Episode 411:
Raising Funds and Fundraisers
Of course there weren’t any Brian and Justin scenes and I suppose that’s what has some people up in arms but hey, to each his own. B/J is what I choose to write about and their lack of screen time this week makes it hard for me to find something to talk about but I’m not one of the fans that only watch for B/J. I consider myself to be a QAF fan first, B/J shipper second. But seriously, if I wrote about all the characters, can you imagine how long these things would be? That is a scary thought. So that’s why I only write B/J, that and the fact that their relationship seems to be the most unusual and needs the most explaining. I’ve never found the rest of the stories to be completely boring… well, except maybe Lindsay and Melanie but even they had my interest in this episode. So for the sake of continuity, since I know that seems to be very important to a lot of people, I’m still writing another chapter of the saga to cover the lone B/J scene (just because it’s short doesn’t mean that it doesn’t say something about their relationship) and Brian’s interaction with the new scum bag plot device, uh, I mean with Jeffrey.
So as always, I’ll start with the theme for the episode and an introduction to cover the other character’s involvement in the theme. I imagine though, that the intro this week may be longer than the B/J parts. But eh, what’s a girl to do? They didn’t give me much to work with except some fan-girly squeeing. So, of course, I’ll do that as we go…
The central theme seemed to be about what Lindsay was telling Sam.
My house has many rooms.
I occupy but a few.
The rest go unvisited.
So what does that mean? In the broadest of senses, it’s about wishes and things you thought about for yourself but decided to put on the shelf… to lock away in a room and never go there for whatever reason... the different rooms that we all have in our lives and our second thoughts about leaving certain ones unvisited. The gang was going about their lives as they knew it, but then something came along that held a key and they found themselves unlocking rooms that hadn’t been explored yet (Hunter) or that had, but for the wrong reasons (Lindsay) or just that the door had only been partway opened but not completely (Drew). Some liked their new habitat, some were concerned by it, some out right wished they hadn’t gone down there at all. But the one thing they all had in common was that their second thoughts brought about questions. Questions that needed answers. Answers that wouldn’t come easily.
Lindsay/Sam/Melanie – Let’s start with Lindsay and get her out of the way. I’ll discuss a little more detail during her scene with Brian but for now I just want to say… I don’t hate her. When she came home last week after her indiscretion with Sam, she was mortified at what she’d done. That face showed guilt. Does that make it okay? No. But it explains a lot as to why it happened in the first place. Lindsay’s second thoughts had nothing to do with being straight, gay, or bi. Her second thoughts were that she cheated, period. Like I said in the beginning, this wasn’t about her being attracted to Sam as a man. It was about how he made her feel. He awakened her inspiration as Melanie figured out, something that Melanie was unable to do. I know that sounds trite, but it happens.
So that brings up a question… what is Melanie so upset about? That Lindsay cheated? Or that Lindsay cheated with a man? We all know Melanie cheated in Season 1… not that two wrongs make a right, but she can’t really complain about Lindsay’s affair without being a hypocrite. When Melanie cheated, Lindsay did not kick her out… Melanie left and Lindsay even said, “You don’t have to.” So the little tryst that Melanie had with MaryAnn was forgivable to Lindsay. She saw it as a symptom to their problem and wanted to work on the problem. I think in that regard, Lindsay thinks like Brian. She’s able to separate sex from love and may not believe whole-heartedly in the monogamy concept. She believes in love and commitment but maybe not that sex equals love. So I’m very interested in where Melanie’s head is at. I don’t much like Melanie in general so I hope this doesn’t make me hate her, but I have a feeling her problem is that the affair was with a man.
Which brings us to Sam. Like I said, I don’t think that sex equals love to Lindsay, and that’s what she’s trying to convey to him at the gallery and then later at the house. They can never do that again. She does not love him, it was a mistake, a road she shouldn’t have traveled because she’s in a committed relationship. Sam thought that Lindsay’s giving in to him was a sign of her pent up frustration to be with a man. It wasn’t. Her quote, which seems to be a mish-mash of thoughts from a lot of different places, the Bible included (John 14:2), is absolutely perfect to describe what is happening with her.
In previous episodes we’ve heard Lindsay say things about what she thought her life would be like. She thought that she’d marry a man and have a big wedding. She thought at one point that she would spend her future with Brian. No doubt that vision comes from her WASP upbringing and the general consensus that that’s what little girls are supposed to want. But those dreams were to never become realities because she’s a lesbian. Those desires, those dreams, those wants were locked away. She could never be happy living those dreams, in those rooms, because it’s the rest of the house that holds what she truly wants… who she truly is. That doesn’t mean the dreams don’t exist or that the rooms aren’t there. She made a choice. Not a choice to be gay, that’s not a choice and that’s not the message the show is sending. The choice she made was to live a gay life. Out, open and fulfilled by the things that make up the rest of her house. Being a lesbian, being a mother, being an artist. She chose to not live in the one room that led to marrying a man and having the big wedding. Of course, that’s the room that would have made her parents happy, but she chose to not go there and to be true to herself instead. Unlike Drew. See the connection?
All Sam did was make Lindsay visit the room where she kept her artistry – in the physical sense - the attic studio that Leda built back in Season 2. It was a room that she hadn’t visited in quite a while. And why? Because she was too busy living in the parts of the house where she was a wife and a mother. He unlocked THAT door, not the door to the heterosexual life and the big wedding.
Oh, and Thea was awesome in the last scene. The subtle looks on her face showed her pain just like last week when she came home guilt-ridden. I think this is the first time that I’ve ever felt her on this level.
Emmett/Drew – How sad is this whole story? Awfully sad. This just broke my heart in a million pieces. I had a feeling that Drew would fall for Emmett and it’s evident that he has by the first scene. He enjoys his company and seems to like the person he is when he’s with Emmett. Drew is enjoying the time he is spending in that part of his house. But he can’t let anyone know. It’s a secret. This just sucks and it makes me question Emmett. Why is the most out and proud, flame burning bright Emmett so willing to live on the down-low with this guy? Well, it started because of a hot piece of ass but it’s quickly become something more. Now it’s because he’s falling in love, as he admits to Ted. Gulp. Oh Emmett. Dang it.
I still haven’t given up on Drew, I’m not ready to jump ship yet even though he really hurt Emmett. I still see the capacity of Emmett hurting him just as much. Drew has obviously never been involved with a man on this level before. It’s probably always been the get in/get out type of thing, so he’s falling. He really is. And the scene at the football game actually proves it. Emmett is occupying one room in Drew’s house. Sierra and football and his fame occupy the rest so when Emmett showed up at the game, Drew’s house suddenly became way too crowded. Drew reacted to push Emmett back into the room where he belonged. He grabbed Sierra and planted one on her, tongue and all, a type of kiss that he hasn’t given Emmett yet. He not only put Emmett back in his place, he slammed the door and locked it. You know that hurt. And that’s why he didn’t show up at the hotel. He ended the relationship, it was just too crowded and he chose to leave that room unvisited. He made a choice. Not a choice to be straight, but to live a straight life. Tough stuff. Very tough stuff. Emmett’s wait in the hotel room was so heartbreaking and watching his scene with Ted was just, guh. In scenes like this, I just adore Peter; I always feel his pain. Always. And I love that Emmett and Ted are becoming friends again.
Michael/Ben/Hunter – Gee, Hunter. How awfully sad. I was hating his mother before but now I just want to lock her up in a maximum security prison where they keep all the most heinous rapists and just let them have at her. Okay, I know that’s disgusting, but really… how could anyone do this to their child? It just brings up all the anger I feel towards her again, I can’t help it. So okay. He’s straight. Is this so bad? Why does this have everyone up in arms? I get that this is supposed to be about queers and that this now adds another straight into the mix, but come on… isn’t a straight kid living with and being raised by gay parents an issue that should be addressed on this show? What did we want to happen? Wait for Gus or the new baby to grow up straight to deal with this? There’s no time. Only one season left. Hunter is the one to make this come to life, and I think it’s been part of the plan all along. That’s why his sexuality was never discussed last season.
And the crush on Brian? That means nothing. All the boy had ever known was men. He was living on the street where he interacted with other male hustlers and scuzzy male Johns. The only female interaction he had was with his mother. And gee, would you like women if that was your only female contact? Men were what he knew. Men were his comfort zone. And look at the men he was getting… old men, not so good-looking men, like Reichert and the old guy that winked at Justin when they were in the hustler bar. And in walks Brian. Young, beautiful, successful. So if men were to be his life, then why not Brian? He’s the cream of the crop for Pittsburgh. That’s setting your goals pretty high if you ask me.
But then he moves in with Ben and Michael, and he’s happy as hell to get out of the hustler life. He goes to school where there happens to be females and **boom**, he discovers that men are not what gets him there. He starts having second thoughts about what his desires are. A room had been discovered that he didn’t even know he had locked away. He was made and told to “love” men by his mother, much like Lindsay’s parents told her to love men and Drew’s parents told him to love women. This thing with Hunter is the typical way things are… only in reverse (kind of like the reverse Wizard of Oz theme from 314). He wasn’t coerced into straight-dom by his parents like most kids are… he was coerced into gay-dom. But it’s not his world and once he got the chance to act on his feelings, he realized he couldn’t live the lie any longer. It’s the exact opposite of Lindsay and Drew and that’s why the scene where he tells Michael and Ben is played out as the exact opposite as to how it goes when gay kids tell their straight parents. Just as Ben said, substitute “boy” and you have his conversation with his parents. It was funny, yet very moving as well. He actually questioned if Michael and Ben would still love him. Don’t gay kids question this about their straight parents, too, if they were to tell them they’re gay?
And bless Michael for worrying. Gee, don’t all parents worry constantly that we’re doing right by our kids? I can’t say that I’ve ever thought that my daughter would be better off with someone else, but dang, I worry constantly that I could mess her up. I’m going to go out on a limb and say this may have been some of the better acting we’ve seen from Sparks. I was moved, touched, and I felt his worry. It’s unfounded, of course, just like mine is. All you have to do is love your kids. You don’t have to be like them any more than they have to be like you. It’s just love that they need, no matter what room in the house they end up occupying.
Deb/Horvath – Um. Well I’m happy for them. Debbie has second thoughts about wanting Horvath to occupy a room in her house. Debbie looked great in the red dress. Fairy Emmett can come dress me anytime. Katherine looked like a prude from the fifties. The woman had no hip-ness whatsoever. Horvath then has second thoughts about needing a little wildness in his house. Luckily for us, most of their story was conjoined with the Drew/Emmett story or I would have been doubly bugged by it. Oh, and I can’t forget… Horvath’s, “I can meet the team?” really made me laugh. He’s just such a “guy”. You know the kind… sittin’ at the bar on a Sunday afternoon, watching the game, chugging back a few beers and gobbling up peanuts. **shivers** Did I need this story line? No, I didn’t. I would say this is the one that doesn’t really matter. It’s not addressing anything having to do with being gay in today’s world. Yes, it’s interesting. Yes, I care about Debbie. Yes, it’s sweet that the older folks are finding love. Yes, the cantaloupe cracked me up. Yes, I love Sharon. But… sorry. Don’t need it. Isn’t there some more furniture that needs moving or something? I know someone that does a really fabulous job at that.
One more thing before getting to B/J – the meat of the show. **wink** Everyone knows I’m kind of a watchdog of sex scenes on this show. No particular reason, just figure each one means something so blah, blah, blah. Anyway, there were four kisses in this episode. All to the opposite sex. Hunter to his girlfriend. Horvath to Debbie. Sam to Lindsay. Drew to Sierra. Um, hello? I was watching QUEER as Folk, right? Now I don’t mind a few here and there, I mean, straight people DO kiss and all, but if they are going to expose us to straights kissing on what is supposed to be a queer program then they have to offset every straight kiss with at least two gay kisses. That’s the rules. I just made them. So they officially owe me eight man-on-man lip-locks. I’ll give you one guess who I’m demanding them to be from…
Kinnetik Photo Shoot
Episode opens at Drew’s photo shoot for the Brown Athletics underwear ads. Drew is not a happy camper. It seems that he’s shy about being in his skivvies. This is actually very telling. Drew has an inferiority complex. Hmmm. This could be why he doesn’t have the backbone required to stand up and say to the world, “Hey, I’m gay!” I’m not going to go into all that Drew stands to lose if he came out, we’ll talk about that next week. But you know… this shyness is connected somehow. In areas where he is successful, he is very confident. Sex. Lots of women want him, and it doesn’t seem like he’s had any problem finding men either, and I would say they’ve all told him that he has a great body. Football. His record speaks for itself. So as he stands behind his wardrobe of fame, of being “Drew Boyd”, he’s confident and arrogant. But remove the clothes, strip him down to his skivvies, or in other words take away his fame and the Drew Boyd conglomerate, then he’s just shy little Drew. Someone not worthy that seems to feel a bit inferior. That’s the purpose of this scene. This is why he’s shy about being in his underwear and why he’s more comfortable with his clothes on. The underwear is symbolic for his hidden gayness… his clothes are symbolic for his straight facade. Now that is brilliant symbolism.
Drew: I don’t give a shit, I need to talk to him now.
Stewart, I can’t do this. I–I–I-I won’t do this. I’ll give the goddamn money back.
I know that. I know that.
Yeah.
Drew paces around, barking at this agent. Rage, I mean, Brian waltzes in to save the day. Seriously, did you expect anything else? Trouble = Brian the Savior. Now that Brian is back working full time, Ted has morphed back into Ted and can’t handle things. There’s only room for one Brian, you know.
Brian: What the fuck is going on here?
Photographer: Your subject’s being most uncooperative.
Ted: He said he made a big mistake. He’s talking with his agent.
B: Well, did you remind him that he had a contract?
T: Yeah, well, I thought we’d leave that little tidbit to you.
Yep, Ted is back to being Ted. Confidence, Ted, confidence! Don’t let those big burly tops push you around. Be like Brian. Be like Pitts9x6. Stand up for yourself! Have some balls! We know you can do it.
Drew: And you’re going to fucking listen to me, I’m going to leave here right now. Do you understand me?
No, I’m not going to grin and bare it. You gotta get me out of this.
B: Anything I can do to help?
D: Yeah, you can get me my pants.
B: Before I do that, why don’t we discuss your concerns?
D: There’s nothing to discuss, I’m not doing it.
B: Uh, it’s a little bit late for that, isn’t it?
D: I’m Drew Boyd. I call the shots.
B: Except when I have the ball.
Ugh. In the beginning of 406, it was, “the guy’s got balls”, now it’s just “I have the ball”. I can’t take anymore ball jokes. Please make it stop! I’m dying here. Leave the man alone, already!!! But this time, having the ball is language that Mr. Quarterback can understand. He actually breaks down his tough exterior and explains to Brian what the problem is.
D: I feel kind of exposed, you know. I’m not used to standing around in my shorts.
Is this how Emmett made him feel at the football game? Exposed?
B: What about in the locker room? You stand around in a lot less.
D: In the locker room, everyone’s showing their ass.
Hmmm. If there were other gays, then it would be okay for him to be gay. Boy, if that wasn’t a testament for the need for all gays to come out, I don’t know what is. Strength in numbers and all that. It’s a valid argument for hating these celebrities that are in the closet. But seriously, can you really blame them? No one wants to be the one to blaze the trail and make that first sacrifice. And it would be a sacrifice… so with that in mind, it would have to be someone strong, someone that doesn’t feel exposed when he’s the only one standing around in his shorts.
But politics aside… there’s another point to this scene and it’s called entertainment. Brian arches an eyebrow and you know what that means. Some kind of craziness is about to happen and Poof!
We cut to everyone standing around in their skivvies. (See? Drew would feel better about coming out if everyone else did it with him. Ahh. How sweet.) Okay, remember last week when I made a funny-haha about the crazy man that owns Kinnetik, Inc.? Well, he’s at it again. Now he’s making his employees strip down to their underwear. I’ll tell ya… what a boss! I’d be totally torn about whether to walk out in disgust at the audacity of him telling me that I had to undress to keep my job and wanting to do it just to stick around this sick and twisted place just to see what’s gonna happen next. What a conundrum!
Oh, did I mention that everyone was in their skivvies? That includes Brian! THAT’s the entertainment part! I don’t care one iota that it’s the same underwear that Justin made fun of him for wearing in 408. Underwear is underwear. He can wear whatever kind he wants. Suits me just fine. Uh huh. Well, unless he wears the unflattering boxers that Ted-Schmed is wearing. Huh uh.
T: Christ, he’s hot. What a pity, he’s straight.
B: Well even if he weren’t, you think he’d fuck you wearing those?
T: Wasn’t expecting to be standing around in my shorts.
Now, I have to ask this. Just why the hell is Ted covering his nipples with his fingertips? Is this his idea of modesty because **gasp** there’s women in the room? Crack me up. The guy is once again acting like a complete dork. I guess you can dress up the package but you can’t really change what’s inside the box. So sad.
B: I don’t know if he’s going to sell any underwear, but he sure as hell is going to sell a shit-load of Kleenex.
T: Oh yeah.
Dang… I love drooling Brian. How often do we see him lusting after someone else? Not very often. And we get this in the same episode that we get outsiders flirting with Justin. My, how the tides have turned. Interesting.
Liberty House
Michael and Justin and then Melanie and Ted are delivering furniture to the Liberty House AIDS hospice.
Gene: Nice chest.
Resident: I’ll say.
Michael: I think he was talking about the furniture.
Resident: That too.
M: Uncle Vic left it to the hospice in his will.
G: He was always a good friend and a great supporter.
Ahh, a gratuitous Justin scene. That’s nice. This is the first of only three very short Justin scenes for this episode so we need to savor it. Oh and don’t worry about the volume because he doesn’t speak, not one word. But when the guy flirts with him, he smiles, twice, and kind of blushes so gratuitous or not, I’ll take it. Justin blushing and smiling always makes great screen grabs. He’s just so purdy, you know. And besides, I always love it when Justin gets flirted with.
But I just have to ask… why is Randy the actor on call every time there’s some furniture that needs to be moved? Melanie and Lindsay’s new mattress, Ethan’s dumpster sofa, Vic’s chest and then the later Barcelona chair. I mean, really… he doesn’t appear to be a man of great strength here. Where’s he hiding all these muscles? I don’t remember seeing Ben lifting any heavy furniture… (well, except Deb’s refrigerator). Maybe Ben’s like my husband who says his muscles are “just for looks” and not for lifting heavy objects. For that… you need a Justin or in the case of my house, me.
G: Oh, I can’t tell you how much we appreciate this. We need all the help we can get.
Melanie: Hopefully this new event coordinator will come through.
G: He’d better.
Ted: Well, they say he raised over a million dollars for the hospice in Cincinnati so…
G: A million? My God, if we raise half that we’ll be in heaven. Here, let me take that. Thanks.
Well, at least now we know the whole scene wasn’t just to give us that beautiful Sunshine smile, there was actually a purpose. To tell us that the hospice was in need of money and that a new fund raiser was coming to save the day. And Ted told us that this new guy was some kind of miracle worker. That’s a big anvil if I ever saw one. Oh, AND they gave the foreshadowing sum of $500,000 as the amount that will create heaven on earth for the Liberty House. They might as well just write the check right now because we know they’ll probably get it.
Kinnetik
Cut to Kinnetik where guilt-ridden Lindsay is seeking relationship advice from relationship-phobic Brian. Will these people ever learn?
Lindsay: What have I done? Now he wants to see me again and of course, I told him no, it’s out of the question. We can never ever do that again.
Brian: Is he hung?
L: Oh, Briiii-aann!
B: I’m just curious. You’re the last person I ever thought I’d discuss dick with.
L: This isn’t about dick.
B: Since when?
L: I love Melanie.
B: Sure you do.
L: Then how could I have…
B: … fucked a guy?
L: It’s not possible.
B: Anything’s possible. Explaining it is the tricky part.
L: But I’ve always been, you know…
B: …a carpet muncher?
See? It’s not about dick. It’s really not. It wouldn’t have mattered if Sam was Sam or Samantha. If any artist, that had inspired her, that she had admired, made her feel that way, she would have done it. The reason her act brought up questions is because the artist that did all that, happened to be a guy. Which to Lindsay, “is not possible”. But as Brian says… anything’s possible. And yes, explaining it is the tricky part because everyone assumes it’s about dick. She reiterates again, “I’ve always been…” and she told Sam that over and over and over.
I’ll admit the whole vibrator scene last week threw me. I was sure my inspiration theory was dead because that certainly made it appear to be about dick. But I get it now due to some in depth discussions with a friend. It became about dick in that scene with Melanie because that happened to be what was attached to the person she was having these feelings for. She thought she could avoid the feelings by avoiding the person, hence why she missed the opening, so she sought to have those feelings satisfied with her wife, her lover. But it didn’t work. Why? Because it’s not about dick… it’s about Sam, the person, not what he has attached to him. Her feelings of pent up artistry were awakened by him, and it manifested itself in a sexual way. She’s still a lesbian, she just happens to be a lesbian who cheated on her partner. The fact that it was a man is irrelevant to her. Sadly, it may not be irrelevant to Melanie.
L: Except for that one time college when you and I… but that was just…
B: …mid-summer’s madness.
Well, that answers that. The ambiguous statement from 101 has been clarified beyond a shadow of a doubt. Proof positive... Brian and Lindsay had sex together. Gee, aren’t you glad to clear up that ancient debate? What I like about these conversations between Brian and Lindsay is that they are so easy for Brian. He doesn’t have to tip-toe with Lindsay. He can say what he wants, they understand each other. He’s constantly finishing her sentences for her because her WASP background just won’t let her lips utter some words. I find it rather endearing. I’m assuming that they were some kind of pals that summer and maybe had just a little bit too much to drink and a little bit too much curiosity… I don’t think they had yet formed the level of friendship commitment that they have now. The sex itself may have been what solidified the bonding of the friendship. Them sharing something so intimate together and realizing that it was mistake… it created a bond that Brian may not have thought he could’ve had with a woman.
B: Still, there is a part of you that every decade or so, doesn’t object to a stiff prick. Believe me, I understand.
Interesting… Now we have the answer to another highly debated topic among B/J groups… Brian’s bottoming desires. It appears to me that what he’s saying is that there is a small part of him that doesn’t object every decade or so, hence Justin getting some in 214 when he needed it. I’m sure it’s more often than every ten years but just in case it’s not then I guess this explains why we don’t see it and why we won’t be seeing it happen again. You know, the fifth season being the last would prevent that. The show will end before it’s been ten years from 214. So I guess if we want a Justin-topping-Brian scene we’ll have to hope for a reunion special five years from now. Drat!
L: I’m not sure Melanie would.
B: Then don’t tell her.
L: You’re a big help.
B: Hey, it’s okay to like cock and it’s okay to like pussy, just not at the same time.
And before some freak out over this... Brian is not talking about himself here. This is a general statement for everyone, for Lindsay. It’s okay to be straight. It’s okay to be gay. Neither is wrong, it’s what she feels inside that matters. And only she knows what she feels and she’s said numerous times, she’s a lesbian. Brian is NOT saying here that it’s okay to like pussy because he does. That is NOT what he’s saying at all. He doesn’t. He equates that with the same disdain as he does going to the woods and frolicking with the faeries. He no likey. Not one bit. Even Lindsay’s bit in college was called a “madness”. We don’t have any worries about Brian slipping to the other side.
Brian is right about not telling Melanie. Yes, honesty is the best policy but this place that Lindsay went to is a place that most gay couples don’t want to deal with and I suspect that Lindsay’s comment about Mel not understanding is along the same lines of so many not understanding what she’s going through. That’s why Brian said explaining it is the tricky part. I understand that sexuality can be fluid for some people, but it’s not with others, myself included. I would suspect that in this issue, Melanie would feel inadequate to compete for what Lindsay is feeling. It’s an unfair playing field. She cannot do anything about this part of Lindsay’s desires, and if Lindsay’s decided to not visit that room of her house again, then it’s best to just let it go. In this case, Melanie not being told is probably the smartest way to handle it. But alas… Sam messes that up for her when he shows up at the house with his dreams of them running off together.
B: So… which one do you like?
It may not be about dick, but now that Brian knows he can discuss dick with Lindsay, he wants her opinion on Drew and which picture looks hot. I would say before this conversation, he wouldn’t have asked her but now that she’s slept with Sam, her opinion counts. She’s been initiated into the “club” and is now an authority on dick that earns Brian’s respect because it’s something he “understands”. After all, his didn’t count… he’s bent and it was just a mid-summer’s madness. Very cute and funny. But… you can tell by the look on Lindsay’s face that she is no more “in the club” now than she was before. It wasn’t about dick so she’s still not an authority on the subject and looks at the photos of Drew with this strange confusion on her face. Which actually makes this even funnier because to Brian, it’s always about dick.
Babylon
Dancing sequence at Babylon with tons of bikes and guys in biker shorts. Hmmm. Do you think the theme has anything to do with a bike ride? Well, you don’t have to wait long for your answer. Zoom to Ted.
Ted: Sign up here for the Liberty Ride. If you can’t ride, we’ll gladly accept donations.
Ah, so it’s a charity thing. A charity thing that’s called the Liberty Ride. So that’s why there’s so many bikes all over Babylon. Gee, I’m so smart sometimes. Could this be anything like the AIDS Rides? Hmm. Guess we’ll have to wait and see. But first! Justin! Wow, in a second scene… and he has lines! Two of them! I’m in shock, I tell you.
T: How we doing?
Justin: Thirty-seven riders so far. One guy offered me a thousand dollars if I’d show him my cock.
T: Hope you said yes.
Entrepreneur Justin flashes Ted the check. Good boy. See? He’s not just some blond bimbo that knows how to lift furniture. He’s got brains too. He knows how to use his blondness to make money. And with another flash of his smile, the second Justin scene of the night goes by in a flash. So once again he was put into a scene because of his good looks and flirtiness, but this time it’s not about his sunshine smile, it’s about his cock. Brian’s may be beee-u-tiful but can it bring in a thousand dollars? You know, it’s that supply and demand thing that I talked about in 401. Brian’s blowjobs may be more scarce than Justin’s but everyone’s seen (and done things to) Brian’s cock so I can’t imagine it’d be worth that much just to take a peek at it. I’d say a donation of that size is reserved more for the rare delicacy of cocks that are attached to blonds with the perfect twink physique and a great ass.
Cut to the stage where GLC leaders Ben and Melanie are ready to make a speech. Did the GLC fire Tannis and her trusty side kick in order to put a more appealing spokes couple in front of potential donators? This makes the second time that Ben and Melanie are leading the way for a GLC event.
Ben: May we have your attention please? Everyone.
Melanie: Thank you so much for coming out tonight in support of Liberty Ride.
B: Profits will be going to help keep the Liberty House hospice open so let’s try to raise as much money as we possibly can.
M: In order to do that the center’s enlisted one of the top fund raisers in North America. A man who gave up a lucrative law practice in Toronto to make millions for various organizations with his walk-a-thons, dance-a-thons, marathons, triathlons, you name it, he’s found a way to make money out of it.
B: We’re fortunate to have his help and support so let us introduce you to Jeffrey Pendergrass.
Jeffrey: Thank you all very much. It’s great to be here in Pittsburgh. I want to thank those at the Gay and Lesbian Center and all their supporters for asking me to help make this the best and most profitable event ever. I hope you all sign up, get on your bikes and cross the finish line but tonight let’s all have a good time, huh?
Hmmm, isn’t that telling? “Gave up a lucrative law practice.” “…found a way to make money out of it.” Think maybe the guy’s found a way to make enough money doing the charities that his law practice wasn’t so lucrative after all? Sounds like maybe this is like the AIDS Rides.
It also sounds like something Brian would be creative enough to pull off… just like he did in 303. But you want to know the difference between Brian and this guy and the real Jeffrey (Dan Pallotta) that was in charge of the AIDS Rides? Brian told the GLC up front that he was taking a 30% cut and then promised to deliver $100,000, which meant he was guaranteeing them a net of $70,000. That was boo-coos more than they had taken in the previous years so it was a win-win situation. There was no deception on Brian’s part. And because he paid Justin for the poster, it appeared to me that he paid for some of the expenses out of his cut. (I doubt the carnival itself, but at least some things…)
Anyway… back at the bar, Brian is skeptical. He knows a successful businessman when he sees one and he can spot a liar a mile away… (Remember Ethan? Bwahahaha)
Jeffrey: One of those. Thanks.
Brian: Buy you a drink?
J: It’s open bar. The party’s on me.
B: Nothing is free.
Touche’, thinks Jeffrey… Brian might be someone he’ll like. He introduces himself and I always get a little nervous when Brian shakes hands with the devil. The cancer should have taught him that he’s not so indestructible and should be very careful who he gets in bed with.
J: Jeffrey Pendergrass.
B: Brian Kinney. Just an observation Jeffrey, but wouldn’t the money that you’re spending here tonight to say, “Hello Pittsburgh, hello,” be better spent to help keep the hospice open?
J: Actually Brian, I find that when the drinks flow freely, so do the donations.
Mel: Is this guy bothering you, Jeffrey?
J: No, not at all. Just revealing some of my underhanded business practices. Well, I better go work the room. Hope we can count on your pledge Brian.
M: What the hell was all that about?
B: You know me, Mel. Always stirring up the shit.
Well, ain’t that the truth? We can already tell where this story is going… Brian will be the lone hold out and be the only one to see the guy for what he really is. A bullshitter knows a bullshitter. In a way, this guy is this year’s Stockwell. Someone else to prey upon Brian’s community. And well, you do that and you have to face Rage… the protector of Gayopolis.
Kinnetik
Moving onto Kinnetik and Brian at work because, well, we haven’t had enough Brian at work scenes this season. Just kidding. I actually like Brian at work. It beats lying on operating tables, getting zapped by over-grown ray-guns, or heaving into a toilet. Yeah, stick him behind his desk as much as you want, all kinds of fun stuff happens at Kinnetik.
Brian: What?
Cynthia: There’s a Jeffrey Pendergrass to see you. He says he doesn’t have an appointment.
B: He wants to hit on me.
C: Who doesn’t?
B: Except he wants money. Send him in.
C: Okay. You can go in.
Hmmm, a guy that wants money and not sex from Brian. Yep, definitely straight. And other than Carl, straight guy on QAF means asshole. So that’s our first clue that this guy’s gonna be trouble. Gee, all these heteros are giving me a headache.
Jeffrey: They tell me you’re the guy to get in bed with.
B: Well you’ll have to come back after office hours for that.
J: I know you’re a busy man so let me cut to the chase.
B: Christ! I hate that expression.
J: I understand you’re one of the most successful gay businessmen in Pittsburgh.
B: Whoever told you that was dead wrong. I’m THE most successful gay businessman.
J: All the more reason then.
Ahhh, I just love Brian. I love that he’s succeeded in what we all knew that he could and I just LOVE that he knows what he’s accomplished. Even with turning some things over to Ted, even with his absence for surgery and taking time off for radiation, his creativity allowed him to nail the big clients and be THE most successful gay businessman in Pittsburgh. A tad unrealistic maybe, but who cares? I love it. And smug, confident Brian is always a treat unless, of course, if he’s being smug with Justin. That’s where I draw the line.
J: I’d like your clients to be corporate sponsors for the Liberty Ride.
B: I see. Let me cut to the chase. What’s in it for them and more important, what’s in it for me?
J: Two very good questions. First, your client’s contributions will generate publicity and goodwill that advertising can’t buy plus they’ll be cultivating product loyalties in a market that has hundreds of billions of disposable income.
B: I already know that.
He sure does. That market share is exactly what has made him so successful. See? That’s what I love. In almost all of his ad campaigns, he’s appealing to the gay market share. Yes, they’re all about sex… but sex that will appeal to the gay community. So the show has made Brian a success because of the gay market’s hundreds of billions of dollars of disposable income. That’s a good message to send and they send it every single time Brian creates a new campaign.
B: My second question.. what’s in the crackerjack box for me?
J: A very personal thank you from me and a warm gooey feeling inside.
B: Oh… hahahaha. Jeffrey you disappoint me. I thought you would’ve come up with something more original than that. So do we have time for one last question? What’s in it for you?
J: A living.
B: Finally, an honest answer. How refreshing.
J: Anything wrong with that?
B: Not at all. I’m all in favor of people making money. What I’m not in favor of is telling others how to spend it.
J: It’s for a worthy cause. Besides, they can afford it.
B: That’s very true but it’s not a reason why they should give it to you.
J: Well how about this then… it wouldn’t be very good for your clients PR if they were perceived as being homophobic and it wouldn’t help your reputation much if word got out that you were insensitive to the neediest members of your community.
Ooops. Jeffrey’s wrong. Brian already does have a reputation for being insensitive to the neediest members of the community. Just ask Tannis and what’s his name from the GLC… Brian has never taken credit for his generosity and whoever told him that Brian was the most successful gay businessman should have also told him that Brian doesn’t do charities. We know differently, Justin and the gang may know differently, but the general public doesn’t. It’s common practice that the superhero’s alter ego never gets credit for what their masked protector does. That’s just the way it is… so the real threat here is to Brian’s clients. Brian knows and understands bad PR and if that happened, he would have to work twice as hard to undo the damage.
B: Why Jeffrey. Are you turning the screws on me?
J: Of course not. I’m merely pointing out why it’s so important that we all open our hearts and checkbooks and give as generously as we can.
Yep. Jeffrey made a big mistake. Brian doesn’t react so well when he’s backed into a corner. And he has a computer and knows how to surf the net for information. He found the goods on Vance when he needed to and he dug up the dirt on Stockwell and if I can find information on the real AIDS Ride scandal then I have no doubt that Brian could find the fictional information just as easily.
If you want to read the stuff that I found about the AIDS Ride and Dan Pallotta or Palotta or Pallota (the website actually had it spelled all three ways… go figure) you can go to this link. Once there, there are numerous other links off of it. Lots of articles, interviews, etc. Very informative.
http://members.tripod.com/~homeo/wheels3.html
Okay, back to Brian and Jeffrey trying to screw him. Screwing Brian? That’s funny. Jeffrey must not be educated in these matters. Brian’s a total top, except when the moon is in the southern half and Jupiter aligns with Mars or every decade or so... so obviously Jeffrey screwing Brian just ain’t gonna happen. If anyone’s getting screwed, it’s the PD.
Pittsburgh Hotel
After a few of the other scenes in the show we move back to Rage and his newest villain. This time, Jeffrey’s hotel room. Supposed to be posh and expensive. Hee! And Jeffrey’s in his bathrobe. No move from him or Brian. Jeffrey’s excuse? He’s definitely straight. Brian’s? Eh, he’s just not interested in the slimeball. Brian has standards these days.
Jeffery: Champagne?
Brian: No thanks. Makes me puke. I’m serious. I can knock back a dozen tequilas… no problemo. One glass of that stuff and its, ou est la toilette?
J: That’s too bad. You know this champagne is very…
B: …expensive? What is that, two-twenty a pop?
Now, we know from 406 and other previous episodes that Brian can and does drink champagne. So why does he go through this dramatic spiel about champagne making him heave? Well, because Jeffrey’s two hundred and twenty dollar bottle of champagne was bought and paid for by charitable donations as a result of his underhanded business practices. That is what makes him sick so he can’t drink it. This champagne is tainted. He can’t seem to bring himself to eat the caviar either.
J: Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and um…
B: Please be my guest.
Heee! Snarky Brian doesn’t want to see this guy standing around in his bathrobe. I don’t either. The guy’s too stiff and I don’t mean that in a positive, life-affirming way. While he’s off putting on some clothes, Brian examines the contents of multiple shopping bags. A man after his own heart. A shopper. The difference is, Brian “earns” his money the honest way.
B: Something tells me I’m in the wrong business.
J: Why is that?
B: The suite, the champagne, it seems charity work’s where the big bucks are these days.
J: It’s a living.
B: Yeah, a very good living.
J: So I assume you’ve given our conversation some thought.
B: Yeah, I’ve thought about it but before I get into bed with someone I like to do a little research. You just can’t be too careful these days.
J: Isn’t that the truth?
Gee, I remember a time when Brian would get into bed with any half-way decent looking guy that had a heartbeat.
J: So what did you find out?
B: That you’re one hell of a fundraiser.
J: Well, sorry you wasted the leg work there, I could’ve told you that.
B: Do you mind?
J: Be my guest.
B: It seems that the organizations don’t see much in the end. What with the fancy hotels, the expensive champagne, the caviar, lavish kick-off parties… which, by the way, the charities paid for, not you.
J: For how hard I work and for the amount I bring in, I deserve a nice lifestyle. Besides, everyone profits. Tax write-offs. Goodwill. Publicity. What’s the problem as long as everything’s on the up and up?
No problemo for Brian there. On the up and up is fine. Brian can relate to that. He felt he deserved that Corvette fair and square.
B: What about Denver?
J: What about Denver?
B: Well, didn’t some local AIDS organization sue you for swindling them out of money you spent on yourself?
J: Those were, those were totally legitimate business expenses, office travel…
B: More caviar?
J: No thanks. I… What are you saying, Brian?
B: Just that when some earnest do-gooder blows into town and starts threatening me unless I help them, I have a legitimate reason to ask a few questions… and get a few answers.
J: Those accusations were totally untrue and unsubstantiated but what they didn’t tell you is that they still made a quarter of a million even after my share.
B: Hmm. Imagine what they would’ve made before it. So, we’ll just make sure that every cent that’s raised here at your event in Pittsburgh goes exactly where it’s supposed to go.
Jeffrey should take notes. THAT’s how you put the screws on someone. Know who you’re dealing with, know their weaknesses and sic a watch dog on them. Let them know you’ll be watching… just to make sure that everything stays on the up and up.
Liberty House
Heading back to the Hospice and we get one chance to see the elusive blond boy. This time with Brian carrying in one of the many pieces of furniture that Brian sold off in 314. Can’t say that I’d noticed that he had repurchased that particular chair but maybe he had in storage or something. But no worries, this is not the Ice Cream Kisses chaise lounge. You know darn well that Justin would not be giving that away to some charity. There are limits!
Justin: Your Barcelona chair will look great in the living room.
Brian: Thanks for donating it for me.
J: Hey Gene. I got Brian to donate his two thousand dollar Barcelona chair.
B: Withholding sex has worked for centuries.
Now seriously. Who the hell believes that bit of crap? Wasn’t it just last week’s episode that Justin was moving mountains and traveling to the ends of the earth to have sex with Brian? No way would he be withholding it after their drought. They still haven’t made up for all the missed time yet. So… why the comment? Because… Brian never takes credit for his good deeds. He was just trying to make it out like he wasn’t really being charitable, that he was under duress to do the right thing and he only donated the chair because he wanted sex. It was his way to divert attention away from himself being nice. And of course Justin doesn’t like that, which is why he gives him that look of disapproval after he said it. Just cracks me up. So very couple-y.
And can you even imagine a Brian of season one or two or even three being willing to admit that someone has this much power over him or that someone could get him to do something he didn’t want to do? No way. Wouldn’t have happened at all. I think Brian really loves the hell out of having a “ball and chain”.
Oh, and Justin is talking! Sort of.
Gene: Thanks but before we can think of redecorating, we’re gonna need a roof over our heads. You know the guy who was organizing the Liberty Ride?
J: Jeffrey Pendergrass?
G: He was supposed to be at a meeting last night at the center. When he didn’t show up, we called his hotel. He checked out.
J: Checked out?
G: Seems he resigned.
B: What about the donations?
G: He sent a letter saying that they almost, but not quite, covered his expenses.
J: Oh shit.
G: The one thing we had even though we didn’t have funds, was hope. And now, we don’t even have that.
But you’ve still got Rage… who’s looking around the hospice and just like the Grinch who was touched by little Cindy-Lou Who on Christmas morning… his heart grew three sizes and it appears that Brian Kinney might actually want to get involved in **gasp** charity work.
And that’s all folks… Randy’s final scene of the night. Like Michelle in 407, I hope they don’t get paid by the word ‘cause he’d be needing a second job about now. **sigh** I missed Justin, I really did. If I don’t get my Justin fill, I tend to get a little cranky. Ooooh, Rage movie… yeah, let’s get back to that and give the man something to do besides moving furniture, showing his cock and standing around looking purdy (all of which he does quite well, by the way). I’m looking forward to 412 and have hope that Justin once again takes on a bigger role in the last three episodes, all the straights take on smaller ones, and that we get those eight man-on-man kisses that we are so overdue for.
