The more he stared at the ceiling, the more he realized that Justin was obviously unable to tear himself away from the Con-Man, just as he had feared, and the more cigarettes he smoked, the more he began to hate Lindsay. There wasn’t really a connection between Justin not calling and Lindsay that he could figure out in his irrational mind, he just knew that it was now 2:20 am and Lindsay was a lesbian and the fucking phone wasn’t ringing. By 2:45, he hated Mel too and by three, that ballsy bitch, Tannis, from the GLC. He hated them all and everything they stood for.
Brian crushed the last cigarette out in the ashtray and rolled over onto his side, his back to the merciless clock that kept ticking away and the vengeful phone that wouldn’t ring. He wanted to go to sleep but his heart was pounding a little too erratically and his breathing was slightly too labored for that to happen. He ignored the physical signs of his body and blamed it on the pillow. He punched it in an attempt to get it to cooperate with him. It had this lump in the middle that he didn’t remember it having before. He moved his head over a few inches to try a different spot but that didn’t help. He just couldn’t get comfortable. After fighting with it, and losing, for a whole three minutes (that felt like three hours) he pulled it out from underneath him and tossed it to Justin’s empty side of the bed. He grabbed Justin’s pillow, scooted it under his neck, smacked it dead center then plopped his head down into the indention that his fist left behind.
He was asleep in a matter of seconds.
When the alarm went off, he showered, dressed and arrived at work on time. It was a normal morning, a normal day… the events or non-events of the night before long forgotten. He pissed off Cynthia as expected then found a way to make an ass out of Ted, which was, as usual, relatively simple. It wasn’t amusing though. Not this time. He just wasn’t in the mood to laugh at Ted’s misfortune. Because of that, Ted knew something was wrong but Brian shrugged him off and told him that he was nuts, that he was indeed still fabulous.
He worked and dazzled his clients with his brilliance… as usual. Everything was as usual. He never even thought about Justin and the missing phone call or what the little stahhh could have been doing with Conner fucking James to prevent him from picking up a fucking phone and dialing eleven measly numbers. Nope, didn’t think about it because he wasn’t a pussy or a lesbian so those kinds of acts of neglect from your partner never registered with Brian and never upset him. Those thoughts never entered his mind. Not even once. Unless you count the small mention that he made to Cynthia telling her that he was too busy to take any calls and that included any from Justin. She opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut, thinking better of it when she saw Ted shaking his head like a maniac and waving his arms frantically behind Brian’s left shoulder. Brian saw her look at something and he turned around. Ted dropped his arms and stilled his face. “What the fuck is your problem?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Ted piped up immediately.
“Then get back to work,” Brian snapped. Ted just nodded and headed out of the room. As he reached the doorway, Brian stopped him. “Want to go to Babylon, tonight?”
“Me?” Ted asked, shocked.
“Well, who the fuck do you think I’m talking to?”
Ted stuttered and spit trying to speak.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Brian said. “Ten o’clock. Meet you inside.”
Still unable to say a coherent word, Ted gave Brian a weak thumbs up and crooked smile before leaving. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Why do I surround myself with idiots?” he asked to no one in particular.
“To make yourself appear superior?” Cynthia answered. The phone rang and she answered it quickly, preventing Brian from issuing a witty reply. He just shook his head and went back to his office.
He worked late then around nine, headed home, giving himself enough time to eat, shower and change for his night out at Babylon… with Ted. He refused to admit that that thought alone made him miss Justin even more. He was putting on his hottest ‘you know you want me’ outfit when the phone rang. He saw the number on the caller ID and refused to admit that his heart leapt in his chest, choosing to blame it on indigestion instead. The fact that it also made him slightly happy, he couldn’t explain as easily.
He answered, “Nice of you to call but I’m on my way out. Meeting Ted at Babylon.”
“Oh, I just wanted to tell you about the dinner last night, you want me to call back later then?” Justin asked, wondering about the chilly tone.
“Oh, that’s right. You had dinner plans with Conner at Brett’s. I’d forgotten all about that.” Brian looked at his bare wrist to check the time, his watch still on the bathroom counter. “I guess I have a few minutes, if you talk fast and don’t bore me with the details.”
“I bore you?”
Brian huffed, ignoring Justin question. He wasn’t in the mood to placate. “So how was your date with the great movie star at the great director’s house? Have fun? Party allllll night long?” Brian inquired in full snark-mode.
Justin laughed. “It wasn’t a date. And I wouldn’t say it was fun. It was more informative and interesting. And exciting, actually.”
“Sounds fascinating. Sorry I missed it.”
“That’s why you’re lucky that I’m going to tell you all about it then. Isn’t it?” Smart ass. Apparently Justin was onto Brian’s attitude.
“I can hardly wait,” Brian mumbled, sounding bored and uninterested. But instead of continuing to get dressed, he sat down on the bed and propped his feet up to get comfortable.
“So we got there and I finally get to meet Harry. What a geek that guy is.”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you that yet? Fuck. Anyway, you know, Harry Glows, that dorky comedian on that entertainment show. He got the part of Zephyr.”
“What?” Brian asked exasperated. “You mean, Harry Blows! What the fuck was Brett thinking?”
“Fuck. Michael’s going to shit.”
“He already knows. He didn’t tell you?” Justin smirked. “Why do I find that fact very telling?” As if he didn’t know why.
“I can’t wait until I see him. This will give me food for thought for weeks, hell, maybe even months.”
“Be nice, Brian.”
“Fuck that. This is too good to pass up. Fucking Harry Blows.”
“Well, I think the ‘blows’ is completely inaccurate. He made it very clear to all of us that he is straight. He told Rupert and I about hundred times last night. I think JT, I mean Rupert wanted to punch him.”
“Ahhhh, art imitating life?” Brian mused. Thinking. Rupert was there too? He combed his fingers through his hair and lit a cigarette. Brett, Conner, Justin, Rupert and Harry. Sounds like all the principles of the movie were invited to this dinner. Hmmm. Fuck. A business dinner? Shit. Had he been freaking out for nothing? Why did he keep doing this shit to himself?
“Hey, there’s only been one time that I’ve ever wanted to punch Michael. Oh, well maybe twice. But still I never did it. Unlike YOU.”
“True. So maybe this guy just wanted to make sure that you horny fags didn’t try to jump his bones or something. You know what they say… gays think about sex like every nine seconds or something. That can put fear into any respectable straight man.”
Justin laughed. “Yeah. As if. We homos have taste, remember, I don’t know what he’s worried about.”
Brian chuckled in return. “Worried that your gaydar may be broken.”
“I’ll be sure to tell him that I checked my batteries.”
“So did you all initiate him into the wild and crazy gay club scene?” Brian’s subtle way of finding out when Justin got home and why he didn’t call. Because dinner meeting or not… business affair or not… the little shit should’ve called when he said he was going to. And not out hob-knobbing with the boys from ‘the movie’. Fuck, now he sounded like a jealous housewife. This California thing was going to be the death of him.
“No, uh-uh. Brett just wanted to make his announcement to all of us at the same time, and then we went home. Shit. I was so tired that I was in bed by eleven. Tired from the night before, you know.” Justin grinned at the memory of his drunken needs. “Weren’t you?”
“Not really,” Brian lied… again.
“Oh well, I thought you would be, that’s why I didn’t call. The time change is fucked and since I woke you up last night, I just thought I’d let you sleep and try you tonight when it wouldn’t be so late. Despite what you say, you’re still recovering and need your rest.”
“I see,” Brian said through clenched teeth, a cigarette hanging from his pursed lips. Shaking his head, he wanted to kick himself for overreacting and for actually feeling relieved that that’s all it was and not what he imagined it was. He was so lost in his displeasure in himself that Justin’s gentle reminder of his health and inadvertently, his age, didn’t seem to even register. Good thing, because his imperfections and weaknesses were the last thing he needed to be reminded of in his current state of insecurity.
“You weren’t waiting up for me to call, were you?” Justin asked innocently.
Brian huffed, blowing the smoke out in a quick puff. “Of course not,” he said, scrunching up his face and furrowing his brows. He scratched between his eyebrows with the back of his thumb and continued to lie, “Just as well you didn’t call. I wasn’t here anyway.” He couldn’t believe how easy it was. ‘I believe in fucking… it’s honest.’ ‘It’s not lying if they make you lie.’ But what if it was yourself that was making you lie and not someone else? Was it still lying or merely disguising the truth?
“You weren’t?” Justin wondered out loud. “What’d you do?”
And they just kept coming. “Made a night of it, I guess you could say. Went to Lindsay’s for dinner and spent some time with Gus then I went to Woody’s with Michael. I actually forgot you were going to call. And we were there pretty late. He needed to get out and have some fun. The whole father/husband thing can be so boring.”
“Yeah, I can see that it could be… to some people.” Justin rolled his eyes.
“So it was just like old times… Rage and Zephyr, together again.”
“Well not this Zephyr,” Justin snickered. “He won’t be hanging out with this Rage. Oh wait, maybe he would. Conner can go to the gay bars with Rupert and the straight bars with Harry.”
Brian, relieved at the change of subject, laughed. “Christ! Brett sure did cover all his bases, didn’t he?” It was so much easier to talk about the movie than himself.
“What do you mean?”
“He cast an out and proud fag, a closeted and/or undecided possible bi, and an adamant straight. How very a` propos of him.”
“Ah, well funny you should mention being politically correct. Oh, did you need to go? We’ve been on the phone a long time?”
“Ted can wait.”
Justin chuckled. “Okay. Well, that was actually the purpose of the dinner. Brett’s been nominated for a GLAAD award…”
“For what?” Brian choked on his own saliva.
“For being gay. For being gay friendly. For being out. I don’t know. I just know it’s supposed to be this big honor. You know, like the hero award you got for saving my life.” Brian rolled his eyes. “He said it’s like a special award given to an individual to recognize him for their work toward eliminating homophobia in the entertainment industry. The Stephen Kolzak Award. He was some big casting director in Hollywood a few years ago. Anyway, he wanted to tell all of us about it because he wants us to go to the awards thing with him.”
“Safety in numbers?” Brian asked with a smirk.
“Nooo. He’s going to announce the production of Rage during his acceptance speech. Tell everyone about how he’s making the first mainstream gay movie about a gay superhero based on a gay comic. He thought the GLAAD awards would be the perfect place to tell everyone. So he wants us all there, the three leads and the creators, so he can introduce us. You know, TO THE WOOOOORLD!” Justin added excitedly, sounding a lot like Jack as he stood on the bow of the Titantic.
“Awww, how sweet. Little Sunshine’s having a coming out party.”
“Shut up, Brian,” Justin scolded. “This is a big deal. Everyone’s gonna hear about Rage. It’s even going to be on TV!! Which means that I’LL be on TV! Fuck! I don’t even know what to say. Oh, and you know the sales on the comic will go up. Through the fucking roof! This is so huge!”
Brian smiled. Justin was so excited and Brian wished he could be there with him. “I always knew this would be a big success for you.” And that much wasn’t a lie… Brian really was proud of him, almost as much as if it were Justin getting the stupid GLAAD award instead of Brett.
“Yeah, but it’s not just me. Michael’s invited too. Brett was supposed to call him today.”
Of course. Brian huffed. “Mikey’s going to Hollywood. I never would have believed it possible.”
“Oh, that reminds me. I need my Armani suit. We’re supposed to dress up. It’s a formal awards dinner banquet. Can you make sure that Michael brings it with him?”
“So I’m responsible for your wardrobe now?”
“Yep,” Justin answered smugly.
“Oh well,” Brian said pressing his lips together. “I guess you’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted then.”
“Well, almost everything,” Justin said sweetly and Brian didn’t respond.
They talked for a while longer and it was after eleven when Brian finally disconnected the call. Deciding he’d lost the desire and/or the need for Babylon, he picked the phone back up and dialed Ted’s cell.
“Brian?” Ted yelled into the phone, plugging his exposed ear with his hand so he could hear.
“Change of plans. I’m not coming.”
“What? Why? You know I’m not supposed…” Click. Brian hung up and left Ted finishing his sentence to dead air. “…to be here by myself.” Ted stood in the middle of Babylon rolling his eyes as well as head and slumping his shoulders… annoyed and confused as to what the hell just happened. A drugged-out twinkie with a fake smile shoved a vial of white powder in his face and Ted high-tailed it out of there, cursing Brian the whole way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian went to the comic book store for lunch the next day. He had some humiliation to inflict upon Michael and he wasn’t about to waste any time getting started.
“Harry Blows?” Brian asked as he walked in with a smirk.
“I’ll have you know, he’s a very funny comedian, a great actor and people find him adorable.” Michael snatched the magazine back from Brian’s hands.
“People?”
“Women. Okay? Women find him adorable.”
“Well that’s always important when the character is supposed to be GAY!”
“What do you want, Brian? I have inventory to do and if all you’re going to do is poke fun at me, then you can just leave.” Michael crossed his arms over his chest and stood strong.
Brian furrowed his brows. “Whaaaat? I always poke fun at you and you never actually DO inventory, Mikey, you just like the way it makes you sound important.”
“Fuck you.”
“Man, who pissed in your Captain Crunch this morning?” Brian asked, flicking Michael’s ear lobe.
Michael batted his hand away. “No one!” He looked off to the side and Brian waited. One eyebrow went up in anticipation of Michael’s dramatic flair for waiting a whole twenty seconds before breaking down and saying what was on his mind. Eighteen. Nineteen. Brian counted in his head. Michael turned back to him and opened his mouth. Brian nodded. Twenty. “This guy for one. Why not someone hot? Did you see the guy that’s playing JT? And fuck, Conner James playing Rage! And Zephyr gets Harry whatever the fuck his name is. I just don’t get it.” Brian opened his mouth to speak but Michael wasn’t done yet. “And Brett called yesterday wanting me to go to California ‘cause he’s being given an award by GLAAD or some shit and as co-creator of Rage, he wants me there.”
“Why is that a bad thing, Michael? Going to Hollywood! Come on, Mikey, it’s what you’ve dreamed of.”
“Well things change. I can’t go.”
“What do you mean you can’t go? Come on, Maryann, tell the Professor you’re going. He can’t hold you back. That’s not what partners do. And Christ, it’s only for three days, not a three hour tour that turns into forever.”
“No, it’s not Ben. Not exactly.”
Brian sighed and put his hands on Michael’s shoulders. “Well, what, not exactly?”
“I have a family now and it’s not like this is part of the movie thing. It’s just Brett getting an award. I don’t want to go. I have responsibilities.”
“Well, it’s not just Brett getting an award. He’s going to announce the production of the movie. The movie made from YOUR comic book. But, I have to say, your responsibility is to yourself first.”
“I know. And for myself. I don’t want to go.”
“Then don’t go.”
“But Brett said…”
“Who gives a fuck what Brett says? Who the fuck is he anyway?”
“Brian, duh! He’s like the dude that’s making my comic book into a movie. Aren’t I kind of obligated to go?”
“He’ll get over it. But on the other hand…”
“On the other hand, what?”
“You were supposed to take Justin his Armani suit when you went. It’s a formal thing and all he took was his typical twinkie casual shit and a few fuck me outfits. Now how’s he supposed to get it? Fuck.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Oh well, if Justin needs his suit, then I guess I better go home and pack right away,” Michael said sarcastically.
Brian glared at him. And then grinned.
“What?” Michael asked.
“Justin needs his suit. I guess I better go home and pack. Right away. I could use a three day trip to Hollywood, not to mention a decent blow job.” And not to mention it was a chance for him to show Conner fucking James who Justin belonged to.
“Spare me the details.”
Brian smiled and kissed Michael on the lips with a loud smack. “See ya, Mikey.”
“Great. See ya. Have a great… time,” he yelled as the door slammed shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I won’t forget to ship it, you little twat, because I’m bringing it to you in person. Now would you just shut up about the fucking suit?”
And Justin did shut up. He was absolutely speechless. Stunned. Dumbfounded. Then overly emotional with joy.
“You’re coming? To see me?” he asked meekly.
“Well, you need your suit don’t you?” Brian asked, masking the real reason for the unexpected trip. “That was an expensive suit, Justin, do you really want to trust its transport to the psychopaths that work in the postal system?”
“You miss me,” Justin said, smiling into the phone.
Brian rolled his lips in then back out, glad that Justin could see through his bullshit. As long as Justin didn’t believe his lies then maybe they weren’t really lies. “I may miss your blow jobs. I haven’t had a decent one since you left.” At least that was the truth.
“Oh, I see,” Justin smirked, shaking his head.
“Don’t be smug.”
“You sooooo miss me,” he sing-songed.
Brian rolled his eyes. Yes, he did. “Whatever. So I’m coming in on Friday. You think you can pull yourself away from all the Hollywood stars to pick me up or should I arrange for my own transportation.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Justin screamed into the phone. It had all become so real all of a sudden. “I may rape you right there in the airport as soon as you get off the plane!”
“It’s not considered rape if the other party is a willing participant, you know.”
And Justin huffed. “I guess not. Oh my god! How will I ever survive the next few days? I can’t fucking believe this!”
And Justin went on and on for another hour telling Brian every little thing he was going to do with him once he got there. (Airport rape aside.) In addition to the multiple sexual positions and all the places around the famous city that Justin wanted to blow him, one of the things on the list was for Brian to meet Conner, Rupert and Harry. Conner was the only name that stuck in Brian’s mind though. He definitely wanted to meet Conner James. After all, besides the fact that he did, in fact, miss Justin and wanted to see him, Conner was the only other reason for the trip. He had to make sure that the actor knew, in life as well as in Justin’s mind, that there would only be one Rage, and Brian was it. No well-practiced, single-arched eyebrow would change that fact. Not if Brian had anything to say about it. And he had plenty to say about it. Or do. Whatever. Yes, once the three day visit was over, Brian would have firmly established his place in Justin’s life and put Conner where he belonged… on the outside looking in. Preferably from as far away as Zimbabwe.
