Somewhere in Altoona / The Artic Repression of Heroes
So the episode begins with Brian and Justin in search of a safe place to be together. Because of Stockwell they have been forced out of their own community. They've been forced out into the cold. And they've been forced into the back of truck where it's cold, and the blue lights only remind them of what brought them there. It sucks, and it's definitely not in a positive life affirming way. Isn't that the truth. What do the blue lights have to do with anything? Well, I'll tell you what they mean to me.
I have learned in Season 3 that we have to listen to what's being said in each episode or we'll miss the meaning of future episodes. In 308, when Justin the intern, said Orange is the new Blue, that seemed to come from nowhere. It just seemed to be a stupid little comment that moved the current story along. Three episodes later we find out it wasn't really a stupid little comment. The blue and orange mean something. What do these blue lights represent?
Well, blue has always represented cold, and in this case freezing temperatures, literally, as they are freezing inside that truck. This definition of cold explains why Brian's bedroom lights have always been blue. It was the reflection of his heart, he was always cold. But blue also more importantly represents the world and the people that have brought on repression. The blue lights represent a school that doesn't protect it's gay students. The blue lights represent a bat to the head that goes unpunished. The blue lights represent murderers of gay victims that still roam the streets. The blue lights represent wealthy widows that deny their dead husband's true self. The blue lights represent parents that turn their backs on their gay kids. The blue lights represent a hospital that doesn't allow gay parents to stay with their sick child. The blue lights represent a boss that feels justified for firing you because you look at a different kind of website. The blue lights represent all this and more.
Just a little sidenote....Brian mentions a birthday present. This is good news. I don't celebrate birthdays, I celebrate achievement. Is this another wall coming down? An admission that maybe last year's gift wasn't such a good idea afterall? Not that I would consider a subscription to O Magazine a good gift, but at least he's thinking about Justin's birthday. That's something. And besides, Justin does have other achievements to celebrate this year. He's begun the thawing process of Brian's blue heart. And, just like he led the way into the back of that truck, he led Brian to become the Secret Avenger's trusty sidekick. He got Brian to care about something other than himself; he got him to join his fight against the blue lights.
Brian's Loft / The Arousal of Dr. Evil
Well, who are we kidding here, this scene was awesome. I'm not going to lie. I loved it. Let's get the sex stuff out of the way first. Brian, once again is behind Justin. Don't get lost in who's riding who, it's significant that Justin is in front. He's the leader and Brian is following behind. This is the place where they feel comfortable. It's what gets them there. And they're both satisfied with the outcome. You can take that physically or figuratively. I meant it in both ways. But in all sex scenes we know there is meaning, so this is what I found.
This is all taking place under the glowing orange light. What does the orange light represent?
Well, orange has always represented warmth, and in this case smoldering temperatures, literally, as they're burning up the sheets. "Aaaamazing!!" This definition of warmth explains why Brian's bedroom lights have now been changed to orange. It's the new reflection of his heart. Now that he's been thawed, he's been warmed by Justin's unconditional love. But orange, even more importantly represents the world and the other people that have brought on unconditional love. The orange light represents feeling safe when you walk down the street. The orange light represents being free to kiss who you want to kiss at your highschool prom. The orange light represents being able to marry who you want to marry and sharing that love with children. The orange light represents being able to defend your country without having to remain silent. The orange light represents being loved by your family unconditionally. And the orange light represents two consenting adults being able to share a moment within the warmth of their surroundings without fear, without prejudice, without chains and padlocks and without hate. (As we have so clearly seen Brian and Justin doing here.)
Inside the confines of Brian's loft their lives are surrounded by the orange lights. Why? Because the loft has climate control. Because inside the loft they're free of the laws that they would break if they left. Because inside the loft they are law-abiding citizens. But to remain in the warmth of the orange lights, they can never leave. Justin says two crucial statements while in that bed. First, he reminds Brian that he was the one that helped Stockwell. Hitting that point home again. Justin tells it like it is. Brian is the reason that they've been incarcerated to their bedroom. And Brian will not be bound and caged with chains and padlocks. Dr. Spin, as Brian called himself, is a reminder that Brian believes he can always pull it off. He can "spin" anything to his advantage. Justin removes himself from the bed and leaves Brian thinking and an idea is forming, you can almost see the light bulb flickering. "How can I spin this?" The Secret Avenger has shown him the way. "I'm gonna have to get ruthless." Justin, speaking his second crucial statement, has given him his new name, his secret identity. Dr. Evil adorns his mask.
Vangard Agency / Dr. Evil's Sinister Seduction
If this wasn't a set up, then I don't know what is. Stockwell's cronies have disagreed with everything Brian has presented all along, and yet everything has worked. So now, they're on the Brian bandwagon, Brian knows it, and he uses it to his advantage. Any suggestion he throws their way now will only be met with gratitude. This was a seduction, and this is what Brian does best. And what better way to get rid of both of your enemies? Throw them into the lion's den together and wait for dinnertime. If Stockwell is willing to party with the GLC, Brian will send out the invitations. I don't do bad ideas. Of course not, you always know what you're doing. Don't you? Do you fully understand the risks of this seduction? Dr. Evil has a lot to gain, but without the mask, Brian has a lot to loose.
I personally think Brian is fully aware of what the consequences could be. He's willing to give up his dream of New York, to do the right thing, to be a participant in his community, and to break the locks that bind him; the locks that bind all of them. This was his thawing, this was the place that Justin led him to.
Just something to mention in this scene about Stockwell. Why would it be so funny if gays voted him into office? To become successful off those that you despise is just a means to an end. It's funny. You laugh all the way to the bank, or all the way to New York. Right? Brian used to think the same thing. And hearing someone else say what he used to think really makes him wretched. He knows better now. And this just adds fuel to his new burning flame. If there's anybody out there that still believes that Stockwell is an honorable guy, look at his reaction here. He knows Brian is gay, but yet this assistant doesn't hesitate to make this remark. He must know that Stockwell is in agreement with his views. Stockwell just ignored it. What else involving the gay community has he chosen to ignore? His silence speaks volumes because if I say something, I mean it. So as long as you don't say anything, then you're guiltless, right? Maybe we should call him the silent enemy. We all know that a silent enemy is a much more formidable opponent because they get under the radar of even the most vigilant constituents. That's what Debbie and Justin knew, and that's what Brian knows now.
The Gay & Lesbian Center / The Unmasking of The Antagonist
Here the plan is set into action. This is where Dr. Evil has led the silent enemy. We know what Stockwell stands for, Brian knows what Stockwell stands for. It's time for the rest of the community to find out as well. With the Secret Avenger again leading the way, the enemy is unmasked layer by layer in the names of Margerita Lopez, Jefferson Proctor, Natasha Ginsburg, Dumpster Boy aka Jason Kemp and Justin Taylor.
As Jennifer speaks about Justin's bashing, we learn where Brian's real motivation is coming from. Is it really the backrooms? No, it's more personal than that, the backrooms were just the spark that lit the flame. The real motivation comes from knowing that the blue lights almost cost Justin his life. And no one cared. It was just ignored. Justin's face on that poster makes this adventure very personal to Brian. Like Stockwell, would Brian know that Dumpster Boy's real name was Jason Kemp? No. It didn't affect him then. But Justin, now that's a face on a poster that Brian can relate to.
What can Stockwell relate to with these people? Nothing. Why doesn't he know the Dumpster Boy's name? Because it didn't affect him, and still doesn't. He was just another nameless, faceless, murdered gay teen that has long been forgotten and ignored. Forgotten and ignored by Stockwell. Forgotten and ignored by the Chief of Police. Forgotten and ignored by the enemy. The unmasking is complete and Dr. Evil and the Secret Avenger are successful with their plan. The exposed antagonist can no longer hide his true identity. The silent enemy retreats without saying a word, but not before he sees the face of his nemesis, the familiar face of the Secret Avenger.
Woody's / The Unmasking of Dr. Evil
There are three things in this short scene that stand out to me.
First, Brian is very removed from everyone else, he's off playing pool by himself. This seems odd, but it's become the case more and more lately. He and Justin have been with the group but yet they aren't really hanging with the group. In 309, at Woody's they're sitting on the opposite end of the bar from Emmett, Mikey, and Ben. At Babylon they're dancing by themselves and as they pass Mikey and Ted at the bar to head to the back room, they don't even speak. And they didn't attend Emmett's tasting party in 310. I'm not sure yet what all that means, but I do know that this loner syndrome is another thing that Brian has in common with Justin.
Justin has one best friend, Daphne. Brian has two best friends, Mikey & Lindsay. Justin showed up on Liberty Avenue by himself in 101 and again in 201. He wanted to walk alone in 203. Brian celebrated his birthday by himself, and most of the time, goes out by himself. When Justin was with Ethan in 303, there was talk of Justin being unsocialable. He said he wasn't, he just couldn't stand people. How very telling. Another seemingly unimportant comment in a previous episode having meaning later. I see Brian as feeling the same way. There's really no "people" in general that he really can stand. Maybe it's somewhat the genious syndrome since they're both very intelligent. Remember how impressed Brian was when he learned that Justin got 1500 on his SAT's? I just find it interesting that they're so different, but yet so alike as well.
Secondly, all eyes are on Justin and they are congratulating him on the success of the Stockwell showdown. Just like all masked superheroes, Brian is perfectly content in not taking any credit for his part in the set up. It's Justin who says that he had his own "Deep Throat". (Being an indication that it was Brian who was the "insider" that gathered the information on the victims for the confrontation at the GLC.) This shows how in-tune Justin is to how Brian operates. He could have easily said that it was Brian, but he didn't. He knows Brian never takes credit for lending a hand and helping people. Justin will just let that be their little secret. The praise from others isn't what is important to Brian. It's almost like he's comfortable with his role in the Liberty Avenue circle of being the selfish prick that doesn't care about anybody but himself. Even when Deb realizes that it was Brian, and reminds him of the wicked ways of the master, he still doesn't say anything. He's more comfortable with his mask on.
Back in 109 when he visited his father at the sports bar, he was devastated by this encounter even though his father called him my successful son. That little pride that his father gave him meant nothing to Brian, because all he wanted was his love. So, to Brian, it's not about being loved and appreciated because you did the right thing or because you're successful. It's about being loved anyway, unconditionally, good or bad, right or wrong, just love me for me. That's what he wanted from his dad in S1 and that's what he wanted from his mom in S2 and again in 304. That's why Justin's love is so important, it's unconditional now, and that's why Justin gets to see him without his mask.
Which brings me to the third thing about this scene. Mikey. In talking about Hunter, he says we're lucky. And then Brian reminds him that he wasn't in his remark of speak for yourself. Why doesn't Mikey understand this? This really bothered me.
Back in 109 when Brian visited his father Mikey was so in tune with what feelings his father stirs up in Brian. When they're at the Kinney's home in 119, Mikey says I forgot what it was like at your house, and Brian comes back with that's why I was always at your's. Why would Mikey lump Brian in the category of being lucky? He should know better. It makes me feel like Mikey is somewhat disconnecting with Brian. He even says as much as YOU hated your parents. Brian didn't hate his parents. He hated that they didn't love him. There is such a big difference. I really think that Mikey doesn't get it because he didn't have a father, so to him, any father would be better than no father at all. This actually creates another connection between Brian and Justin. Craig Taylor may have loved his son at one time, but he quit loving him the minute he found out that he was gay. So they share the bond of knowing what it's like to have a parent that doesn't love you and there's nothing you can do to change it. Something Mikey doesn't relate to because the only parent he has loves him to death.
Brian's Loft & Vangard Agency / The Unmasking of The Secret Avenger
There's a reason these 2 scenes were juxtaposed together. We're seeing Brian and Justin together in one the happiest and carefree scenes they've had this season. They're talking about the poster and Brian's use of "we" solidifies the fact that he's in this fight all the way. No excuses. No apologies. No regrets. For better or worse, he's committed.
When did you become such a clever devil? There's such pride in his voice, like this is the thing that Brian loves about Justin. I learned from the master. Well, sure. Isn't that what Deb called him too? Another indication that Justin knows him so well. All of Season 1 and most of Season 2, Brian was teaching Justin to be the best the homosexual he could be. Brian led Justin to where he is today, and Justin led Brian to where he is today. Gee, that just almost sounds like, dare I say it, a relationship.
But anyway, back to the happy and carefree scene of our heroes intertwined with Gardner consorting with the enemy. Just as Brian is undressing and seductively attacking deep throat Justin in the loft, Stockwell is unmasking and verbally attacking the other Deep Throat at Vanguard. This makes it very clear what they are telling us. Justin and Brian are the reasons that Stockwell is where he is today.
Back to the loft, more undressing and more attacking. Back to Vanguard, more unmasking and more attacking. Only this time it's Justin being attacked as the Secret Avenger and proof of Brian's actions. Justin is the proof, Justin is the cause, Justin is the reason.
And why would Brian turn into Dr. Evil? Because he's a fag. Seems logical to Stockwell. The enemy's mask in definately off now.
Back to the loft and Stockwell's comment is clearly illustrated. Our hero is with a man and they're all over each other.
I have to interject some "boyfriend" vs. "trick" thoughts here. This scene is sooo personal and they are sooo connected. I just can't see that either one of them would be behaving this way with just a trick. They're doing things that just oozes compassion to me. First off, the pillows/cushion on the floor reminds me of the romantic picnic that Justin so desperately wanted in S2. This was a staged place to be together. You don't do that for just anyone. Secondly, all the little things. The way Justin runs his fingers through Brian's hair as he slides down his body, the way Brian removes Justin's sock and the way Justin touches his foot to Brian's chest afterwards, the non-stop kissing like you just can't get enough, and the peering into each others eyes like there is nothing else you want to see. They're all little things, but yet so intimate, they speak volumes as to what Brian and Justin mean to each other. Justin is so much more than the guy I fuck more than once. Of course, this could just be my straight female perspective being unjustly hurled upon two gay men, but this is what I saw, and I'll stand by it.
But in all good adventure stories we know happiness is short lived, and sure enough, there's a knock on the door. The "unmasked" Dr. Evil opens the door to find his enemy shockingly staring him in the face and now the enemy has brought reinforcements. A reinforcement named Gardner who's equally shocked, I might add. As the enemy enters the hero's loft he finds Dr. Evil's weapons of destruction sprawled out all over the floor, the posters and one very "unmasked" Secret Avenger. Brian is angered by the intrusion. In traditional Kinney-fashion he spews the stinging words that he knows would sicken them. What's the matter, haven't you ever seen two men fucking before? I'm sure they haven't, but considering what all this means, that's the least of their worries at this point. If it wasn't for how detrimental this confrontation is to Brian, I would be laughing at his snark and opening the door naked, but I just can't. I'm devastated. Brian knows the implications of this surprise attack and because of this, after the enemy and his reinforcement leave, he slips into pain management mode. Wanna finish? Please Brian, this is soooo not the time.
Vangard Agency / The Consequences of a Hero's Thrust
I said earlier that I thought that Brian was fully aware of what the consequences could be. That he was willing to give up his dream of New York, to do the right thing, to be a participant in his community, and to break the locks that bound him; the locks that bound everyone. That it was his thawing, it was the place that Justin led him to. This is all true, but the consequences he projected were loosing Stockwell and his fatcat clients. His sacrifice was to be his dream, not his job. The loss of the job was not part of Dr. Evil's plan. You can tell that he's in denial about this when he says If Stockwell's got a problem he can confront me directly. He still doesn't understand the ramifications of his actions. Gardner brings it around full circle as to what all of this is really about. The intern. Justin. The Secret Avenger. And Brian getting caught with his pants down, literally, as well as figuratively.
Gardner wants to know why Brian would sacrifice his future. We know, we've actually already been told. Again, a seemingly stupid line thrown out in the heat of an argument at the end of 305. A Piece of Blonde Boy Ass. The intern. Justin. The Secret Avenger.
And why is it Justin? Because Justin was the one who led him there. Justin was the familiar face on a poster. Justin was the one that made Brian see that his mantras and words were just a cover. Justin was the one that got under the radar, inside those walls, and behind the mask to show Brian what was really inside. It was Justin who warmed him into doing the right thing, to be a participant in his community, and to break the locks that bind him; the locks that bind everyone.
He did it for all those reasons. And these reasons are simply something that Gardner, being straight, wouldn't understand. Flashback to S2 and we're reminded of what Brian said to Gardner when asked if he was gay. But unless I'm fucking you, it's none of your business. Well, Brian did just fuck him, didn't he? And when he did that he made it Gardner's business. As CEO and majority share holder Gardner has every right to let him go, for the sake of the business. So, as Gardner so eloquently put it....Brian just fucked himself out of a job. Figuratively as well as physically. Because when you take a step back and zero in on what started this journey for Brian, it was simply wanting to get a piece of blonde boy ass in the backroom of Babylon. It was all about sex. It just became so much more as he started to thaw.
Brian's Loft / The Maternal Stroking of a Despondent Hero
Back at the loft, Brian is in full pain management mode sitting on the floor, drinking a beer and rolling a joint. There's a knock at the door and Deb enters bringing along her version of pain management, food. The dialogue in this scene is sweet, sincere, and somewhat painful. (This scene ranked as high as the hospital balcony scene from 101.)
We learn that Brian was escorted out of Vangard by security guards. What a humiliating thing to happen to a very prideful Mr. Kinney. My heart is breaking. Brian looks whipped. And even though Deb gets her "I told you so" pot-shot in, she also says she is very proud of him. Good for her. But she's always been caring with Brian when they're alone, I just wish she could stick up for him more in public. But that's just me.
Brian says thanks ma and I'm all teary at his implication. And I really think this I've never been more proud of you comment from Debbie went straight to his heart, because he knows that love goes with that pride. Unlike his father. But leave it to Deb and Brian to lighten the mood by getting high while having a very emotional scene together. But then we find out why she had been so hard on him, that she understands his need and where it comes from, but that she knows that he always pulls back and she wasn't sure that he was going to this time. But he surprised her. He finally did, and she provides him with some comfort (and truth) as to why. His innate goodness. She's telling him he wasn't born bad, (Jessica Rabbit reference fully intended) he was just drawn that way by the illustrators that raised him and now he's too old to continue living the way they drew him. He needs to reach inside those walls and bring out the innate goodness that he was born with.
Brian doesn't deny needing to do this, he already knows. He's actually already done so. Brian is reflective and sad, but we know most alter egos are when they're left to deal with the consequences of their own hero's actions. They have to keep reaching inside to pull the strength from the hero within. Brian will do the same, because afterall, he was born with it, it's just been stored in the deep freeze for awhile.
Liberty Avenue / The Fate of Reciprocal Heroes
So, our heroes are walking down the street and enjoying some light-hearted banter. That's all we're supposed to see. It's a simple scene. What I see is two men that are in a place where they feel comfortable. I see two men that understand what got them there. And, I see two men that are both satisfied with the outcome. They've both lost and gained through this adventure of theirs.
What did they lose? Justin lost his ideals of love as he knew them, to be with Brian. That was his sacrifice. Brian lost his ideals of success as he knew them, to be with Justin. That was his sacrifice.
What did they gain? The knowledge that those ideals of love and success were undefined to begin with. Because love isn't roses and romance, it's throwing pillows on the floor for an intimate moment, it's the removal of a sock for your lover, and it's loving someone that chooses to make a sacrifice to be with you.
Because success isn't running away to a big office in New York, it's having integrity to do what's right, it's having pride in your accomplishments, and it's loving someone that chooses to make a sacrifice to be with you. Those sacrifices are true gifts. They're better than a box of chocolates and they're better than a high rise office, because neither one asked for it, neither one expected it, and in a way, neither one deserved it, it was just given to each other out of love. Brian and Justin are on equal footing now, they are united, and they are supportive.
What appears to be the fate of our reciprocal heroes? Who really knows. But we do know that they'll be together, stronger than ever, and hopefully, not at home making meatloaf.
Now, moving on to Brian's better idea....
Babylon / The Reanimation of the Repressed
Brian's better idea involves Babylon, the backroom and a sledgehammer. Brian breaks off the lock, kicks the door open, and with a "thanks for bringing me here" kiss, motions for Justin to lead the way inside and everyone follows behind. They've taken their adventure full circle and come back to where they started. The backroom. The sex. And another "I soooo like being with you" kiss. Wanting to get a piece of blonde boy ass in the back room of Babylon. Well, that is the place where they feel comfortable. That is what gets them there. And, as always, they're both satisfied with the outcome.
If you thought I wasn't going to mention the blue lights again, you're wrong. And you're wondering....if they were successful in their unmasking of the enemy...why are the blue lights still there?
They're still there because Brian and Justin and everyone else in that backroom are still repressed in the outside world. The enemy was unmasked, but he wasn't completely defeated. The orange light was at the end of hall, they can see it, they're just not there yet. And Brian did loose his job afterall. Things are different now. But, this isn't the end, their quest has really just begun.
So why be happy?
Because for this one time, they broke the lock that was keeping them caged. Because for at least one night, with a sledgehammer by their side, they can kiss where they want to kiss and kiss who they want to kiss; not confined to the warmth of the orange light at home, but out in public without fear, without prejudice, without chains and padlocks, and without hate, as it should be. So, one night at a time, one lock at a time, our unmasked heroes, together, will fight for this right because it really isn't about the sex anymore, it's about making all the blue lights orange.
