Episode 405:
Arguable Conflicts and Amendable Closures
What would you do if you’d been bashed/attacked/victimized, felt that justice had let you down and you had your attacker on his knees in front of you? Would you have the courage to pull the trigger? Or is it more courageous to walk away? Is having the knowledge that you could have, but didn’t, enough that you can finally go on with your life? Is making them feel the way you felt enough? Is an apology enough? What if that apology is forced? Is it meaningful then? But we’ll get to all that later…
The theme for this episode… well, it’s a myriad of things, but basically it was about acceptance and courage or more accurately – the courage of acceptance. Pick your battles wisely. Know when to fight and when to stand down. Or as Ted’s dad kept on the refrigerator door… “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - The Serenity Prayer.
For the gang, each one had their own inner-battle drawn for them. Melanie had to accept that in this particular case, a straight white male asshole attorney might be a better representative for her clients and had to muster the courage to take a back seat at the trial. Emmett had to accept that his new just-add-trick-and-stir apartment wasn’t his style at all, it was just a cheap imitation of Brian; and he had to summon the strength to move in with Deb. He needs someone to eat popcorn or ice cream with and watch Friends. (It’s a little late for Friends now but I’m sure there’s something else on beside Saving Ryan’s Privates.) Ben had to accept that his book, um… how do I put this… basically sucked and he had to suck it up enough to make some heavy revisions. Deb had to accept that Vic and Michael have moved on and she needs to gather the guts to find a life for herself now. Brian had to accept there was nothing he could do to save Justin. He might have been there, he might have been effected, but he still couldn’t really put himself in his shoes… it wasn’t his fight. He had to stand back and let Justin face his demons on his own. A very hard pill to swallow for a man who has to be in charge of everything around him. But it’s good practice for him, he can’t always have control of what is going on and he has to learn that sooner or later, but hopefully sooner.
And Justin? Well, that was the biggest of ‘em all, wasn’t it? But before he could find his serenity, he had to figure out what he was willing to accept in the end and if he had the courage to do what it would take to get what he wanted, to get what he needed for it to be finally over.
Kinnetik
The opening shot is Brian arriving at his office, sliding open a textured glass door which gives me one giggly thought – so glad he has an office door. I was beginning to wonder after last week’s episode. And one horrific thought - that door better not come into use later for some really cool camera tricks, like during a christening of the office scene or something. I will not be a happy camper. Cynthia strolls in, no hello, just gives the boss man exactly what he needs first thing in the morning…
C: Your coffee. Your calls. Your advance copy of Heat.
B: Did Remsen see it yet?
C: The fax just came... he’s over the moon.
T: Brian Kinney is back with a vengeance!
C: This campaign is gonna start a revolution... the no-more-bullshit era of advertising.
T: Next thing you know, there’ll be soft drink jingles about rotting teeth and hyperactive kids.
Ted strolls in and gives the boss man exactly what he doesn’t need first thing in the morning. Ted needs to watch Cynthia and learn! He hands Brian a very thick stack of papers and holds out a pen.
B: What the fuck is that?
T: Oh, just a few thousand forms for you to sign. Insurance, pension and benefits, SSI…
B: And I can think of so many more interesting things to do with my right hand.
T: I’m sure you can, but in the meantime, I need to attend to the business of setting up your business. Oh, I also wanted to give you this.
He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to Brian. Brian looks at it like WTF?
B: Who’s it from?
T: Actually, it’s from me. It’s part of the program. It’s called making amends.
B: How sweet. A 12-step valentine. I’m touched, Theodore. But, um, where’s the check?
T: That’s about the response I expected.
That last line is what’s so important between Brian and Ted. Ted’s life is at a critical juncture, it’s important that he doesn’t get too many surprises, no stresses, and things stay status-quo for the most part, so it’s to good to see that at least in his work environment and in his relationship with Brian, he gets exactly what he expects. Who would have ever thought that Brian Kinney would be exactly what Ted Schmidt needed? And I know it’s part of the program and all, but Ted should know that Brian believes that sorry is bullshit. He can make better amends with Brian by just making sure all the money moves where it’s supposed to move on time and handling all the insurance, pension, benefits, and SSI shit for him.
As soon as Ted is out the door we hear a faint ringing of a phone in the distance then Justin’s muffled voice... “Leave a message”. Brian talks in to the speaker…
B: The point of having a cell phone is that you leave it on.
He’s perturbed then pauses briefly and lowers his voice with concern.
B: Where the fuck are you?
And just like that the smiles that have been on our faces because of this light bantering scene are erased and we’re thrown head first into remembering the heavy drama that’s going on with Brian’s other half. His worry reminds me of my worry and I don’t even have the mind to squee over Brian calling and looking for Justin first thing in the morning. (It was cute though, wasn’t it? Has he ever done that before? I don’t think so, or at least not that we’ve seen. Collective sigh. But I guess that means Justin didn’t spend the night with Brian last night.) Well, that was just a little squee but now I just have to know… what is going on with Justin? Where the fuck is he if Brian doesn’t know? He picks up the receiver and slams it down to end the call; the sound of the hang-up is masked by the sound of…
Shooting Range
…gunfire. Oh joy, Justin’s at a firing range with Cody who squeezes off three shots. We see two of the shots hit the paper target… one close to bulls-eye, the other dead center. Justin is impressed at how good Cody is at firing his weapon. Uh huh.
J: You’re a really good shot.
C: I practiced a lot when I was a kid. Tin cans in the backyard, rabbits…
J: You had a gun when you were a kid?
C: I had a six-shooter partner before I had a two-wheeler. Where I grew up, everyone did.
J: I wasn’t even allowed to have a cap pistol.
C: Try it.
J: Nah, no thanks.
C: Come on. Don’t be a sissy.
That’s where I get pissed at this whole thing with Cody. He just keeps calling Justin a sissy, a pussy, a scared little faggot, a Meg Ryan… I just can’t stand it. And since this is Justin’s inner demon, thanks to Darren’s great question (“Exactly what did you do?”)… it just makes me crazy. Justin is facing that part of himself that felt weak and helpless… the frozen scared victim that stood across from Hobbs at the hospice and didn’t do anything but flinch when he lunged at him. Cody is pushing all the right buttons and it makes me slightly angry at Justin. He’s always been a strong individual but yet he’s getting sucked into this thing trying to prove to Cody and to himself that’s he’s not a sissy. So he takes the damn bait and the gun to give in to Cody’s “dare”. Grrr.
C: You’re right-handed, right?
J: Yup.
And just so you know because I’ve heard the rumblings… being ambidextrous doesn’t mean you still don’t have a favored hand. It just means you ‘can’ use both. Doesn’t mean that one isn’t still slightly dominant. Justin continues to draw with his right even though that’s his ‘gimp’ hand, so for these purposes, just like when he draws, yes, he’s right-handed. Doesn’t mean he’s not still ambidextrous though. The canon 101 conversation is still in tact, it’s not a mistake in continuity.
C: Okay. So hold it with your right hand. Now. Line up your sight with your right eye and pull the trigger.
Cody’s instructions are kind of, I don’t know, teacher/student, father/son. He seems to like training someone. Not like a charge or condescending or anything. Maybe it gives him some sense of self-worth. Justin does what Cody tells him to do, holds the gun out and aims but before he can squeeze the trigger, his hand starts shaking. Cody scrunches his face like he’s looking at Justin as if he really were a sissy. Double grrr.
C: Nervous?
J: No, it’s my gimp hand. From when I was bashed. It acts up sometimes.
That seems to change Cody back into the teacher/father mode and he goes back to instructing him, but with more detail this time. I have to add another small piece of sadness or anger or just plain ole reality here… we don’t know that Justin has mentioned the bashing to Cody before (we assume but we don’t know), but yet Cody is not surprised in the least. It’s like he just knows… Justin is gay, therefore it stands to reason that there would have been a bashing at some point in his life. And that is a very sad reality to live with and I’m sure the main reason why he hates everyone that’s not gay. Cody moves in close behind Justin and you can see how he relates the power of the gun to his sexual drive, not only in his movements but in the way he describes it to Justin.
C: Okay. Then try this. Left hand to your wrist to steady it. Arms out straight. Spread your legs a bit. For balance. Now it’s got a kick, so don’t resist. Just ride it like the hottest piece of ass you ever had.
Justin tries again and this time manages to shoot. He missed the target completely, hitting the wall to the side of it. Cody is clearly disappointed.
J: Wow. That was intense.
C: How the West was won. But next time… try to hit the target.
Cody grins in amusement. Justin, not so much and still isn’t so sure about this whole thing. He aims and shoots again, and again, he misses the target. He seems embarrassed and does this cute little thing with his hand over his mouth. It’s a Randy ‘thing’ ‘cause it’s very similar to what he did on the bloopers from S3 when he pushed Gale so hard that the wall broke. Heee! Cody is still disappointed.
J: Shit! It’s harder than I thought.
C: I’ll tell you my little secret. See how it has no face? Well, I give it one. Someone who deserves a bullet between the eyes.
J: Like who?
C: Like Wayne. Captain of the football team. He and his jock buddies held me down while he carved “faggot” on my ass with a penknife. Bang! Or Mr. Mackley, who made me show it to the class. Bang! Or my father, who slapped me across the face when I told him what they did. Bang!
J: Sounds like you have no shortage of targets.
C: I bet you’ve got a few, too.
Well, he’s got one that’s for sure. But as Cody is telling his story, Justin seems shocked and maybe it’s sinking in just a little bit that Cody’s got some big issues. Maybe bigger issues than being hit in the head with a baseball bat. See, Justin doesn’t have that gay=bashed mentality. It’s one of the small reasons why he’s still slightly grounded through all this. He hates bashers/homophobes; he doesn’t hate everyone. Big difference from Cody. That one incident of Cody’s (if that was the only incident) brought about humiliation from not only his attacker but two people that were in a position of trust and were supposed to be protective of him… his teacher and his father. So to him, it was everyone in his life. They all victimized him over the same thing. To him, the enemy is everyone. But we all know with Justin, his enemy is just the one person that wielded the bat.
**BOOM BOOM**
Didn’t that just freak you out? That was some of the best use of sound effects ever. It’s like they could actually hear my heart pounding in my chest. It was deep and ominous, a distance thunder of an approaching storm… geez, it gave me chills. It heightened the intensity and drew you into the drama. And because they used it so much throughout the rest of the episode, you just knew that when the **boom boom** came, Justin was in a very dark place emotionally.
Justin picks up the gun in slow-motion, **boom boom** takes aim, **boom boom** concentrates, **boom boom** fires and it’s a direct hit to the middle of the head. Shit!! That imagination with anger stuff is prêt-ty powerful!!
C: Woohoo! Works every time. So, who were you thinking of?
Cody hits the switch and as the paper target moves in closer to Justin, he stares at it. He’s shocked and it seems like he’s not as happy about his achievement as Cody is. It’s starting to dawn on him that all of his anger is directly related to the face that he had placed on that paper target. I think the realization scares him because that face belongs to the one person that he has deep-rooted fear of, the one person that can turn him into a scared little faggot and he doesn’t want to face that fear or that person… ever!
Diner
Just a few things to get off my chest here… One, we now know that Justin’s drawing bout of anger in 402 wasn’t just to release some tension, he’s completely serious about it being in the next issue of Rage. Art imitating life again, and that’s good. Brian told him to put all that anger into his art, to use it. By the way that Justin brought up Guernica and how it didn’t do anything but collect dust, I was afraid that he wouldn’t but he must have come to his senses. Another small sign that the level-headed, do-the-right-thing Justin is still in there somewhere.
Now for Ben’s comment… well he confirms what I was saying about Cody not being surprised that Justin had been bashed. “I’d argue that disturbing as these images may be, they are a legitimate expression of every gay man’s outrage at being victimized, and therefore, can be justified as a passionate and uncompromising work of art.” Every gay man? It’s not almost every gay man? It’s not half of the gay men? It’s everyone? Ugh. I’m kind of shocked at this message…
This is one of those things that I keep going back and forth on. Is Cody really being depicted as a bad guy or is he just the representative character for every gay man’s outrage? Am I supposed to dislike him? Sometimes I do and other times I don’t. I think they wanted us to be conflicted with the Cody character thus, be conflicted on how we feel about Justin’s angst and how he should handle it. Cody’s charming, good-looking and has a history that makes you just want to reach out and hug him… but he’s angry, very angry which is scary and he’s pulling our little Sunshine into a dark, dark place. So at this point, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about him. I can only feel what I feel but it may not be what they wanted me to feel.
A part of me doesn’t want to think about all that reality, if it is in fact a reality, and just move on to Debbie’s admittance of not minding gratuitous man-sex because that statement bugs me all sorts of ways. First, gratuitous? I thought they said it wasn’t gratuitous. I bought it, hell I’ve spent hours on these recaps analyzing the sex scenes in an effort to prove that they weren’t. And now they tell me that was all bullshit? Well, I don’t believe it, not for a minute. But for the sake of argument let’s say they all were… is this foreshadowing for the future of the show? Are they preparing me for the fact that now that the show has “come of age”, there won’t be anymore? They used it to hook us, so it served its purpose and they don’t need it anymore? There certainly wasn’t any in this episode, and the funny thing is, I was so wrapped up in Justin’s story that I didn’t even notice at first. I had to go back and watch the episode again to find out for sure. Did you realize that the only KISSING in this entire episode was Emmett’s trick, Mel/Linds and then later Deb, kissing him on the cheek and small pecks on the lips between Ben/Michael and Ted/Melanie? That’s it… four little kisses on a show that’s been known to be “ground-breaking” with its sexual content. Hmmm. Interesting way to “come of age”.
And another thing… was Deb’s comment supposed to mean that she’s a reflection of me and she now represents the middle aged straight female that watches the show? The same woman that was scratching her arm pits while serving food in the last episode? Come on, that’s a slap in the face. I DON’T scratch my arm pits! Well, at least not in public, I don’t. And I may have the same hair color as her, but it’s not a wig… damn it!
And finally… Deb’s watching gay porn? That squeaks me out. She’s Michael’s mom for cryin’ out-loud. I mean, I know parents have sex, duh, I’m here aren’t I? But the image of Debbie getting off on it, like I do, well, ewwww! Deb is NOT my mirror, okay!!!
Daphne’s Apartment
Justin has obviously gotten over his initial shock of what imagining Hobbs’ face did for his aim and now seems quite pleased with himself. No doubt that’s due to Cody’s encouraging slaps on the back and positive reinforcement of a job well done. He’s hanging his “bullet through the head” paper target on the wall. Yeah, don’t ask. I have no clue. Daphne and Cody are with him.
D: You went to a firing range?
C: Once he got the hang of it, he was awesome!
D: I thought you hated guns. You even signed that petition in high school.
Cody rolls his eyes… women, sheesh. Or better yet… straight women!
J: I still do. You wouldn’t believe what it felt like.
He still hates guns? I certainly wasn’t getting those vibes at all. Justin’s sexy tone as he tells her she wouldn’t believe what it felt like was very reminiscent of how he told Daphne about his first time with Brian in 102. It’s almost creepy how he’s picked up Cody’s intense connection between power intoxication and sexual stimuli. Then when he makes his hand into an imaginary gun and shoots Daphne in the head with a whispered “bang”… ech!, I got chills.
C: See that bullet hole right between the eyes? He was thinking of someone right before he fired it, but he wouldn’t tell me who.
D: Bet it was Chris Hobbs.
J: Daphne…
Justin gives her a look but she doesn’t get a clue. Justin obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want Cody to know. Justin is not proud of his behavior with Hobbs at the hospice, he acted the way that Cody teases and taunts him about constantly. He likes it better when Master Cody is singing his praises at what a good shot he is. He just knows Cody will ask him “what exactly did you do?” and that’s a question that has an answer that Justin doesn’t want to face.
D: Thought so.
C: Who’s he?
Justin’s trapped now. He has no choice.
J: He’s this high school jock I jerked off once. After that, he didn’t like me very much.
D: Oh, I always suspected he was secretly in love with you.
C: He sounds like some of the assholes I went to school with. They were probably afraid of being queer.
J: Yeah, whatever he was, when he saw me at the prom dancing with Brian…
D: Which, for the record, was un-fucking-real.
J: …he freaked. Afterwards he followed me to the parking garage with a baseball bat. He smashed my skull. I was in a coma, then rehab, for almost six months.
D: Can you believe that creep practically went free? A slap on the wrist. He went to community service at the AIDS hospice.
C: I can believe it.
I’m really bugged by Daphne in this scene. Normally I’m yelling at the TV, “You go girl!” But not this time. Not only did she force Justin to tell Cody about Hobbs when he clearly didn’t want to, but then she brings up the other part of what Justin’s problem is… his rage over the injustice. Smooth move, dipshit. And just what is her problem? She’s almost giggly about the whole thing… the only thing I can figure is she’s just trying to get in good with the cool kids. Her previous encounter with Cody would have told her that she’s not welcome. So she’s trying to convey in no uncertain terms that she’s cool enough to hang with them… that she’s not one of “them”. Or is it just simply she doesn’t like Justin having this connection with Cody… Justin used to involve Daphne with his political endeavors, now it’s Cody. Feeling left out maybe? Remember when they had the fight after the whole sex thing? She said something to the effect of, “You have this whole other life, I don’t even know you anymore”. So she wants to spill her beans about Justin’s life to ensure that Cody knows that she knows things about Justin that he doesn’t because she lived it with him. Was she just simply marking her territory? Now I’m thinking to myself… women! Sheesh!
Justin gets morose. Clearly haunted by the incident.
J: Last time I saw him; he was there mopping the floor. He said I’d end up just like the others… that I deserved to die.
C: I hope you fucking beat the shit out of him!
And that’s the exact reason why he didn’t want Cody to know. He now has to face what will undoubtedly be Cody’s disappointment that he did nothing. He has to face the illusion that Cody and Darren’s words have ingrained in his head… do nothing and that makes you a scared little faggot, a sissy, a pussy.
J: I was too afraid to say anything. So I just stood there… like a fucking faggot.
What did we learn from Ted? The first step is admitting you have a problem. Now I’m not saying that Justin’s reaction to Hobbs was a problem… I think that was a normal and justified response and in no way makes him a coward. But HE thinks he was… and that IS a problem. Now that he’s admitted it, spoken it out loud with his voice, what his real issue with himself is… he can start to move forward with fixing what he thinks is broken.
Emmett’s Apartment
Emmett is showing Michael and Brian his new apartment and it’s a total knock-off of Brian’s loft, which really cracks me up. I had no idea that Emmett had a secret desire to be Brian, I thought that was just Ted. Hehehe
There’s not a lot to the strange and bizarre scene and it seems like it’s just there for comic relief but even so there are still a few noteworthy items. The first one being that it’s just nice to see the friends hanging out again. S3 had such a separation between all of them, so this was refreshing.
E: Instant apartment. Just add trick and stir. So what do ya think?
M: It’s great Em. I’m very happy for you.
As the camera pans to Brian we see that’s he’s eating a sandwich. So that’s the second thing. It’s weird to see Brian eating. Of course he eats, we just don’t see it very often and he’s the only one that is eating at the time too which makes it even weirder. But anyway, he’s walking around, checking out the déjà vu of Emmett’s “fuckpad” and dripping stuff out of his sandwich all over Emmett’s furniture.
E: Oh careful Brian! You’re dripping. I don’t want any stains on the sofa.
B: Oops. Not yet anyway. Um, this place is vaguely reminiscent of somewhere I’ve… oh… my loft. Did I fuck your decorator?
Ummm, isn’t that a given? He’s fucked everyone is Pittsburgh, right? So why even ask?? LOL Now anyone who’s watched the show regularly knows that when Brian orders a sandwich, he always says “no mayo”. So just what is that white globby stuff dripping out of his sandwich?? It drips, blobs, oozes out again and Emmett freaks. He hands Brian a plate and heads off for some cleaner. Brian moves to check out more of the furniture.
E: Brian! I asked you to be careful. Here. I think they included some cleaner in the kitchen.
B: You call this crappy knock off a Barcelona chair? It’s more like a Tijuana chair.
Michael is staring out the window. Brian notices and comes up behind him.
B: You wanna bite? You can eat some of my sandwich too.
M: Cut it out. I told Ben a lie. A big, fat lie.
B: OK, who’d you fuck?
M: No one!
B: Eh, then make it quick.
M: I finished his book three days ago but I told him I’m still reading it.
B: That’s it? That’s the big fat lie? A big fat lie is ‘I won’t cum in your mouth’.
E: Just don’t cum on the sofa!
M: He wants me to be honest, to tell him what I really think.
B: And what do you really think?
M: It was kinda boring.
B: Kinda like him? He’s your partner, Mikey. You’ve gotta sit him down, take his hand and tell him, ‘Honey, it’s a steaming piece of horseshit.’
M: Could you say that to Justin?
B: Yeah. Fortunately, the lad’s a genius.
M: You are so helpful.
B: And you’re pathetic. If you can’t be honest, what kind of relationship do you have? Just a cheap imitation.
The camera pans away from them to Emmett scrubbing his cheap imitation sofa. And this little bit brings me to the third, fourth and fifth thing about this little quirky scene. As soon as Brian dishes his advice to Mikey on how to handle Ben as his partner, Mikey retorts asking if he could do the same with Justin. This is a clear indication that Mikey AND Brian (who didn’t quip about it) have finally put Justin and Ben on the same playing field. That’s really kind of huge for Mikey. While he’s always considered his relationship with Ben to be more of the mature and “real” variety, he’s always viewed Brian and Justin’s relationship as less than that because they lacked monogamy, which in Mikey’s mind means a lack of commitment. I’m not saying he doesn’t know or isn’t aware of how Brian feels about Justin, that’s not it, he’s just never considered their relationship as being the same thing that he shares with Ben.
Brian calling Justin a “genius” is always fodder for major squee-ing. We’ve known this since Brian first saw Justin’s art work back in S1, but the squee appeal just never wears off you know, so it’s duly noted here as well.
And finally… the writer’s choice of dialogue. I know people balk about it all the time but his final sentence shows why I don’t complain too much. It’s not easy to write dialogue with one meaning yet have it also mean something else. This sentence not only had two meanings, it had three and well, that’s even harder. Taken literally it was a direct comment to Michael about his relationship with Ben. No surprise there, that was the current topic at hand. As the camera pans to Emmett we see the figurative meaning and what the comic relief was supposed to be. It was a reflection of the room they were in, the furniture they were sitting on and the sofa Emmett was cleaning. And because it was spoken by Brian and was about relationships (as if he’s the expert); we know that suggestively it was foreshadowing. Brian the king of brutal honesty – a man who would tell his partner that his hard work was a steaming pile of horseshit – may just have to eat those words later on. He’s choked on all his other relationship mantras so why not this one? The sad thing is, he’s right this time, the mantra is a good one but will he always be honest with Justin? What if it’s not about how good Justin’s art is but rather something about Brian himself? Can he live by his motto then and tell Justin the ugly truth?
Brian’s Loft
In the bathroom at the loft, Justin splashes water on his face and stares into the mirror. I’m not so sure he likes what he sees anymore and is undoubtedly playing the last several weeks over in his mind. This has all been such a charge for him. Feeling that power, strength and invincibility… all the things that had been stripped from him by the bashing. But the realization that the ghost of Chris Hobbs still haunted him has now broken through all that bravado. And now as he stares at himself in the mirror I think he’s realizing that none of that matters, he still has the fear and still has no control or power over how he reacted that day at the hospice. He didn’t stand up for himself, he didn’t have the balls and it doesn’t matter how many homophobic assholes he beats up, that simple fact will always be there. Nothing’s changed, nothing’s been resolved. And it’s the fear that keeps getting to him. He may be getting a high off his power over these “victims” with his victories but he’s starting to see that all he’s really doing is putting the same fear that he feels onto someone else. An eye for an eye. But by doing that he’s become one of them and can you really be happy if you’ve become what you hate? Isn’t a heterophobic Justin just a cheap imitation or mirror image of a homophobic Hobbs?
He dries off his face and leaves the bathroom pulling his shirt over his head. As he comes through the doorway, he’s startled to find Brian sitting on the bed, barely covered by a strategically placed sheet, smoking a cigarette and pointing a gun right at him. Savor this scene folks; it’s the only B/J scene of the episode.
J: What are you doing?
B: Lookey what I found…Sunshine’s new play toy.
Sunshine’s not too pleased with this new development. But I am. I’m thrilled. Maybe some sense knocking will commence now.
J: You had no business going through my things.
B: Looking for a light.
J: That’s bullshit! You were snooping. Give it back!
Justin approaches the bed. Brian cocks the gun. Justin stops immediately and puts his hands up.
J: Careful!
B: Why? Is it loaded?
Brian points the gun at himself to look down the barrel. Shit! Shouldn’t he wait for Justin to answer before he does that?
J: No. It’s only meant to scare people.
B: For someone who’s never seen a Western on principle, you have an awfully keen interest in firearms.
Okay, this is an interesting statement. Justin tells Cody he wasn’t allowed to play with any kind of gun when he was a kid but he never said anything about having a problem with guns himself. Daphne mentions the petition he signed in school and now Brian mentions his principle about Westerns. How come we didn’t know about this? Was this little bit of Justin’s history added just to suit this storyline? Grrr. I hate it when they do that. It wasn’t necessary.
B: Where’d you get it?
J: Cody gave it to me.
Brian starts pulling the trigger to ensure it’s not loaded but I also think he’s trying to get a feel for it, show Justin what it looks like to see someone pull the trigger when it’s pointed at you.
B: How thoughtful. What’s next? **click** A small nuclear device? **click**
J: It’s necessary that we have them. After what happened the other night, we could have been killed.
And what did happen the other night? A general escalation to show that it never really stops, it just keeps going, bigger and bigger and bigger. An insult, a threat, a shove, a punch, a pulled knife, an aimed gun… what would have been next? Brian may not be too far off here.
B: Play with this long enough and you will be.
J: Will you just hand it over?
B: You’re not running around the streets with a concealed weapon!
Woo Hoo! It’s about damn time that Brian just quit with all the words of wisdom and turned parental on his ass. Desperate times call for desperate measures and little Sunshine’s playing with guns now… it’s time to step in. Lay down the law. Forbid him to do it! Argue about it! Fight about it! Of course, it’ll just piss him off, but who cares? I’m just ecstatic that they’re having a fight. I know that sounds twisted, but come on… if they were still tip-toeing around each other this fight wouldn’t be taking place at all. It’d be one laying the law down and the other taking it, like it’s always been. But here… they’re both pissed, they’re both having their say and quite firmly, I might add. It’s another glimpse of how far they’ve come in the relationship.
J: I told you…
B: ‘…it’s necessary.’ So that you and Cody can be the Gay Avengers? Heroes of the resistance? Martyrs to the cause?
J: We’re trying to stop violence before it happens!
And it’s at this point that I start wondering if Justin even believes it anymore. It’s like he’s angry with Brian now just because he’s not sitting back and letting Justin do what he wants. He’s digging through his back pack, snooping, telling him what he’s NOT going to do, all in the name of “I care about you”. Just like any parent would do when their child is getting into something that could potentially do them harm. And before you freak out, I know that Brian is not his parent, but he has always been a mentor to him and that’s where this is coming from. He is older, and partner or not he can’t help but inject his twelve years of experience on him every now and then. And as much as I love Brian for doing it… it’s backfiring on him. Why? Because Justin is still a determined young man and has always done as he wished. Typical teenager, right? You heard him tell his mother in 403… “Don’t fucking tell me what to do?”
Brian laughs in an effort to make Justin see the absurdity of what he’s doing, to make him hear himself. Listen to his own bullshit. Brian’s learning that lesson well these days, isn’t he? Beating the bushes IS starting it, provoking it, setting it up to happen. But Justin ignores Brian’s point and focuses in on the laugh.
B: By starting it?
J: You wouldn’t think it was so funny if you were the one who’d been bashed.
B: Nobody… said it was funny.
J: They hate us! They want us dead! Now gimme the goddamn gun!
He snatches it away and walks out of the room, leaving a very stunned and very speechless Brian for what… the fourth time now? It’s an intense scene. And I think it’s the “they” that has me the most upset. “They” implies “all” and that is very Cody… not Justin.
Justin’s introspective look in the mirror in the beginning had me hoping that he was starting to see what he was doing. This is a fight for naught. But his anger toward Brian for stepping in makes me think otherwise, so I’m not sure now. This just seemed like a knee-jerk reaction because Brian snooped and confronted him. He’s been telling Brian everything up to this point but yet he didn’t tell him about the gun. Why? Did he already know that it’s dangerous, that it’s deeper then he wanted to go? Do you think he’s fully aware that the gun could mean he’s graduated to martyr status… he has principles about guns, he signed a petition against them. So I think he knows… his fight with Brian is just to fight. It’s a defiance because Brian finding the gun backed him into a corner and like a wild animal that’s feeling trapped, he lashed out.
And while I ache for what Justin is going through, I’m aching for Brian as well. Here’s a man who’s always had a firm belief that you have to live your life for yourself and he told Justin as much in the Forever Young scene back in S1, but now he’s in love and he’s struggling to remain true to his belief. He doesn’t want to lose Justin and he’s afraid that might happen if all this continues. A war is raging inside him… his mind telling him one thing, his heart saying another and he’s clearly in pain over it.
Melanie and Lindsay’s House
Mel is distraught and Lindsay has called Rage, ur, I mean Brian to come to the rescue. It seems kind of stupid, I mean, Brian is not exactly Mel’s favorite person and she thinks he’s full of shit, so why would Lindsay think that Brian could help here? In fact, Brian wonders the same thing… So it’s really rather amusing that the writers wrote the dialogue to explain themselves because they knew that we wouldn’t buy it otherwise. Isn’t the real reason that Brian’s in this scene is for them to meet the weekly quota of Brian scenes? I’ll let someone else do the counting for sure, (402=6, 403=5, 404=5 <wink>) but isn’t Brian always in at least five scenes per episodes? And since this episode is Justin focused and doesn’t really do anything to move Brian’s story along like last week’s did with this business, they had to throw in some Brian to the rescue scenes to meet the quota. First, advice to Michael and now this. Hmmm. I wonder if the number of scenes per episode is in Gale’s contract. Interesting.
But anyway, they covered it pretty well, Lindsay’s reasoning actually makes sense. Brian is practical when it comes to “just business”, so instead of bitching about the set-up, I’ll just sit back and enjoy the sheer genius of Gale’s comedic timing and delivery. I know the message is serious, and yes I heard it, but damn, I cracked up through the whole thing.
L: I’ve tried talking to her but she woudn’t listen. Now she refuses to leave the bedroom.
B: Eventually they come out to feed, but if I were you, I’d lock up the livestock.
L: Briiii-an!
B: Why the fuck did you call me? I have no practical skills whatsoever in talking lesbians out of trees!
L: But you do have a remarkable ability to put things in perspective, to see them in a purely objective, practical way.
She drags him up the stairs. He storms into the demon’s lair without knocking and without his wooden stake. Ahh, such bravery.
B: Are you gonna lie there sharpening your claws, feeling sorry for yourself or are you gonna get your ass out of bed?
M: Jesus Christ, you could at least knock!
B: But if I’d knocked, you’d have told me to fuck off.
M: Fuck off!
B: Too late! Now then. (He grabs one of Gus’ stuffed animals and plops down on the bed. He holds it out and mockingly says…) Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you.
M: You wanna know where he touched me? Right here! In the gut! You wanna know why? Because a lesbian couple with a child just fired their lesbian lawyer with a child so that some straight white male asshole could argue their case!
B: Makes sense to me.
M: Why am I not surprised?
B: The courts have always been partial to the voice of the straight white male asshole.
M: This was my case!
B: It’s business, Mel. Suck it up and move on! Was that objective and practical enough for you?
M: Do you believe this?
L: Actually, I agree with him. As much as I understand why you’re upset, and believe me, I would be too, I also understand Jeannette and Anna’s position. They had to do whatever they could to…
M: I don’t want to hear it!
Melanie pushes past Lindsay and stomps out of the room. Lindsay is still beside herself and gives Brian a “look”…
B: Well, she’s out of the bedroom!
Not much else to say. It was funny and a much needed rest from the intensity of the real drama… but take a deep breath because we’re heading right back into it.
Construction Site
Justin and Cody are walking down the street. Justin is obviously telling Cody about Brian finding the gun.
J: He almost took it away from me.
C: Christ! Well, next time be more careful.
J: Here. You keep it.
C: No, it’s okay, I’ve got others.
J: Others??
C: Some people collect stamps, others collect injustices. I collect these.
Oh joy!! Cody takes the gun and puts it in his pants. They approach a construction site. Justin seems confused.
J: What are we doing here?
C: Waiting for somebody.
J: A new posse member?
C: Not exactly. Say, don’t you know that guy?
Oh shit!! **BOOM BOOM** Justin freezes. **BOOM BOOM** The ghost in his worst nightmare… in the flesh. Chris Hobbs. You can almost see his heart pounding, his blood running rampant through his veins.
J: How did you find him?
C: Looked him up in the phone book. Now you can tell him what a piece of shit he is.
Hobbs approaches but walks right by them. He doesn’t recognize Justin. Justin does’nt call out to him. He has no intentions of telling Hobbs what a piece of shit he is. Just like at the hospice, he’s frozen with fear. Cody, the button-pusher, the beater of the bushes, refuses to let this get the better of Justin. He wants the confrontation to take place. Partly because he knows Justin needs it but partly because he gets off on it. He’s almost salivating as he calls out to him…
C: Hobbs!
J: Don’t.
He’s almost begging Cody not to do this. Some friend. Poor Justin. He’s so scared… Randy is brilliant. Hobbs stops, turns around, looks at Cody…
H: Do I know you?
C: No, but I believe you know my friend.
H: Taylor? What the fuck are you doing here?
Justin doesn’t move, doesn’t say a word. Hobbs taunts him, knowing he’s scared.
H: You looking for a job? I’m sorry, we don’t have any openings. At least not the kind you like.
Hobbs waits. Looks at Justin then to Cody. Neither of them say or do anything. Cody looks at Justin, waiting for him to stand up for himself. He doesn’t. Hobbs shakes his head in disgust.
H: Faggots!
He walks off thinking how pathetic they are. Cody gives a very disappointed look to Justin. Justin looks down… ashamed. He did it again. **BOOM BOOM** Scared little faggot.
I can hardly stand this and I just keep picturing that sweet, giggly look Justin had on his face that first night when they pulled the pants off those guys. I want that smile back on his face. Did I say that Randy was brilliant?
Here’s another conundrum that’s been bothering me and I thought I had it all figured out, but with some help of some legal-eagles, I’ve found that I was wrong so now I’m more confused than ever. When I read the script and saw that Hobbs was working construction, I thought they were trying to show him suffering due to his felony which would have made Brian’s words to Justin in 402 about achieving higher success than your attacker in order to get even very true. I say this because I work for a company that will not, under any circumstances hire anyone with a felony on their record. So I figured that’s why Hobbs isn’t some hot-shot football player at some prestigious college. The felony conviction had put a halt to all his big plans. Clearly that would be a disappointment to his family, who had paid good money for his St. James education.
But now I found out, his guilty plea of “simple assault” is not a felony, it’s a misdemeanor. So why is Hobbs not in school? Why is a 19 or 20 year old guy working at a construction site wearing a shirt and tie? He’s a foreman? At 20? I don’t get it.
Why does Hobbs, who I’m assuming comes from an upper-middle class family, just like Daphne and Justin, live in a run down house near the railroad tracks? That’s hardly upper-middle class. And I’m not being snobby here, the script described the house as that. It just seems to me that they wanted Hobbs to appear “unsuccessful” to give validity to Brian’s comment thus, giving Justin some peace of mind that even without justice from the law, Hobbs is paying for his crime in some small way. But none of that makes any sense without a felony on his record.
And if it wasn’t to show him as unsuccessful, and his shirt and tie and the construction plans he had rolled up in his hand was to show that maybe he’s an intern for some architecture firm and not suffering in any way, then why the run down house? Why not have Cody and Justin meet up with him on the college campus in the day scene and in the driveway of his parent’s prestigious home for the night scene? Or the parking lot of his dormitory? I guess I’m just trying to come to terms with why they gave him the job that they did, why they put him in the house that they did and why he wouldn’t be in college which seems like the typical place to be for someone Justin’s age who graduated from a high school like St. James and had a bright future.
Michael and Ben’s Apartment
Nothing really to say here, I just wanted to pause and say, the ‘Leave it to Hunter’ shit cracks me up. They should just keep Ben and Mikey at home with Hunter all the time. There are endless possibilities.
Daphne’s Apartment
Justin, Daphne and Cody are all at Daphne’s apartment. Justin is pacing, beating himself up for not standing up to Hobbs.
J: I’m such a fucking coward!
D: You should never have gone to see Chris Hobbs in the first place. Why are you digging up this shit all over again?
Uh hello? You’re the one that let the cat out of the bag which forced Justin to tell Cody all about it.
C: Because it was never finished! It’s still not. You’ve gotta go back there and face him.
J: No fucking way!
C: It’s the only way! We’ll pay him a little visit tomorrow night… after work.
**BOOM BOOM**
Well as much I hate this, Cody is right. It isn’t finished and yes, Justin needs to face him. He has to face that fear so he can put it behind him. I think at this point, it’s not so much about Justin getting his revenge or getting justice… he just needs to confront him without backing down so he can prove to himself that he’s still the brave soul that Brian said he was way back when.
And this folks is where I start to get conflicted.
Babylon
At Babylon… a long sequence of a stage show set up to reflect the current state of things amongst our group of friends. Built guys dancing through fighting moves, kicks, punches while dressed in gladiator type armor. It’s long, almost too long, but it doesn’t take away from what is undeniably about to happen with Justin. It’s almost as if Brian can’t get away from the turmoil that’s eating him up inside. He’s sitting in a corner by himself, drinking shots and trying his best to get loaded. I’m assuming so he can forget his troubles but once Ben and Michael catch up with him, his troubles are the first thing out of his mouth. And that’s a first. Brian is not usually conflicted about his convictions, but he’s trying to understand what Justin needs to do. He knows it’s wrong, his conscience tells him that; but he knows that’s unacceptable for Justin. It’s like he’s searching for reassurance from Ben so he can justify what is happening.
Is Brian’s safe haven of Babylon no longer a place where he can escape his pain? Justin on his mind instead of tricking… it’d be sweet if it wasn’t for such a dark reason. And the fact that he’s trying to work through his thoughts without someone sucking him off, is almost mind-blowing.
M: Hey, what’re you doing?
B: Thinking.
Ben: In Babylon? That’s a first.
Is it just me or has Ben become a snob? Anyway, Brian gets up, staggering a little, he’s tweaked for sure. But he immediately engages Ben in conversation over his dilemma… not Michael, but Ben. Do you think he knew that Michael wouldn’t get it?
B: Is it better to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms and by opposing, end them?
M: Huh?
Ben: Shakespeare.
Michael looks like “okay, so what”… Brian turns to him and basically says the same thing only now in a language that Michael can understand.
B: An eye for an eye… or turn the other cheek? Fight fire with fire… or do unto others as you would have them do… you know the rest.
They get to the bar. Brian turns back to Ben…
B: So? Which is it?
Ben: It depends on the circumstances.
B: You’re saying there’s no such thing as absolute right or wrong? That morality is merely a matter of circumstance?
Michael is still clueless. Why? Given the fact that he showed Ben Justin’s disturbing drawings and he’s aware of his involvement in the Pink Posse, you’d think he’d get what Brian is talking about. Justin. The partner that is missing in this scene. Why do they make him so stupid in some scenes and smart in others? I don’t get it.
M: What the fuck are we talking about?
B: Say somebody bashes you and nearly kills you. Does that give you the right to go out and do the same?
Ben: Of course not.
B: Why?
M: Because two wrongs don’t make a right.
Ben: Besides, there are laws.
B: But what if the law failed to protect you? What if the law doesn’t give a shit? Then what?
M: Then I guess you’d have to take the law into your own hands.
Ben: No, no, no… violence is never a moral option.
B: But doing nothing… letting someone bash your brains in, is?
Ben has no answer. Neither do I. Hell, does anyone? It’s just messed up. It’s so easy to just say “turn the other cheek”, “rise above it” but I don’t know any victims that will tell you that that makes them feel better. Going out in the middle of a field and screaming your head off really feels good, but it’s only temporary. There has to be more. And on the other side, “an eye for an eye”, “fight fire with fire” both sound like the way to go but I don’t know any victims that will tell you that that’s what they want either. Because getting their revenge that way means having to face reprisal for their actions. The elation of revenge feels really good, but again, if you end up in jail or dead, the elation is temporary. You have to live with what you did, you have to live knowing you became your attacker. Thus, Brian’s conclusion… if you can call it that…
B: Thus conscience does make cowards of us all.
I don’t know. Is it conscience that keeps us from acting out? I’ve mentioned more than once, that healthy fear we all have to determine what is safe and what is not. In a way, isn’t that our conscience guiding us? Our morality in general? And if you can’t enact revenge on your attacker, are you a coward? You know what it feels like to be victimized, you know what it feels like to be helpless and if you have any compassion in your heart at all, you just can’t justify inflicting that on someone else. What does it solve? I’ll tell you… deserved or not, violent revenge is not pretty. Because no matter what, deserved or not, the person getting beat is now a victim. So to not do that, we are cowards? Or just have a conscience?
Can anyone here really say, honestly, that they could watch Justin hit Hobbs in the head with a baseball bat just like he did Justin and not flinch?
But the thing that we know, that Brian doesn’t know at this point… is that things have changed. Justin has already given up the gun, he gave it back to Cody at the construction site BEFORE he met up with Hobbs. I believe he had already decided that that wasn’t who he wanted to be or what he wanted to do. So the great dilemma is not about “an eye for an eye” anymore, it’s about facing fears, finding closure and making amends with what happened. And if that’s the motive that Justin has for going to his house, then I’m okay with it.
Whew! Did any of that make sense? I’m all over the place with this one. Sorry.
But can I just add a moment of giddiness? Ben says to Michael, “Come on baby, let’s dance.” I don’t know… I just liked the way he said it. I’ve rewound that little bit a few times now and that’s a first for a Ben/Michael scene. Anywhooo…
Melanie and Lindsay’s House/Liberty Avenue
Two things:
Ted: When Wertshafter fired me, I had the comfort of knowing he was a bigoted straight man with an enlarged prostate but in our case…dumped by two fellow lesbians… your sense of betrayal must be crushing, staggering, all-consuming.
Ummm, is Brian rubbing off on him already? Wonder how much more of the Kinney psyche he’ll adopt by working for him.
And this:
Ted: Thanks, Mel. You know what’s funny? When I was growing up, my father had the serenity prayer taped to the refrigerator. He wasn’t in AA. He didn’t touch a drop. He just liked it. I saw it ten times a day... knew it by heart of course. It never meant anything. Now, it’s been my salvation.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Justin, Justin… I don’t suppose Craig had this taped to his refrigerator… did he??
INTERJECTION:
Just want to share something interesting. On the script for this episode, the Mel/Ted/Serenity Prayer scene was Scene #20. The upcoming Daphne/Brian/Justin thought scene is Scene #22. Scene #21, which was deleted from the script and therefore not in the show, was dubbed, “Brian refuses to apologize”. This makes me wonder, of course, what did Brian refuse to apologize for? I have a theory…
There was no other scene cut between Brian at Babylon and this missing scene. But yet this missing scene was sandwiched between two scenes that happen the next morning. So could it have been a B/J scene at the loft the morning after Brian’s pondering at Babylon but before he shows up at the office with coffee in hand? Could something he said in this morning scene given us more insight into what is going through Justin’s mind as he stares at the target? If so, why cut it? Could they have wanted to show Justin working it out on his own and not necessarily mulling over what Brian said? To show Justin as growing up and not needing Brian to always be his voice of reason?
If that’s what the scene was and that’s why they chose to cut it, then good for them! I think all the other scenes between Brian and Justin during this story arc was enough. Brian had his say, more than once and we know Justin heard him. Justin also heard Cody and Darren and Hobbs. Justin, alone, had to sift through all the bullshit, process everything that’s been said and done and make up his own mind using the good conscience that he has inside him. He has to believe it in his heart or his conscientious decision in what to do is just a cheap imitation of Brian’s conscience and not his own.
So if my theory is correct, then I completely agree with them cutting it. But with it cut, that meant we’d only have the one B/J scene and that was a fight. **sigh** And this would be twice this season where there’d be a whole episode with no B/J kisses… **double sigh**
Kinnetik
Brian gets to the office and Cynthia greets him with the news of the day. Cheesy Pizza (bwahahaha – I guess not all your accounts can be big, sexy ones) layouts are on his desk, Leo Brown is expecting his call (heeee!!!!) and there’s a young woman in his office that needs to speak to him right away. ‘Cause for office gossip, and for a straight guy, that could be terrifying news. Fortunately for Brian it’s not that kind of news, but still equally terrifying.
B: Why, Daphne, what an unexpected surprise! You look particularly enchanting today.
D: Mind if you hit on me later? I have to talk to you.
Brian loses his charming smile immediately and we know why. If Daphne has come to visit Brian, there must be trouble with Justin. They cut to Justin who’s standing, staring at the paper target with the hole in the head and smoking a cigarette. **BOOM BOOM** Does anyone have any doubt what he’s thinking about? He has to decide what it is that he truly needs to find closure. Then he has to decide how far his own morality is willing to go to get it. Once he figures that out, he stares, trying to muster the courage to confront Hobbs and face his fear. He’s staring at the poster to make himself strong, psyche himself up so that he can go through with it without cowering, without freezing in place with fear.
Back to Kinnetik.
D: ...but I thought you should know.
B: Thanks. It adds up. But there’s not much I can do.
D: Can’t you talk to him?
B: Been there, tried that. Hasn’t done much good.
D: What if he gets into a fight? What if he gets hurt?
B: Then at least he’ll know that he stood up. Fought back. That he didn’t run away.
And this is why I think the missing scene was dialogue between them. This statement is Brian telling us that he’s at peace with what Justin has to do. He’s clearly pained by it and scared and worried but this is him explaining why he’s resigned for Rage to not run after JT to save the day. That he respects Justin’s need to face this head on and he has faith in him to do the right thing. THAT right there is huge!! And it shows that he understands it’s not about anger anymore, it’s about Justin’s inner turmoil that he cowered away from Hobbs and he just can’t live with himself knowing that. He has to “stand up for himself… have some balls”.
But it would have been nice to see what was said that made Brian transition from the dilemma of right vs. wrong into the dilemma of cowardice vs. bravery.
The scene moves back to Justin putting his cigarette out and moving out of the frame. Clearly he’s made up his mind. He knows what he wants now. He knows what he needs. And he’s got the courage to go get it. **BOOM BOOM** No matter what.
Hobbs’ House
It’s night, a car pulls up, Hobbs gets out and he’s confronted by Cody and Justin just as they’d planned.
H: Christ! Taylor? What are you doing here? Stalking me? Fucking creeps, get outta here or I’ll call the police!
C: Not until he gets what he came for.
H: What’s that? You wanna suck my cock?
J: I want you to apologize.
So finally we see that Justin really has come to his senses. He wants his apology and nothing more and he’s fighting his inner fear by just being there. This really would be good closure for him… if Hobbs complies. Which we all know is doubtful. Please note though… Justin does not have a weapon. This is strictly a verbal confrontation at this point. Justin is not carrying a concealed weapon. He went there with nothing but his own courage to stand up to him.
H: For what?
J: For bashing me. For causing me brain damage and permanent injury. For giving me nightmares every night for two years. For filling me with fear every time I walk out the door. For treating me like a subhuman who doesn’t deserve to live.
Those are some pretty serious charges and it just wrecks my soul. The reality of this is almost too much.
H: That’s what you are, Taylor. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to kick back and have a beer.
C: Tell him you’re sorry.
H: Get outta my way! Faggots!
This is when things get sticky. Hobbs refuses to apologize. He refuses to give Justin what he needs. He shoves them both aside and walks through the middle of them without one iota of fear. After Justin’s little speech, that just seems unfair that he can do that. Justin now knows that Hobbs hasn’t changed at all and he looks like he just wants to crawl into a hole and die. And just for a second I feel like Justin is actually believing him. It hurts him to the core and it’s like he just bashed him all over again. I want this to fuel his anger but it only seems to have weakened him terribly. As much as I’m not liking Cody right now, I’m thanking him for stepping up because Justin needed to go on and this had him momentarily paralyzed.
Cody demanding Justin’s apology for him made Hobbs angry and he’s walked away. The confrontation is seemingly over and while Justin should be happy that he initially stood up to him, he’s not. He really wanted that apology. Cody knows what Justin needs now. He pulls out the gun opens the barrel, spins it and holds it out for Justin. **BOOM BOOM** I’m still going on the assumption that the gun is not loaded. Justin pauses, looks at it then takes it. Snapping out of his pain at Hobbs’ words, he’s now determined to finish this, once and for all. **BOOM BOOM** He follows Hobbs to the backyard, rounding the corner, he holds the gun out, pointing it at him… determined to do whatever it’s going to take to get what he came for. He screams the exact words that Cody said that first night at the GLC meeting…
J: DON’T FUCK WITH ME!!!
H: Whoa man, just take it easy.
J: Get on your knees.
H: What the fuck are you doing?
C: Do what he says!
J: I said…get on your knees!
H: Okay, okay.
Hobbs does as he’s told and gets on his knees. Justin closes in, standing in front of him with the gun pointed at his head.
H: There. You scared me, see? Now put the gun away.
If you watch Justin’s face as Hobbs pleads with him to put the gun away… **eek**… he has this evil grin. It’s so scary to see. I don’t like Justin enjoying this. I just want him to get what he needs and go. I don’t want that intoxicating power to creep up again. Gosh, Randy was really good.
J: First say, I’m sorry.
And you know an odd thing? When Cody pulled the gun on the guy with the knife he told him he wanted an apology. It seems to matter, but I’m not sure why. If the apology is given under duress, does it count? Hobbs doesn’t say anything…
J: Say it.
H: I’m sorry.
J: For bashing you.
H: For bashing you.
J: For causing you brain damage and permanent injury.
H: For causing you brain damage and permanent injury.
Hobbs is crying as he repeats what Justin tells him to. He’s obviously scared. Justin has gotten his apology, time to end this. But… nooooo! The intoxicating power has taken hold of him again and the anger has seeped back up to the surface. I get nervous and I’d probably be out of my mind if I hadn’t read the script before I saw it. I’m glad I had. Justin moves the gun away from Hobbs’ head (notice gun imprint on his forehead – yikes!) and puts it in front of his mouth.
J: Now suck on this!
C: That’s it! Fuck yeah!
Gee, you think Cody might actually start jacking off here? **shivers** The boy needs some help.
J: Go on. Suck it.
Justin’s taunting him. Hobbs is crying even harder now. Justin gets angrier.
J: SUCK IT!
Hobbs takes it in his mouth, moaning, whimpering, literally scared for his life. And he really should be. Justin is not himself, he’s feeling empowered and he’s got a psycho friend with him that thinks this is a circle jerk.
C: This is beautiful, man. This is what you’ve been wanting to do all this time.
J: Now you know what it feels like. The fear that all faggots feel all their lives. Walking down the street, holding hands…
Cody is only half right. This is what he’s always wanted to do but it’s not that he wanted to shoot Hobbs or make him suck on a gun, what he’s always wanted was for Hobbs to feel fear. That fear that has plagued him for so long and made him feel so weak. But again, getting what he wanted wasn’t enough… he’s drunk on the power he has over him. He yells…
J: BECAUSE OF ASSHOLES LIKE YOU! And you know what?
Oh shit! Justin cocks the hammer back. Hobbs whimpers.
J: We’re tired of it.
Justin scrunches his face, squeezes his hand tighter on the gun…
C: Do it. Do it!
Cody’s words echo the words of that straight girl as she begged her boyfriend to tell Cody and Justin he was sorry. He seems to snap out of it and realizes what he’s doing… he’s on the precipice and I think all the things that he’s been hearing for weeks resurfaces and he remembers what he thought about while staring at the paper target. This isn’t what he wanted… this was not his goal. He had his confrontation without fear, he got his apology and he scared the beegeezus out of Hobbs. His mission was accomplished. No need for him to go further. He pulls the gun from Hobbs’ mouth. And again, I have to say, I’m so amazed with Randy. Every single emotion was played perfectly on his face. You could see the realization happen, it was so subtle but yet so evident.
Cody on the verge of having the best orgasm of his life, totally spazzes out. Justin is actually calm, cool and collected.
C: What the fuck are you doing? You can’t stop now!
J: Get up.
Hobbs hesitates in confusion.
J: Get up. Go inside.
C: You can’t let him go!
J: And I wouldn’t call the police. You don’t want to have to tell them a couple of faggots made you shit your pants.
Hobbes gets up and goes inside. Justin just looks at Cody, uncocks the gun and hands it back to Cody. He’s through with it. He doesn’t need Cody, he doesn’t need the gun, he got what he needed and you can just tell, as he walks away from Cody and Hobbs, he’s at total peace with himself. Cody continues to throw a tantrum as the credits roll.
C: You coward. You fucking coward, you let him get away! You had him! You could’ve had him, but you were too chickenshit! You’re like all the other faggots! You’re too afraid! You’re all cowards and they know it! You could have ended it! Faggot! You’re no different than the rest of them! You deserve what you get! And you wanna know why? Because you’re all fucking pussies, that’s why! Until we show those hetero assholes that we have the balls to pull the trigger…
So I guess we can debate over whether what he did was right. It’s hard to answer, at least for me. It’s an arguable conflict, that’s for sure. But I think overall, it’s what all victims would want. To make their attacker feel the powerlessness and the fear that they felt without causing any real harm. But yes, so many things could have gone wrong here. If the gun had been loaded, it could have gone off accidentally and with Justin’s shaky hand, that was a real concern. In fact, the script had Justin’s hand shaking as he held it to his head. They didn’t film it that way, I watched closely, but can you imagine the irony? Justin’s hand shakes because of Hobbs and here it could have been the very thing to have accidentally killed him. Yikes! But I’m happy with Justin’s actions… he may have forced it, but he was able to make amends with himself over his fear and that is what brought him final closure.
Since there were so many quotes used in this episode, I’ll close this recap about Justin’s closure with a quote that I saw just two days ago. It seemed appropriate not only because it fits Justin’s growth through the story arc, but pretty much the rest of the season as well. Coming of age means development of character and strengthening of souls and well, what would a good drama be without trial and suffering…
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved… Helen Keller
