The Brian and Justin Saga Continues…
Why all the talk about sex? Why was sex threatening to destroy everyone? Why did sex seem to be the only thing on everyone’s mind? Well, Ted told us… “…and sex is our national pastime.” It’s definitely better than baseball, that’s for sure.
So, let’s talk about sex and see what the feeling is that everyone just can’t seem to fight… and since they gave it to us as an anthem for this episode, I’m gonna use my favorite of REO’s repertoire.
Drew/Emmett
I can’t fight this feeling any longer and yet I’m still afraid to let it flow.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you, I’ve been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I’m following you, girl.
‘Cause you take me to the places that alone I’d never find.
Emmett and Drew aren’t just talking about it, they’re doing it and well, Drew’s kind of a shit, isn’t he? I don’t have much tolerance for these closeted homosexuals that are closeted only because they think gays are sub-human. Sissys. Pansies. (Remember what Harry Hay said about Pansies.) I can deal with those that do it for fear of discrimination in the work place, but not because of their own negative attitude. And it’s because of that, I hated the way he talked in the beginning to Emmett. But it’s all a façade because his career is his fear and the awful comments more than likely are a result of his upbringing. He just needs some strength and maybe an attitude adjustment or two. And who better to dish it out than Emmett Honeycutt. I may be in the minority, but I like this story and I love Drew’s scenes with Emmett. Nice body (both of them), scrumptious butt (both of them) and the hotel sex <almost> rivaled the B/J hotel sex in 110. (Hey, I said ALMOST!) It was… um… guh! I mean, come on… they were knocking stuff over. It’s just not good unless something gets broken. <wink>
Emmett sure does have a knack for bringing guys out of the closet. Remember George, who lived a sheltered straight life and finally decided to “fuck ‘em all” because of Emmett? Well, now we have Drew. A man who can’t fight his feelings any longer so he lives on the down-low and has sex with men behind closed doors, away from prying eyes, all the while denying who he is. Why? Because his dreams of being a hero to millions over shadows everything else in his life. Because being gay would thwart all of his plans. He’s afraid to let his queerness flow, as the song says. And if the kiss that the I-don’t-kiss-men-Drew gave Emmett during their last scene together was any indication, I’d say that since he met Emmett, his life has been a whirlwind and he’s been running circles in his mind. A lot are worried that Emmett’s going to get hurt, I’m not so sure yet. Drew just might let Emmett take him places that he’d never go alone, you know? That’s putting a lot of faith in Emmett, but I love everything about him so I can’t see why Drew wouldn’t fall for him. I’m sending positive vibes in that direction for now so that the I-don’t-love-men-Drew might actually find that he can. Seriously, if Brian Kinney can fall in love, why not some football jock? But the real question is… if he finds that he can love Emmett, would he be willing to live with that love out and proud like Emmett or request that Emmett be his dirty little secret like Ethan asked of Justin for the sake of his career? Hmmm.
Lindsay/Sam
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars, forever.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door.
Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.
Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay… I don’t even know where to begin and to tell you the truth. I have no clue where her head’s at. And actually, I don’t care. Didn’t this I’m gay, no, wait a minute, I’m straight thing get told on The L Word, only in reverse? The only thing that I completely understand about where Lindsay is coming from is that she’s craving some, well, you know. I totally get that. But the thing is… I’m straight, I’m supposed to crave it. She’s a lesbian, so she’s not. But what do I know? I’m not going to pretend to get what she’s feeling and I think it’s best for me to sum it up by saying, there’s nothing to understand, she’s just a cwazy but confoosed wesbian. But okay, that’s hardly fair. This is what I think is happening… but I’m not 100% convinced of it yet.
IF she is grappling with some repressed hetero feelings, then what is happening is that her infatuation with Sam’s work and the fact that he rekindled her repressed inspiration, is what is bringing up these repressed cravings for… you know. So that’s understandable. But she’s married and she cheated. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Monogamy is in her contract with Melanie. This is not Brian and Justin. But infidelity withstanding, I will give her this much…
She felt the feelings coming to the surface and she consciously decided to run away from them. She’s married, a lesbian, etc. She shouldn’t be having those feelings. So… you have to admire her for trying to keep them suppressed and do the right thing. She tried to fight the feeling. Right? We have to give her props for that. She knew she was weak and knew it was best to stay as far away from him as possible. She missed the opening of a very important show for her gallery. That’s some serious fear and confusion and lack of trust in her ability to fight the feelings with him standing right there. I mean, really. She fought it hard… at first. But faced with it, touched by it (as in the kiss that he forcefully planted on her), she knew it was time to bring the ship to the shore, throw away the oars, just crash through the door and stop fighting the feelings. And boy did she ever. Loud screams and painting destruction and all. It’s just not good if something doesn’t get broken. Right? Too bad it’s going to be the hearts of Melanie, Gus and the new baby.
I’ll add one more thing and then move on… this whole storyline does seem to add validity to the argument that her feelings for Brian were more than friendship and she probably did harbor some secret desire that they would be a couple. No wonder Melanie has always been weirded out over Brian. He’s some tough competition, you know?
Michael/Ben
And even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight.
You’re a candle in the window, on a cold, dark winter’s night.
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can’t fight this feeling anymore, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for.
Ben may have wandered but luckily he didn’t get too far. He needed something to help build his self-esteem, fix his bruised ego, repair the damage done due to the scientific community’s rejection of his latest findings. (I love that real life spin stuff.) Enter Anthony. A character that has “bugged” me from the start. His beady eyes and high forehead. He just really bugged me. Now we find out why… he was a bug chaser. <shivers> Just breaks my heart and kind of makes me sick. I don’t know who all has seen “The Gift” but yowzaa… if you haven’t, you should. It’s all about these bug chasers and what makes them tick. It explains in greater detail what Anthony told Ben. They think (strongly believe) that becoming HIV + is a foregone conclusion for them since they’re gay. That they can play it safe and still get it. So in a sense they are living with fear (of course, it’s healthy fear, but they don’t see it that way) and living with it always in the back of their minds, living with worry over it. They feel trapped and stifled. And they feel that if they could just get it now and get the “conversion” over with then they no longer have to live with the fear or the worry. It’s done and they can move on. They are willing to make these huge sacrifices just so they can live “free” as they call it. That’s why Ben’s conversion was interpreted as a positive spiritual journey by Anthony. His transformation was viewed as liberation. It’s sad, misguided, and downright wrong but it’s very real. These bug chasers do exist.
And yes, this was a two-episode story and they didn’t go into Anthony’s history, but you know… it exists and QAF has documented it, put it out there, brought it to the masses. I mean, seriously, how many people watching this show knew about this part of the gay culture? I would say not everyone, so the goal was met. It was made public. And if you didn’t know about them, don’t think that Anthony’s conversion party where he had unprotected sex with at least a dozen positive men was Cow/Lip taking dramatic license. It wasn’t. In the documentary “The Gift”, it showed a boy throwing a conversion party for himself in honor of his 21st Birthday. I only saw the show once, but I think he said he had sex with over 70 guys that night (which seems really high, but it is the number I remember, I could be wrong) and he was pretty sure that it “took”. By the end of the show, they followed up with him and sure enough it took, he was positive. There’s all kinds of wrong about that and I’m not going to go into it, but go rent “The Gift” if you can… this issue does effect everyone.
Now there is the whole question about whether Ben cheated or not. I say yes even though he didn’t go with through with it. He didn’t physically cheat like Lindsay did, he emotionally cheated. He was starting to get into it and would have finished it if Anthony hadn’t given away his secret. So did Ben stop because of Michael and Hunter and his family? No. He mentioned them and attempted to ward off Anthony’s advances but when he assured him that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, Ben quit fighting it. He did eventually stop but only because he realized that Anthony had used him. Lied to him about why he liked him. Michael may have hurt him when he said he didn’t like his book, but hey, he was honest. Honesty was suddenly very important. Anthony’s revelation saved Ben from doing something he didn’t really want to do. I believe that’s what he wrote in the new story. The story’s resolution was about forgiveness for straying, for letting pride come between them. It wasn’t because Ben was hurt over Anthony using him. He admitted that he was wrong, he came clean and the story asked for forgiveness for that. For allowing his heart to stray. For being in that apartment in the first place. For not being able to fight the feeling. That’s what Michael had to forgive him for. Completely different kind of betrayal than what Lindsay did to Melanie. So with this view of how Ben told his story, I conclude that when Michael told Ben about his favorite part of the story, that was Michael telling Ben that he did forgive him and that’s why Ben smiled and hugged him tighter. He’d been given a second chance and he didn’t want to blow it.
So in the context that the new story dealt with the proper wrong-doings, I loved Ben telling Michael what happened through his writing since it was his writing that caused the rift in the first place. It showed true remorse for his actions so Michael can still trust him. It was a just ending to their story arc. I loved that Michael got it and understood that the story was about them. Just like how Michael uses his real life to tell the world about Zephyr’s adventures with the world famous paleontologist Professor Ken Krischner. Art imitating life. It seems Ben took a page from Michael’s book, learned something from his uneducated community college drop out boyfriend, and now has a hit on his hands. The new story was good because it was written from his heart. It had emotion and drew the reader in. Ben cared about the bug chaser and that honesty came out in the writing and made Michael care for him too. It’s like this experience was what Ben needed not only to improve his writing but to bring him closer to Michael. This change of events is eerily similar to Brian’s actions in 314 because of some asshole who spouted some inspiring words.
I loved the song and I loved the little quirky dance. Not as beautifully choreographed as B/J’s prom dance but just as heart felt if you ask me. It was very sweet and a moving way to show that they rode out the storm and they would keep on loving each other. I have to admit that I’m a little jealous that this blast from my past song wasn’t used for B/J, but I’ll get over it. Love is love.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t make note of the fact that the episode ended with this dance, with this song, with characters other than Brian or Justin. For the first time since Michael shut the medicine cabinet door in Season 2, I think that was 208. So that means 35 episodes in a row with Brian or Justin or Brian and Justin. (I don’t count the one time that Hunter walked off with Reikert because he did that as part of a B/J storyline.) This makes it a big deal. I guess the Mikey fans were due, it was time for him to fly, roll with the changes and get back on the road again to building a healthy relationship with Ben. (Can you tell that I really like REO Speedwagon?) In fact, this dance felt so significant that I would almost bet that there’ll be a shift and Michael and Ben will begin to end the final episodes for the rest of the season.
Brian/Justin
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever. I said there is no reason for my fear.
‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together.
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear.
Well, I’m going into too much detail here for them because that’s what the individual scene comments will do. But the things in this episode that involve their relationship have nothing to do with the sex that they are both so preoccupied with achieving. And it’s in the part of the song that I listed above. Brian’s learned that he doesn’t need to fear losing Justin or fear loving Justin. That he does have the strength to show how he feels. He’s now secure in their relationship and what they mean to each other. And this is evident by the sharing of the dreams, the fears, and his insecurity over the plastic ball.
Before we get into the meat of the show, let’s talk about Brian for a moment. Ahem, DANG! How’s that for eloquent prose? He was so gorgeous throughout this whole episode. The hair, the face, the body… Now I’ve always thought Gale was gorgeous, I’ve never hid that fact, but this was different. His sickly look was gone. The bad hair was gone. He just seemed… softer, innocent, vulnerable. Almost child-like and it makes me wonder. The last time I had this same thought about his looks in this way was in 304 during the confrontation with his mother and in 311 during the pot-smoking scene with Debbie. The only things those episodes have in common is the, “Mom, just love me for who I am” theme.
In one of my recaps from last season I used a quote from Jessica Rabbit to describe Brian’s character. “I’m not really bad, I’m just drawn that way.” I still believe that’s true and Debbie reminds us of that every season. In S1 she talked about his father not really knowing who he was and that he should reach out to him because regardless of how his life went with Jack, he was still his son and he was still worthy of Jack’s love. At the bar in 206 she pointed out to him that he was able to feel love for Justin and he shouldn’t be scared of it. At the loft in 311 she told him about his innate goodness and that she understood where his drive came from. And in this episode she tells God that Brian’s biggest organ is his heart. (And compared to the Titantic, that’s pretty dang big!) All those things play in our minds when Joan is spewing her venom so we ache for him and how much he hurts because of her. Then you compound that with this look of innocence and you have some really gripping drama.
So do they do this on purpose to make him more vulnerable? He’s such an asshole-y type hard-edged character on the outside so when he’s hurting and just needs that motherly touch, do they do this so you can feel his pain and see that big heart that Deb acknowledges? I don’t know, but it works on me every time. The Brian/Mom scenes (whether it be Deb or Joan) always play with my emotions more than anything else on this show.
Brian’s Loft
Opening scene… the loft… the bed… the skin… Brian and Justin. I’ll just get the shallow stuff out of the way first. Brian and Justin are naked. Naked! Cock socks and blocks? What are they? Where are they? I don’t think anyone knows in this scene and if they do, they weren’t doing their job very well. I think everyone that likes to use slo-mo during B/J naked scenes needs to send the editors a big bouquet of flowers as a thank you gift. There were things to be seen in this scene and the “Titantic” was one of them. Okay… **clears throat** … moving along…
Brian and Justin… kissing. Justin taking Brian’s hands, holding him down, moans and groans. Yep, Brian’s back in the saddle again. Things are going well, Justin sits up, looks down at him from overhead and smiles. His bright Sunshine smile and Brian’s memory triggers. A bright light then a nurse looking down at him from overhead. He shakes it off, gets confused. This position won’t work and he doesn’t want Justin to see him troubled about his thoughts. He reaches up, changes their positions and flips Justin over. He grabs a condom and peers down at the soft, white flesh of Justin’s back. Another memory triggers… the cutting of soft, white flesh. He shakes it off again, a little more flustered but puts the condom on. Tries, can’t, grabs the lube… he’s getting frustrated and that’s never a good thing when you’re trying to have sex. Tries again. Justin reaches back, touches his thigh for encouragement. Another vision of the open wound. Brian gasps. Justin leans up, wondering what is going on. Brian tries again, a diseased testicle plops in a bowl. He grunts, gives up, moves to the side of the bed, grabs his cigarettes and sits hunched over, clearly upset about this turn of events.
I’m no longer enjoying Brian’s nightmares. Oh Vic, please come back. This is graphic, gross, and ugh, just a little bit too real. It puts things in perspective though. Brian’s surgery was not just a “lopping off of a nut”. It was a big freaking deal. A living nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from. Brutally traumatic and extremely stressful. Of course it’s upsetting. Of course you wonder “why”. Of course you question if you deserve it.
Justin sits up behind him and caresses his back. We’ve seen this scene before. 202 – when Justin pulled away, unable to allow Brian to touch him, he sat on the side of the bed, hunched over and clearly upset. Brian moved up behind him and caressed his back. Another season two reversal at play.
J: Brian. (His response to match Brian’s, “It’s okay.”)
B: Don't say anything. (His response to match Justin’s, “It’s not okay.”)
Back in 202, Justin’s response told Brian that there really wasn’t anything he could say so he chose to keep his mouth shut and just be there for Justin. Besides, Brian never was a real big talker anyway. Silence was the choice. That was wrong. Justin needed to talk about the events to get through it.
It’s the complete opposite here. Brian really doesn’t want to talk about it because it’s all in his head and he knows it. He has to work through it to get over it. This is not something that Justin can help him with. Silence would have been the answer, but that’s not how Justin deals with things so even though Brian says to not say anything, he does anyway. He thinks that the problem is physical so he thinks his job is to remind Brian that it just may be too soon, that it’s okay. Just like Brian told him back when… nice thought, but it’s wrong. Just like it was before… and you can’t help but wonder… where did Justin get these words to say to him? Quite possibly this is what his mother or his doctor said to him after the bashing when he was so frustrated over his gimp hand. So Justin is using the only arsenal he has, his experience with a traumatic event that left his body in a malfunctioning state.
J: Look, I'm sure it's just a temporary malfunction. It takes time for your body to heal itself and for you to regain your strength. Be patient. Everything will be up and running in no time.
B: Thanks for not saying anything.
Is Justin being insensitive to Brian’s problem by turning his body into a machine that’s simply malfunctioning? No, I don’t think so. Brian is not the “feelings” type of guy so using this comparison makes sense for Brian’s personality. Justin was doing what made sense to him based on his own experience and the information that Brian was giving him, which was nada. His intentions are good and well-meaning. He knows this has to be devastating for Brian. He’s probably the most sexual creature Justin’s ever met. It would be very important for Brian to get back into the sex groove as soon as possible. Just like it was important to him to draw again. And just like watching Justin struggling in art class in 205, this was a very hard scene to watch for the very same reasons. It’s crucial for Brian to get this part of his life back under control. It’s just that it’s not his body that is malfunctioning, it’s his mind.
Kinnetik
Brian in his office, juggling fifteen balls and at least two calls.
Desk Phone:
Harvey: Are you fucking kidding me?
B: Harvey! When have I ever let you down? Name one time.
H: The time I asked you out on a date and you said, "Thanks, but no."
B: Okay, name a second.
H: Oh, Jesus Brian, I was one of your first clients. Just because you’re a big shot now...
B: Hold on.
Not exactly. Brian can’t seem to shoot anything right now. He puts him on hold to change the subject and get away from thoughts of performance.
Cell Phone:
B: Mr. Decarlo, sorry to keep you.
D: When is the campaign going to be ready?
B: We’re right on schedule.
D: How does it look?
B: It looks great.
D: I'll need it for the next stockholder’s meeting.
B: When?
D: Friday, 3 o’clock or they'll have my balls!
B: Hold on.
Brian knows all about people taking his balls away. He puts him on hold to change the subject and get away from thoughts of balls.
Intercom:
B: Tell Jacob that if the art for Dandy Lube isn't on my desk by 9:00 am Friday, he'll be teaching remedial finger painting to kindergartners.
Cell Phone:
B: Mr. Decarlo, how does 10:00 am, Friday sound?
D: I love my balls.
Gee, so did Brian. **sniff**
Desk Phone:
B: Harvey, did you think of a second?
H: Actually, no.
B: See? I told you.
H: Look, you owe me big, Brian. I don't know what I'm supposed to...
B: Now stop worrying. I'll get you the back cover.
H: I'm counting on you, hot shot!
Yeah, well, so is Justin. Aaaah, the agony. He just can’t seem to get away from all the ball and performance malfunction comments.
Now, why is it so important for them to waste precious screen time showing us Brian at work? Is this just a gratuitous Brian scene? I mean, I wouldn’t care, I could watch him just sitting there and doing nothing but nope, that’s not what it is. They’re showing us this to inform us that even though the sex part of his life is still suffering from the ramifications of the surgery, his career part is back on track. This is a part of his life where he appears to be back in control. Regardless of everything reminding him of his predicament. This is a good sign. Baby steps, Brian. One thing at a time.
Ted: Geez. With an act like that you should be in Vegas making tigers vanish into thin air.
B: Throw me a bone, I'm trying to juggle 15 balls at once. No remarks! That's a nice suit.
T: Yeah? Worked wonders on the son of Dandy Lube.
B: You know I like your newfound self-confidence, Theodore, far preferable to your former lack thereof.
Awww, did Brian just give Ted two compliments in a row? I’m literally swooning and I’m sure Ted must have been too. Wow! I absolutely adore this friendship/working relationship thing. And the compliments he gave him were huge. Clothes and confidence. Two of Brian’s favorite things and the two things that Brian uses to sell his own image so he understands and appreciates what Ted is doing. He’s building his aura of success and Brian respects that and admires that in people. In Brian’s eyes, he is no longer Ted the pathetic and boring accountant, he is Theodore, esquire extraordinaire, confidant and classy right-hand man to the one and only confident and classy Brian Kinney, owner of Kinnetik, Inc. I sooo love this.
Ted: So what's my next assignment, Jim?
Jim? Bwahahaha. This new Ted is almost an exploration of a strange new world, isn’t it? He’s seeking new life and starting to boldly go where he’s never gone before. Quite brilliant little interjection there by the writers, actually.
Cynthia: Congrats! Brown athletics is committing a cool mill to snag a model for their new underwear line.
T: Well as luck would have it, I'm available.
C: Unfortunately they are looking for someone with a higher profile.
B: Not to mention a bigger basket .
C: They want a famous sports figure.
T: I happen to be Pittsburgh’s 1986 junior class ping-pong champion. Well… runner up.
B: So at what hour of the day or night am I supposed to conduct this star search?
T: I'll do it for you, Bri.
B: You?
T: Yeah. I landed Dandy Lube, didn't I? Look, I-I-I....I'll talk to a few agents, a few managers, see who's interested then put together a short list. Final draft choice of course, is yours.
B: Yeah that sounds perfect except for one itty-bitty detail. You don't know a fucking thing about sports.
T: But I know about sex. What looks good in a pair of shorts. After all, I am a gay man and sex… is our national past time.
Hmmm, from boring, pathetic accountant to sexual talent scout. Perfect! What a dream job for Ted. Way better than porn site king.
Brian rearranges the apples in the bowl on the table. At first I was like what the hell is he doing? I mean, he is rather anal about appearances but we’ve never seen him act like the Fab Five before. Then it dawned on me. Brian, a major control freak, has absolutely no control over what is happening to him. He can’t get the images out of his head, he can’t make the nightmares go away, he can’t stop himself from being sick, he can’t make himself get an erection, everything in his life except for Kinnetik is out of control, so by golly, he can control how the damn apples look in the bowl. So you know what, Brian? You just arrange everything around you if it makes you feel better. Dang, is this not just the saddest thing you’ve ever seen?
Comic Book Store
Michael is perusing Justin’s latest drawings of Rage and JT… naked and in each other’s arms. They are talking. It’s nice to see them this way. Justin and Michael, I mean. I don’t like being angry with Michael, I really don’t. This is the way that I like Justin and Michael together… working on the comic book, just chatting and chilling out like the rest of the gang does from time to time. No jealous undertones, no bitchiness, no wishes of ill-contempt… just being friends and capitalizing on what they have in common… the work of Rage and the love of Brian.
I’ll tell you, the previews last week had my reeling. I forgot what it was like to not know what was going to happen and to have to rely on the previews for a hint. Yep, totally forgot and I don’t want to go through that again. I couldn’t figure out why Justin would talk to Michael about his sex life especially after Brian said, “Don’t say anything.” But they were just messing with us and created some pretty clever editing tricks to stir the pot. I’m soooo impressed. Not. Anyway, what it really was, was fine. Just two guys sitting around talking about their sex lives, or lack thereof actually. Plus… they’re working on Rage and well, Rage has a lot of sex in it, not to mention that all the stories are based on their real lives. So sure. Michael and Justin talk about their sex lives all the time with each other. And right now, they also share Brian’s secret. Michael is the only one that it would be okay for Justin to talk about this with. So… no big deal. The conversation made sense, was in character, and had nothing to do with the events of 408 and 409.
M: These drawings of Rage and JT are hot. Why can't we ever see Zephyr in a fuck-fest with some great looking guy?
J: Because nobody buys our comic to see Zephyr get laid.
M: That is so not true. Just because you don't want to see it.
J: It's not that I don't want to see it. It's that I can't imagine it.
M: Well I can. When he and his hunky boyfriend... the world famous paleontologist Professor Ken Krischner get it on, they really rattle the old dinosaur bones.
Well that was obviously a shout out to the fans. Cow/Lip knows what side their bread is buttered on. No offense to Michael or anyone else on the show and I’m not trying to discount the fact that there are other types of fans out there, but it seems to me that it’s the B/J fans that seem to be the most obsessive, spend the most money on QAF paraphernalia, go to the signings, etc. Me? A true-blue B/J fan but I love Emmett sex, I’m fine with Brian/other sex, Michael/Ben sex gives me the warm fuzzies and doesn’t make me sick like so many others have said (I actually enjoyed their scene in 401), and I’ve always loved Ted/Blake sex so I know I’d watch the show even without all the B/J lovin’, but Justin’s comment wasn’t about what we’re willing to watch, it was about what the money is spent on… what people ‘pay’ to see. And well, the money is brought in because of B/J. Watching the auctions on QAF related material on Ebay could tell anyone that fact.
M: Except… ever since the scientific community rejected the professor’s latest research findings, they haven't felt much like doing it.
J: I know what that’s like. JT hasn't gotten a ‘rise’ out of Rage since Ice-Tina zapped him with her radiation gun.
Oh hell, not Ice-Tina!!! (Insert scary Jaws music here… the bitch is back.) Cripes. Poor Brian! Hasn’t he been through enough?
M: You mean?
J: Not since the operation.
M: But I thought the doctor said...
J: Nothing will be affected? Yeah well, something sure as hell isn't working.
M: Maybe he just needs some Viagra.
J: You try telling him that.
See? They WANT us to remember Brian and Justin’s last adventure into the world of Viagra. You know, when Brian was hard… like rock. The sex marathon of 209 that left Justin bow-legged and Brian immediately deflated upon the arrival of the warden herself… Joan. If you remember it and the Ice-Tina episode then you’ll connect them later when she shows up and it won’t be a surprise. This scene told us that Joan was going to be making an appearance just like the “get AIDS and die” comment in 403 and the handjob in 404 told us that Hobbs was coming.
M: Okay, so, how about we take a little trip to Chinatown?
J: I already ate.
M: I meant to see Master Nee.
J: Who's he?
M: He's the herbalist Ben sees. He says he's a miracle worker. He gave him the stuff that actually helped lower his viral load.
J: Come on, you don't actually believe that.
M: Chinese medicine has been working for thousands of years. Who am I to doubt it?
Ummm, shout out to Hal’s interest in Eastern philosophies and practices? Hmm, lots of real life shout outs around Hal this week.
M: Besides, if he can help lower Ben’s count, maybe he'll be able to raise...
J: …the Titanic?
Okay, just have to say it, I can’t help it. So… Titantic? Does this mean that Brian’s dick is not only “beee-u-ti-ful” but it’s gargantuan as well? Holy torpedo, Batman! Bronze this thing and put it in the Smithsonian or better yet, mold it and let’s see if it out sells the Jeff Stryker model. **snerk**
Liberty Avenue
Brian is at the diner picking up some food and paying at the register. Deb comes out of the back room with her coat on and heads out the door. She says goodnight to the other worker but completely ignores Brian. They haven’t spoken since the night Vic died and they haven’t seen each other since the funeral. She leaves and he’s bothered. He needs her so despite his own bullshit mantra of never going after anybody, he does. He goes after her actually kind of in a half-jog to catch up to her. Brian running? He must really need to make this right.
B: In case you didn't notice, I was in the diner.
D: I noticed.
B: Walk you home?
D: No, it's okay.
B: It's late.
D: I've been doing it on my own for twenty years. I can take care of myself.
B: And you have a right hook to prove it.
Ahhh, Brian rubs his jaw. Deb clears her throat. I sigh. I still hate that she hit him.
D: Your working late.
B: Just gotta get the job done.
D: Used to be the only reason you'd stay up was because ‘it’ was still up.
B: A lot of things used to be.
D: You’re telling me.
Ugh. Brian sounds so melancholy… like his life is over. I mean, it is as far as how he used to live it but his “used to be” comment is just so sad. This cancer thing made him grow up and realize a few things about himself and here you can sense the sadness he’s feeling for having to say goodbye to his youth. I’ve never thought you had to do that to grow up. Things change but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing or mean that they always change for the worse. He’s just having a hard time facing an uncertain future. For the first time, he’s realized that his future will not ever be what he thought it would be and that he probably won’t be able to control everything about how it goes. That can be very scary… especially for control freaks.
He pulls out ahead of Deb, takes a deep breath, turns around and stops in front of her to get her attention so he can apologize to her. Her response is priceless. She’s stunned and is somewhat speechless… she searches his face for truth, remorse, sincerity before she decides what to say… she scolds him and he winces but then she acknowledges that he didn’t say those things to be hurtful, that he did speak the truth and she knows it. Eh, that’s something.
B: I shouldn't have said what I did about Vic.
D: Your damn straight you shouldn't have. Not that you where wrong. He was lucky he got those extra years. But it's the way you said it. Just tossing it off like it didn't mean a thing. Like his whole fucking life didn't mean a thing.
B: I see your point.
D: Yeah? So why didn't you see it then?
B: Maybe because I didn't know that I had cancer then.
I know now that I was wrong about what Brian said back in 406… I’m still personally okay with what he did but since the writers have made him apologize then obviously they feel he was wrong in what he said or how he said it actually, so I have to go with that. Reluctantly however. But… I still want her to apologize to him for hitting him. Of course that won’t happen because their whole point was that Brian said it without thinking and now he realizes he shouldn’t have… so they are justifying her punch. Doesn’t wash with me, but oh well.
D: What?
B: Are you going to make me say it twice?
D: I just want to be sure that I heard you.
B: You heard it.
D: Shit. Are you…?
B: Alright? They think. But, who the hell knows?
You know, there is the possibility that it could come back. Once you’ve got it, you’re never really safe even if they get it all. It is a constant worry and you have to be monitored closely especially for the next five years. But regardless of all that research stuff, the thing I love about this is what happened last week. Brian did not want to be treated like an invalid, he didn’t want to be fussed over and he pushed Justin away thinking it would be easier to lose him now rather than later. We know all that… but there were actually nay-sayers that think Brian only took Justin back because he knew that he was going to be fine. I say no. He shuffled to that bed like a good little boy because he decided that no matter what, he would go through it with Justin helping him. He didn’t accept his help because it was over and this shows that he still doesn’t believe that it’s completely over now. That was a huge thing for Brian to have done.
D: Well then what the fuck are you doing out at two in the morning? You should be home getting your rest honey.
B: I can't sleep. I keep having these dreams.
D: Well, force yourself. And make sure you eat. You hear me? You've got to keep your strength up.
B: Yes, Mother.
Okay, goosebumpy, syrupy, sentimental moment here… Mr. - I can dress myself – I can do it myself - Kinney is actually letting her button his coat. Something a mother does to protect a child from the bitter cold. In a sense allowing her to protect him from the world. Allowing her to “will” him better just like she did Vic. And he acknowledges the gesture with, “Yes, Mother.” Giving her the official title of his mother. I swear, I just want to cry.
D: Does she know?
B: So far just Michael and Justin and... Theodore.
D: And nobody told me?
B: I'm telling you.
D: How come?
B: So that you'll forgive me and take pity on me.
D: Son of a bitch. You’re gonna be okay. You hear me? You’re gonna be okay.
This just pains me. I think back to what I said in a small post about the confrontation scene with his mother in 304… I said that the pained look on his face and the things he said to her were him screaming, “Why can’t you just love me?” He desperately needs unconditional love, the love without pretense, without images and facades, a love where he doesn’t have to be strong and he needs that from his mother. Of course the scenes in 209 and 304 told him that he’ll never get that from her so Deb is it for him. He needs her ‘to take pity on him’. A mother is the only person that most are willing to accept pity from, especially Brian. (Not discounting dads here because I know the absence of them can also be detrimental to a child’s growth.) He may be willing to accept help from his lover, his best friend and his business colleagues, but he doesn’t want pity from them. It’s just different. He needs it from his mom. Just hug me. Just love me. Just button up my coat to keep me warm. Just hold me tight and tell me that I’m going to be okay. And Debbie does just that. Bravo for her. Brian closes his eyes and hugs her back… he soooo needs that. I think Deb’s hug is the hug that all of us Brian fans have wanted to give him for the last four episodes… at least it felt that way to me. I actually teared up and the fact that he was hunched over and she was on her tippy-toes made it even more emotionally special. It said that you’re never too big or too old to need a hug by your mom. Awww.
Chinatown
M: Excuse me… Uh, we’re looking for something to improve performance.
Master Nee: You a singer? Dancer? Comedian?
Bwahahaha. Poor Hal. Nobody pays to see his sex scenes and now his comedic performance needs improvement. Sounds like Cow/Lip are having a little fun with Mr. Sparky this week. Maybe he should stick to heavy metal.
M: Uh no, not for that kind of performance. Um, uh... sexual performance.
MrN: Huh?
J: Sexual performance.
MrN: Sexual?
MrsN: Sexual?
MrN: Sexual.
MrsN: Ahhh, sexual!
MrN: Ohhh! You not get hard? Come too fast?
Funny, funny stuff. This couple is a riot. And I just adore that Michael’s the one talking since it was his idea to go there but yet he’s very quiet about it. Justin steps up and just says what the problem is. Then the couple say it over and over trying to figure out what “sexual” means in their language. It’s loud banter back and forth, other customers are noticing, Michael is dying inside. I’m cracking up.
M: Umm, no. It's not for me. It's for my friend.
MrsN: Oh, it's what they all say.
MrN: Weak pulse.
MrsN: Ah, and low “qi” (chi?)… Exhausted Chang Meridian.
MrN: You have decline of fire in your gate of life… but no worry. We make you hard... like rock.
I swear, I will never be able to hear the phrase “hard as a rock” again without thinking of this little old man making a fist and saying “hard… like rock”. I’m laughing just typing it out now. Bwahaha. And again, Michael stammers in shyness and Justin steps up to explain the deal without any humiliation whatsoever. Of course, he’s not the one that the lady is questioning.
M: I-I told you... it's... it's for someone else.
J: It's for my boyfriend. He had to have a testicle removed and they gave him radiation.
MrsN: Oh, cancer.
MrN: Western medicine. Kill you before it cure you. Too much water drown out his fire.
Huh? He was zapped with a radiation gun and burnt to a crisp. I’d say it’s more like too much fire dried up all his water. But regardless, the couple starts gathering the needed ingredients like busy little bees. (Forgive any mistakes here, I did the best I could to transcribe it, or actually a friend did but regardless, this is the closest we can get to what was said.)
MrN: Velvet deer horn. Cinnamon bark - warm kidney's, Morinda root, Chinese leek seed... strengthen Yang.
MrsN: The Rumania root - nourish blood, and uh Cornus flower… moistens Yin.
MrN: Make a tea. Very good sex.
M: See? I told you.
MrN: (in Chinese) Which one you think is the top?
MrsN: (in Chinese) Both look like major bottoms to me.
Hands down, the funniest scene this season so far and Justin and Michael’s goofy grins just tops the whole scene… or I guess I should say “bottoms” it. “Very good sex.” Yes, please! Kind of like that song, “Me love you long time”. Just cracks me up. Most definitely… we want “very good sex”. It’s been soooo long without any B/J goodies. We’ve been good, haven’t we?
But can I just say… the whole image of Justin and Michael being together thing, as a couple? Ewwww. “It’s not that I don’t want to see it, it’s that I can’t imagine it.”
Gym Steamroom
I just don’t know what to say about this scene. It had beauty and it had sadness. It made me want to cry but yet was extremely arousing. What a conflict. Probably much like what Brian was feeling. The visual atmosphere was beautiful to watch, he liked what he was seeing, it was arousing him. His desires are obviously still very active. It’s just that the wires get crossed somewhere inside his brain and these beautiful images and physical caresses that are arousing his senses don’t seem to send the blood rushing southward so he can actually do anything about how he’s feeling. That’s just sad and heartbreaking.
The other thing that’s sad about this scene is simply the fact that he’s there. Now, I’m not one of those that has a problem with his sexual activities, that‘s not the concern. He’s obviously just recently been released from the doctor to engage in sexual activity. He tries with Justin but can’t. Remember the whole pushing him away thing because he was afraid he was going to leave him anyway? Remember the whole, “I’ll get a plastic testicle and no one will know that I’m no longer perfect” thing? Well, I’m thinking that he’s thinking the problem may be Justin. Not that Justin is doing anything wrong, just that Brian’s still scared to be so vulnerable to him and because Justin is a lover who knows about the plastic testicle. And don’t forget it was Justin’s “sunshine” smile that triggered the bright light and it was his soft skin that triggered the cutting. So to Brian… Justin could be what’s causing the block. That’s why he didn’t tell him what was going on in his mind that first time. He goes to the steam room to test the waters and see if anything rises.
Is it that he can’t perform with Justin or is it that he can’t perform at all? He has to find out the answer to that. And of course he does find out so he leaves. It’s not Justin, he can’t get it up for anyone even in this sexy, steamy environment. This is the reason why I think he decides to tell Justin what he’s going through. It’s no longer a “Justin” thing, it’s a Brian thing, which means he can tell him and Justin won’t think it’s him.
Brian’s Loft
Justin’s in Brian’s kitchen cooking up his miracle cure for Brian’s impotence problem. Now I’ve read that some Justin nay-sayers are saying that Justin was selfish and that he only did this to get his own needs met. Phoo-ey. Justin seeking this magic potion was no different than Brian buying Justin that fancy computer to help him draw again. Sex is Brian’s art and Justin is just trying to help him get that back. Yes, he stands to gain as well, their sex life is an important part of their relationship but it’s not the only thing so I refuse to see this as his only motivation. If it was only because he was horny, they have an open relationship, he could take care of that problem in the backroom of Babylon without any guilt. No, this is for Brian, for them as a couple.
J: Drink this.
B: Ugh. It smells like yak shit.
J: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if that was in it too. It's a magic potion from a Chinese herbalist.
B: Will it make me small?
J: I'm hoping that it will make you large… very, very large.
Brian drinks it, all of it, every last drop… for two reasons. One, because he’s of the mindset that he’ll try anything at this point. But he’s also aware, which Justin is not, that his problem is mental and this “tea” will not help anyway. So two, he does it for Justin. He’s allowing Justin to take care of him and he’s willing to drink the yak shit on the off-chance that it works like Viagra and he can get a stiffie so he can give Justin what they’re both wanting so badly.
B: That’s disgusting.
J: Who cares as long as it works? You feeling anything?
B: Well if your expecting my glasses to steam up, I hate to disappoint you.
J: It's supposed to rekindle the fire in your life gate.
B: My life gate?
J: I know it sounds ludicrous but... if it works who gives a shit?
Okay I have to crack up. Justin was right there. Feel anything? Bwahahaha. Did he really think it would work that fast? That’s just so cute. But Brian thinks now is the time to let Justin in on what is really going on… no more pushing him away, no more “not telling him”, no more trying to deal with it on his own… Justin isn’t going anywhere, he’s there to stay. He’s his partner whether he admits it or not (yes, he admits it) and not telling him is a pretty shitty way to treat him. Honesty. Sharing. That is what a partner is for. He tried to tell Deb about the nightmares and she dismissed them as something he could control… that’s not her department. Her job is hugs and pity. Justin’s job… listen and try to help, be supportive, acknowledge the nightmares and the fear and give comfort... not pity.
B: Yeah, well maybe it can also stop me from thinking about what's no longer there and that in its place is this piece of plastic.
Not to poke fun here, but didn’t Emmett say, “balls are balls”? I don’t think that Brian would agree. At least not yet.
Brian gets up and smacks Justin on the ass as he walks away. I know it’s a small thing but I always say it’s the little things that tell big stories. Brian is upset about his problems, his nightmares, the horrible images playing in his head that are making him crazy with impotence but he’s not angry with Justin and the smack tells us that. He’s finally at the place in their relationship where he’s okay with talking about his short-comings with Justin. This is such a huge thing. Especially after the way he acted in the opening scene.
B: Or from picturing them sucking a bloody, diseased-ridden ball out of me. Or from feeling so shitty from having them burn me to a crisp with their ray-gun that all I want to do is dig a hole and crawl in. Only I'm too busy vomiting. Who knows... maybe then I might even be able to get it up.
J: There's got to be something.
B: Whatever it is, it's not in a cup of Lipton’s.
No, it’s not. Because it’s mental. There’s nothing physically keeping this from happening. It’s all in his mind. Because everything about this cancer thing so far has been in his mind. Well not the loss of the ball or the nausea… just the dying young, Justin will leave me, I’m no longer perfect, I’m old and diseased, I’m in hell stuff. I can’t help thinking about the Vic nightmares. His living hell and his bullshit mantras on how he’s lived his life so far from 408. His regret over the things he’s said, his acid tongue disguised as honesty from 409. They tie into this mental block that’s causing the “temporary malfunction”. Is this guilt? Is he feeling punished for what he sees now as his bad behavior? He told Deb that the cancer had opened his eyes. I can’t help thinking that he doesn’t like what he’s seeing and knows he needs to make some changes. Is this similar to Justin’s stare at the mirror in 405?
Is Justin being insensitive to Brian’s problem by not saying anything after he revealed the real issue? No. Because now he has the information he needed in the earlier scene. He now knows that Brian’s problem is not his body, but his mind and Justin can’t really say anything to help that. Brian has to fix this on his own. So Justin does what Brian told him to do earlier. “Don’t say anything.” And that is the best way for him to be the supportive partner that Brian needs right now. Just listen. Just be there. He can’t say, “It’s okay,” because the answer to that will be, “It’s not okay.” Justin gets that now, he’s been there, he knows.
And he also knows that what Brian needs is something to trigger the block. The thing that’s keeping him from letting go of the surgery and the stress of the cancer trauma. This is Brian’s PTSD. Like Gus’ plastic bat triggered the block for Justin, Brian has to figure out what his plastic bat trigger is…
(Remember, it doesn’t have to be caused by a violent act to be PTSD. It just has to be stressful and traumatic. Something that rocks your soul at its core, something that changes your life abruptly, something that you couldn’t prevent and you can’t control. That is Brian’s cancer.)
Church
Deb goes to church to pray for Vic and Brian. I’m not going to recite it all… just the important Brian parts.
D: … there’s a special place in heaven just for Vic but uh, keep an eye on him, just in case. One more thing, Brian Kinney. No doubt you’ve heard of him. He wouldn’t want me telling you this, but his biggest organ he’s got is his heart so please God, make him well. Please.
Very nicely done. No doubt she loves Brian. No matter what. She gets up to leave and runs smack-dab into the warden, I mean, Joan Kinney. They exchange pleasantries and talk of suffering, loss of loved-ones and children who won’t talk to you anymore. Joan is actually normal in this scene and doesn’t appear to have been drinking. We’re left to think that maybe she’s changed… but I’m still skeptical. Mostly because I just can’t stand what she did to Brian and I have a real problem with those that stand behind religion as a reason to hate. God is not about hate. Anyway, this conversation leads to Debbie approaching Joan about Brian even though she knows “he wouldn’t want me telling you this”.
D: Joan? When was the last time you spoke to Brian?
J: It’s been awhile.
D: Well, you might want to give him a call.
J: I doubt he has anything to say to me.
D: But there might be something you want to say to him.
So Deb tells her, are we surprised? No, and not because she’s the busy-body that we all know and love (sometimes), but because she knows what it feels like to be in a rift with someone and have them die before you get a chance to make things right with them. She can’t imagine a mother having to live with the guilt that she had over Vic. Family is very important to Deb.
I don’t think she forgot what happened between Joan and Brian the last time they were together, in fact, I think that’s her motivator. She figures Joan would want to make things right with her son and with the cancer looming, she figures it needs to be now. And Deb is right. Joan does want to make things right with her son. The only problem is, right can only be on her terms… right has nothing to do with what Brian wants or needs… right to her is wrong to Brian. And it does need to be now. Brian’s struggling to get past his anguish and as it turns out, the confrontation with Joanie is his trigger. Of course Deb doesn’t know any of that, but hey, it works. I don’t blame Deb for trying to do the right thing here. She urged Brian to make amends with his father before he died back in season one and we know what Vic’s death did to her so this is a very characteristic thing for her to do.
Kinnetik
Joan: Your new office is very impressive. And I like the name, Kinnetik with two n's. That's very clever.
Gee, isn’t clever the same word that Brian used when Justin came up with the name? I guess there are some things that Brian picked up from his mother. Even if it’s just a word. But wouldn’t you have just loved for him to say, “Yeah, remember that half-naked piece of blond boy ass that could barely walk because I’d been fucking him for hours the day you brought over the chocolate-chocolate-chip cake? Well, he’s the clever genius that came up with it. He also named my son that you know nothing about.” Oh, I would have loved that. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
J: I'm glad to see you’re doing so well.
B: Well, that makes two of us.
J: I saw that... Debbie Novotny at church this morning.
B: Well, what the hell was she doing there?
J: What most people do… pray.
Interesting that Brian stops to think about that comment. Is he surprised because he didn’t think that Debbie went to church or prayed to God? Or is he wondering if she went there to pray for him?
J: Uh, she's quite a character.
B: Yeah well, I'll drink to that.
J: I don't know how her poor son ever survived.
B: Maybe because she loved him.
I actually clapped my hands there and wished there had been someone in the room with me to give a high-five to. That line made me so happy.
J: And I love you. Well you may not believe that but it's true. That’s why it hurt so much that I had to hear it from her and not from you. Why didn't you tell me?
B: The reason being?
J: So I could help you.
B: Well I'm a big boy, Mom. I can dress myself.
True, sort of. He may be able to dress himself but the undressing part… not so much. But he’s got Justin for those pesky buttons that he has trouble with when he’s really sick so he still doesn’t need her.
J: I mean pray for you… help you see God’s plan.
B: God has a plan?
J: He spared you for a reason. Do you know why?
B: To torment you. I mean, no martyr was ever sainted without going through a shitload of pain and suffering. Well, St. Joan, say hello to your shitload.
J: Brian. Whatever anger, whatever hatred you have for me... you’re still my son. And that’s why I'm trying to save you from the eternal fire. Every time you engage in behavior that the Bible expressedly says is an abomination, you’re adding another eternity to your sentence.
B: Well, I wish I was engaging in it.
J: It brings tears to Jesus' eyes knowing that you've sinned.
And here comes the trigger… his guilt over why he got the cancer, his bad behavior.
J: But only you can save yourself from God’s punishment.
B: You think God gave me cancer to punish me?
J: It's not too late. You can still change. I know you can.
B: I can?
J: Though it won't be easy. You'll have to fight temptation. Be strong, harden yourself.
Take the religious undertones and the fact that they are talking about homosexuality away from that part of the conversation and apply it to his bullshit mantras, his acid tongue, his closed walls… apply it to all of his nightmares and his guilt… and this conversation suddenly seems to be exactly what Brian needed to hear. He can change. It’s not too late for him to save himself. It won’t be easy and he’ll have to fight temptation and be strong. But he can be that person that opens his heart to another human being. He can. And he’s worthy of what he gets in return. If he could just…
B: I want to be hard, Mom. You have no idea how much I want to be hard. Oh Lord, make me hard! So I can fuck every hot guy I see. That’s why God gave me a second chance, Mom. So I can use the one ball I have left.
J: Shame! Shame on you!
B: If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better then spending one good day in heaven with you!
Ummm. WOW!! Before I address all the drama, let’s take a quick time out for something funny that’s not really funny but I guess it could be… anyway… Brian Kinney, owner of Kinnetik, Inc. is a nut case. Look at the faces of his employees and you just know that they think the man has lost it completely. I mean it’s one thing to actually put your office in an abandon bathhouse AND keep all the fixtures up (that alone borders on eccentric genius) but then he keeps throwing tantrums and screaming at people. He goes on vacation for who knows how long, wigs out during staff meetings upon his return, yells at his boyfriend (twice), once even threatening a restraining order. He breaks lamps, pukes and gives strict orders that he will not accept any calls that may be coming from hell. And now? He chases after some gray haired old lady, who’s crying hysterically, screaming about how he wants to go to hell for an eternity of eternities… hell being the very place that he didn’t want to take any calls from. I thought my office had some psychos in it but this… Kinnetik must be one exciting place to work! Not to mention that you get to have sex with the clients in the bathroom.
“Maybe because she loved him.” Well, I refer back to what I said earlier. Parents are so important. He’s saying that Michael turned out as well as he did (able to open his heart to another human being) because Deb loved him and he’s the way he is because his parents didn’t. His “Mom” didn’t. He called her that three times. Mom. He does not use it as a term of affection or love. Every time he says it, it’s like he’s spitting it out of his mouth. “Well I'm a big boy, Mom.” “I want to be hard, Mom.” “That’s why God gave me a second chance, Mom.” Tough stuff. That’s why he says “Mother” to Debbie earlier. It was an official entitlement that she earned by loving him even when he was bad, for seeing his innate goodness, and for not condemning him to hell because he loves men. Joanie’s “Mom” is just a name. The name she gave herself when he was born. She never earned it, so he uses it as a weapon.
But I love that Brian is recognizing all of this now. Just like Ted’s Twelve-Step Program, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Brian now knows that the way he is isn’t the way a person should be. He knows his mantras about love are all bullshit now. “A lot of things used to be.” He knows he has to change or Jack and Joanie will have won. And we know Brian, he has to be the one in control, the one on top, he’s a winner so he has to change in order to win. To beat them and run their ghosts out of his life just like he runs Joanie out of his office. He has to stand up for himself and have some balls, even if one of them is plastic. In 304, he said, “Fuck you,” to his mother but his voice was cracked and his heart was breaking. He didn’t really stand up to her. He paced around the living room like a caged animal that didn’t know where to turn. He was helpless. But not this time. He stands up for himself, and has some balls. More balls than when he had two real ones. “So I can use the one ball I have left.” Not so he can go out and fuck every hot guy he sees, but to stand up to his mother. To save himself… from her hate. And it’s this fact that makes him “stand up” in the end. To get that erection that has eluded him for weeks now.
For the first time since the cancer struck, Brian doesn’t let something hurt him. He fights back, takes away the power she has over him because what he needs from her, he can get from Deb… a big ole bear hug and someone to button up his coat whether he can dress himself or not. In 304 her hate broke his heart. In 209 her hate made him soft. So it only makes sense that her hate that he doesn’t let penetrate him in 410, makes him hard. Another season 2 reversal for those of you keeping track. He FINALLY has control over something. He’s FINALLY back on top. Back where he belongs... the place that always gets him hard when it comes to sex. Rage has defeated Ice-Tina once and for all. He broke out of the frozen shell that she surrounded him in, he survived the zaps from her ray gun and he ran her out of Gayopolis, hopefully never to return. Let the thawing begin… (and you know what that means… um, think Rage comic book cover from 309) Woo Hoo!!!
He feels the force field starting to dissipate. He reaches down… yes! It’s really there! A big ole boner. He looks to the heavens with sheer gratitude. “Thank you.” His second chance has been granted. Now the question is… what’s he going to do with it? After… the obvious. Hehehe.
Babylon
Very interesting choice of songs for Brian’s entrance into Babylon with his regained abilities. “Sanctuary” by Origene. These are the first four lines:
There is a place within all of us. It is sacred, so free of judgment.
And this is yours to share with who you wish. This is your sanctuary.
There a place inside of Brian that was holding him back. His own guilt as to why this cancer had to happen to him. But he released that guilt when he stood up to his mom and freed himself from her judgment. His freedom manifested itself in a raging hard-on and he sought out Justin because that was who he chose to share it with. Justin is his sanctuary, his place of refuge. Well, him and Babylon’s backroom.
He comes in, searches, finds Justin and rushes to greet him.
J: Hey!
Brian grabs him around the waist, lifts him off the ground and kisses him. Ahhh, he’s so excited. I’m so happy for him.
J: What's up?
B: Funny you should ask...
He grabs himself, makes an adjustment, pulls it out… whatever he does down there then lifts his arms in the air and spins around, showing it off.
J: Whoa!
B: Is that a thing of beauty?
J: And a joy forever.
Did he pull it out? I don’t know and I don’t really care. It’s still one of the cutest scenes this season. His little twirl saying, “lookie, lookie.” He’s just so proud. Justin’s “whoa” is to die for. And he’s quoting again like he did in 405. Don’t you just love that Justin could finish it? They are so meant for each other. Brian lifts him again with another kiss. I’m just dying. It’s like the prom dance… sort of. I think I clapped my hands and cheered right along with them. I’m such a dork. Brian puts him down and Justin takes off for the backroom, Brian right on his heels.
J: So the happy time tea actually worked?
B: Unlikely.
J: Then whence the woody?
B: Let's just say, God gave me a second chance. I don't want to blow it… but you feel free to.
Ahhhh, when he says that he didn’t want to blow it, he tilts his head and looks right at Justin. You just know what he’s talking about. He’s not gonna blow it again. No more kicking him out. No more pushing him away. No more keeping secrets. No more thinking he’s gonna leave him. He doesn’t want to blow it again. Justin may finally be getting the man he knew Brian was all along.
So the cancer storyline comes to a close with Justin going down on his knees to give Brian one of those blowjobs that he’s so good at and Brian leaning up against the wall in sheer ecstacy as a changed man. Physically as well as mentally. Gee… Babylon… Backroom… Blowjob… that’s the same way the cancer story arc started. Perfect!
