Episode 412:
Reinforcing Reality and Inciting Inspiration
It appears to me that 412 is all about aftermaths and outcomes and how they are dealt with. I’m going to once again visit the Serenity Prayer from 405 for the episode’s theme of acceptance and courage…
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Lindsay, Emmett and Hunter had to face the consequences of all of those rooms that they opened. Melanie, Michael and Ben had to face the consequences of their loved ones’ actions. And even poor Ted is still dealing with the consequences of his addiction. They all need the serenity to accept the outcome of the previous actions because there’s nothing any of them can do about it. A lot of what they are feeling comes from the hands of someone else so it makes it that much harder to take.
Brian, always being the one to go against the pack, refuses to accept the way things are and seeks the courage to change the things in his life because it is only himself that holds the key to his peace of mind. Not some underhanded charity swindler and most assuredly… not a “little” thing like cancer. He may not have had control over what happened to him or to the hospice but he can control how he deals with both.
Melanie and Lindsay
Melanie has many things she has to accept. Due to the delicacy of her pregnancy, she has to accept the fact that she’s stuck with Lindsay being her arms and legs until after the baby comes. That’s a tough pill to swallow when you can’t even stand to be in the same room with that person right now. Lindsay hurt Melanie deeply and she has to accept that and there’s nothing she can do to undo the damage. She’s at the mercy of Melanie’s forgiveness and if Mel’s comment at the kid’s birthday party was any indication, I’d say it just might never happen. I’m a little stuck on MaryAnne and would like to see Lindsay use that to throw it in Melanie’s face. I mean, I know that two wrongs don’t make a right, but really… Lindsay forgave her pretty easily for that and Melanie is saying that she doesn’t know which betrayal to NOT forgive her for first. That’s pretty tough. But we all know the underlying reason why Melanie is so hurt. The cheating was with a man and she can’t compete with that. If a man is what Lindsay wants, there’s nothing she can do about it. She tells Lindsay how she’s feeling and why it’s so hard for her to accept what happened. This isn’t the same as MaryAnne. “There’s nothing that I can do that’ll ever make you feel completely happy. You’ll always feel unsatisfied and I’ll always feel that I’m not enough.” And with that… we finally see without a doubt what her problem has been with Brian all this time. He’s an insecurity because she can’t compete with him. He’s a man and she’s a woman and no matter what, she can’t change that. She can never give Lindsay what she fears Brian gives to her. So you know, I’m just not so sure that Melanie will ever get past this. Maybe after the baby when the hormones aren’t running rampant in her body, but I’m not holding out much hope. Her hurt is stronger and deeper than you would expect from just being cheated on and even though Lindsay is trying to tell her that it wasn’t about Sam being a man, Melanie is not hearing her.
Hunter/Michael/Ben
Hunter has to accept that with HIV and his past, it’s going to be a tough haul to find someone to love him. Does that suck? Hell yes, it does. It breaks my heart. But it’s reality. A very sad reality that he can’t do anything about. But you know, there is still hope because another reality is that Michael and Ben found each other just like they reminded him. And Justin and Brian found each other. And Deb and Horvath found each other. All three couples, against great odds. It’ll happen, it just won’t be easy. Again the little foster family has brought us some great moments. Touching and sad as well as a few funnies. I just can’t help myself... I like Hunter and there’s a lot they can do with him. Maybe it’s his age and my mothering tendencies. I don’t know but he makes me cry and he makes me laugh. I love it when he says, “Dad”. And here’s another shocker… I’m really liking Michael Novotny-Bruckner and the “excellent” job he’s doing with his place in the family. What is the world coming to? Me, liking Michael? Oh boy.
I do wonder why all of a sudden they’re turning him into the little woman. He’s never acted this way before and it seems to be coming out of nowhere. The “Novotny-Bruckner” thing at the school, while funny, was weird because he did it because the wife did. It was like he was telling them who he was and that his place in the family was the same as hers. And he’s always arranging flowers now. And the Betty Davis impression? What the hell? Has Michael morphed into a woman or did I just not notice it before? And why is it that now that he has, I’m starting to like him? Hmmm. That’s interesting. But you do know what this means and could very well be why they are magnifying these tendencies in Michael now… it just reconfirms why he and Brian can never be more than just friends. Yes, Brian is the “one on top” and the one “in control”, the typical alpha-male just like Ben but he does not and would not want someone acting effeminate. He would not want his partner trying to be like some straight couple. While Ben adores the cuteness of Michael’s introduction to Callie’s parents, Brian would be appalled. If Justin ever introduced himself as Justin Taylor-Kinney, I think Brian would kick him to the curb. Luckily for us, Justin would never do that so we’ll never be faced with that dilemma… Justin has no desire to be Brian’s little woman, just his partner.
A couple more thoughts about Hunter… “You did the right thing, the honorable thing, telling her the truth.” Oh yes he did. Bravo to Hunter. He’s such a sensitive kid and would never want to be dishonest. In fact… have we seen him lie? I don’t think so. The kid has some really great qualities and scruples despite the whacked out bitch that raised him. That’s amazing. And this… “No one's ever going to love me.” Oh dang. Makes me cry.
Drew and Emmett
Emmett has to accept that he can’t change Drew’s reality. There’s nothing he can do about the fact that Drew doesn’t have the courage to change things in his life. The change is too great, the sacrifice too high. And Drew has to accept that Emmett won’t live a lie, not for him, not for anybody.
I think maybe we’re supposed to not like Drew because he’s unwilling to live his life honestly but I feel his pain too. As a fan of someone, there is only one thing that matters to me. And that’s the thing that they’re giving me that made me a fan in the first place. Whether it be the way they make me feel about a character that they’re acting or a song that they’re singing or the way they make me cheer when they’re leading my favorite team to the goal line. I want their best performance. That’s all I want. What they do off the field, away from the studio or when they’re not in concert, doesn’t matter to me. That’s not to say that I’m not interested or not curious, I have a tendency to be, but ultimately I just want them happy because if they’re happy personally then I’ll get their best performances professionally. But the sad reality is, and this is why I feel for Drew, the general public’s fan loyalty seems to be attached to their personal lives and as long as there’s homophobia, Drew would be placing his career and everything he is on the line as he says. That is the cold hard reality. And yes, it sucks.
I mean, just look at these boards and this fandom. Why is everyone concerned about who’s really gay on the show? Can they not fantasize about Gale if he’s gay? His looks are his looks and his acting is his acting whether he’s gay or not shouldn’t matter, he’s still the same gorgeous, talented actor either way. Right? It shouldn’t matter yet almost all the new people that join the boards, ask the same question. And don’t even get me started on the reaction of some when he showed up with a woman of ethnic decent because that’s a whole different prejudice altogether. But anyway, maybe it’s curiosity and nothing more but I’m afraid it may not be.
And if you apply that to the typical football fan, some of which are lunk-head enough to sit in an outdoor stadium in 0 degree weather without any clothes on and wear cheesehead hats and start a riot when their team loses, then you have to understand where Drew is coming from. These macho men fans are not the epitome of logical, rational thinkers here. They would not accept the fact that their star quarterback was a fag or a sissy boy as Drew said before. Another sad reality.
It’s also sad that for things to change there needs to be strength in numbers. Like I said last week, no one wants to be the sacrificial lamb that would pave the way for others to come out. Maybe we need to have a national sports coming out day. Send a letter to every single sports guy in the nation and say on a particular day that everyone is going to come out all at the same time. I think there would be so many that any backlash from teammates or team owners would be impossible for fear of shutting down the whole sports industry. Can you imagine? Now that would be strength in numbers!
But anyway this is quickly turning into a personal essay so I’ll end my rant there and get back to the shallow girly thoughts about this story line. I love Emmett and Drew together. They just look good as a couple and he’s the type of guy that Emmett needs. He needs a macho man on his arm but he needs an out one, obviously. I just never got into Emmett when he was with George or with Ted. They just didn’t look right. I don’t know why, great stories, but just not eye appealing and well Drew and Emmett together was giving us some really hot stuff as well as some bits of reality that assuredly needs to be addressed. I’m going to miss Drew and their little trysts in Room 12 of the Hacienda Motel.
The Emmett scenes with Ted are still enjoyable. I’m glad they are back to being friends and that Emmett can tell his renewed best friend about his love life again. But sadly, Ted seems upset to hear about Emmett’s fantasy… he knows Emmett is going to be hurt and it pains him, but instead of being the wet blanket, he just offers support. Good for him. But I also think some of it may be stemming from his feelings for Emmett. I’m sure he’s thinking about what “may have been” if he hadn’t screwed it up. The wound is still pretty fresh so listening to Emmett saying he’s falling in love may just be a little too much too soon. Hang in there Ted… it’ll get easier as time passes.
I just have to add before moving on to B/J… when Emmett was walking like a retard with his hand out and said, “Just gouge my eyes out now” while wearing dark glasses and the old lady put money in his hand, I lost it. That just had to be one of the funniest things ever. And every time I watch it, it still cracks me up. Peter is getting to me, I may just have to put him on my “list”. Hee!
Doctor’s Office
The first we see of Brian is him at the doctor’s office for his check up.
Doc: How does that feel?
Brian: Be a lot better with poppers.
Doc: Try to describe the sensation.
Brian: It feels as if someone is rotating my artificial ball.
Okay, now I can’t say that I know squat about getting my balls examined since I don’t have any but I always thought the poppers joke dealt with fisting and well, why would the doc be sticking anything in there? And then the sensation that Brian describes is of ball fondling which indicates that inside is not where the doctor is right now so maybe that’s just one of those jokes that went over my head. But now I’m dying to know… just what the hell is the doc doing underneath that paper gown? Maybe it’s better if I just imagine what I want to imagine. It’s usually better than the truth anyway.
The doc proceeds with the rest of his examination and tells Brian to get on the scales. Of all the times for those damn gowns to actually work at hiding stuff why did it have to be when Brian’s wearing one. Drat.
Doc: You put on some weight.
B: I realize to you that’s a good thing, but to me it’s a disaster.
Huh? The man is not a disaster by any means. Did you see his calves in the later scene? Putting on some weight would be a good thing. His ultra-long legs are like toothpicks. I mean, really.
Doc: You can get dressed now.
B: So what’s the verdict?
Doc: Are you still experiencing fatigue?
B: Not as much.
Doc: How’s your sex drive?
B: With both hands on the wheel.
Doc: Mm Hmm. Of course, um, you can’t be certain that even within a month or a year that the cancer won’t reoccur but the, um, sonogram and the blood tests show no signs of spreading.
B: How long until I resume a normal life? Doing recreational drugs and consuming vast amounts of alcohol. Going to the gym.
Doc: I don’t have any problem with some light stretching and mild cardio.
B: Doc, I’m a fag. I don’t go to the gym to be healthy; I go there to look good. Light stretching and mild cardio aren’t going to cut it.
Doc: Brian, you’ve had cancer, your body’s been through a series of radiation treatments. I suggest you take it easy, give yourself time to recover. After all, you’re not 21 anymore.
So, now we know. It’s all about looking good, keeping up the image. I knew that in the last few episodes where he was seen squishing the tobacco out of the cigarette or putting it in his mouth but not lighting it was not a sign that he feared them for their cancer causing nicotine. He was simply told, no smoking during the radiation treatments. That’s behind him now and that’s why he goes right back to smoking. The pot he was smoking with Michael of course was because of the radiation and because pot can alleviate the nausea. And now he wants to get back into drinking and doing recreational drugs (those other than pot obviously). It’s not about being healthy, it’s about looking good. It’s pretty clear that the cancer didn’t scare him about death and his need to project that image of perfection is still there. I’m not sure that will ever go away completely, it’s imbedded pretty deep within him. What he learned from the cancer that does matter is that there are those that love him for what’s underneath the image and those are the ones that he needs to keep in his life and that it’s okay to accept help and support. He learned those lessons and now what’s important to him is exactly what he asks the doctor. How long until I resume a normal life? That’s what is important now… his need to be Rage, prove to himself and everyone else that he can still accomplish anything he wants for no other reason than because he’s Brian-fucking-Kinney.
But the doc says, “Your body’s been through a series of radiation treatments… give yourself time to recover”. Brian has to understand that. He may feel fine now, but his body is still weak, it needs time to heal and regain its strength. But we all know how Brian feels about time… after all, he’s not 21 anymore as the doctor so rudely reminds him. You know, cripes… if twenty year old Justin had been through the same thing, it would be the same outcome. It may take a little longer for a 32 year old body to heal than a 20 year old one would take, but dang it… age is not the problem here. The radiation damage is the problem and would be for anyone. I guess I’m just ultra sensitive to anyone reminding Brian about his age and especially when they say it as if his age is a bad thing. It just perpetuates his anxiety and you can see it on his face as the doctor walks out of the room. Of course, that’s also one of the many things that incite him to prove everyone wrong. He refuses to accept himself as getting old, regardless of how old he is.
Liberty Avenue
The gang (including Justin!) are walking down the street toward the gym. There is so much garbage spewed at Brian in this scene that I don’t know where to begin. But I guess I’ll start with a set up from the earlier scene of the GLC meeting about Jeffrey… Tannis (gosh, she grates on my nerves) tells us why Jeffrey left. Of course we know but it’s nice to hear what Jeffrey had to say. “He felt he didn’t have the support of certain influential members of the community and that without their backing he couldn’t successfully meet the goals.” Oooh, influential member of the community. That would be Brian and this statement makes me want to stick my tongue out at Melanie and Ted and Ben. Melanie and her never ending bitch attitude toward Brian and always thinking the worst. **sticking tongue out at Melanie** Ted and his never ending thoughts of “Brian is an asshole.” **sticking tongue out at Ted** And Ben… he gets just a little tongue poking because at least he admits that, “Brian had his number all along.” Ha! So there! Why doesn’t everyone get a clue already? Brian knows an asshole when he sees one and Brian knows a bullshitter when he sees one. Brian may be a lot of things… but wrong about the motivations of others in business… not a chance. He nails it every time. Okay, so the GLC is $25,000 in debt and needs to find more sponsors and pledges or the Hospice will have to close. Now onto this scene…
Michael: So this guy Pendergrass skipped town leaving the center high and dry?
Ben: That’s about the long and short of it.
Ted: The short of it is the cash.
M: I wonder what happened.
Brian: What are you looking at me for?
Well shit on a stick. Just why the hell was Michael looking at Brian? Is he blaming Brian like everyone else? All kidding aside, I seriously doubt it. He probably just figured that Brian would know. After all, Brian knows everything and has the answers to all of those tough questions about life. **rolling eyes**
Ben: Doesn’t matter. We’re still gonna train. We’re still gonna ride.
M: You coming in with us?
Justin: Oh, Brian’s doctor cautioned him to take it easy.
Okay time out… first, squee’ing time. Brian obviously came home from the doctor’s and told Justin what he said. Well, knock me over with a feather. Thank heavens… hell, maybe Justin was out in the waiting room. I just can’t explain how happy that makes me and what a huge gesture it is on Brian’s part.
Second, there’s been some Justin backlash because of this episode so I’m going to go into great detail in hopes that people will watch again and watch closely at what he’s doing and what he’s not doing. I’ll admit the first time I watched this episode I wasn’t too happy with Justin’s behavior and in my quest to get to the bottom of why he would be so flippant towards Brian, I discovered that I was wrong. The second I watched it, I watched only Justin and noticed that he is flippant, but it’s not towards Brian. As soon as Michael asks Brian if he’s coming with them, Justin steps up and tells everyone what the doctor said. He’s not wanting people to think that Brian doesn’t care about the Ride, it’s like he’s making an excuse for Brian on why he’s not coming with them and why he’s not participating. Now, we know that Brian doesn’t need Justin making excuses for him, but this was not Justin poking fun at Brian’s health. This was genuine protective boyfriend behavior. He wanted to make sure that everyone knew what the doctor told him so that everyone becomes a watchdog for Brian’s health. He doesn’t want anyone goading him into doing something strenuous that is strictly against doctor’s orders. It’s after his statement of Brian needing to take it easy that his face changes into that devilish grin…
T: Meaning what? Getting laid three times a week instead of four?
J: More like seven instead of nine.
Ben: That’s some recuperation!
He changed not to poke fun at Brian… he’s poking fun at Ted. His “neener-neener” smirk is him telling Ted that even an unhealthy Brian fucks more than a healthy Ted. He’s bragging about his boyfriend’s libido. Good for him. It shows that again, he doesn’t like people looking down at Brian or poking fun at him. He’s Brian’s own little cheerleading squad. And what did it do? It put Ted in his place, shut him up AND impressed Ben. Heee! I love it. You go, Sunshine. Now watch his face when Michael talks…
M: Too bad you can’t go with us.
He grimaces at him and gives him a dirty look. It’s like he’s thinking, ‘Would you quit pitying him? He hates that, you moron. You’re his best friend and you don’t know this? No wonder Brian loves me.’ Okay, so maybe those were my thoughts and not Justin’s but regardless, the dirty look was not my imagination and he was frowning over Michael’s pity... no doubt about that at all.
T: Even if he was in peak condition, I doubt Brian would be donating his backside for charity.
You know what, Ted? Shut up. **sticking my tongue at you again** You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Granted, I should give you a pass on this bitchiness because during the election and the days of the Concerned Citizens for the Truth commercial you were stoned out of your mind and getting gang-raped and during the fund raiser to pay Brian back, you were in rehab… but dang it, it still pisses me off so just shut up. Brian is your friend, asshole, and I distinctly remember him donating his backside to save your sorry ass from the embarrassment that was the singing opera waiter bullshit. Now that was charitable.
Ben: It’s not just a charity. We all know someone or at least heard of someone who spent his last days at Liberty House. Someday it might be one of us.
M: Not as long as I’m around.
Ben: Well the point is we all deserve to die with dignity and with a friend by our side. I’m sure even Brian would agree with that.
B: Mmmm.
You know what, Ben? You shut up too. I know darn well you know about the CCFTT and I know darn well that “can’t keep his mouth shut” Michael has told you about Brian’s cancer. So how dare you say “even Brian”. Is he sub-human or something? Ask your boyfriend… he’s Rage and what are you? Juice Pig? Oh wait, you’re an archeologist now… sorry, my mistake. But this shows how much you know. Brian may agree that everyone deserves to die with dignity but he does not agree that that includes having a friend by your side. A dignified death to him is flying off to Ibiza and dying alone.
Brian’s “Mmmm” felt like a knife. This whole conversation pains him. Ted makes fun of him and practically calls him an asshole, Michael pitys him, and Ben treats him like a second class citizen with no feelings whatsoever. For cryin’ outloud… does anybody in this little scene know who Brian is besides Justin? And yet the feeling among some fans was that Justin was being insensitive to Brian? Hell, he was the only one not being insensitive to him. But I do have one little bone to pick with little Sunshine…
The boys all say their goodbyes and head into the gym, leaving Brian on the sidewalk alone.
Ted: See ya.
Michael: Bye Brian.
Ben: See ya.
Justin: ???
Hello? Say goodbye to your boyfriend… you haven’t kissed him in two episodes, the least you can do is say, “later”. I rewound and turned up the volume… I strained to hear something, anything… a ‘see ya’, a ‘bye’, a ‘ciao’, hell, I would have settled for an ‘adios’, but there was nothing there. I’m crushed. Gee, I hope Brian isn’t. But okay, I’ll go easy on Justin here… it’s not his fault. If the writers don’t give Randy lines, then Justin can’t say stuff. I’m sure he tried to say, “later”, it’s just that Randy wouldn’t let him.
Liberty House
We head over to the Hospice where Brian has dragged Mr. Remcor Pharmaceuticals guy and Gene, the dull and monotone director of the Hospice, is giving them a tour. Can I just say that this guy sucks? I think if I was stuck in that place with him that I would gladly die, with dignity or not, with a friend by my side or not, just to get away from him. He is the essence of life sucks. I know he’s dealing with a lot of shit right now and I know he’s a compassioned soul and all, but dang… give the guy a personality already. You can care about people without making them wish they were dead. Okay, I feel better now.
Gene: As I said Mr. Remsen we're a modest facility. Tending to the final needs of those for whom medications such as Endovir have proved ineffective or simply too late. I count myself among the fortunate ones.
Remsen: Your doing a hell of a job here. I'm sure it's not easy.
G: The hardest part is not being able to do more. We've already had to send a couple of our sickest clients to the county hospital simply because we no longer have the staff or capability of tending to their needs.
R: It's a shame
G: It's money. State funding has been reduced. Private donations have all been dried up due to the misconception that no one dies of AIDS anymore.
There’s the message folks. Send your money now, people are still dying. **This has been a public service announcement paid for by Cow/Lip Productions.** And people said there wasn’t any substance on this show, that it was all about naked guys getting it on. Pfft, what do they know?
R: Well I hope you manage to find the necessary funds.
G: It maybe too late for that. Like our clients, we’re running out of time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to work. There are only two of us.
As they walk around the place, Brian is looking around. I think this whole thing is making him sick. Having just faced something that made him think a lot about death and being sick and helpless has given him new insight as well as cemented a thought he already had. This is not the way to die. This is not dying with dignity and he realizes that not everyone has the means to just pack up and disappear with a plane ticket to Ibiza. Ben was right in the fact that “even Brian” (grrr) can understand that because most assuredly this would not have been what he wanted and is still not how he would want to end up. He has to beat this cancer thing to ensure he never ends up in this place. Of course he wouldn’t because just like Michael tells Ben, “Not as long as I’m around”, and just like Deb was around for Vic, Justin would be the same way. But sadly… not everyone is so lucky.
But regardless of that, he feels he has the means to not only help himself but help the Hospice too. It’s a two-fold situation. Just like the fact that the CCFTT was done because he did what he had to do for himself yet it served the community at the same time. So yes Brian’s heart has grown and he does feel for his community, but it’s still about himself, first and foremost. And like I said back in the 401 saga, that is not a bad thing. Most people get involved because they were touched by something first and to help heal themselves, they inadvertently help heal others. Charity work can be selfish at its core. It’s part of the reality. That’s why Brian’s questions to Jeffrey were so important. What’s in it for them? What’s in it for me? What’s in it for you? All valid questions. Why else do so many charities give something away for their donations. You know, give twenty bucks, get a chance to win an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. If there wasn’t the need for “what’s in it for me” these charities wouldn’t have to give anything away to raise money. That’s another sad reality. And that’s exactly the approach Brian takes with Remcor.
R: I suppose your going to hit me up now. But after what I've just seen it's going to be very hard to say no.
B: It's a worthy cause.
R: They're all worthy causes.
B: All I'm asking is for you to sponsor one rider in the Liberty Ride.
R: That’s it?
B: That’s it.
R: Well I suppose we can handle that. How much do you want?
B: A hundred thousand. Look it's no more than what you spend for an ad in a magazine. And think of the goodwill you'll be generating. It's more than any campaign that I can come up with. As for the rider you'll be sponsoring… he's an amazing athlete and a renowned humanitarian.
Brian points out what Remcor won’t lose and what he stands to gain by his charitable sponsorship. Same cost as a magazine ad so he loses nothing… and the goodwill of the donation says something to people about his company. That he’s supportive to their community so they in turn would be supportive of his company. It’s a win-win situation... for Remcor and for Brian. He gets to be the one to bring in a huge pledge to save the Hospice while proving to the cancer, to everyone else, and most importantly to himself, that it won’t keep him down… that’s he’s still Brian Kinney. Brian will get to actually become the two things that he tells Remcor he already is... “an amazing athlete and a renowned humanitarian”.
Brian’s Loft
As soon as the music started, even though the camera was still on Hunter’s face, I knew this would be where we were headed next. It was Brian and Justin sex music all the way. We were extremely overdue, don’t you think? Sometimes I think I’m crazy and other times not. But I’ve always felt that what makes their sex scenes so much better than the rest is a feel of realness that they have that the others don’t. I’ve always used Brian/Justin’s 311 scene and Michael/Ben’s 401 scene as proof of what I mean when I’m trying to explain it to people.
After the finish and subsequent collapse onto the bed in 311, Brian’s hand moves between them and there’s a definite “exit” before they move to their backs. After the finish in 401, Ben and Michael both just move and lay down. It was as if they were never attached at all. It was just like they figured, “Okay, that part of the scene is over, now we just have to lay down and say our lines”. That little extra movement to pronounce the exit in B/J’s 311 scene was the little thing that capped the scene and gave it that realistic feel. To me, it makes all the difference in the world in how you connect to the pairing on a biological level.
So now it’s 412 and only the second B/J full sex scene this season with the earlier one not showing the ending but the beginning. They do one of two things with sex scenes on the show. One, we get how it starts and they cut off in the middle like they did in 403 or two, they start in the middle and we get how it ends like the one in 311 and now this one. We get a grunt from Justin, a grunt from Brian then Justin moves to plop down on the bed on his stomach next to Brian , who quickly rolls to his side. I’m bummed. There was no exit.
It was still hot though, without a doubt and because it included another little bit of reality that the other scenes never show… Justin appeared to be working himself during his ride. That usually isn’t shown on the show and is actually a first for Brian and Justin as well. So, you know, GUH! That gave it that element of realism even without the exit. The scene also included some fodder for those slo-mo’ers out there – if you’re quick on the trigger you can sneak a quick peak at Randy’s sock. Dang, what energized minute. I’m almost as winded as poor Brian.
I always say, their sex tells part of their story so… the doctor’s orders of light stretching and mild cardio are more than likely the reasons why Justin was riding topside. He can and was doing most of the work from that position. Can you imagine if Justin hadn’t been on top? Brian was drenched with sweat and gasping for breath as it was, anything more strenuous would have killed him. Sheesh. But hey, sweaty and panting is a good look for Brian. Hell, any look is a good look for Brian. And did you see Justin running his hand through Brian’s hair afterward? That work out kicked his young and healthy ass but he’s still worried about Brian over doing it. Awww. Just warms my heart.
B: Of all the times we've fucked, and by now I'd say we were well into the quadruple digits…
Whoops, you know what? I spoke too soon about the lack of exit. Just when I think they’ve showed us everything there is to show us, they come up with something new. Something that’s at the end of every fanfiction sex scene yet has never been shown on the show… what did Brian just do? He reached down presumably to remove the condom, you don’t see that of course but there’s a snap/pop sound that only elastic/rubber makes so you do hear it being removed. He brings it forward and looks at it. Proud at its fullness? Oh crime-n-y! Please don’t tell me that there’s actually some truth to the myth that it “matters” how much. I thought for sure that was a bunch of crap. Anyway, just the removal alone causes my eyes to bug out of my head and my lips to mouth the words, ‘holy shit’. But he’s still not done, there’s more… he ties it off and tosses it aside. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and had to rewind. And rewind. And rewind. That was no little gesture for realism that only the most dedicated of viewers would notice… that was damn huge! And it capped the sex scene perfectly, making me forget just for a minute that this was not real. That is what a B/J sex scene does that none of the others do. I have no idea why, they just don’t. That little thing is what makes Brian and Justin’s sex so indescribably delicious.
B: …that has to rank in the top five.
J: Good. That would be a thousand dollars please.
B: That's quite an increase from the two bits you were charging when we met.
J: To experience perfection is a privilege regardless of the price.
Boy, I’d say Justin’s rate of inflation is on the fast track. Episode 101, twenty five cents… 313, a hundred dollars and now a thousand? Dang. If we’d all invested in Justin’s ass in the beginning, with them being in the quadruple digits, hell… we’d all be rich by now! But I love that he considers himself perfection. He’s still onto Brian and talking his language as only he knows how to do. He knows how Brian feels about perfection and he sees no point in dancing around the issue… Brian can’t get from tricks what he gets from Justin. And Justin knows it. Might as well rub it in his face. Hee!
J: Besides I need you to sponsor me for the Liberty Ride.
B: I'm sorry, Sunshine. I'm already sponsoring someone else. Me.
J: What?
B: I'm doing the Ride.
J: You can't do the Ride. You've barely recovered. The doctor told you to take it easy. And at your age...
Okay, I like that Justin immediately goes to the health issue. We know from their scene earlier that Brian is sharing his cancer treatment and check ups with Justin now so this was good. Remind Brian what the doctor said… light stretching and mild cardio - unless of course you’re talking sex then Justin is fine with Brian exerting himself as we just witnessed and as we shouldn’t forget... having sex while just laying there wore him out (well, he didn’t completely just lay there, but you know what I mean). But… can I smack Justin for the age comment? I still owe him one for the “geezer” crap in 404 and believe me, I haven’t forgotten about that yet. He knows how sensitive Brian is about that shit. Dang it. Stop that, Justin! I mean, I know that the more he says it, the more Brian will believe that Justin doesn’t care about the age difference and that maybe Brian will become desensitized about it and all. I know that. But I still don’t like it. It’s not about his age.
B: At my age, I can make up my own mind.
J: You hate bicycling. You despise camping out. You detest any and all forms of charity. You loathe the Gay and Lesbian Center and everyone associated with it. So give me one, just one good reason why.
B: I want to.
J: Well, you can't. You haven't trained. You're not in shape. There's no way you’d make it out of Toronto much less the 322 miles back to Pittsburgh.
B: Your prophesies of doom only incite me more.
J: I'm just being realistic.
B: Well, we dreamers have no time for that.
Justin’s laundry list of reasons why Brian wanting to do this doesn’t make any sense is very reminiscent of Brian’s list of reasons why Lindsay and Melanie really wouldn’t want him at their wedding in 211 and of course it shows how well Justin knows Brian. So much so, that I was actually shocked that he wouldn’t think that all the reasons he gave for why it was a bad idea for Brian do it wouldn’t incite Brian more. He should have known, being realistic or not. And he should have known that telling Brian he “can’t” do something is exactly what gets his blood pumping to do something. Of course I understand that he’s completely clouded by his concern for Brian’s health and the doctor’s orders. His realism is valid. Brian’s body has been through hell… but it has nothing to do with age. Not a thing.
And since when is Justin a realist? And since when is Brian a dreamer? I thought Brian was the poster boy for realism and had that remarkable ability to put things in perspective, to see them in a purely objective practical way… and that Justin was the idealistic teenager. What is happening here? Brian becoming more like Justin and Justin becoming more like Brian? Oh my! My head hurts from all the love in this conversation.
B: When's the next spin class?
J: Tomorrow.
B: Uhm well, with a little practice… I'll fly like the wind.
Interesting choice of words and oh so familiar, aren’t they? And yes, he’s being just a tad corny which is why Justin smirks. Justin knows the origin of his humor and what he’s hinting at. Here’s my thoughts on the background of Brian’s words. (You knew I’d research it, didn’t you?)
Well, music always hits me first and I kept thinking there was a song there. I could hear it but couldn’t place it. It wasn’t until I was talking with someone else that it came to light. The same song was stuck in their head as well so surely there’s a small connection to it if we both thought the same thing. Anyway, it’s a take-off on Christopher Cross’ song, “Ride Like the Wind.” The song itself is about a man on the run from the law for killing ten men but the last few lines of the song tie in with the part of Brian and Justin’s conversation about Brian’s age and Justin’s doom inciting him more. The last line is, “Never was the kind to do as I was told - Gonna ride like the wind - Before I get old.”
The song really fits but I figured there was more and there is…
Flying is a cyclist term. It’s what they call the high speeds that they achieve when cruising downhill. They say it feels like they're flying. And when you think of cyclists, who do you think of? Lance Armstrong, of course. And what does Brian have in common with Lance? Testicular cancer. After Lance’s bout with the cancer he went on to win several more Tour de France’s. If my recollection is correct, his theme song for his autograph signing promotional tour after he won the first one after the cancer was R. Kelly’s song, "I Believe I Can Fly". Also, in his book, "Lance Armstrong's Performance Program", he talks about that awesome feeling you get when you're “flying” downhill with the wind in your face. And I believe in his other book that chronicled his come back and training after the cancer, he compared his fight to go on with the struggle of bicycling uphill into the wind… you have to take it one turn of the peddles at a time.
So now I'm assuming that the reference used in what Brian says has to do with not only the song but a direct hint to cycling enthusiasts and Lance Armstrong in particular. A cyclist who had testicular cancer, but who beat the odds and came back to complete a feat that no one believed he could - just like Brian plans to do because "we dreamers have no time for” being realistic.
So when you put everything about this scene together… the sex, the finish, the pillow talk, the flip-flop of philosophies and the against all odds thoughts… this scene becomes an even bigger *guh* moment for me. It was hot. It was “real”. It was worrisome. It was couple-y. And it was inspirational. Overall… a fantastic scene.
Babylon
I have to include this scene because, believe it or not, it’s tied as my favorite scene of this episode. I know, I know, I must be out of my mind, but whatever. Hey, besides… Brian and Justin are in it so it does qualify as a Brian and Justin scene. Hehe. But I promise not to comment on Justin’s corny little dance move because I have a feeling he’s only doing it to mimic Michael’s famous moves like the cast did on the S3 DVD extras. Or was that Randy making fun of Hal? Anyway, we know the boy can dance and I don’t care if it is some new hip-hop move that I’m not up on… the fisted hand in the air thing just looks kind of retarded. Whoops, I promised not to comment.
Okay, where to begin. I love the song. “I’m the main man.” It says so much about how Emmett’s feeling walking into Babylon with Drew. It just gives me chills and almost makes me feel like I did in 103 when Justin shucked off his shirt and walked out on the dance floor towards Brian. Emmett is smokin’ in his make up and outfit and Drew looks hot as hell. They’re really a very striking couple. I’m giggling at Brian’s dropped jaw and stunned expression. And I’m squee’ing at Justin’s little tongue poking out as he peruses Drew’s body.
I’m just so happy for Emmett getting to be the “main man” with his studly football jock and underwear model that’s selling a shitload of Kleenex on his arm as his “main man”. We know from his speech with Ted last season that underneath all that “out and proud” bravado, Emmett still feels like he’s that piece of trash from Hazelhurst, Mississippi and maybe that’s why this scene touches me so much. Maybe that’s why the song is so perfect. Maybe that’s why the fantasy is so beautiful. I want Emmett to have those feelings that he must be experiencing when he walks into Babylon with Drew on his arm. He left that trashy self-image at the door and walks in proud knowing that everyone in that room is not only shocked that he, Emmett Honeycutt, has been “the one” to make Drew Boyd come out but he’s also the man that everyone in the place wants to be at this moment. And that includes Brian and Ted and all his friends. Now that’s self-pride!
Who needs reality when you can live a fantasy like this? Emmett’s a dreamer and you just heard what Brian said about “us dreamers”. They don’t have time to be realistic. Fine by me… Emmett’s fantasies are awesome. I’ve rewound this scene like fifty times. You want to know the best part for me? There’s a split second when they are on the dance floor and Emmett looks into Drew’s eyes just before they kiss. We’ve never seen this look from Emmett before. And I don’t mean love or anything. It’s a very sexy, seductive look and just not very Emmett. It feels to me like it just might be a little bit of Peter coming through. It has an aura about it that you feel when you meet Peter in person. He is such a far cry from Emmett. It’s um, well, just dang… it’s hot!
And I always love Emmett dancing. Ahh, just love this scene and it ends too soon before cutting to the deserted restaurant. There’s really nothing to mention here except just one little thing of symbolism. When Drew pulled up in his CIA Hummer (very sexy, I love Hummer’s, mm-mmm) to snuff out Vic’s relatives (heee!) and him and Emmett have their little car exchange (cute but not quite the B/J scene from 408 but I still liked the kiss, yum), Emmett says that man can not live on meat alone. Obvious comment about needing more than just sex from a relationship. Okay so back to the restaurant. Look at the food on their plates. Drew’s meat is gone, but his potato is still there. He glances to Emmett’s plate and sees Emmett’s meat. (I’ll let that one slide without comment.)
Drew: You gonna finish that?
Emmett: Uh, no. No.
Drew stabs Emmett’s meat (ouch!) and takes it so he can eat it himself. So what’s the symbolism? Drew CAN live on meat alone. He’s okay living his life as a lie as long as he gets the man-sex fulfillment on the side. He may miss Emmett, his game may be for shit, he may not be able to sleep and he may be drinking too much, but basically… he can live with just having the meat (sex) without the potato (relationship). Emmett? Well he says, “Uh, no. No.” That of course means that he doesn’t want just the meat, he wants the whole meal... the meat (who wouldn’t?), the potato, the vegetables, the bread, the wine AND the killer chocolate cake that requires the extra-long workout after.
I don’t know about everyone else, but if they choose to let Drew continue to suffer without Emmett in his life and this prompts him to come out and he returns next season to claim his “main man” then I would be a happy girl. Think of the possible storylines… a coming out story like Justin’s only it’s not a teenager dealing with his parents, it’s a grown man dealing with the whole world with his man standing by him to help him. Why not? I think it would be great. And Emmett would be so happy in love… finally! And Brian’s an ad guy… he could tie into the story with how they deal with the possibility that Brown Athletics tries to back out on his endorsements. How would that effect Brian’s relationship with Brown? Hmmm, all kinds of possibilities. Okay, enough of the fanfiction plot bunnies.
Gym
Justin and Ted on an exercise bike in a room with a whole bunch of other people on exercise bikes and a loud mouth in the front facing the wrong way. I guess this is supposed to be “spin class”. Hell, I didn’t know. I don’t leave my house for such shenanigans. My husband’s a body-builder, we have our own state-of-the-art gym and that includes the spinning cycle. Not sayin’ I use the damn thing, just sayin’ that’s why I don’t know about these classes. To us, it’s just called riding the bike. You know, like in the olden days. I’m not versed in the new hip exercise trends.
Before we get started, if you hear a loud bang along the way, that’s me killing the instructor. One too many “come on’s” and “let’s go’s” tends to make me a little whacko and fills me with the desire to hurt the one who’s spewing such vial words.
But where’s Brian? Didn’t he tell Justin that he was going to go?
Guy: Okay, everybody ready. Let’s go. (that’s one)
B: Don’t leave without me.
Oh, there he is. Fashionably late, of course. And always the one to make a grand entrance.
T: What the hell is he doing?
J: Today, the Liberty Ride. Tomorrow, the Tour de France.
See? I told you that Justin got his Lance Armstrong reference the night before. Brian jumps on his bike without a care in the world. It’s just peddling, right? No problem. I’m actually more worried about how in the hell he’s able to actually sit on the seat but that’s just because I have a tendency to think a lot about his balls. The music starts, the lights start flashing and the annoying instructor starts getting on my nerves already. Brian’s happy as a clam. Woo Hoo.
Guy: Okay guys. Fifteen minute interval. No breaks. Nice and relaxed on the bike everybody.
B: You should’ve told me it’s Babylon on wheels.
Well, now he’s done it. He’s jinxed it. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. Justin looks back but doesn’t say anything. He knows. Oh shit.
Guy: It’s easy riding right now. Okay everybody keep those hips back. Keep those abs strong. Okay slide your hands into third, lift it up out of the saddle. Come on, hit it hard guys. Turn up the tension on your bikes, guys. Work it. Let’s go. (that’s two)
Oh no… Brian is sweating, panting, grimacing. My legs start hurting just watching him. Justin looks again. Ted looks back. They’re worried. Brian is struggling… he can’t take the “out of the saddle” thing and has to sit down.
Guy: Okay, let’s bring it on home. No more breaks, let’s go. (that’s three) Fire it up. Work it hard.
**BANG** Instructor dude just bit the dust. Hey, I warned you… I have no patience for that kind of motivational crap.
But alas, it’s too late. Brian’s already been beaten to a pulp… his body has betrayed him. The doctor was right, Justin was right. Don’t you just hate that? He stumbles, gets off the bike and limps out of the room. How sad. I hate, hate, hate seeing him fail or seeing him in pain… but I have to admit that there is a tiny sadistic part of me that kind of giggles at him when this kind of thing happens. Sometimes he deserves what he gets, you know. Why won’t he just listen to everyone around him? Stubborn little shit. There’s a fine line between self-confidence and stupidity and he seems to teeter on the edge constantly.
Now again, was Justin insensitive here? Hell no, he wasn’t. The worst thing he could have done was go after Brian. It would have come across as, 1) pity, 2) coddling and 3) saying “I told you so”. All three, very big no-no’s for Brian. Justin knows it’s better to let Brian learn his tough lessons on his own and then take care of him later in private once the sting of the reality has worn off a bit. He can then rub out those sore muscles, prepare some nasty concoction that Brian will drink because Justin made it for him or blow him in order to help him “manage the pain”… none of those things he can do while Brian is wallowing in self-pity. Yep, it’s best to finish the class and catch up with Brian later. Besides, if Brian had been in real serious trouble health-wise, he wouldn’t have been able to walk out of the room on his own. Had that been the case, Justin would have been right there by his side.
Liberty Diner
Cut to the diner where Brian is eating alone. In comes Ted and Justin.
T: We just heard that Remson Pharmaceuticals is sponsoring the Ride to the tune of hundred G’s.
B: Well, wonders never cease.
J: We didn't say anything, of course.
T: Having been trained never to divulge information under penalty of death…
So they were at a GLC meeting for the Liberty Ride and heard the news. I know some wondered why Ted told Justin if he was trained not to divulge information (love the reference to Brian’s threats of death and termination… hee!). But it wasn’t Ted… it was obviously Tannis, that bitch. **winks** Besides, Justin says “we” didn’t say anything which indicates that he and Ted kept their mouths shut in reference to someone else… See? Usually the answers to these pondered questions are right there in the dialogue.
I have to say though, I kind of chuckled at Justin saying “of course” about not telling. He knows that Brian doesn’t like to toot his own horn about charitable things but that’s never stopped him before. He wants to brag about Brian’s big heart because he hates that everyone thinks Brian’s an asshole. He told Melanie and Lindsay about the CCFTT and he told Gene about Brian donating the chair. And as far as other stuff goes, he blabs quite often. He told Michael about the cancer, he told Michael about the impotency problems and just earlier he told everyone what Brian’s doctor told him about taking it easy. I don’t think of Justin as a gossip queen or anything but he is blabbermouth. So that leads me to believe that it was Ted who said, “Oh no, we can’t tell, I could die or worse… get fired”.
T: …but it has the fingerprints of one Brian Kinney all over it.
J: Now you can forget about the ride.
T: Take care of yourself. You need your rest. Go take a nap.
B: You want to cut my meat up for me too?
J: Ah, gotta go.
T: Gotta train.
I’m kind of liking Ted and Justin teaming up to make sure Brian takes care of himself. Ted gets the day shift and Justin gets the night shift. But again, let’s look at Justin. He says, “Now you can forget about the ride” and rubs his shoulder compassionately. HE does not say anything about Brian’s ability, he treads lightly here… just says that Brian doesn’t have to worry about it now. It’s Ted that turns this situation into an opportunity to kick the man while he’s down. He starts off with words of concern then proceeds to dig deeper and ends with the smacking nap comment. He doesn’t have Brian’s flair for motivation. More evidence that I may have been too hasty in calling Ted the new Brian. Some people have that sarcastic funny wit and some people are just sarcastic. I’ll let you guess which one’s which.
Brian snaps, gets angry… at Ted. Not at Justin and Ted. Just at Ted. Justin jumps in and says, “Ah, gotta go” because he knows Brian is irritated and he better get Ted the hell out of there and pronto. Sure Justin was smiling… what Ted said was funny, but it wasn’t Justin who said it. Justin may have poo-poo’d Brian in the beginning but he was speaking reality, speaking truth… there wasn’t any malice in his words. Ted was also speaking the truth, Brian probably did need a nap. He told the doctor that he’s still fatigued, but with Ted, it’s the way he said it. Remember Brian’s truth about Vic to Deb and how it wasn’t about what he said but the way he said it? Well, same thing here and for Brian’s words to Deb, he got a slap across the face. Brian is not a violent man so he wouldn’t have lashed out at Ted like Deb did him, but still, with penalty of death threats looming in the air… Justin thought, ‘oh shit’ and removed Ted from harm’s way.
So insensitive? Nah, not Justin, that was Ted. Justin was once again an innocent bystander and is getting blamed for everyone else’s insensitivity. Hey, we wanted more Justin and he’s here but now he’s getting blamed for other’s wrong doings. He just can’t seem to win anymore.
Debbie: Freshen your hemlock?
B: What makes you want to think I want to kill myself?
D: The look on your face for one thing.
B: Maybe I should have.
So Brian was considering suicide… well, well, well, don’t I feel vindicated? Sometimes it sucks to be right and other times it feels really good. I can’t help it. But, poor Brian. He grunts and groans while rubbing his face telling us that he’s still not 100%. Dang. I hate this.
D: Well, there is an alternative to going out in a blaze of glory.
And isn’t it interesting that Deb “knew” Brian considered it? She knows all about his James Dean infatuation with dying young. He didn’t even have to tell her. She knew.
D: And that's giving them all the big fuck you. You know that um, I always say it was ‘cause of me that Vic survived those last four years. Cause I bathed him. I fed him…
B: Wiped his ass?
Hee! Guess this proves that she’s told this story to EVERYONE, and probably more than once too.
D: Yeah right. But the truth is, Vic fought like a son of a bitch. Every time a new infection hit or some new med made him feel worse than what it was supposed to be curing, he would dig down into some unfathomable place in himself and say, "I'm not giving up yet so fuck off." Now you can give me my tip.
Brian is really just half-way listening as if he’s just letting Deb vent again about Vic. It’s not until she says, “Now you can give me my tip” that his face changes to that look of inspiration. Like it just sunk in that she wasn’t venting but was telling him to tell everyone to “fuck off”. His eyebrows wiggle just enough that you know the wheels are turning inside.
These are the words of inspiration that Deb is good at and they almost redeem her for the atrocious crap that she dished out to Mel earlier. Almost. But regardless, it’s another Brian and Debbie scene that I like and I liked her head tap to his shoulder. All bullshit aside, he needs her on his side.
Brian’s Loft / Gym
See how nice Cow/Lip can be? They could have easily just gone straight to Brian in the spin room but instead we get a gratuitous Justin-wrapped-in-a-towel scene. It kind of backfires though because this is the Justin scene that I have trouble excusing. I’ll try… but I also had these feelings of twatiness about him during this scene.
J: Where you going? Babylon?
B: Hopefully I'll have the strength for one quick spin around the floor.
J: Well, don't make noise when you come in. I have to get up early to go to spin class.
B: You youngsters, I don't know where you get your strength.
Okay, let’s see. Brian gives a hint that he’s going to spin class, but he also doesn’t deny that he’s going to Babylon so who knows if Justin knows what he’s doing at this point. Brian is also being quite snarky himself because he comments on his strength. So I want to say that Justin’s following line about Brian not making noise is in direct retaliation for Brian’s comment. And also could be Justin’s side-ways attempt at showing Brian that even he knows his own ability and that he couldn’t get up early for spin class without a sound night’s sleep. He’s almost so deadpan about it that he can’t be serious. Then Brian compounds it with the youngsters comment, obviously still a tad bruised at Justin mentioning his age during their first conversation.
So yes, we get an extra Brian and Justin scene but it’s not quite the type of scene that we want. They’re talking but they’re not really talking. They are both dancing around what is really going on. This is the stuff that needs to stop and what gets me irked at Brian. Justin got his concerns out of the way during their first conversation, if Brian would have then said, “I still want to do this”, Justin would have been the dutiful boyfriend and supported him. It irks me that Brian doesn’t know that and that he’s once again shutting Justin out because of what he thinks Justin will do. He’s not trusting in love.
Brian was against the Pink Posse but Justin did not stop telling Brian about his adventures and he didn’t let Brian’s distain for it spoil his self-motivation to continue on with it. Justin didn’t hide anything (except the gun) and Brian would do good to learn that lesson from Justin, you tell your partner what is going on in your life. You show respect through honesty. Brian is lying by omission here. Justin on the other hand could also stand to learn a thing from Brian and it also has to do with the hidden gun... his snooping techniques. If Brian won’t tell him truth, Justin just needs to go and gather the information for himself. But either way… this around the bend and back again crap needs to stop. Period.
So I don’t know if that defended Justin’s action or not. But oh well. Two fangirlly moments... Justin is putting on lotion. I have no idea why that amuses me but it does. Then Brian pats him on the head and Justin sternly bats it away. Hee! I couldn’t help but laugh.
We then cut to Brian riding on the bike, all alone at his own pace, and looking like one very determined man. Stupid as it sounds… I hollered, “Yes!” at the television. I love Brian when he’s bound and determined to win. His paths to fulfillment always make my heart flutter with giddiness and I can sense where the season finale is headed. I’m going to be right there on the sidelines cheering him on. He can do this. I just know it.
