A Character Study in Artistic Form
by Justin Taylor
As presented in the story Gift Gabbing by Danny
Size: 11 x 14 (cut out size of 12x15 for matting and framing)
Price: $25.00 plus shipping and handling
Prints on standard acid-free 80# card stock to prevent aging or yellowing and will be shipped in tubes to prevent creases and folds. A Limited Edition of only 300 prints available, all numbered for authenticity and are sure to sell out fast as true collector’s items. Payment can be made by Money Order through US Mail or by Credit Card through the use of Paypal.
To order or to contact the artist:
send email to Danny at danelle9118@yahoo.com
I had to draw out my plans on paper so that when I started to paint I would already know how it was supposed to be. I wanted this painting to be Brian, but not just a bust-like portrait like you see hanging at the top of a staircase in the mansion home of some recluse billionaire. I wanted it to reflect all the faces of Brian, not just the one he shaves every morning. I figured there were three faces of Brian…
Excerpt for Face #1 - The Professional Brian:
This was the confident, self-assured, no mask, no bullshit, Brian. Dressed in an Armani suit with his hair tousled to perfection and his shoulders pulled back, he owned any boardroom that he walked into. I was going to capture that look. I drew him full-length, shoes and all. And just because he breaks all the stereotypes in everything that he does…I drew him with his hands in his pockets. They say that’s a look of insecurity and if you want to command a room, then you shouldn’t do that. I say, they’ve never met Brian Kinney. He doesn’t need his hands…his confidence is in his face. And just to round out the image and make it complete, I drew his briefcase at his feet and put all his most popular accounts on some display boards behind him. Liberty Air, Poole Boy, Brown Athletics, Old Pitt and one that I don’t know the name of, but I’ll never forget the slogan…Eat the Meat. He still won’t tell me how he came up with that one.
I was pretty pleased with how it turned out and spent the rest of the day painting the images on the canvas. I had to take several breaks to rest my hand and worried that maybe this was too much for me to physically accomplish. But I had to do it…I wanted to do it…for Brian. I would rest my hand that night I told myself. I only had four ornaments left to finish anyway. I put the finishing touches on Brian’s lips, put the brush down and took a step back. I stared into those confident hazel eyes and smiled when my dick stirred awake. It was done and Brian, the successful ad man, had a face.
Excerpt for Face #2 - The Hero Brian:
So the next face in my painting was to be Brian's hero side. He scoffs when people call him that because he says he was just fixing one of his fuck-ups. That Stockwell wouldn't have even come close to winning in the first place if it hadn't been for his brilliant commercials. Maybe he’s right but he's still a hero to me. He saved my life, he saved Ted from jail, he saved Emmett from Ted and so much more. He really makes it easy for Michael and me to write the Rage stuff, so Rage was to be the second face of Brian.
I drew it all out then began painting. It was Brian, not the comic book Rage Brian, but the real Brian wearing Rage's costume. I painted his face with the look of Rage...angered, determined and without any fear. I painted his body standing just like the Statue of Liberty. In place of Liberty's book that she clutches in her arm, I painted a videotape that had 'Concerned Citizens for the Truth' written on it. Then instead of a torch his up-stretched arm held a small city. I named the city 'Liberty' and painted its name on a welcome sign at the edge of the city.
There were a whole bunch of buildings but I only named three of them. A large building, Babylon, a very small building on the corner, the diner, and I painted a red awning on one, Woody's. And just to make myself feel better I added a crumbled building laying in ruins at the edge of the city. It had a sign in front of it that had broken into two pieces. One piece said 'Van' and the other said 'guard'. It was to symbolize his broken partnership and it was laying in ruin because I have all the confidence in the world that now that he has started his own agency and pulled, not only Cynthia, but his biggest clients with him, he will top Vanguard in both profit and success. I kind of chuckled at the irony.
To finish it off I painted my Stockwell posters scattered about under his feet. And there it was, larger than life. The hero Brian.
Excerpt for Face #3 – The Family Man Brian:
On the way to the loft I got to thinking about the next part of the painting and knew I was going to need help. It's easy for me to draw and paint Brian's face from memory but this next part included Gus. I don't see him very much so I called Lindsay and asked if I could go over to her house the next day so I could sketch him. She said of course and didn't even push me when I told her that I didn't want to discuss why.
The next problem was going to be me. It's not often that I draw myself so that alone was going to be a challenge but I had to draw my backside for this painting and well, it's not like I look at my ass everyday. So that was definitely a problem. I called my professor and talked over my options. He said I could pose for someone else and then paint myself from their sketch but then it wouldn't be all my own work. That wasn't the option I wanted to take. His other idea was better and he said he'd have the needed equipment brought to his studio the next day. I was relieved but realized that, again, the next day was going to be very busy.
***
When I got into the studio I found the two mirrors had been delivered, just as the professor had promised. I pulled out the sketch that I’d done of Gus and started drawing out the rest of what I needed. I started with the two Brians. The last Brian that I wanted to draw was the loving, caring Brian that I knew in my heart. He always said he’d never make a good boyfriend or a good father and I just don’t believe it.
I’ve seen him with Gus and even though he’s not a live-in dad and he’s not there all the time, there is no doubt that he loves that kid. So he’s wrong about that. I don’t think he ever thought Gus would be anything more to him than a result of his sperm donation, but I knew better from that first night. I didn’t even know Brian then, and yet, when he held Gus in his arms for the first time…well, it wasn’t the look of someone who didn’t give a shit. He looked just like all the other proud fathers that were pacing around in that hospital corridor. I think that’s part of why I fell for him so hard right from the beginning and why I felt safe enough to go home with him even though he was high on E. Anybody who would look at a baby like that certainly wouldn’t be an axe murderer or anything…at least that was my thinking at the time. Plus he was hot and I really wanted to get laid.
Which brings me to the boyfriend thing. Is Brian a good boyfriend? Well, yeah, in an undefined, unconventional way. I don’t mean that in the same way that Brian means it when he says it. Does he do all the things that boyfriends or husbands or partners do in the movies? No. But he does other stuff, and some of it's better than those guys in the movies. He listens to me and really hears me. He looks at me and really sees me. He touches me and really feels me. Those things are better than anything else because those things mean that he respects me as a person and that he values that I’m in his life. He worries about my hand, he worries that I work too much, that I don’t get enough sleep, that I eat too much junk…he worries and worries and even though I want to smack him sometimes because of all of his worry, I know that it means something…he can’t tell me that he doesn’t give a shit.
So to paint this personal side of Brian, I chose to paint him with me and with Gus. That’s not to say that Michael or Lindsay aren’t important to him, they are…it’s just that he’s never questioned whether he was a good friend or not. He’s comfortable with those relationships and his role in them. I wanted this painting to tell him something that he may not know. He’s a good boyfriend and he’s a good father. I wanted to paint Brian, the family man, even though I'd never tell him that's what it was.
This side of Brian actually has two facets. While he loves both Gus and I, the love takes different forms. It’s romantic love (yes, I said ‘romantic love’) with me. And of course, fatherly love with Gus. So I drew two images of Brian. The pose was the same in both, and they both expressed pure contentment and happiness. The two figures stood facing the front but with their heads turned toward each other, which meant they were facing each other as well as the center of the painting. The only difference between the two Brians was their clothing. The romantic Brian on the left was nude; the fatherly Brian on the right was clothed in a pair of faded blue jeans with the top button undone and a black wife beater. Both Brians were barefoot, of course.
Now that I had the two Brians sketched out, I began painting them on the canvas. The idea was to have me, also nude, standing in front of Brian. That way you would see some of Brian’s body but his dick wouldn’t be on display since I’d be standing in front of him. Of course that meant my ass would be showing, but hey, it’s just an ass so I didn’t care. The point of the nudity was to show that we are lovers, whether he admits it or not. He would have his arms around my upper back and I was going to have my arms around his waist. I would be more on the right side of him closer to the center so that when I laid my head on his shoulder, it would be on the side that he had his head turned towards, facing him, and he’d be kissing my forehead like he does so often.
Then Gus would be basically the same only Brian would be holding him and Gus would have his arms around his daddy’s neck. But again, he’d be on the center side, facing Brian, head on his shoulder and Brian would be kissing his forehead as well.
By the time I got done for the evening, I had both Brians painted as well as Gus. I was so relieved because the only thing left to paint would be me and that would take a while, but I figured with the use of the two mirrors, I'd be able to pull it off.
The next day I found out just how hard it was going to be. I was going to have to paint me naked so I stripped down and was really glad that it was to be a back view, because it was really cold in there. I positioned one mirror directly in front of the painting and the other one right next to it then turned them towards each other just slightly. That way, as I painted the mirror behind me would reflect my rear view into the mirror beside the painting and I could see it and paint myself from there. It would be like painting a live nude model only instead of being live; it was a reflection in a mirror. The only bad thing was that I had to keep stopping to get a better look. Live models aren’t supposed to move, and well, I had to paint so I had to move. It was difficult, but I got it done.
I stood back and looked at it and felt there was something uneven about this part. Both of the other sections had something painted at the bottom. The professional Brian had his briefcase and the hero Brian had the Stockwell posters. This section needed something. I looked over at Brian, my nude Brian, and scanned his body. I felt like something was missing.
As I glanced at his hands I realized that it was the cowry shell bracelet, and then it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen Brian wearing it in like forever. I put it on his wrist when I returned it to him after the nephew fiasco, but I never saw it on him after that. I just figured that John’s false accusations and Brian’s confrontation with his mother had tainted the meaning of it for him so he’d quit wearing it. I mean, the bracelet did symbolize his sexual drive, his sexual predator side, but maybe the whole child molester thing gave a new meaning to sexual predator title, and was something he no longer wanted to be associated with.
But then I started to think back before that…in the bathroom at Mel and Lindsay’s during the party…in the loft when I thanked him for paying my tuition…at the diner when he offered me the poster project…those were all events before the nephew thing and I realized that even then, he hadn’t been wearing it. In fact, the Rage party had been the last time. I shivered all over and looked up at the happy and content Brian that stood seven feet tall in my arms. Was it because of me?
I felt the tears well up in my eyes and decided if that’s the way it was for him, then it needed to be there. I painted the cowry bracelet on the ground at his feet. My breath caught in my throat at the implication. Was that when he realized that he had to accept the fact that he loved me? When I wanted him back, I wanted him back just the way he was. I was willing to accept him and all his faults because I understood them and I really was okay with them. That's why I told him that. I really did understand and knew what I could expect from him.
But the Brian I got back wasn’t the same Brian. He had changed; and for the better. It was like an added bonus…because I’d wanted him even knowing about the warts; I got him without the warts. Kind of like Beauty accepting the ugly Beast and because she had, that acceptance turned him into the handsome prince. Or the princess that kissed that frog and again, got the prince.
Oh God. I started laughing because my thoughts were definitely going off the deep end. I couldn’t believe that I’d just compared us to a Disney movie and a stupid fairy tale. If Brian knew, he would lock me up and throw away the key.
The laughter from my silly fairy tale thoughts had at least stopped the tears from flowing. I started thinking about all of Brian’s changes as I put my clothes back on. I picked up my scarf and wrapped it around my neck and suddenly remembered another item that symbolized a time where there had been a big change in Brian in terms of how he showed his feelings to me. And that was the scarf. That awful bloody scarf that I’d found around his neck that night that we made love for the first time after the bashing.
I really thought about that and looking at the cowry shell bracelet on the ground at his feet, it hit me: the bloody scarf needed to be in the painting. Not to remind us of a time that is really hard for us to think about, but because it's important to the growth of our relationship. If the cowry shell bracelet and him taking it off was a sign that he had come to finally accept the feelings he had for me, then it was the bloody scarf, and him putting it on, that marked the time when he first realized that he had feelings for me at all. So I painted the scarf draped on the floor around my feet to represent that knowledge, and left the cowry shell bracelet there to represent acceptance.
I wanted this painting to have meaning, but I just didn't know how much meaning it was going to end up having. I was emotionally wrecked as I put away my paints, washed out my brushes and finished cleaning up the studio. I called my professor to tell him that I was finished and he said he'd be right over to issue my grade and help me get it to the loft. It was 4:00, so I only had two hours to get it there before Brian came home from work. I sat down to wait for my professor and just stared at my work. Each face on that painting was a face of the man that I love and each painting showed why. I hoped that Brian saw all that.