The Brian and Justin Saga Continues…
Page 2
Brett Keller’s Mansion
Justin shows up at Brett’s mansion the next morning wearing the same clothes as the night before. He’s being quiet as to not disturb anyone but as he rounds the wall to the kitchen, he runs into Brett.
K: Coffee?
J: I didn’t think you’d be up.
K: Are you kidding? I already worked out with my trainer, made ten calls to New York, read two scripts and the trades.
Gee, Brett Keller seems to be a lot like Brian Kinney. Parties hard, stays out late, but yet still manages to get up early and work his ass off at being brilliant. Of course that was pre-cancer Brian. But still… could this be why they made a point to make their names so similar? Not to mention that they both immediately saw what Justin had to offer them. And instantly knew he was someone special. They both quickly became smitten with Justin’s air of innocence and took on a mentoring type role in Justin’s life. Maybe, just maybe, Brett is supposed to take over that mentoring role as Brian moves away from being the protector of the much younger Justin and toward being a real and equal partner to Justin where age no longer matters to him. Hmmm.
K: Have a roll from Campanile. Best bread on the planet. Fuck the carbs.
Well okay, so he’s not exactly like Brian. You just never know about those damn Hollywood types. He eats carbs. The gall of him!
K: So how was your evening? Connor take good care of you?
J: Yeah, he's a cool guy.
K: And hot.
Justin blushes. And doesn’t eat the bread! Hee!
K: Does Brian know about your extramarital activity?
J: We're not married. Brian detests marriage.
K: That's a unique position to take when every fag on earth wants to say, “I do”.
J: Well, we’d rather say, “I don't”. That way we can be together because we want to be, not because we have to be.
K: How very Rage-ian.
How very Rage-ian, indeed. Justin actually snickers about it and it does make one wonder whether Justin believes it himself or if he’s just parroting Brian. We’ll find out soon enough. And Justin will find out that while he’s been in Hollywood, a few things have changed in Brian’s life. He’s seen things, experienced things and thought about things. Now that every fag on earth wants to say, “I do”, is Brian’s unique position of saying, “I don’t” no longer valid? One might even say outdated and “very nineties”. What kind of man is Justin going to see come across that finish line? The Brian whose sexual energy and arrogant attitude motivated the Rage character or the Rage whose heroic powers and acts of goodwill motivated the new Brian?
K: Better go clean up and pack. There'll be a car here in an hour to take you to the airport.
Justin heads toward the door to go clean up and pack. He stops and turns around. He still doesn’t have the bread with him… I love that! I have no idea why, but I do.
J: By the way. I've thought about your offer. I really appreciate it.
K: ...but?
J: There is no but. I wanna do it. So I'm coming back.
So Justin’s coming back for six to eight months to work on the movie about he character that he helped to create… and he didn’t discuss it with Brian first? :GASP: The nerve of the little selfish asshole twink! How dare he make a decision about his life without consulting Brian! Come on… Really? Gimme a break. This is an awesome opportunity and he shouldn’t pass it up. As Brett told him, he’s talented, has passion and ambition… all traits that Brian adores and loves about the little shit. And as far as discussing it with Brian first… there’s no need. Justin already knows full well what Brian’s answer would be and so do all of us. He would say, “Go. Don’t sacrifice your future.” Just as he darn well should.
It’s not about being selfish. When you are in a relationship with two equally important careers, sometimes things like this happen. It’s not the end of the world. Justin is not Brian’s little housewife; I don’t care how effeminate or swishy he can be sometimes. That is not who he is and that is not why Brian loves him.
Brian has taught Justin many things through his words of wisdom but also through his actions. He has told him and shown him over and over that you have to think of yourself first and foremost before you can have anything to offer someone else. Think of all the times that Brian has preached this basic philosophy… his speech about Justin’s choice in schools in 117, his actions in 121 about New York, canceling Vermont to go to Chicago, his hurtful yet true blond boy ass comment in 305, his involvement with Stockwell to get his fat-cat clients, then his involvement with Justin and the posters, explaining why Justin should apologize to the school board in 313, the reason he gave in 403 for creating the CCFTT, and most recently him telling Justin to go to Hollywood instead of doing the bike ride. So seriously, does he really need to discuss this with Brian? He knows him. Justin wouldn’t even be able to tell Brian all the terms of the offer before Brian would be packing Justin’s bags for him and taking him to the airport.
Of course that’s not saying that Brian wouldn’t be miserable with Justin gone, but he would NEVER stand in the way of Justin having an opportunity to do something with his life. He just wouldn’t. And he wouldn’t expect Justin to stand in his way either. That is a true partnership. You work around these little details of temporary separations. This is the proof that the significance of Brian’s Vermont actions and the Blond Boy Ass comment was not lost on Justin. He said he understood Brian in 308 and knew what to expect from him and knew what Brian expected him to give… this is it folks.
The saddest part of this whole thing is that it was all in the past and before Brian had time to think about what he’d do differently. But we can’t blame Justin for that… he’s making this decision based on the Brian that he left, not the Brian that he’s going to go home to. He doesn’t even know that he exists yet. Isn’t that what makes good drama? Now I’m not saying the new Brian would react any differently to Justin’s offer, I’m just saying Justin’s heart may have tugged on him a little harder had he known. He probably would have been a lot more inclined to sacrifice the opportunity in favor of Brian’s attitude change. Not that that would have been right… I just think that’s what he would have done. But as it stands, he made the most logical choice for his character’s consistency as well as what he knows to be Brian’s character.
Finish Line – Liberty Avenue
“Oh, Happy Day” is playing with an overhead shot of the Liberty Avenue finish line. The Liberty Ride banner is draped across the street, shadowed by a rainbow colored archway of balloons and you can see for blocks as all the riders begin to emerge on the finish line. The song fits perfectly with the happy attitude of the tired but accomplished riders. Just like the 204 Pride celebration and the 314 street celebration, it’s a scene of community and friends and family all celebrating a united victory. And just like those other two scenes, I get a little choked up. The scene, the music, the bright colors all work together to give off that sense of joy and togetherness. How anyone can watch these scenes and not be touched is beyond my understanding. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that as the first of the riders descend on the finish line… someone dressed suspiciously like Glenda, the good witch, runs across the street. Oh, how I love this show.
The first of the gang to arrive is Ted and Emmett, who are immediately greeted by matriarch Deb who is proud as she can be of her boys… (I would just kill for her rainbow scarf. I love it.)
T/E: We did it!
D: Welcome home, guys! How’d you get here so fast?
T: Faith, focus, fortitude.
E: Not to mention pedaling our fucking fannies off.
Ah, a string of words all starting with the same letter… a couple of men after my own heart. Hee! Snow starts to fall lightly as Deb looks across the street and sees Justin waving…
J: Hi!
D: Well, there’s a little bit of Sunshine! Straight from Hollywood! Hi, honey!
E: How was it out there, sweetie?
J: It was amazing. But I’m sorry I missed the ride.
D: You made the best part, the big finish.
T: You’ll never guess who went along.
J: Brian? Yeah. He told me he wasn’t going.
Justin is not at all surprised. He knew Brian was just pushing him to go but you can tell that he really wished he hadn’t done that, he wanted to be beside Brian for this. No doubt about that now. Fucking Conner and all the other amazing stuff he did and saw doesn’t compare in Justin’s mind to where he thinks he should have been. His heart and his strong sense of family and friends are still what motivates his character and drives his actions. That hasn’t been changed by the bright lights of Hollywood.
D: Unfortunately, he had a little injury.
J: Is he alright?
D: The stubborn sonofabitch insisted on finishing the ride.
Justin immediately gets worried and looks down the road for Brian to arrive. His worst fear has come true… Brian is hurt. I hate that Deb didn’t tell Justin what the injury was. No telling what Justin is thinking but he doesn’t get the chance to ask for clarification because Ben and Hunter arrive. More joy and hugs all around. Justin’s smiles are intermingled with serious glances down the street. He can’t celebrate until Brian is safely home.
D: Well, look who’s here. Ah, I’m so proud of my family. So where’s Michael?
H: With Brian.
B: Yeah, but don’t worry, they should be here any minute.
Minutes become hours. It’s now dark, the snow is thick on the street and still falling, only harder than before. Everyone has gone home except Ben, Hunter, Deb and Justin. I’m sure the snow wasn’t planned for this scene, but boy, it really adds to the drama. They have snow on their coats and in their hair. Ben is calling on the cell phone but he is not getting an answer.
B: Still can’t get through to them.
D: I’m starting to get worried. Actually I started getting worried four hours ago.
J: Maybe we should go out searching.
Yes please! Go searching. I can’t take much more of this waiting! I’m on the edge of my seat, hands clasped tightly over my mouth. Then the camera goes back to a crane shot. The street is deserted and dark. It looks so lonely and scary. Way in the distance there are two tiny lights flickering, coming out from around the corner and turning onto Liberty Avenue. Hunter looks up, sees them, stands up, points and shouts… ( I actually felt a shiver at this point.)
H: Look!
It’s Brian and Michael… Brian is pedaling haphazardly and Michael is reaching out to him, holding onto his back to steady him. Brian’s bike is very wobbly from going so slow but he’s exhausted and just can’t go any faster. They cut to Justin. His face is full of worry and fear. He’s anxious and moves to go to Brian. He has to go to him right now! I’m saying, “Yes, yes, yes. Justin go to him.” Deb stops him…
D: No! Let him finish.
Oh, I’m about to cry… but damn it, she’s right. He has to do this on his own. It literally hurts to watch and I’m only doing so by peeking through my fingers. Brian falters… his foot comes off the pedal, his body leans forward over the handle bars and the bike tilts, as his foot hits the ground, the snow kicks up. And they show this in slow motion. I gasp. It’s agonizing. Are they trying to kill me? Justin looks back to Deb, pleading with his eyes for her to let him go to him but he knows she’s right. He has to remain strong. It’s what Brian would want. Just like when he tucked Brian in bed and asked him about Ibiza… Justin doesn’t cave in. He fights back his tears, stands his ground and waits. Silently willing Brian to finish.
B: I can’t. I can’t.
M: We’re almost there.
B: Fuck it! Just fuck it!
Brian is looking down over the front of the bike, hunched over, panting, aching, obviously in great pain. He’s tired and just doesn’t care anymore. He’s given up. But he senses something… looks up and struggles to see through the blinding snow. They cut back to Justin, standing in front of Deb… extreme concentration on his face. Back to Brian… he blinks and squints and finally sees Justin standing there, waiting for him. Just like in the spin class. Just like on the side of the road. He visualizes his end goal. He visualizes Justin telling him he’ll be a big fat fucking success. He visualizes Justin cheering him on. He visualizes Justin waiting for him and he really is. He’s there. Just like he said he would be after Brian’s surgery. He didn’t leave. Just like he said he wouldn’t after the cancer. He made a commitment and he’s stood by it. Brian gets back on the seat and puts his feet on the pedals. He made a commitment too… to himself. And he has to stand by it or he’ll never forgive himself. If he can do this… then he can do anything. And he knows he can because Justin told him he could.
Just like on the side of the road, Michael gives him a slight push. He’s struggling but he’s doing it. The gang starts to cheer him on. I’m holding my breath.
Ben: You got it. Come on!
J: Come on!
Ben: You’re almost there, almost there.
He pedals across the finish line. Justin smiles as tears well up in his eyes. He reaches out and Brian coasts right into his arms. He did it! More tears from me.
J: I could kill you for doing this.
B: I almost saved you the trouble.
Brian did it! Did I say that already? He finished the race, that means he beat the cancer, got his control back, got his strength back and now can do anything. Just like Rage, JT’s superhero.
Jeepers, I love this scene.
Oh and Michael gets the news that he’s a dad which adds to the already elated mood of Brian’s achievement. In fact, I’d say… it trumps it. Now, I’m not trying to be a sour puss. I’ve had a kid and I know the birth of a child does trump everything else. But it just seems that Brian’s accomplishment becomes anti-climatic to Deb’s family after the news of Jenny’s birth is shared with the proud papa. The crane shot at the end shows Ben, Michael, Hunter and Deb (the Novotny-Bruckners) all huddled together hugging and Brian leaning against Justin with Justin’s arms wrapped around him. In 101, the birth of Gus was a moment of excitement for Brian that he shared with Michael. Here, the birth of Jenny is clearly something that Michael will share with his family, and not Brian. A sign of further separation for Brian and Michael. They have their families now. They’ve grown up and their best friend is no longer the most important person in the lives. That’s not to say they aren’t still best friends and that they won’t still be there for each other as Michael was for Brian on the ride… that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying they have families now. Real families. Not a circle of friends that they call “family”.
But I have two things I have to say… 1) This could have been the ending scene for me. Yes, I love all the scenes that follow but this was so climatic for me that it could have ended here and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. 2) A kiss would have been nice. I don’t mean a sex crazed tongue lashing… just Justin giving Brian a soft, sweet, thank god you’re okay, I missed you so much kiss. On the cheek, the lips, the forehead, hell even the nose or ear. Just a little one and I think I would’ve been a total blubbering idiot. Not that I’m not anyway, but you know what I mean.
Liberty House Hospice – Vic Grassi House
The morning after the ride everyone is gathered at the hospice for the presentation of the check. The GLC geeks, Tannis and Phillip, are on the porch with Gene, that boring hospice director dude. They thank all the riders and announce that the amount raised is $432,000. Very near the half million that Gene foreshadowed in 411 that would put the hospice in heaven. And since we know that Brian alone raised almost a fourth of that by himself (and possibly more since Brown Athletics was also a sponsor listed on the poster), I find it quite interesting that Brian’s living hell created heaven for the hospice. Brian has seen hell and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Bless his heart. But Brian’s good deeds aren’t over with yet.
Tannis announces that the house is going to be renamed for one of their lost brothers and Phillip pulls the cover off the sign on the front of the building to reveal its new name, “Vic Grassi House”. Debbie gasps and is near tears. Ben kisses Michael. Michael kisses Deb. Rodney moves forward and hugs and kisses Deb. Justin turns to Brian and smiles. He knows who did it.
I smile because the look on his face is the same as it was in 314 when they were lying on the bed after Brian told Justin why he sacrificed everything for the commercial. It’s nice to know that Brian can still amaze Justin. Just when he thinks he’s got him figured out, he goes and does something else that blows him away.
Everyone moves to go inside the house including Justin, who kisses Deb on the cheek as he walks by. Deb turns and looks for Brian who is standing by himself away from the crowd. Looking well, but still has his shoulder taped up.
Deb: You got them to do this, didn’t you?
B: It’s still America, Deb. Money talks.
D: For once, it said the right thing.
She smiles at him and he smiles back. She touches his face and hair affectionately. She’s obviously very proud of her “son”. Then she walks up behind Michael who is also feeling the awe of the announcement. She wraps her arms around him.
D: Vic would be so proud!
M: Too bad he couldn’t be here to see it.
D: He sees it.
She kisses his cheek and they go inside leaving Brian standing by the lamppost by himself. He looks up at the house and stares. Just before the camera cuts away, he lets the smallest of smiles curl up one end of his mouth. He’s proud of what he’s done and what it means to his lost friend… and quite possibly what it means to him as we’ll soon see…
Babylon
Brian at Babylon, dancing, looking totally hot! He lifts his arms about his head over and over. Wait a minute… what about his injury? Then the camera pulls backs and starts flashing on the usual Babylon dancing guys. Only this isn’t the usual scene. Not only are the lights not orange or blue, but they are yellow. A golden yellow. And most of the dancing guys are NAKED! And I mean fully naked with front side camera shots! “Things” are bouncing and flapping all around! This can only mean one thing… Brian’s dreaming and he’s in heaven. A much better heaven than what he provided to the hospice, I’m sure. This is fantastic and it’s just a beautifully artful done scene. I love Brian’s dreams! And just as I think that Vic will probably appear – he does. Looking great as well and appears with a smile. Not a sadistic smile like in the previous dreams, but a real happy smile. Deb was right… Vic is in heaven!
Brian sees him and smiles back. Just beautiful. I think my heart actually leapt in my chest at the sight. Whew! Gorgeous, beautiful. It makes me want to sigh.
Vic approaches Brian as if moving without walking, he kind of floats towards him. Then they both float up into the air. Brian seems surprised and then laughs. As they talk Brian and Vic seem to move up and down as if floating on clouds. I so love this scene. It is truly heaven. Oooh, I got goosebumps.
B: So, have I atoned for my sins?
Ahhh, bless his heart again. Now we know why he looked so longingly at the sign on the hospice. It was his guilt driving him and the smile at the end meant he forgave himself. But I’ve always felt that his guilt wasn’t just about Vic, and this bout with cancer was felt as a punishment to him. But not for being gay as his mother said, but for all his sins. It made him re-evaluate his life and all of his mantras. He felt punished for all those times when his head ruled his heart and stifled his innate goodness. And because he’s seen hell, he knows he better do something about that. From now on, he’s going to let his heart rule his head. And we all know what a big heart he has so we know he’s going to be fine with that philosophy… as Vic practically tells him.
V: That would take an eternity. But you sure as hell get an A for effort.
B: Please don't say hell.
Yeah, really. We’ve seen Brian’s hell too. Ewww!
V: By the way, I happen to agree with you. I was damn lucky to get those four extra years. Sure, I'd have liked more, who wouldn't? But you're going to have a lot more than that.
B: Did God tell you that?
V: Actually he told Judy and she told me.
B: Judy?
V: Garland. They're like this… (Vic crosses his fingers)
B: You mean, God's a… ?
V: You didn't hear it from me.
Again, I ask you… is there any doubt that Cow/Lip love Judy Garland? Hell, even God has her as his closest confidant in their world. Not to mention the fact that if she’s his closest confidant then that makes God a “friend of Dorothy’s”. And for you young-uns out there, I’ve already explained what that means. Very clever, Cow/Lip. Very clever.
I guess then it’s no wonder that Brian got his ability to have an erection back after telling off his homophobic mother… a reward for a job well done so he can continue to fuck who he wants, when he wants because that’s his and every other gay man’s God-given right. The interesting thing to me is that now I’m not so sure that that includes half of gay Pittsburgh anymore. “Who” Brian wants to fuck is Justin. And “when” he wants to fuck him appears to be all the time as Justin will soon find out…
Vic slaps Brian on the shoulder to wake him from his dream…
Brian’s Loft
…and Poof! We are in the loft where Brian is on the futon cushion on the floor. He jerks awake from Vic’s slap, grabbing his shoulder and shouting in pain.
B: Ah, ow!
Justin is sitting at the computer desk. He immediately stands up in concern and looks over at Brian.
J: You okay?
B: Yeah, I’ll be alright. I heard it from the best authority.
Justin walks over to the cushion and lays down on his side in front of Brian. Their faces are only inches apart.
B: Did you fuck Tom Cruise?
J: Everybody knows, he's not gay.
B: Adrian Brody?
J: Niiiice, but no.
B: Tobey Maguire?
J: Puhlease.
B: What?
J: (whispering in Brian’s ear) Conner James.
B: No shit! Sounds like you had a most excellent adventure.
The “excellent adventure” gives it away. Conner James… Keanu Reeves. Very sneaky, Cow/Lip. I had been wondering since he showed up in 413, who he was supposed to represent. But it does make one wonder… do they know something or is this just wishful thinking? I mean, the guy is hot, you know. But the funny thing is… all the guys that Brian named are guys in question but not out. I guess it’s Cow/Lip’s slight nod or chastisement to all the “Conner James” of the world. Not to mention all the “Drews”. Nice. Very nice.
Now for the rest of this scene, it’s important to watch Justin so that you get a sense for just how surprised he is at Brian’s decision. Some say it’s not that big of a deal because Justin’s practically living there anyway. But watch Justin and you’ll see. He was not expecting this and I would say that Justin finds it, “Uh, out of character?” just as he did in 314.
J: Sounds like you did too.
B: Bicycling down life's endless highways I had time to think.
J: About?
At this point Justin is interested in what Brian is going to tell him. He looks at him intently so you know he’s listening.
B: About what I'd do differently if I survived cancer… and sleeping in a tent.
J: Equally unpleasant, I agree. But now that you have, what did you decide?
Brian says it in a mockingly tone. Brushing off the seriousness of his realization on the side of the road. Justin senses the brush off but still goes along. His response is monotone, not sure what is going to come out of Brian’s mouth.
B: The first thing I'd do differently? Is the bedroom. Get rid of that thing over the bed.
J: Yeah, its very nineties, I agree.
Justin suddenly realizes that Brian’s brush with death has only left him as the same man. He hasn’t changed. It’s as if you can hear Justin’s sigh, “Figures. Same ole Brian Kinney bullshit.” He flips off with the nineties remark and gets up. Only half interested in anything else Brian has to say because he figures at this point, it’s just going to be more bullshit.
But let’s talk about Brian’s remark for a minute because we know Brian has changed and if he’s thinking about changing the bedroom then it means something. Remember what Justin told Keller about Rage’s lair? “And his bed should be more center. And raised, like an altar, since Rage’s sexual energy is what motivates the character and drives the action.” This makes it very clear where Brian’s head is at. His bed is no longer about sex. It’s about love and it’s a place that he wants to share with Justin. “It’s very nineties?” Well, it may not be very nineties really because this isn’t about moving into the new century, it’s about moving into a new part of your life. It’s about “Coming of Age”.
So we have something that has been the “center” of Brian’s life where all those worthy sacrificed themselves at the “alter” of the great face of God, Brian Kinney. Brian wants to change it and what that means is that the one thing that motivated the character and drove the action is no longer the bed. No longer the sex.
What is the motivation for the character now and what does drive the action? They showed us twice. Once on the side of the road, motivating the character by jumping up and down and cheering him on. And later at the finish line… silently waiting as the visualized end result, driving the action by willing Brian to put his foot back on the pedal and achieve his goal.
Justin.
So with all that in mind… the next few things to come out of Brian’s mouth are huge! This isn’t simply about asking Justin to move in with him, this is an offer to share his life, every aspect of it. This is Brian saying we are not fuck buddies, it’s more than sex… his new attitude is not very Rage-ian. This Brian is not the Rage-ian Brian that Justin described to Brett in Hollywood. This is not the Brian that Justin was thinking about when he made his decision to accept Brett’s offer.
But that’s not to say that this isn’t still Brian. His sarcastic wit and the way he “brushes off everything” are both still there. This isn’t Pod Brian. Just normal Brian who may not be so quick to say that he doesn’t believe in love or relationships anymore. Maybe it’s not just for straight people anymore. Afterall, that’s what’s very nineties, don’t you think?
There were some that were irritated that Justin went and sat comfortably on the bar stool while his injured partner struggled to get up. Hmm. Well, let’s see. Brian gave Michael the look of death when he put his hand on the handlebar of the bike when he was practicing one-handed. He bit Michael’s head off when he tried to grab his lighter and light his cigarette for him. And he told Michael flat out in 409 that he didn’t want anyone’s pity and he did not want to be treated like an invalid. Justin knows how Brian is. So do you really think he should have tried to help him up? Hell no! Brian probably would have snapped at him. So Justin’s disinterest in what he thinks is more of Brian’s bullshit has nothing to do with why he didn’t help him up. He just simply knew better than to try.
Brian does make it up all on his own and walks toward the kitchen where Justin is and starts talking about Gus as he gets something out of the refrigerator. Justin seems to get interested again in the fact that Brian is thinking about Gus on life’s endless highway. That is a good thing and he perks up… until Armani and Gucci are added into the equation and then it’s right back to being more of Brian’s flippant sarcasm.
B: And then, I'd like to spend more time with my son. He's at an age now when he needs a strong, masculine influence. Especially being raised by a couple of dykes. He's got to know about Armani, Gucci, Prada, not just football and engine tuning.
And no, I didn’t miss the “strong, masculine influence” comment that was pulled directly out of the 101 shower scene dialogue. That was a warm fuzzy and I loved it… of course. Flashbacks always make me a little tingly.
J: Unquestionably. Any other decisions?
I guess Justin didn’t have the same reaction to the flashback of their first morning that I did. He seems utterly bored and starts reading a magazine. Maybe it’s because I know what’s coming, but I’m cracking up at Justin. Boy, is he going to be surprised.
B: I want you to move back in.
J: Huh?
And boy was he? You could almost feel hell freezing over and I’m surprised he didn’t look out the window to see if pigs were flying by or monkeys if we want to stick to the theme. He is shocked. The magazine long forgotten. The look on his face is priceless. And don’t you just love that Brian said it not only once, but twice? No backtracking. Just a clear and concise declaration of what he wants and how he feels. No Brian-ese. No need to go get the Brian Kinney Operating Manual. This is straight up. Oops. Not straight. How about… flat out?
B: I said I’d like it if you and I were to live together.
J: Are you proposing?
B: Of course not. With the sudden and unexpected plethora of gay marriages, I'd hate to add to the glut.
Oh, Justin you didn’t! I blame it on the shock. And as soon as he says it and Brian discards it, Justin covers his face with his hands like he can’t believe himself that that just slipped out of his mouth. But could that be one of those little slips that happens when you don’t have control over your emotions? Could this mean that like Michael, Justin still has that tiniest of dreams of…? Eh, I don’t even want to say it. But let’s say that’s what it was. Does that mean that Justin is not happy with the way things are? No, it doesn’t. There are lots of things that I wish for but because I know they won’t happen with the person that I’m with that doesn’t mean that I settled or that I’m not happy. It’s just that you decide, what is more important to you… the person or the wish. Justin chose the person when he went back to Brian in 308. He told him he knew what to expect and that kind of security was important to him above all else because he always knew his place and he was never lied to. And his tryst with Conner shows that the tricking never entered into the equation in his decision. He’s all for that. But marriage? Maybe the “We don’t” isn’t so much a “we” but a “Brian” and Justin is okay with that because he chose Brian knowing that.
But anyway, let’s get back to the real “proposal”… Justin is pleased, in shock, but pleased. However, as Brian starts to list off his reasons… you can see Justin’s face start to fall just a smidgen. Brian is shrugging off the enormity of the proposal and whittling it down to time, inconvenience and socks. Geesh, Brian is high-maintenance.
B: All this running back and forth between here and Daphne's is time-consuming, and inconvenient. I mean, just last week you forgot a pair of socks and had to borrow mine.
But then Brian moves right next to Justin, looks him right in the eye and gets serious…
B: And as for the times when you're not around, I wouldn't particularly mind it if you were.
You can practically see Justin melt inside.
J: I've been waiting for you to ask me that since the first night you brought me here.
B: Well, then what do you say? Should I make room in my drawers for your drawers?
Ahh, I want to cry. He’s been waiting since that first night? Dang. Remember in 401 when he said, “It was love to me”? Oh my gosh. This kid’s got a huge emotional heart. Either that, or he’s the most tenacious person on the planet. Brian walks away, rummaging his hand through Justin’s hair as he goes. Justin is left with a myriad of emotions and every one of them plays out on his face.
First, he smiles. He’s happy. He’s been waiting for this since the first night. He had resigned himself to the fact that it would never happen. This is different than those other times that he lived there. This isn’t because Brian didn’t know what else to do with him. This isn’t because his mother asked Brian to take him in. This is Brian, of his own free will, with no outside pressure, and with no reason whatsoever to do it… just doing it. Because he wants him there. This is a proposal. This is a vow of commitment of the Brian kind and Justin knows it. This is huge! Of course, he smiles. First. Before anything else enters his mind. But of course, things do enter his mind… and the smiles fades as the thoughts creep in.
The thoughts? The timing totally sucks! A dream job offer. And a dream offer from the man you love. Both at the same time. Boy, life can sure be cruel sometimes. He wants to take the job. He wants to stay with Brian.
It’s only a short time. It’s only six to eight months. It’s only temporary. But… he told Brian he wouldn’t leave.
Brian will tell him to go that he should not sacrifice his career for a piece of, um, “Brian ass” ?? But… to him it’s not a sacrifice. It’s a no-brainer. He’s staying with the only man he’s ever truly loved.
But if Brian finds out about the offer, he’ll make him go anyway. Oh, the timing totally sucks! And not in a positive, life-affirming way. (I know. I know. The most used line in the fandom. Well, it’s a good one, so what’s a girl to do?)
Justin’s eyes dart back and forth as he thinks. He pulls his lips in. Thinking. Thinking. And they end it.
Assholes! No cliffhangers? Poppy-cock!
Novotny – Bruckner Residence
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “This isn’t a Brian or Justin scene so what is she doing?” Well, it may not be, but damn, it’s the season finale and this is the last scene in the last episode… I have to give it its due respect. If you skip this scene then you’re missing out on the message. Eh, I know, some don’t care, but this is my recap and how I feel about the show so you know, I’m going to talk about it because I do care and it does make me feel something. Do I have visions or dreams of a different kind of ending? Well, yeah. But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying what they do give me. So here we go…
Ben and Michael are in bed. Ben’s asleep. Michael is not. He’s awake and worrying about something. It must be that half-Italian, half-Drag Queen thing again…
M: Ben? Ben?
B: Hmmm?
M: I was just seeing if you were asleep.
B: I’m wide awake… now. Are you okay?
M: I don’t know. I just can’t seem to settle down. Too much excitement, I guess.
B: It has been pretty eventful.
M: No shit! My head is spinning. The ride and the baby and the wedding!
B: Do you believe we’re really married?
M: Are we? Really?
B: Of course we are.
M: But we don’t live in Canada. We live here.
B: So?
M: Is it still real?
B: Let me ask you a question. Even if it was real for just a day, was it worth it?
M: So worth it!
B: It won’t be long before it happens here. It’s all beginning. We’re a part of it.
M: You know, come to think of it, we never really had a proper wedding night.
B: Sure we did. Shivering in our tents on our little air mattresses.
M: I think we can do better than that.
And I guess they do. We didn’t see the actual wedding night escapades in order to compare, but I’ll take their word for it. It’s sensual and loving, but the butt shot could have been Bobby’s though. Other than that, eh, not badly done at all. They zoom in to a close up on their wedding rings and fade to white instead of black with a new pumped up version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
I’ll admit that the first time I watched this ending, I felt a little empty or let down. I just didn’t have the ramped up overall feeling of elation that I had after 314 or the shocked, gut-wrenching devastation that I had after 122 or the saddened, angered frustration I had after 220. I wanted some emotion and I just didn’t have it. I was bothered by that. I knew I had to be missing something. A friend asked me what I thought about the ending song that played during the credits. And I thought, “Huh?” I had stopped it without ever really letting the credits play out and I didn’t pay attention to what had started to play as the B/M scene came to an end. Maybe that’s what I had missed, so I went back and watched the whole thing again, this time blocking everything out and really paying attention to the dialogue between Ben and Michael and the ending song.
You know what? It changed everything for me. This time it ended with an overall goose-bumpy, good feeling of dreams and rainbows and possible futures. A feeling of, “It’s all beginning. And we’re a part of it.” There was that emotionally powerful season finale ending that I had grown accustomed to. I was just looking in the wrong direction because what did all those emotions that I had felt after the other three seasons ended have in common? They were Brian’s emotions. He was the one that was shocked and devastated in 122, he was the one that was sad and frustrated in 220, and he was the one that was ramped up and elated in 314. I was looking for Brian to show me the emotion but because he didn’t have the last scene of the episode, I couldn’t find it. I wasn’t looking hard enough because of my Brian bias.
But as I started to review those other endings that had focused on Brian’s emotions, I got to thinking. A lot of people have said, “But all the other seasons ended with B/J”. And you know what? No, they didn’t. They really ended with Brian and Michael. And guess what else? So did this one. Now before you shoot me, hear me out. Season One – 122… Justin gets bashed, so the story of the finale was about him, but the final scene of the episode is Brian devastated, Michael there as support. Season Two – 220… Justin leaves with Ethan, so the story of the finale was about him once again, but also once again, the final scene of the episode is Brian sad, Michael looking to offer him support but Brian pulls away, pulls his mask down and dances alone. Season Three – 314… Michael is given the keys to Brian’s car, his last possession then leaves so the story of the finale was about him but the final scene is Justin with Brian as he celebrates the victory of the election. In all these incidents one thing has been constant… Brian and Michael both have appeared in the final scenes. That brings us to Season Four – 414…
Second to the last scene is Brian with Justin. Brian making a proposal of sorts to Justin. This was a commitment and to Brian and Justin was just as big as Ben’s proposal of marriage and Michael’s acceptance. The last scene is Michael and Ben and their talk of dreams and rainbows and fantastic futures. Two separate scenes… two best friends… one commonality and one difference. The commonality - Their talks with their partners are eerily similar in subject matter and are equally important. They are both talking about their feelings for their partner and how they want their futures to go from this point forward. The difference – Brian and Michael are not in the ending scene together… they are there, but they’re with their own partners, in their own scenes, not each other. Another peak at the true separation in the direction of their lives. Brian’s to Justin and Gus and Michael’s to Ben and Hunter and Jenny.
So when you put things in perspective and don’t let your bias’ get in the way, you can see the ending for what it really is. Those overwhelming emotions that I feel at the end of a finale were there, I had just missed it. But not this time. I get it now. It was a two-part ending. Brian’s ending and Michael’s ending. There’s just no way for them to both be shown at the same time so someone had to go first and someone had to go last. And well, since Ben and Michael and gay marriage is so very important right now, they went last. Michael’s ending was more matter of fact. Where Brian’s is left with a dangling question. But with the duel ending… I’m filled with promise, a big smile plastered across my face as the song plays out, only adding to the already building emotions.
As I listened to the words with my eyes closed, I got chills and that overwhelming sense of pride out of two lines in particular that I think were instrumental in why they chose that song over any other to end season four. The connection to Judy and The Wizard of Oz is obvious but it’s more than that. And I think it’s why this song is the unofficial anthem for the gay community. It’s a song of hope and dreams and rainbows and of a better place…
The message of this year’s finale may be about the marriage initiative but that in itself, at its core, is what Michael had admitted to in 413 about dreams. He never dared to dream of getting married because he was gay. And that’s where the song comes in… “Where dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.” If Canada and other countries are “somewhere over the rainbow” and they let bluebirds fly, then why not America? Isn’t America supposed to be the land of dreams where people come from all over the world with hope in their hearts for a better place and a better life?
So then the next set of words start echoing in your head. IF this is a “better place” then it should be a place where the question of, “Why, oh why can’t I?” can’t be answered the same way as it used to be. “Because you’re gay,” just isn’t a good enough answer anymore. “It’s very nineties.” So that’s where the hopes and dreams of rainbows and better places comes from and it’s all in the song and in one of Ben’s last lines…
I want to be “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” Don’t you?
“It’s all beginning. And we’re a part of it.” Can’t you feel it?
