Some say that’s not true. Some say that after many recent raids on the gay community and with tempers already at an all-time high, that it was Judy’s wake that caused the “last straw to be broken” and fueled the riots and ultimately unified the gay movement. Who really knows the truth for sure? And who knows what Ron and Dan believe?
Back in June of 1969, who would have ever thought that a show like this one would be on the air? So if that song was playing at the time of the initial raid, then doesn’t that give you even more chills when you hear the ramped up version at the end of this episode? I mean, look at how far the movement and we have come since that playing of the song to this one. In 35 years. Is it a long way? Is it not far enough?
So is there any doubt that Cow/Lip love The Wizard of Oz or Judy Garland… friends of Dorothy’s? I’ll say. I’m amazed at how it’s all tied together and how they put it all back into the show. Season three’s finale was all about pride and was wrapped up in the colors of the rainbow and the flag when they assigned each character to a different color. The stories themselves were being told loud and clear, the coloring was simply just the artistic backdrop. This episode is the same thing. The stories are told as they are and really have nothing to do with Dorothy or the great Wizard, but the things from the movie are there as the artistic backdrop and you’ll find them hidden behind little comments, symbolisms and songs.
The first connection is the theme… didn’t Dorothy, while on her quest, enlist the aid of her friends, imaginary or not, to help her in her journey? Well that’s what the central theme is of this episode… helping each other. But not just about helping the community as a whole as Emmett said in 401 and the way all the munchkins and the civilians of the Emerald City gathered around to help Dorothy, or how Dorothy helped them by killing off the wicked witch and exposing the wizard. That’s the Liberty Ride, the background theme playing out while the individuals all help each other in the forefront. One on one. Lindsay setting aside their problems and helping Melanie through the birth of the baby. Emmett helping Ted through the ride and being his support. Michael helping Brian to finish his personal journey.
It’s also about being a part of something that’s bigger than yourself… something that’s just beginning and your involvement being instrumental in its growth and change. Justin being a part of the making of the Rage movie. Ben and Michael and Deb and Carl all being a part of the marriage movement. Brian becoming an active part of his community, being a more active partner in a real committed relationship and taking a more active role as a father.
So with that, let’s start with the couples that I’m not really going to be talking about in the recap…
Lindsay and Melanie… One of the reasons they decided to split up was because of the bad version of Virginia Wolfe being played out in their living room but in this episode they seem to have moved beyond their bickering and are settling down. The hurt is still there but it’s fading. They are getting some distance. Like I said last week, I thought three weeks wasn’t enough time to decide to end a nine-year relationship and I still believe that. And after their scenes here, I think that they may actually still have a chance. Lindsay is moving out because that’s what she thought they decided together and that Melanie’s feelings haven’t changed. Melanie is letting her go because of the same reason. I don’t think either one of them really wants things to end. So season five could go anywhere from this point. As a side note… they were both just beautiful in the episode. They literally glowed.
Ted and Emmett… so glad they are back on track. I loved all their scenes together in this episode, especially the cow meeting. The MOO’s were hilarious. And I love their nicknames for each other. Ted shortening Emmett to Em and Emmett lengthening Ted to Teddy. It’s so cute and so very them. I loved that they got lost but it turned out okay and Emmett’s line was perfect… “Even though we didn’t know it, you and I have been on the right road all along.” Yes, they have. As best friends. (I can think of a few others that this pertains to as well.) We’ll just call season three a wrong turn, a bump in the road, etc. This is the right road for them. Hallejuah! Looking forward to more Ted and Emmett scenes in season five. Not Temmett, okay. Ted and Emmett. As a side note… loved Emmett’s clothes, so bright and cheery… loved Ted’s panic attack and the light on this helmet.
Debbie and Carl… love that she’s going to live in sin. Good for her. Take a stand. I like it.
Now on to the main two guys and that other couple… :wink:
Resilient Riders and Bickering Butz
Somewhere in Canada / US-Canadian Border
Episode opens in the same place that 413 ended, or just a few miles later. It appears that this was a two-part episode, kind of like when The Brady Bunch went to the Grand Canyon and Hawaii. And it makes me wonder… had this been the series finale and not just the season finale, would this have been aired as a two hour special instead of merely episodes 413 and 414? Could this explain why season five is only slated to be thirteen episodes long? They know for sure that season five is it so 513 will be a two hour series finale episode? Oh well, just my random musings. Back to the show…
The sun is shining. The song, “Feel the Sunshine”, sets the mood. All the riders are happy and smiling and having a good time as they pedal down the yellow brick road, er, I mean, highway. Even Brian. It seems that little thing like testicular cancer isn’t going to keep him down at all. He doesn’t appear to be winded and I’m sure they’ve pedaled more than thirty miles by now. That makes me more than happy (ducking the George Carlin hate daggers). I sooo want Brian to be able to do this so he can get the control back over his body. But speaking of feeling the Sunshine… I wish he were here.
By the way, did you see Dorothy on the side of the road, under the tent, wearing her famous blue checked pinafore dress with her braided pigtails, holding Toto in her arms and cheering the riders on?
What about the guy with the purple boa? On a motorcycle? Now hell… did Brian know that motorcycles were allowed? He could have done the ride without all the hassles and wear and tear on his body. I’m bummed at the lost opportunity of seeing Gale all decked out in leather with all that horse power between his legs… but okay, that wouldn’t have tested his endurance so I’ll forgive. Besides, maybe season five will have another Leather Ball scene at Babylon and since they’ve already done the “Justin the babysitter” thing then Brian and Justin can attend it together this time. Remember the hustler bar scene from 312 and the leather jackets with swooped-neck t-shirts? Mm Mmm Good. Justin was right… it does help to “visualize” what you want. Can you imagine Justin’s bubble butt in smooth, tight-fitting…
Oh geez, sorry. My random musings and visualizations keep distracting me. Must stay focused… the sacrifices for charity, the community togetherness, the riders helping each other because if they don’t who will, the newlyweds and the border patrol. Right. The border patrol and a different kind of butts… United States Border Patrol Officer Butz to be exact. (Michael and Ben have already called Melanie and Lindsay with the news of their nuptials… do you really need me to go into that? I think not so we’re skipping it. I’d skip this next part too but I like saying “Butz” as much as Debbie apparently does and besides, Brian is on screen and has one line and when Brian is there and speaking… well, you know, I’m all over that.)
Butz: Next! How long were you in Canada?
Ben: Two days.
Butz: Purpose of visit?
Michael: We’re doing a bicycle ride for charity.
Now up to this point, this is how it went for me as well as I returned from Toronto last summer. Of course I was in my car and pulled up to a booth but the gang is on bikes so it does make sense that they would have to go through the “walking” booth to get across. But filling out forms? Nope. Didn’t happen and I don’t know that it would really except when you fly in. Air travel seems to be handled differently than just simply crossing the border. It’s the same for the Mexican border except there they just ask you if you’re American. You say, “Yes” and go on in. No fuss, no muss.
But anyway, I’m not going to take issue with it because they’re trying to establish that what took place in Toronto in 413 means diddly-squat in the grand ole U.S. of A. So for dramatic purposes it needs to happen at the border. That way it symbolizes the gateway back into single-hood for Ben and Michael. “It’s like the Wizard of Oz in reverse,” as Justin so eloquently put it. They are coming back over the rainbow from the Land of Oz to Kansas where their dreams really can’t come true. (At least not yet.)
Butz: Both your names are on this.
Ben: It says spouses can use the same form.
M: While we were in Toronto, we took advantage of the fact that same-sex marriages are legal.
Ben: So we tied the knot.
Hunter: They’re husband and husband.
Butz: Who’s he?
Ben/M: Our son.
Butz looks a little green around the gills at that bit of news. Talk about unconventional. Bwahahaha. But Butz needs to get with the program. Times are a-changin’. Now I can forgive Butz for his rules, he didn’t make them. He’s just an employee that is paid to enforce the laws, but the thing about Butz that just pinches my butt, is his attitude and the fact that he is a little green around the gills. That little bit of this scene is on Butz. He’s condescending and plainly being a butt. (Hehehe, how many butts were in that paragraph? Jack would be a giggling fool by now. You know… Will and Grace? Oh never mind.)
Butz: This may be legal in Canada, but the United States of America doesn’t recognize gay marriages.
Brian: Oh, c’mon officer. They’re just a couple of crazy kids who fell in love and got hitched! Give ‘em a break.
Butz: If you want to enter the country, you’re gonna have to fill out two separate forms as single individuals. Next!
Ahhh, gratuitous Brian dialogue and screen shot. Let’s rewind because it was short. Is he looking a little tired? Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, he’s defending the married couple… isn’t that sweet? But like I said, this isn’t about Officer Butz, it’s about the United States. Enter Deb. Now is this scene over the top? You bet your butt it is. When Deb is defending a cause, it’s always over the top. Remember her first meeting with Carl in the dumpster boy episode? Remember when she went on television to bash Stockwell’s campaign. She’s a loud-mouth so this scene does not surprise me in the least. It’s typical Debbie and it makes all the points that it’s supposed to. In fact, if she would have responded any other way, I would have called, “foul”.
Besides, using Deb to spout off Cow/Lip’s political arguments is much more entertaining than when Professor Bruckner does it. At least I stay awake for this one. I personally thought this was just as much fun as when Cody mouthed off to the minister and I was laughing through the whole thing. Is the message serious? You bet your butt it is and I don’t miss that point at all, it’s just that the whole sad, fucked up truth doesn’t always have to be swallowed with misery. As long as the pill is digested and gets in the blood stream, that’s what’s important. And as Justin says, “I’m killing you with kindness… I’ve found it’s a highly effective way to achieve one’s goals.” Comedy is good.
Butz: Did you bring any fruit into the country?
Deb: Yeah, two hundred and fifty of ‘em… on bicycles!
I wasn’t asked about fruit either when I crossed the border. And are they still using the fruit joke? That seems so dated. One might even say, “very nineties”. But hey… it was funny.
Butz: The purpose of your visit was, “to experience the greatest joy I’ve ever known, seeing my gay son marry his lover”?
D: You got a problem with that, Butz?
M: Ma!
Well Butz may not, but I do. That was not the purpose of her visit. Michael and Ben getting married was an unexpected surprise. Now I’m sure it ended up being the greatest joy she’s ever known, but it was not the original purpose of her visit. Guess I’m just being a nasty nit-pik but… Oh, and I guess that marriage did not cure Michael of his whining tendencies even though he’s no longer a “boy”, but a “married man” now.
Butz: As I explained to your son, the government of the United States doesn’t recognize gays gettin’ married.
D: But you do recognize Britney Spears gettin’ loaded and getting’ married one night and having it annulled the next morning! Or two total strangers getting’ married for a million fuckin’ bucks on television! Is that the sanctity of marriage that you assholes are protecting?
M: Ma!
D: Well, what is this shit? Not letting you back in your own country! Like your marriage doesn’t count? If it’s good enough for Canada and the Queen of fuckin’ England, it’s good enough for Butz!
Butz: Ma’am? You like smoked salmon?
D: What does that have to do with anything?
Butz: Cause if you don’t shut up, you’re gonna spend the rest of your life in Nova Scotia. Next!
I love it when people tell Deb to shut up. Bwahahaha. But during this scene, I was screaming at the television, “Yeah, what about THAT, Butz!” I love her points. It is absolutely ridiculous that they pull this “sanctity” of marriage bullshit when that kind of thing is allowed and actually those two examples are the two that I use quite often when I’m bitching about this subject. It drives me nuts and makes no common sense whatsoever. Okay, so enough of the whole marriage debate for now. I’ll refrain from further comment, that way I can concentrate on what so many keep loudly proclaiming as the only important part of the show… Brian and Justin.
Rage Renders and Green-light Grants
Brett Keller’s Office
In Hollywood, Justin and Brett at Keller’s office. Brett is showing Justin some Rage movie posters that feature different famous actors as Rage. Farrell, Kutcher (Please, NO!), Cruise, Depp, etc.
K: I had these mocked up, just to get a feel.
J: It feels unreal.
K: For now, but not for long.
Justin is wide-eyed and smiling. Much like Brian was in the beginning of the ride. No doubt that Justin is “feeling the sunshine” as well. His response of how it feels is the clue to what is going on inside his head. An overwhelming feeling of living a dream. Pinch yourself, Justin, it’s very real. Keller walks towards his office, Justin follows. The offices are bright… very bright. Much like Munchkinland actually. Keller picks up a drawing of what is to be Rage’s lair and asks Justin for his opinion. Justin gets more of that “unreal” feeling. Watch his hand… he touches his face then does the behind-the-ear-hair-scratch again. So very cute.
K: I also asked a production designer I have in mind to do a rendering of Rage’s lair. What do you think?
J: Ahhh, it’s good! It needs to be darker. Not dark-scary, but dark-sexy. A place you’d dream of getting fucked in. And his bed should be more center… and raised, like an altar. Since Rage’s sexual energy is what motivates the character and drives the action.
K: I couldn’t have put it better myself.
We have to remember those words because they will be very significant later. Justin is describing Brian’s bedroom but he’s also describing Brian’s attitude and Brian’s life. By saying that his sexual energy is what motivates the character and drives the action, he’s explaining where all of Brian’s bullshit mantras come from. Everything about Brian and everything he believes in is based on the fact that he has the God-given right to fuck who he wants, when he wants. It’s what motivates him and drives him. That’s why his image of perfection is so important. That’s why his reputation is so important. That’s why success is so important to him. It’s all about sex and death as we’ve been reminded over and over. But death doesn’t sell tickets, does it? And Brian, having faced death now for real, doesn’t think it’s so glamorous anymore. So that leaves just sex. Of course, that was the Brian before the Liberty Ride.
Intercom: Brett? Marty’s on the line.
K: Hi, Marty. Yeah, it was a good meeting. That’s why I wanted you to meet him. Uh-huh. Well, if you say so. You’re the boss!
K: We have the green light!
J: That’s awesome!
K: You were awesome. You showed everyone in that meeting the one thing Hollywood fears most.
J: Bad hair?
Uhhh! Gasp! Bad hair? Justin, NO! You don’t have bad hair. It was your alter ego that was paying homage to the Flock of Seagulls during the premiere parties, not you. Now, that was some hair to fear! As far as yours goes… I love the hair! And love that big ole grin and shy little arm shrug.
K: Honesty.
J: I was just speaking my mind.
K: You hungry? Getting a go always makes me famished. Blair? Get me a table at Spago.
Blair: You got it.
K: If we’re lucky, we may have a Nancy Reagan sighting. Oh, and uh, cancel Mr. Taylor’s flight. He’ll be staying until tomorrow.
J: What for?
K: You just got a picture picked up. You can’t leave town without celebrating.
And don’t you just love that Brett’s assistant is a guy? Love that. And love that Brett calls Justin, Mr. Taylor to Blair. How can anyone blame Justin for that feeling of “unreal” and being impressed by all this? They don’t call it La-La Land for nothing. Back home in glorious, black and white, snowy Pittsburgh, Justin is a twenty year old waiter/busboy/student but here, in full Technicolor, he is Mr. Taylor. Hell, that makes me giddy for him. How could he not be giddy as well?
Presenting a Cake and Popping a Cork
Somewhere in America
During one of the overnight pit stops, they are in a barn somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Ted’s bummed about his birthday. Emmett’s tushy is sore. Deb is depressed over what happened at the border. The Novotny-Bruckners are having dinner when Deb comes over to join them.
Ben: Deb, why don’t you sit down and eat something?
D: I’m not hungry.
M: C’mon, Mom. You need to keep up your strength, too.
D: Goddamn border guard. Not lettin’ you in!
M: He was just following the law. Marriage doesn’t exist, at least not for us, not here.
Ben: But it will. Once the snowball starts rolling, there’s no way to stop it.
We hear Brian’s voice off in the distance. Thank goodness. When the professor starts in on his blah blah blah, I start to zone out. I know he’s supposed to be inspirational and smart and all that, but for some reason it just comes out preachy and boring. Brian is guiding a delivery guy who is carrying a wedding cake over to Michael and Ben’s table. Brian has his arm tucked against his chest, hiding something in his jacket.
Brian: This way. Right over here.
D: What? Oh my god!
B: Well?
M: What the fuck is that??
B: You've been to enough heterosexual suicide pacts to know… this is a wedding cake. It's for your reception.
M: I mean, where did it come from?
Ben: And from in the middle of nowhere?
B: Back in the U.S. of A, for enough money you can buy anything.
Brian pulls a bottle of champagne out of his jacket and holds it up.
B: And here’s a little something to wash it down.
D: That stuff costs a fortune!
H: I’ll pour.
B: Aaaah, the fuck you will.
Another instance where Brian’s fatherly instincts kick in. It’s funny because I just assumed last year that Brian would be “cool” Uncle Brian to Hunter but since day one, he’s been the epitome of square-ness when it comes to Hunter. Hence why poor Hunter is constantly saying, “Christ!” It’s unbelievable to him just how nerdy all these cool dudes are when it comes to him. And Brian most especially. Hunter turned sixteen in 313 so he is now 16 ½, almost 17 but he is in no way an innocent, naïve teenager. He was a paid hustler for cryin’ out loud and lived on the streets. But just three years ago a very innocent and naïve 17 year old stood outside Babylon on the street corner, got cruised and picked up by one Brian Kinney who took him home, offered him Special K (which the innocent blondie thought was something you eat with bananas) and fucked his brains out repeatedly. Yet, cool Uncle Brian won’t let street-wise Hunter, who is only a year younger now than Justin was then, pour a glass of champagne or take a drink. It seriously cracks me up. I’m proud of him for being this way, but seriously… who would have ever thought Brian would be this way? Of course I get that things change dramatically when the kid is yours or it’s your best friend’s kid, but still… the hip side of my personality wants to say, “Poor Hunter”. The strict, square, maternal side wants to say, “Isn’t it past his bed time?”
D: You’re the last person I ever expected to be celebrating a marriage.
B: To the Novotny-Bruckners! Long may it wave!
D: That’s our band?
B: What were you expecting, Tommy Dorsey?
I do have to agree with Deb. This is another one of the shocker things that Brian does in the season finale that just rock us to the core and in previous seasons, would rock his world too. Going to Justin’s prom, fucking Rage at the Rage party, selling off all his stuff, and now… single handedly throwing a wedding reception party for his best friend’s wedding. Now I realize that he organized Mel and Lindz’ wedding but come on… they’re lesbians. He expected them to want marriage so it’s no big deal that they did it. But Michael? That was a shocker to Brian. And here he stood up as his best man, signed the marriage license, and now this??? Wow. Who is this masked man?
Oh there he is… making goo-goo eyes at the guy across the circle… See? No matter how much things change, some things stay the same. I feel better.
Somewhere Else in America
First and foremost, I have to say, I love this scene! This scene is the campiest and the silliest scene that Queer as Folk has had in a very long time. I just love it.
Brian’s just riding along. Doing pretty good but is just a tad tired. Not overly so, but it’s there. Michael rides up to him to see how he’s doing. Sport? Oy vey. (That’s that camp I was talking about.)
M: Hey, sport! How ya doing?
B: Never should have had that second piece of wedding cake. But when the love of your life marries somebody else, what choice do you have but to drown yourself in buttercream filling?
M: You’ll burn it off in no time.
Obviously, that little line has caused quite a stir around the fandom, on both sides. Again, I don’t see why. Well, okay, I guess I see why, the words themselves are pretty shocking. But as with all things Queer as Folk and as with all things Brian, it’s not always the words, the delivery has a lot to with things. And here’s the deal. IT WAS A JOKE! This was typical Brian sarcasm. And Michael’s response tells us that he knew darn well that it was a joke. Michael reacted the right way. He blew it off as nothing. He knew it was a joke.
Why did Cow/Lip have to do this? Because it was funny. Have a sense of humor. Some just get way too worked up over the whole Brian and Mikey forever until the end thing. And this is why I think it was damn funny…
Brian delivers the wedding cake to the reception after dinner. Hello? That’s nighttime. We all know Brian does not eat carbs after seven so do you really think that he had a second piece of wedding cake? I doubt he even had a first one. And Michael knows this. I wouldn’t doubt it if that’s not why he told him that he’d burn it off in no time. Because he knew darn well that Brian didn’t even eat any. It’d be pretty damn easy to burn off when you didn’t even pack it on. Now that is funny.
So why did Brian say it or anything at all? Because Michael asked him how he was doing. He was getting tired and probably wasn’t feeling too up to snuff but he would never admit that so he needed something to blame for it and what a better thing to blame it on than Mikey’s wedding cake that Brian went to all that trouble to get in the middle of nowhere. That makes the way he’s feeling all Michael’s fault. Fuck the doctor’s. Fuck the nay-sayers. It’s all Mikey’s fault and that damn cake because he had to go and do a stupid thing like get married. It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s 32 years old and just went through a round of radiation. Nope. That’s not it at all.
It’s Mikey’s fault. Get it? That’s funny. Which is exactly why Michael rolls his eyes and says he’ll burn it off. He knows what Brian is doing and what he’s saying. He doesn’t feel so good. But Brian would never admit it. He needs encouragement so Michael proceeds with all the positive reinforcement as Brian tries to convince himself that he’s going to make it. That he’s okay. Because…
B: Cause I’m the man!
M: You are, dude!
B: Fuck the doctors. And fuck the nay-sayers. I’m still young. I’m still g-g-g-gorgeous. I’m still hot.
M: You know it.
Oh hell yes, you know it. I like totally agree, dude! Majorly g-g-g-gorgeous! I’m down with that.
But can I just say… Mikey’s positive reinforcement has a lot to be desired these days. He used to be believable when he fawned all over Brian. This was the lamest ego stroke I’ve ever heard. What happened? Is Mikey seriously not like totally in love with Brian anymore? Gasp!
And why is it that Brian is the one recovering from radiation and supposed to be out of shape yet Michael is the one panting for breaths? Does Hal not exercise or is his microphone just too dang close to his mouth. It doesn’t really matter, but it had me laughing.
Brian sees the dude that he was making eyes at the night before and decides he needs to try to impress the man. You know, with that helmet on, he’s gotta work a little harder at being g-g-g-gorgeous. He pedals up beside him and raises his arms in the air…
B: Look, Mikey. No hands!
You see what his friendship with Michael brings out in him? I told you before. It’s like he’s fourteen again. “Look, Mikey. No hands!” Oh. My. God. What a total dork. What happened to that cool, suave Brian Kinney? I swear I’m still laughing.
Brian loses control, runs off the road and into a ditch. He flies off the bike and crashes in the grass. I gasp with worry as he rolls around grimacing in pain. He lifts his head and he’s got leaves in his helmet and my evil, twisted, sadistic side bursts out laughing again. I kept expecting his next line to be, “First they took my legs off and they threw them over there, then they took my chest out and they threw it over there!” I just can’t help it and I am surprising myself. I’m actually laughing my ass off at Brian’s misfortune. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. Poor, poor Brian. He is just really having a shit life right now. **snicker**
They cut away and the next we see of Brian, he’s in the back of an ambulance being tended to by a paramedic. I try to control my laughter long enough to make sure that he’s not like really seriously injured or anything. Okay, he’s not. Well a broken bone is serious. But he’s not going to die or anything so back to this being really torturously funny.
Para: Looks to me like you’ve broken your clavicle.
B: It hurts like a motherfucker.
M: That’ll teach you to cruise guys no-handed.
I totally agree with Michael… that is what he gets for trying to show off. To impress some whatever dude no less! He’s Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t have to impress anybody. But now I’m wondering… maybe this is what makes him realize he better stick with Justin. I mean seriously. He’s getting soooooo old that tricking is now hazardous to this health. And we want him safe, we want him around a long time. So you know, the answer is monogamy. Bwahahaha. Poor Brian. He can’t even get laid anymore without something bad happening. Hell, the last time we saw Brian out fucking who he wants, when he wants was the night he found out he had a lump on his left testicle. Oh, that thought hurts like a moth…..
I swear, the more he said, “hurts like a motherfucker”, the more I laughed. I hate to say it but this was probably the funniest scene of the night. Oh, poor Brian. What else is God going to throw your way before you see what’s right in front of you? The agony, the pain, the defeat…
Para: The good news is, it seems like it’s a clean break so it’ll mend well.
B: Did I mention that it hurts like a motherfucker?
M: Is he gonna have to wear a cast?
Para: Because of where he injured himself, all we can do is wrap it.
B: I’m sure I mentioned it hurts like a motherfucker.
Para: We will give you some Vicodin.
B: Ah! Hear that? Just like Babylon.
Ah, drugs. Vicodin! Brian is a happy boy.
Para: And then we’ll send you home.
B: Excuse me?
Para: We’ll take you in for some X-rays and then we’ll find a volunteer to drive you back to Pittsburgh. Sorry, Buddy. Ride’s over.
Oh no! It can’t be! He can’t go home. The ride can’t be over. If he doesn’t do this then the cancer wins. Ride over = Life over. No. No. No.
Negative Nay-Sayers and Positive Perseverance
Campsite – Somewhere in America
The Novotny-Bruckner family is walking around the campsite for the pit-stop of the night after Brian’s accident. They are talking about Brian’s injury…
M: The medic says there’s no way he could finish.
H: That sucks the hairy wang.
B: Now what?
M: Some volunteer’s gotta drive him home.
D: Poor guy. He worked so hard.
Yes, he did. I’m dying inside. This just can’t be. They talk of dinner. And I think, how can you eat at a time like this? I’m devastated. The family walks off and Michael turns around and sees a one-armed man wobbling on a bicycle. He stomps over… yelling at him. I quietly say, “Yeah, Brian”! But sshhh, I don’t want Michael to hear me.
M: Excuse me! Pardon me, Mister!
B: Are you talking to me?
M: You're in severe pain. You should be resting. What the hell are you doing?
B: I'm practicing riding one-handed.
Duh! I love Brian. Snarky to the bone. Even when he’s on Vicodin and in severe pain. Ben comes to his husband’s side.
M: You're not seriously...
B: Yes I am, seriously.
Ben: But you're seriously injured.
B: Could we stop using the word seriously?
Duh! Professor Bruckner stating the obvious. But, seriously? Maybe Ben should explain to Brian what the definition of “seriously” is. Maybe he’s as dumb as Lindsay and needs it spelled out for him. (Can anyone say T. M. I. ?) :rolling eyes:
Ben: They're sending someone to take you back.
B: I'm not going.
M: Yes you are, the paramedic told you…
B: Fuck what the paramedic said!
Ben: There’s no way you can bicycle all the way back to…
B: And stop telling me what I fucking can't do!
Ooooh Brian jumps all in Ben’s face. Yikes! I don’t blame him though, not one bit. He knows that Ben looks down his big nose at him. What is happening here? I used to like Ben. Why the hell is he bugging the shit out of me these days? He best start kissing Brian’s ass or he and I are going to have some problems next season.
Brian tries to pedal off. Michael has his hand on the handlebars and Brian looks down at it. Michael moves it away. Brian struggles to take off. Michael puts his hand back on the handlebar to help start him off with a push. Brian gives him the Rage death glare and Michael pulls his hand away quickly. Do not show him pity. Do not treat him like an invalid. Michael don’t you remember?
Brian struggles again, but he eventually makes it. Very slowly and very wobbly. But he’s doing it. Oh my. I just want to cry. This is so important to him. So very important. He calls back over his shoulder in a weak, not so sure of himself voice…
B: See you on the road.
Phenomenal Proposals
Emerald Nightclub
Brett and Justin at a Hollywood nightclub. As they walk up the stairs we see “Emerald” on the wall and they are surrounded by green lights. Can anyone say “Emerald City”? A place where everyone is beautiful and happy. Another Oz connection. Just knock me over with a feather. I love all this stuff. Say what you want, but this impresses the shit out of me.
Some have been angry at Justin for this scene, but come on… who wouldn’t be a little star struck? Justin has been through a lot for his young age, but he’s still young and hasn’t seen much of the world outside of Pittsburgh. He’s been to Vermont sure, but Vermont isn’t California. And he’s been to New York, but he never even left the hotel room when he was there. I know how I felt when I went to visit my cousin in West Hollywood and he took me to all the hot clubs where the stars hang out. It was exciting to say the least and I was 21 at the time (not much older than Justin is now) and had spent the latter part of my teen years hob-knobbing with rock stars on the concert circuit. I had seen more and been around more famous people than Justin ever has at this point and I was still overwhelmed by the pace and life in Hollywood. And I distinctly remember telling my cousin that it was going to be tough to go back home. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want to go home, that’s just how you feel while you’re there. So give the kid a break… this is all very normal behavior.
J: This place seems pretty exclusive.
Yet Justin is there. Who wouldn’t feel a little special right now?
K: Nah, they’re just people. Rich people. Gorgeous people. Famous people.
Yep, this is the Emerald City all right.
K: Something tells me you’ll feel at home here in no time.
J: It’s gonna be tough going back to Pittsburgh after this.
Again, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t appreciate what he has at home. It just means this place is Wow! It’s the comparison of Munchkinland and the Emerald City to Kansas. But even Dorothy, who ran away from Kansas, realized eventually that there was “no place like home” and Justin will too.
K: Then why go?
Justin doesn’t have time to answer before Brett continues on. But we know why Justin should go… it’s the thing at the heart of who Justin is… Brian, Jennifer, Molly and his extended family. Justin has shown us over and over how important those people are to him even to the extent of sacrificing himself for what he sees as their needs. But if Brian has taught him anything, it’s to never pass up an opportunity so Justin asks exactly what Brett’s proposing and how long would he be there.
K: Stay here, work in the movies. Isn’t that everyone’s dream? It was mine.
J: And do what?
K: Assistant art director on Rage.
J: You’re kidding.
K: You’ve got talent, passion, ambition, and if I might add, the backing of an A-list director. What else do you need?
J: How long would I be here?
K: Six, eight months depending on the schedule.
It’s evident that “how long” is an important part of the equation and I think had Brett’s answer been of the more permanent nature it would have ended there. So this offer has nothing to do with how tough it’s going to be to go back to Pittsburgh because no matter how much Brian has taught Justin, Justin is not Brian. He can not and will not just pack up and move away from his lover and family and never think of them again like Brian was so quick to do in 121 or when he got in bed with Stockwell in season three. This is only a temporary offer and that’s a big difference. Sure, it has promise of more down the road. But down the road is not what needs to be thought about here, it’s the now.
Conner: Brettski!
K: Hey Con. You remember Justin.
C: Of course. The man who makes rage fly.
Oh boy, does he ever. Those 205, 309, 310 and 404 blowjobs come to mind.
J: It’s nice to see you again.
Ah, flirty Justin getting flirted with by a movie stah! Don’t you just love it? And he tugs his ear again. So adorable. Who could resist his innocent charm?
K: Fenderman gave us the green light.
C: Awesome. Congrats!
K: The script’s coming your way so keep going to the gym. Those tights show no mercy.
C: Come on, I’ll buy you guys a drink to celebrate. Maybe we can go back to my place?
K: I’d love to, but there are some faces I want to flaunt the news in. But why don’t you two go?
Conner and Justin look at each other with flirty grins. No doubt where this is headed. Just one of the pleasures and privileges of being unconventional. But hey, before you castrate poor little Justin, let’s remember that Brian was eye-balling a trick during the reception dance and it was this same guy that he was trying to impress when he crashed and burned and broke his clavicle. No doubt that if the crash and burn hadn’t happened, Brian would’ve been fucking that guy under the stars instead of practicing to ride one-handed. If Justin knew Brian was hurt, he’d be there. He has no idea what is going on halfway across the country with his undefined partner. So you know, he’s free to do what he wants. It’s just sex. Sex with a movie star. And a closeted one at that. If that didn’t have some significance to it then there wouldn’t be such a thing as groupies. That’s quite a notch on the bed post, you know, not to mention quite a story to tell Brian about when he gets home. A much better story than the virgin at the frat party. Brian would be proud of his prowess.
Vicodin Visions and Determined Documentaries
Still Somewhere in America
The next morning the riders are riding along, including Brian. Riding one-handed and obviously in great pain. He doesn’t look good. Dark circles under his eyes. His hair coming out of different parts of the helmet. His face is pale. Oh, I ache. “Wonderful Life” is playing as Brian pedals along. Michael keeps looking back. Brian’s pedaling slower and slower and more and more of the gang of bicyclers moves ahead of him. Michael looks back again.
Here I go - Out to the sea again
The sunshine fills my hair - And dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky - And in my blue eyes
I know it feels unfair - There is magic everywhere
Look at me standing
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine
Oh, I really ache. Now he really is there on his own. Everyone has left him in the dust. He’s moving painfully slow and wobbly. He’s huffing and puffing. And the Vicodin… oh heavens. Can he even see straight?
No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
Brian looks to the side of the road and sees himself standing there all on his own with his arms folded over his chest and looking at him riding his bike in disgust and disappointment. The image of himself, Brian the doubter, the person inside him that thought he might “fail miserably”, asking him… “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t do this. You’ll never make it. Give up.” And the real Brian probably is about to do just that when he turns away and looks further down the road…
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
Now on the side of the road is Justin. Waving his arms like, “Come here” and jumping up and down and smiling brightly. It’s the Justin that jumped on the handlebars and told him that he wasn’t “going to fail, miserably or otherwise. That he was going to be a big, fat, fucking success.” Brian stares at this Justin and pedals harder. After he passes by him, he looks back and Justin has turned around, still smiling, but now clapping his hands at his accomplishment. Justin’s visualization techniques worked. Or at least the Vicodin did. Oh my gosh… I’m crying again. It was beautiful.
Brian squints and looks ahead. Pumping his legs harder and harder to make it up the big hill ahead.
Sun's in your eyes - The heat is in your hair
They seem to hate you - Because you’re there
At the top of the hill, a figure appears. It’s Michael. Coming back for Brian as the words of the song go…
Look at me standing
Here on my own again
But he’s no longer alone. His best friend is there.
Up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
Michael arrives and circles around him on his bike then pulls up along side him and looks at him with concern on his face. Brian looks over at Michael, sees the concern and looks away then slows down (as if he could go any slower) and stops. The creepiest part for me is that he stops in front of a cemetery. A gentle reminder of where he almost ended up and where he’s trying desperately to not go to for a long while. That cemetery is the reason for his perseverance. It’s not about his narcissism.
M: That’s it, I’m calling for help.
B: The fuck you are! Just go on and ride with your husband.
M: And leave you alone?
B: I’ll be alright.
M: Yeah, I can see that. I’m staying here with you.
Brian is winded and can barely breathe yet he struggles to pull a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket. He tries to light it as Michael looks on at what is truly a pathetic sight. He pants some more, cigarette dangling out of his mouth. His hair still messed up and sticking out in odd places from his helmet.
M: Why are you doing this? To show everyone what a hero you are, that despite insurmountable odds the Great Kinney can cross the finish line with one arm tied behind his back?
B: It's not behind my back.
M: In FRONT of your back?
Even exhausted and out of breath the Great Kinney can manage to be a smartass. I would laugh at his tenacity but I just can’t. This is so achingly sad.
M: There’s no need to, you've already proved yourself. You've raised $100,000 for the hospice, what more do you need to do?
B: It’s… It's not about the money.
M: What is it about, killing yourself?
Brian is still struggling to light his cigarette, the wind not cooperating with him as he’s unable to block the flame from its breeze with only one hand. Michael reaches out to help him do it. Brian snaps out of aggravation.
B: Fuck off! I can do it.
Michael… do not pity him… do not treat him like an invalid. I know it’s hard, but dang. All he needs is for you to be there. That’s it. Just be there. And understand.
The next part gets to me more than anything else. I’ve watched it over and over. This is some of Gale’s best work. His face displays an array of emotion and his voice uses the right inflictions at the right times. He doesn’t seem to be acting at all. The whole piece of dialogue just flows out so convincingly, it amazes me and it’s scenes like this that make me thank the stars above that Ron and Dan held out for Gale to walk through their door. No one else could be Brian better than him. Just no one. And while the dialogue is supposed to be serious and inspiring… it’s still very Brianesque. “Full of fucking crocodiles or sharks or something.” That is so very Brian. Sharks in a swamp? Crocodiles? Alligators, maybe, but not crocodiles and most assuredly not sharks. I can’t help but let out a little smirk. At least it’s breaking the tension, and keeping my heart from breaking all over the place.
Have I ever mentioned the time that I went canoeing in the Florida Everglades and our canoe tipped over right as we were throwing bread into the water to feed the alligators that were swimming all around us? I was pretty panicked and was hanging on to a tree limb that was hanging out over the swamp but when “something” swam between my legs… I don’t think my companions ever saw a woman climb a tree so fast before. I wasn’t laughing at the time, but I sure laugh about it now. It had to have been one hell of a sight.
Anyway… Brian and his inspiration to finish the race… and he’s still trying to light that damn cigarette.
B: Did you ever see that story on TV about those women that had cancer? Anyway, they all had cancer. So what did they do? They go to this boot-camp where they have to climb over walls and crawl through the mud and swing over these bottomless pits while this former Luftwaffe drill sergeant terrorizes them. And I'm watching this and I’m thinking, "Christ, don't these crazy bitches have enough shit to deal with?" Then one of them comes out of this swamp that's full of fucking crocodiles or sharks or something, and she's laughing. Laughing! And she says, "If I can survive this, I can survive anything."
Ahh, I want to cry. Brian is trying so hard. Michael looks like he’s going to cry too but for once, he doesn’t. He holds his pity. He swallows, nods his head and does the right thing…
M: Come on.
Brian looks at Michael and knows he understands and will be there for him. With groans of pain, he puts his unlit cigarette and lighter back in his pocket, his feet back on the pedals and his one hand back on the handlebar. He takes a deep breath and starts to go. Michael gives him a little push and Brian doesn’t object this time because he knows that Michael’s not doing it out of pity, he’s simply wanting to help. There’s a big difference between those two things to Brian. With another painful grunt, they’re off again… slowly but surely. Now I am crying.
Rage-ian Rhetoric and Appreciative Acceptance
Brett Keller’s Mansion
Justin shows up at Brett’s mansion the next morning wearing the same clothes as the night before. He’s being quiet as to not disturb anyone but as he rounds the wall to the kitchen, he runs into Brett.
K: Coffee?
J: I didn’t think you’d be up.
K: Are you kidding? I already worked out with my trainer, made ten calls to New York, read two scripts and the trades.
Gee, Brett Keller seems to be a lot like Brian Kinney. Parties hard, stays out late, but yet still manages to get up early and work his ass off at being brilliant. Of course that was pre-cancer Brian. But still… could this be why they made a point to make their names so similar? Not to mention that they both immediately saw what Justin had to offer them. And instantly knew he was someone special. They both quickly became smitten with Justin’s air of innocence and took on a mentoring type role in Justin’s life. Maybe, just maybe, Brett is supposed to take over that mentoring role as Brian moves away from being the protector of the much younger Justin and toward being a real and equal partner to Justin where age no longer matters to him. Hmmm.
K: Have a roll from Campanile. Best bread on the planet. Fuck the carbs.
Well okay, so he’s not exactly like Brian. You just never know about those damn Hollywood types. He eats carbs. The gall of him!
K: So how was your evening? Connor take good care of you?
J: Yeah, he's a cool guy.
K: And hot.
Justin blushes. And doesn’t eat the bread! Hee!
K: Does Brian know about your extramarital activity?
J: We're not married. Brian detests marriage.
K: That's a unique position to take when every fag on earth wants to say, “I do”.
J: Well, we’d rather say, “I don't”. That way we can be together because we want to be, not because we have to be.
K: How very Rage-ian.
How very Rage-ian, indeed. Justin actually snickers about it and it does make one wonder whether Justin believes it himself or if he’s just parroting Brian. We’ll find out soon enough. And Justin will find out that while he’s been in Hollywood, a few things have changed in Brian’s life. He’s seen things, experienced things and thought about things. Now that every fag on earth wants to say, “I do”, is Brian’s unique position of saying, “I don’t” no longer valid? One might even say outdated and “very nineties”. What kind of man is Justin going to see come across that finish line? The Brian whose sexual energy and arrogant attitude motivated the Rage character or the Rage whose heroic powers and acts of goodwill motivated the new Brian?
K: Better go clean up and pack. There'll be a car here in an hour to take you to the airport.
Justin heads toward the door to go clean up and pack. He stops and turns around. He still doesn’t have the bread with him… I love that! I have no idea why, but I do.
J: By the way. I've thought about your offer. I really appreciate it.
K: ...but?
J: There is no but. I wanna do it. So I'm coming back.
So Justin’s coming back for six to eight months to work on the movie about he character that he helped to create… and he didn’t discuss it with Brian first? :GASP: The nerve of the little selfish asshole twink! How dare he make a decision about his life without consulting Brian! Come on… Really? Gimme a break. This is an awesome opportunity and he shouldn’t pass it up. As Brett told him, he’s talented, has passion and ambition… all traits that Brian adores and loves about the little shit. And as far as discussing it with Brian first… there’s no need. Justin already knows full well what Brian’s answer would be and so do all of us. He would say, “Go. Don’t sacrifice your future.” Just as he darn well should.
It’s not about being selfish. When you are in a relationship with two equally important careers, sometimes things like this happen. It’s not the end of the world. Justin is not Brian’s little housewife; I don’t care how effeminate or swishy he can be sometimes. That is not who he is and that is not why Brian loves him.
Brian has taught Justin many things through his words of wisdom but also through his actions. He has told him and shown him over and over that you have to think of yourself first and foremost before you can have anything to offer someone else. Think of all the times that Brian has preached this basic philosophy… his speech about Justin’s choice in schools in 117, his actions in 121 about New York, canceling Vermont to go to Chicago, his hurtful yet true blond boy ass comment in 305, his involvement with Stockwell to get his fat-cat clients, then his involvement with Justin and the posters, explaining why Justin should apologize to the school board in 313, the reason he gave in 403 for creating the CCFTT, and most recently him telling Justin to go to Hollywood instead of doing the bike ride. So seriously, does he really need to discuss this with Brian? He knows him. Justin wouldn’t even be able to tell Brian all the terms of the offer before Brian would be packing Justin’s bags for him and taking him to the airport.
Of course that’s not saying that Brian wouldn’t be miserable with Justin gone, but he would NEVER stand in the way of Justin having an opportunity to do something with his life. He just wouldn’t. And he wouldn’t expect Justin to stand in his way either. That is a true partnership. You work around these little details of temporary separations. This is the proof that the significance of Brian’s Vermont actions and the Blond Boy Ass comment was not lost on Justin. He said he understood Brian in 308 and knew what to expect from him and knew what Brian expected him to give… this is it folks.
The saddest part of this whole thing is that it was all in the past and before Brian had time to think about what he’d do differently. But we can’t blame Justin for that… he’s making this decision based on the Brian that he left, not the Brian that he’s going to go home to. He doesn’t even know that he exists yet. Isn’t that what makes good drama? Now I’m not saying the new Brian would react any differently to Justin’s offer, I’m just saying Justin’s heart may have tugged on him a little harder had he known. He probably would have been a lot more inclined to sacrifice the opportunity in favor of Brian’s attitude change. Not that that would have been right… I just think that’s what he would have done. But as it stands, he made the most logical choice for his character’s consistency as well as what he knows to be Brian’s character.
Finish Line – Liberty Avenue
“Oh, Happy Day” is playing with an overhead shot of the Liberty Avenue finish line. The Liberty Ride banner is draped across the street, shadowed by a rainbow colored archway of balloons and you can see for blocks as all the riders begin to emerge on the finish line. The song fits perfectly with the happy attitude of the tired but accomplished riders. Just like the 204 Pride celebration and the 314 street celebration, it’s a scene of community and friends and family all celebrating a united victory. And just like those other two scenes, I get a little choked up. The scene, the music, the bright colors all work together to give off that sense of joy and togetherness. How anyone can watch these scenes and not be touched is beyond my understanding. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that as the first of the riders descend on the finish line… someone dressed suspiciously like Glenda, the good witch, runs across the street. Oh, how I love this show.
The first of the gang to arrive is Ted and Emmett, who are immediately greeted by matriarch Deb who is proud as she can be of her boys… (I would just kill for her rainbow scarf. I love it.)
T/E: We did it!
D: Welcome home, guys! How’d you get here so fast?
T: Faith, focus, fortitude.
E: Not to mention pedaling our fucking fannies off.
Ah, a string of words all starting with the same letter… a couple of men after my own heart. Hee! Snow starts to fall lightly as Deb looks across the street and sees Justin waving…
J: Hi!
D: Well, there’s a little bit of Sunshine! Straight from Hollywood! Hi, honey!
E: How was it out there, sweetie?
J: It was amazing. But I’m sorry I missed the ride.
D: You made the best part, the big finish.
T: You’ll never guess who went along.
J: Brian? Yeah. He told me he wasn’t going.
Justin is not at all surprised. He knew Brian was just pushing him to go but you can tell that he really wished he hadn’t done that, he wanted to be beside Brian for this. No doubt about that now. Fucking Conner and all the other amazing stuff he did and saw doesn’t compare in Justin’s mind to where he thinks he should have been. His heart and his strong sense of family and friends are still what motivates his character and drives his actions. That hasn’t been changed by the bright lights of Hollywood.
D: Unfortunately, he had a little injury.
J: Is he alright?
D: The stubborn sonofabitch insisted on finishing the ride.
Justin immediately gets worried and looks down the road for Brian to arrive. His worst fear has come true… Brian is hurt. I hate that Deb didn’t tell Justin what the injury was. No telling what Justin is thinking but he doesn’t get the chance to ask for clarification because Ben and Hunter arrive. More joy and hugs all around. Justin’s smiles are intermingled with serious glances down the street. He can’t celebrate until Brian is safely home.
D: Well, look who’s here. Ah, I’m so proud of my family. So where’s Michael?
H: With Brian.
B: Yeah, but don’t worry, they should be here any minute.
Minutes become hours. It’s now dark, the snow is thick on the street and still falling, only harder than before. Everyone has gone home except Ben, Hunter, Deb and Justin. I’m sure the snow wasn’t planned for this scene, but boy, it really adds to the drama. They have snow on their coats and in their hair. Ben is calling on the cell phone but he is not getting an answer.
B: Still can’t get through to them.
D: I’m starting to get worried. Actually I started getting worried four hours ago.
J: Maybe we should go out searching.
Yes please! Go searching. I can’t take much more of this waiting! I’m on the edge of my seat, hands clasped tightly over my mouth. Then the camera goes back to a crane shot. The street is deserted and dark. It looks so lonely and scary. Way in the distance there are two tiny lights flickering, coming out from around the corner and turning onto Liberty Avenue. Hunter looks up, sees them, stands up, points and shouts… ( I actually felt a shiver at this point.)
H: Look!
It’s Brian and Michael… Brian is pedaling haphazardly and Michael is reaching out to him, holding onto his back to steady him. Brian’s bike is very wobbly from going so slow but he’s exhausted and just can’t go any faster. They cut to Justin. His face is full of worry and fear. He’s anxious and moves to go to Brian. He has to go to him right now! I’m saying, “Yes, yes, yes. Justin go to him.” Deb stops him…
D: No! Let him finish.
Oh, I’m about to cry… but damn it, she’s right. He has to do this on his own. It literally hurts to watch and I’m only doing so by peeking through my fingers. Brian falters… his foot comes off the pedal, his body leans forward over the handle bars and the bike tilts, as his foot hits the ground, the snow kicks up. And they show this in slow motion. I gasp. It’s agonizing. Are they trying to kill me? Justin looks back to Deb, pleading with his eyes for her to let him go to him but he knows she’s right. He has to remain strong. It’s what Brian would want. Just like when he tucked Brian in bed and asked him about Ibiza… Justin doesn’t cave in. He fights back his tears, stands his ground and waits. Silently willing Brian to finish.
B: I can’t. I can’t.
M: We’re almost there.
B: Fuck it! Just fuck it!
Brian is looking down over the front of the bike, hunched over, panting, aching, obviously in great pain. He’s tired and just doesn’t care anymore. He’s given up. But he senses something… looks up and struggles to see through the blinding snow. They cut back to Justin, standing in front of Deb… extreme concentration on his face. Back to Brian… he blinks and squints and finally sees Justin standing there, waiting for him. Just like in the spin class. Just like on the side of the road. He visualizes his end goal. He visualizes Justin telling him he’ll be a big fat fucking success. He visualizes Justin cheering him on. He visualizes Justin waiting for him and he really is. He’s there. Just like he said he would be after Brian’s surgery. He didn’t leave. Just like he said he wouldn’t after the cancer. He made a commitment and he’s stood by it. Brian gets back on the seat and puts his feet on the pedals. He made a commitment too… to himself. And he has to stand by it or he’ll never forgive himself. If he can do this… then he can do anything. And he knows he can because Justin told him he could.
Just like on the side of the road, Michael gives him a slight push. He’s struggling but he’s doing it. The gang starts to cheer him on. I’m holding my breath.
Ben: You got it. Come on!
J: Come on!
Ben: You’re almost there, almost there.
He pedals across the finish line. Justin smiles as tears well up in his eyes. He reaches out and Brian coasts right into his arms. He did it! More tears from me.
J: I could kill you for doing this.
B: I almost saved you the trouble.
Brian did it! Did I say that already? He finished the race, that means he beat the cancer, got his control back, got his strength back and now can do anything. Just like Rage, JT’s superhero.
Jeepers, I love this scene.
Oh and Michael gets the news that he’s a dad which adds to the already elated mood of Brian’s achievement. In fact, I’d say… it trumps it. Now, I’m not trying to be a sour puss. I’ve had a kid and I know the birth of a child does trump everything else. But it just seems that Brian’s accomplishment becomes anti-climatic to Deb’s family after the news of Jenny’s birth is shared with the proud papa. The crane shot at the end shows Ben, Michael, Hunter and Deb (the Novotny-Bruckners) all huddled together hugging and Brian leaning against Justin with Justin’s arms wrapped around him. In 101, the birth of Gus was a moment of excitement for Brian that he shared with Michael. Here, the birth of Jenny is clearly something that Michael will share with his family, and not Brian. A sign of further separation for Brian and Michael. They have their families now. They’ve grown up and their best friend is no longer the most important person in the lives. That’s not to say they aren’t still best friends and that they won’t still be there for each other as Michael was for Brian on the ride… that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying they have families now. Real families. Not a circle of friends that they call “family”.
But I have two things I have to say… 1) This could have been the ending scene for me. Yes, I love all the scenes that follow but this was so climatic for me that it could have ended here and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. 2) A kiss would have been nice. I don’t mean a sex crazed tongue lashing… just Justin giving Brian a soft, sweet, thank god you’re okay, I missed you so much kiss. On the cheek, the lips, the forehead, hell even the nose or ear. Just a little one and I think I would’ve been a total blubbering idiot. Not that I’m not anyway, but you know what I mean.
A Victory for Vic
Liberty House Hospice – Vic Grassi House
The morning after the ride everyone is gathered at the hospice for the presentation of the check. The GLC geeks, Tannis and Phillip, are on the porch with Gene, that boring hospice director dude. They thank all the riders and announce that the amount raised is $432,000. Very near the half million that Gene foreshadowed in 411 that would put the hospice in heaven. And since we know that Brian alone raised almost a fourth of that by himself (and possibly more since Brown Athletics was also a sponsor listed on the poster), I find it quite interesting that Brian’s living hell created heaven for the hospice. Brian has seen hell and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Bless his heart. But Brian’s good deeds aren’t over with yet.
Tannis announces that the house is going to be renamed for one of their lost brothers and Phillip pulls the cover off the sign on the front of the building to reveal its new name, “Vic Grassi House”. Debbie gasps and is near tears. Ben kisses Michael. Michael kisses Deb. Rodney moves forward and hugs and kisses Deb. Justin turns to Brian and smiles. He knows who did it.
I smile because the look on his face is the same as it was in 314 when they were lying on the bed after Brian told Justin why he sacrificed everything for the commercial. It’s nice to know that Brian can still amaze Justin. Just when he thinks he’s got him figured out, he goes and does something else that blows him away.
Everyone moves to go inside the house including Justin, who kisses Deb on the cheek as he walks by. Deb turns and looks for Brian who is standing by himself away from the crowd. Looking well, but still has his shoulder taped up.
Deb: You got them to do this, didn’t you?
B: It’s still America, Deb. Money talks.
D: For once, it said the right thing.
She smiles at him and he smiles back. She touches his face and hair affectionately. She’s obviously very proud of her “son”. Then she walks up behind Michael who is also feeling the awe of the announcement. She wraps her arms around him.
D: Vic would be so proud!
M: Too bad he couldn’t be here to see it.
D: He sees it.
She kisses his cheek and they go inside leaving Brian standing by the lamppost by himself. He looks up at the house and stares. Just before the camera cuts away, he lets the smallest of smiles curl up one end of his mouth. He’s proud of what he’s done and what it means to his lost friend… and quite possibly what it means to him as we’ll soon see…
Floating Forgiveness
Babylon
Brian at Babylon, dancing, looking totally hot! He lifts his arms about his head over and over. Wait a minute… what about his injury? Then the camera pulls backs and starts flashing on the usual Babylon dancing guys. Only this isn’t the usual scene. Not only are the lights not orange or blue, but they are yellow. A golden yellow. And most of the dancing guys are NAKED! And I mean fully naked with front side camera shots! “Things” are bouncing and flapping all around! This can only mean one thing… Brian’s dreaming and he’s in heaven. A much better heaven than what he provided to the hospice, I’m sure. This is fantastic and it’s just a beautifully artful done scene. I love Brian’s dreams! And just as I think that Vic will probably appear – he does. Looking great as well and appears with a smile. Not a sadistic smile like in the previous dreams, but a real happy smile. Deb was right… Vic is in heaven!
Brian sees him and smiles back. Just beautiful. I think my heart actually leapt in my chest at the sight. Whew! Gorgeous, beautiful. It makes me want to sigh.
Vic approaches Brian as if moving without walking, he kind of floats towards him. Then they both float up into the air. Brian seems surprised and then laughs. As they talk Brian and Vic seem to move up and down as if floating on clouds. I so love this scene. It is truly heaven. Oooh, I got goosebumps.
B: So, have I atoned for my sins?
Ahhh, bless his heart again. Now we know why he looked so longingly at the sign on the hospice. It was his guilt driving him and the smile at the end meant he forgave himself. But I’ve always felt that his guilt wasn’t just about Vic, and this bout with cancer was felt as a punishment to him. But not for being gay as his mother said, but for all his sins. It made him re-evaluate his life and all of his mantras. He felt punished for all those times when his head ruled his heart and stifled his innate goodness. And because he’s seen hell, he knows he better do something about that. From now on, he’s going to let his heart rule his head. And we all know what a big heart he has so we know he’s going to be fine with that philosophy… as Vic practically tells him.
V: That would take an eternity. But you sure as hell get an A for effort.
B: Please don't say hell.
Yeah, really. We’ve seen Brian’s hell too. Ewww!
V: By the way, I happen to agree with you. I was damn lucky to get those four extra years. Sure, I'd have liked more, who wouldn't? But you're going to have a lot more than that.
B: Did God tell you that?
V: Actually he told Judy and she told me.
B: Judy?
V: Garland. They're like this… (Vic crosses his fingers)
B: You mean, God's a… ?
V: You didn't hear it from me.
Again, I ask you… is there any doubt that Cow/Lip love Judy Garland? Hell, even God has her as his closest confidant in their world. Not to mention the fact that if she’s his closest confidant then that makes God a “friend of Dorothy’s”. And for you young-uns out there, I’ve already explained what that means. Very clever, Cow/Lip. Very clever.
I guess then it’s no wonder that Brian got his ability to have an erection back after telling off his homophobic mother… a reward for a job well done so he can continue to fuck who he wants, when he wants because that’s his and every other gay man’s God-given right. The interesting thing to me is that now I’m not so sure that that includes half of gay Pittsburgh anymore. “Who” Brian wants to fuck is Justin. And “when” he wants to fuck him appears to be all the time as Justin will soon find out…
Vic slaps Brian on the shoulder to wake him from his dream…
Declaring Decisions and Deliberating Drawers
Brian’s Loft
…and Poof! We are in the loft where Brian is on the futon cushion on the floor. He jerks awake from Vic’s slap, grabbing his shoulder and shouting in pain.
B: Ah, ow!
Justin is sitting at the computer desk. He immediately stands up in concern and looks over at Brian.
J: You okay?
B: Yeah, I’ll be alright. I heard it from the best authority.
Justin walks over to the cushion and lays down on his side in front of Brian. Their faces are only inches apart.
B: Did you fuck Tom Cruise?
J: Everybody knows, he's not gay.
B: Adrian Brody?
J: Niiiice, but no.
B: Tobey Maguire?
J: Puhlease.
B: What?
J: (whispering in Brian’s ear) Conner James.
B: No shit! Sounds like you had a most excellent adventure.
The “excellent adventure” gives it away. Conner James… Keanu Reeves. Very sneaky, Cow/Lip. I had been wondering since he showed up in 413, who he was supposed to represent. But it does make one wonder… do they know something or is this just wishful thinking? I mean, the guy is hot, you know. But the funny thing is… all the guys that Brian named are guys in question but not out. I guess it’s Cow/Lip’s slight nod or chastisement to all the “Conner James” of the world. Not to mention all the “Drews”. Nice. Very nice.
Now for the rest of this scene, it’s important to watch Justin so that you get a sense for just how surprised he is at Brian’s decision. Some say it’s not that big of a deal because Justin’s practically living there anyway. But watch Justin and you’ll see. He was not expecting this and I would say that Justin finds it, “Uh, out of character?” just as he did in 314.
J: Sounds like you did too.
B: Bicycling down life's endless highways I had time to think.
J: About?
At this point Justin is interested in what Brian is going to tell him. He looks at him intently so you know he’s listening.
B: About what I'd do differently if I survived cancer… and sleeping in a tent.
J: Equally unpleasant, I agree. But now that you have, what did you decide?
Brian says it in a mockingly tone. Brushing off the seriousness of his realization on the side of the road. Justin senses the brush off but still goes along. His response is monotone, not sure what is going to come out of Brian’s mouth.
B: The first thing I'd do differently? Is the bedroom. Get rid of that thing over the bed.
J: Yeah, its very nineties, I agree.
Justin suddenly realizes that Brian’s brush with death has only left him as the same man. He hasn’t changed. It’s as if you can hear Justin’s sigh, “Figures. Same ole Brian Kinney bullshit.” He flips off with the nineties remark and gets up. Only half interested in anything else Brian has to say because he figures at this point, it’s just going to be more bullshit.
But let’s talk about Brian’s remark for a minute because we know Brian has changed and if he’s thinking about changing the bedroom then it means something. Remember what Justin told Keller about Rage’s lair? “And his bed should be more center. And raised, like an altar, since Rage’s sexual energy is what motivates the character and drives the action.” This makes it very clear where Brian’s head is at. His bed is no longer about sex. It’s about love and it’s a place that he wants to share with Justin. “It’s very nineties?” Well, it may not be very nineties really because this isn’t about moving into the new century, it’s about moving into a new part of your life. It’s about “Coming of Age”.
So we have something that has been the “center” of Brian’s life where all those worthy sacrificed themselves at the “alter” of the great face of God, Brian Kinney. Brian wants to change it and what that means is that the one thing that motivated the character and drove the action is no longer the bed. No longer the sex.
What is the motivation for the character now and what does drive the action? They showed us twice. Once on the side of the road, motivating the character by jumping up and down and cheering him on. And later at the finish line… silently waiting as the visualized end result, driving the action by willing Brian to put his foot back on the pedal and achieve his goal.
Justin.
So with all that in mind… the next few things to come out of Brian’s mouth are huge! This isn’t simply about asking Justin to move in with him, this is an offer to share his life, every aspect of it. This is Brian saying we are not fuck buddies, it’s more than sex… his new attitude is not very Rage-ian. This Brian is not the Rage-ian Brian that Justin described to Brett in Hollywood. This is not the Brian that Justin was thinking about when he made his decision to accept Brett’s offer.
But that’s not to say that this isn’t still Brian. His sarcastic wit and the way he “brushes off everything” are both still there. This isn’t Pod Brian. Just normal Brian who may not be so quick to say that he doesn’t believe in love or relationships anymore. Maybe it’s not just for straight people anymore. Afterall, that’s what’s very nineties, don’t you think?
There were some that were irritated that Justin went and sat comfortably on the bar stool while his injured partner struggled to get up. Hmm. Well, let’s see. Brian gave Michael the look of death when he put his hand on the handlebar of the bike when he was practicing one-handed. He bit Michael’s head off when he tried to grab his lighter and light his cigarette for him. And he told Michael flat out in 409 that he didn’t want anyone’s pity and he did not want to be treated like an invalid. Justin knows how Brian is. So do you really think he should have tried to help him up? Hell no! Brian probably would have snapped at him. So Justin’s disinterest in what he thinks is more of Brian’s bullshit has nothing to do with why he didn’t help him up. He just simply knew better than to try.
Brian does make it up all on his own and walks toward the kitchen where Justin is and starts talking about Gus as he gets something out of the refrigerator. Justin seems to get interested again in the fact that Brian is thinking about Gus on life’s endless highway. That is a good thing and he perks up… until Armani and Gucci are added into the equation and then it’s right back to being more of Brian’s flippant sarcasm.
B: And then, I'd like to spend more time with my son. He's at an age now when he needs a strong, masculine influence. Especially being raised by a couple of dykes. He's got to know about Armani, Gucci, Prada, not just football and engine tuning.
And no, I didn’t miss the “strong, masculine influence” comment that was pulled directly out of the 101 shower scene dialogue. That was a warm fuzzy and I loved it… of course. Flashbacks always make me a little tingly.
J: Unquestionably. Any other decisions?
I guess Justin didn’t have the same reaction to the flashback of their first morning that I did. He seems utterly bored and starts reading a magazine. Maybe it’s because I know what’s coming, but I’m cracking up at Justin. Boy, is he going to be surprised.
B: I want you to move back in.
J: Huh?
And boy was he? You could almost feel hell freezing over and I’m surprised he didn’t look out the window to see if pigs were flying by or monkeys if we want to stick to the theme. He is shocked. The magazine long forgotten. The look on his face is priceless. And don’t you just love that Brian said it not only once, but twice? No backtracking. Just a clear and concise declaration of what he wants and how he feels. No Brian-ese. No need to go get the Brian Kinney Operating Manual. This is straight up. Oops. Not straight. How about… flat out?
B: I said I’d like it if you and I were to live together.
J: Are you proposing?
B: Of course not. With the sudden and unexpected plethora of gay marriages, I'd hate to add to the glut.
Oh, Justin you didn’t! I blame it on the shock. And as soon as he says it and Brian discards it, Justin covers his face with his hands like he can’t believe himself that that just slipped out of his mouth. But could that be one of those little slips that happens when you don’t have control over your emotions? Could this mean that like Michael, Justin still has that tiniest of dreams of…? Eh, I don’t even want to say it. But let’s say that’s what it was. Does that mean that Justin is not happy with the way things are? No, it doesn’t. There are lots of things that I wish for but because I know they won’t happen with the person that I’m with that doesn’t mean that I settled or that I’m not happy. It’s just that you decide, what is more important to you… the person or the wish. Justin chose the person when he went back to Brian in 308. He told him he knew what to expect and that kind of security was important to him above all else because he always knew his place and he was never lied to. And his tryst with Conner shows that the tricking never entered into the equation in his decision. He’s all for that. But marriage? Maybe the “We don’t” isn’t so much a “we” but a “Brian” and Justin is okay with that because he chose Brian knowing that.
But anyway, let’s get back to the real “proposal”… Justin is pleased, in shock, but pleased. However, as Brian starts to list off his reasons… you can see Justin’s face start to fall just a smidgen. Brian is shrugging off the enormity of the proposal and whittling it down to time, inconvenience and socks. Geesh, Brian is high-maintenance.
B: All this running back and forth between here and Daphne's is time-consuming, and inconvenient. I mean, just last week you forgot a pair of socks and had to borrow mine.
But then Brian moves right next to Justin, looks him right in the eye and gets serious…
B: And as for the times when you're not around, I wouldn't particularly mind it if you were.
You can practically see Justin melt inside.
J: I've been waiting for you to ask me that since the first night you brought me here.
B: Well, then what do you say? Should I make room in my drawers for your drawers?
Ahh, I want to cry. He’s been waiting since that first night? Dang. Remember in 401 when he said, “It was love to me”? Oh my gosh. This kid’s got a huge emotional heart. Either that, or he’s the most tenacious person on the planet. Brian walks away, rummaging his hand through Justin’s hair as he goes. Justin is left with a myriad of emotions and every one of them plays out on his face.
First, he smiles. He’s happy. He’s been waiting for this since the first night. He had resigned himself to the fact that it would never happen. This is different than those other times that he lived there. This isn’t because Brian didn’t know what else to do with him. This isn’t because his mother asked Brian to take him in. This is Brian, of his own free will, with no outside pressure, and with no reason whatsoever to do it… just doing it. Because he wants him there. This is a proposal. This is a vow of commitment of the Brian kind and Justin knows it. This is huge! Of course, he smiles. First. Before anything else enters his mind. But of course, things do enter his mind… and the smiles fades as the thoughts creep in.
The thoughts? The timing totally sucks! A dream job offer. And a dream offer from the man you love. Both at the same time. Boy, life can sure be cruel sometimes. He wants to take the job. He wants to stay with Brian.
It’s only a short time. It’s only six to eight months. It’s only temporary. But… he told Brian he wouldn’t leave.
Brian will tell him to go that he should not sacrifice his career for a piece of, um, “Brian ass” ?? But… to him it’s not a sacrifice. It’s a no-brainer. He’s staying with the only man he’s ever truly loved.
But if Brian finds out about the offer, he’ll make him go anyway. Oh, the timing totally sucks! And not in a positive, life-affirming way. (I know. I know. The most used line in the fandom. Well, it’s a good one, so what’s a girl to do?)
Justin’s eyes dart back and forth as he thinks. He pulls his lips in. Thinking. Thinking. And they end it.
Assholes! No cliffhangers? Poppy-cock!
Rings and Rainbows
Novotny – Bruckner Residence
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “This isn’t a Brian or Justin scene so what is she doing?” Well, it may not be, but damn, it’s the season finale and this is the last scene in the last episode… I have to give it its due respect. If you skip this scene then you’re missing out on the message. Eh, I know, some don’t care, but this is my recap and how I feel about the show so you know, I’m going to talk about it because I do care and it does make me feel something. Do I have visions or dreams of a different kind of ending? Well, yeah. But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying what they do give me. So here we go…
Ben and Michael are in bed. Ben’s asleep. Michael is not. He’s awake and worrying about something. It must be that half-Italian, half-Drag Queen thing again…
M: Ben? Ben?
B: Hmmm?
M: I was just seeing if you were asleep.
B: I’m wide awake… now. Are you okay?
M: I don’t know. I just can’t seem to settle down. Too much excitement, I guess.
B: It has been pretty eventful.
M: No shit! My head is spinning. The ride and the baby and the wedding!
B: Do you believe we’re really married?
M: Are we? Really?
B: Of course we are.
M: But we don’t live in Canada. We live here.
B: So?
M: Is it still real?
B: Let me ask you a question. Even if it was real for just a day, was it worth it?
M: So worth it!
B: It won’t be long before it happens here. It’s all beginning. We’re a part of it.
M: You know, come to think of it, we never really had a proper wedding night.
B: Sure we did. Shivering in our tents on our little air mattresses.
M: I think we can do better than that.
And I guess they do. We didn’t see the actual wedding night escapades in order to compare, but I’ll take their word for it. It’s sensual and loving, but the butt shot could have been Bobby’s though. Other than that, eh, not badly done at all. They zoom in to a close up on their wedding rings and fade to white instead of black with a new pumped up version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
I’ll admit that the first time I watched this ending, I felt a little empty or let down. I just didn’t have the ramped up overall feeling of elation that I had after 314 or the shocked, gut-wrenching devastation that I had after 122 or the saddened, angered frustration I had after 220. I wanted some emotion and I just didn’t have it. I was bothered by that. I knew I had to be missing something. A friend asked me what I thought about the ending song that played during the credits. And I thought, “Huh?” I had stopped it without ever really letting the credits play out and I didn’t pay attention to what had started to play as the B/M scene came to an end. Maybe that’s what I had missed, so I went back and watched the whole thing again, this time blocking everything out and really paying attention to the dialogue between Ben and Michael and the ending song.
You know what? It changed everything for me. This time it ended with an overall goose-bumpy, good feeling of dreams and rainbows and possible futures. A feeling of, “It’s all beginning. And we’re a part of it.” There was that emotionally powerful season finale ending that I had grown accustomed to. I was just looking in the wrong direction because what did all those emotions that I had felt after the other three seasons ended have in common? They were Brian’s emotions. He was the one that was shocked and devastated in 122, he was the one that was sad and frustrated in 220, and he was the one that was ramped up and elated in 314. I was looking for Brian to show me the emotion but because he didn’t have the last scene of the episode, I couldn’t find it. I wasn’t looking hard enough because of my Brian bias.
But as I started to review those other endings that had focused on Brian’s emotions, I got to thinking. A lot of people have said, “But all the other seasons ended with B/J”. And you know what? No, they didn’t. They really ended with Brian and Michael. And guess what else? So did this one. Now before you shoot me, hear me out. Season One – 122… Justin gets bashed, so the story of the finale was about him, but the final scene of the episode is Brian devastated, Michael there as support. Season Two – 220… Justin leaves with Ethan, so the story of the finale was about him once again, but also once again, the final scene of the episode is Brian sad, Michael looking to offer him support but Brian pulls away, pulls his mask down and dances alone. Season Three – 314… Michael is given the keys to Brian’s car, his last possession then leaves so the story of the finale was about him but the final scene is Justin with Brian as he celebrates the victory of the election. In all these incidents one thing has been constant… Brian and Michael both have appeared in the final scenes. That brings us to Season Four – 414…
Second to the last scene is Brian with Justin. Brian making a proposal of sorts to Justin. This was a commitment and to Brian and Justin was just as big as Ben’s proposal of marriage and Michael’s acceptance. The last scene is Michael and Ben and their talk of dreams and rainbows and fantastic futures. Two separate scenes… two best friends… one commonality and one difference. The commonality - Their talks with their partners are eerily similar in subject matter and are equally important. They are both talking about their feelings for their partner and how they want their futures to go from this point forward. The difference – Brian and Michael are not in the ending scene together… they are there, but they’re with their own partners, in their own scenes, not each other. Another peak at the true separation in the direction of their lives. Brian’s to Justin and Gus and Michael’s to Ben and Hunter and Jenny.
So when you put things in perspective and don’t let your bias’ get in the way, you can see the ending for what it really is. Those overwhelming emotions that I feel at the end of a finale were there, I had just missed it. But not this time. I get it now. It was a two-part ending. Brian’s ending and Michael’s ending. There’s just no way for them to both be shown at the same time so someone had to go first and someone had to go last. And well, since Ben and Michael and gay marriage is so very important right now, they went last. Michael’s ending was more matter of fact. Where Brian’s is left with a dangling question. But with the duel ending… I’m filled with promise, a big smile plastered across my face as the song plays out, only adding to the already building emotions.
As I listened to the words with my eyes closed, I got chills and that overwhelming sense of pride out of two lines in particular that I think were instrumental in why they chose that song over any other to end season four. The connection to Judy and The Wizard of Oz is obvious but it’s more than that. And I think it’s why this song is the unofficial anthem for the gay community. It’s a song of hope and dreams and rainbows and of a better place…
The message of this year’s finale may be about the marriage initiative but that in itself, at its core, is what Michael had admitted to in 413 about dreams. He never dared to dream of getting married because he was gay. And that’s where the song comes in… “Where dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.” If Canada and other countries are “somewhere over the rainbow” and they let bluebirds fly, then why not America? Isn’t America supposed to be the land of dreams where people come from all over the world with hope in their hearts for a better place and a better life?
So then the next set of words start echoing in your head. IF this is a “better place” then it should be a place where the question of, “Why, oh why can’t I?” can’t be answered the same way as it used to be. “Because you’re gay,” just isn’t a good enough answer anymore. “It’s very nineties.” So that’s where the hopes and dreams of rainbows and better places comes from and it’s all in the song and in one of Ben’s last lines…
I want to be “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” Don’t you?
“It’s all beginning. And we’re a part of it.” Can’t you feel it?
414 Recap