Mikey's Story
Hunter and I came back to the Pitts. Ben and I had talked...oh fuck, nevermind. This is about Brian and Justin so I will spare you the details of why and how I returned. Just know that I did come back and gave Brian back his corvette. Now that he had Justin, he didn't need his boyfriend-replacement-therapy-mobile so he sold it. I thought that was a good sign for them as a couple.
Everything seemed fine for a while. When they were at Babylon, it was so cool. Everyone was always talking to them, thanking them and stuff. And they were my friends. It made it cool for me too to be hanging out with the most popular couple on Liberty Avenue. When all of us got together, we were always laughing and cutting up. I was even starting to appreciate Justin. He supported Brian, allowing him to make some big changes and I had to give him credit.
Brian asked Justin to move in with him and I was glad. I think he was ready to do it right this time. I really wanted what was best for him and I have to admit that Justin was it, so I was happy he wanted it this time. He didn't ask out of obligation to anyone, it was because he wanted to. Maybe it would work out this time. Maybe they could finally have what Ben and I have.
It started off to be really good for Brian. He seemed so content. Then I started to notice some slight changes in Brian when we were at Babylon. Not big changes, just small ones that only a best friend of 16 years would notice. I also noticed that Justin was paying for everything. I know Brian and I think that was his problem. He didn't like anyone taking care of him. He always said, he didn't need anyone and since he wasn't working, maybe he was needing Justin to help out with expenses and stuff. So I could see, that this wasn't a good sign. He needed to get back to work, but the rumors about what he did to Stockwell had scared a lot of agencys off from hiring him. They didn't understand that he had a reason for it. No one would understand, well, unless they were gay. They all thought that he would try to betray or undermine all their clients too. It was stupid. Brian said it would die down in a few months and I hoped he was right.
About a week ago, they quit coming Babylon. I would see them at Woody's occassionally but not much. They didn't seem to be getting along. They were both so quiet and looked like they weren't having any fun. Then yesterday, I was at the diner and Brian came in looking like death warmed over. He hadn't even shaved or combed his hair and I have to say, the man stunk to high heaven. It was this mixture of stale sex and sweat. It made me shiver. Something was definitely wrong in the Kinney-Taylor household. Justin came out of the back room and he looked even worse but in a different way. He was upset and had been crying. His eyes were red and puffy and there was this slight pink tint to one side of his face. I looked back at Brian who had his head down on the table with his fists clenched. I noticed some fresh cuts and the beginnings of bruises forming on his knuckles. Oh my god. Had he hit him? Why? They just stood there staring at each other. Neither one said a word. If they were fighting then there was only one reason. Brian was probably fucking around again. That pissed me off. I started yelling at him. Why couldn't he keep his dick at home? What was so fucking important about fucking everything in sight? He didn't even tell me to fuck off and mind my own business, he just let me yell at him. He was fucking killing himself slowly and now he was taking Justin down with him. This was different than the birthday incident. Now he had the scarf wrapped around both of their necks and I told him so. He didn't even look at me. Every now and then something I said made him wince, but other than that, he just sat there and took it. By God, he was going to listen to me and I was going to get through to him if it killed me. It had worked on Ben when he was taking those fucking steroids, so I knew it would work on Brian too.
I was right in the middle of some of the best fucking advice, I get that from my mother, when all of a sudden he asked me to repeat myself. What the fuck? Wasn't he listening? I do my best ranting on a whim, how the fuck was I suppose to know what I had just said? He yelled at me to remember. Oh yeah, so I repeated it. He jumped out of the booth, grabbed my face and planted one on me. A full-on smack on the lips. He told me I was brilliant. Ok, I already knew that, but shit, what did I say? It was just some stupid ass line about him fucking around and using a shit load of condoms. What was so fucking brilliant about that? He ran out of the diner without even saying goodbye. I was stunned. What the fuck just happened? I turned around with my jaw still on the floor and saw Justin standing there. He saw the whole thing. I can't be sure, but I think he had tears in his eyes.
Justin's Story
I never thought I would say this but I am dreading going home. These stairs are becoming farther and farther apart as I make myself take the next step. I'm tired because I didn't get much sleep last night. Actually not in weeks, but last night especially. My heart aches and my body's sore. Brian hurt me like he's never hurt me before. How did this happen? Things were going so well at first. Maybe it got to be too much for Brian. His life had been turned upside down and maybe me being there was what was keeping him from getting it back on track. Things have to change starting now, the minute I walk through that door, I'll have to tell him.
After last night, I have no idea what Brian will be on the other side of that door. There have been 3 different ones lately and I was getting used to which one would be present on which day. But last night...that was one that I hadn't seen before, so who knows what I will get tonight. I'm standing here naked, fully clothed, but naked just the same. I'm staring at that door, pacing back and forth, trying to remember when things changed. When did I loose the proud and happy Brian and gain these others that I don't understand?
The first few weeks after the election were great. Brian was happy. I was happy. We were happy together and getting along perfectly. It seemed like he didn't want to be without me and I certainly didn't want to be without him. Everyone was so proud of him, including me. We would go to Babylon and everyone would cheer for him. I can only imagine how that made him feel.
When Mikey brought the vette back, he traded it in for another jeep. I'm sure he got some money back on the difference but I didn't know how much. He asked me to move in with him again and promised that things would be different this time. I believed him because he was different. I was enjoying my independence living on my own and paying my own way. Ok, I was living with Daphne, but still, I had my share of the bills to pay so for the first time, I was fully independent and making my own way. No more Brian paying for everything, no more Debbie providing a roof over my head, no more of my mother hovering over me.
That was one thing that my time with Ethan gave me. A sense of pride in taking care of myself. I mean, he sure didn't make much money pedalling on the streets. I had Rage, the diner and the odd job from Brian. I was the provider for a change and it felt good. When Brian asked me to move back in with him, I thought long and hard about it. I couldn't go back to the way it was. I wasn't the helpless child or the wounded bird any longer. I was finally a man. I knew that Brian didn't have a job, I knew he didn't have much money, and I knew it would take him a while to get set up again so I thought this would be great for both of us. He wouldn't be able to be my keeper which would allow me to continue to take care of myself and he didn't have any money coming in so I could take care of things and repay him for all that he had done for me before. What sealed the deal was when we were talking about the emptiness of the loft. He told me that the only thing missing was me, and of course, the mushy romantic side of me took over and I leapt into his arms and showered him with kisses. I gave him my answer, I would move in.
Brian seemed content living in the empty loft but the practical side of me told me that there was no way that I could live there without some kind of furniture. I mean, we couldn't stay in bed the whole time. So I decided to take care of that problem. I had just gotten my check for my share of the third issue of Rage so I went to a cheap furniture store and bought a couch, coffee table and a dining room table with 2 chairs. They weren't the expensive Italian stuff like Brian was used to and they certainly didn't match the loft decor but they were cheap and temporary so they were Ok.
I showed up at the loft to move in with all my stuff. A very happy, or maybe I should say horny, Brian greeted me and was trying to peel me out of my clothes when the delivery truck came with the furniture. His mood changed instantly. He said they were ugly...no argument here...and he wouldn't allow them. Wouldn't allow them? If I was going to live there, there would not be any of this 'allowing' shit. I told him I wouldn't live there without them that I wanted a place to curl up with him to talk and a place to eat dinner with him. He told me that I was going to turn the loft into a bargain basement, which made me laugh. He relented and they carried it all inside. I began to notice that he wouldn't sit on the couch unless I had dragged him over to it and promised him some special attention. Funny how he would sit his ass down for a blow job. He never ate at the table though, he always stood at the bar. I guess his butt was too precious for cheap furniture. He is such a label princess.
I increased my hours at the diner. If I wasn't going to be going to school then I needed to act like an adult and work full time. We needed some more money coming in and I could save some for my tuition when I did go back to school. I didn't know how long Brian was going to be unemployed, so I was on my own with future tuition money. We never discussed it, but I figured things had changed since he didn't have the money anymore, or a job for that matter. Plus, since I had been kicked out of school, it seemed useless to discuss it anyway, so I just made the decision on my own.
Full time hours at the diner meant that I was working all 3 busy periods. Breakfast, lunch and the early dinner. Occasionally I worked the late night shift, but not often. That was fine with me because then I would be home nights to be with Brian or so we could go out together. Besides, the late night drunk customers never tipped very well and were always grabbing at my ass. I like the day shift much better. Working was just something that I felt I had to do. The more tips I got, the more money we would have. Being blond and having a great ass got me really good tips. Brian didn't like me working the long hours and complained about it constantly. I knew it was because I always came home and showed him all my tip money. He didn't like the fact that my ass was getting me those extra tips. I thought it was cute and teased him about how I thought that Brian Kinney didn't do jealous. Of course he came back with 'I'm not jealous', but I knew better. I loved it. I hated leaving him all day by himself though, but I had to. Sometimes when I was at work, my mind would wander and I would end up thinking about whether he was thinking about me and jerking off.
So things were great. Between my job at the diner and the money I got from Rage we were doing fine. The loft was already paid for so that wasn't a problem and the money he got from trading in the vette was paying most of the utilities. We mostly stayed in, but every few nights or so we would go to Babylon for drinks and dancing or to Woody's for drinks and pool. We were getting along great and having sex 2-3 times a day. I had to get up early to start my shift, but he always woke up with me for morning sex and coffee. I guess he didn't want to send me to work with a bunch of fags without taking care of my morning woody. I certainly didn't mind that. His possessiveness was my gain.
It was after one of those nights that we went to Babylon that I started to notice things beginning to change. We were having a great time as usual when Brian came up to me and told me he wanted to leave. It was still early and I didn't want to. He was doing that a lot lately when we went out. I didn't mind too much because the sooner we left, the sooner we could get home and fuck. That way I could still get 6 hours of sleep before I had to get up for work. But on that particular night, I didn't have to get up early because I was going to work the late shift the next day. This was a chance for me to stay longer and I didn't want to waste it. We argued about leaving. I told him if he was that horny and couldn't wait, I would blow him in the back room and then we could stay. He finally told me that wasn't the problem and he didn't have anymore money for drinks. I was thinking 'so you didn't bring enough money with you, what is the big deal?' I told him 'no problem' and paid for the rest of the night. I didn't understand, but his mood changed. Then he made me regret not insisting on the backroom blow job because he kept grabbing at guys on the dance floor. He would grind on them while he was dancing and when they seemed lost in his allure and ready to be dragged to the backroom, he would look over at me, push them away and come back to the bar. I'd buy him another drink, which he would down quickly and then he was off again. I couldn't figure out what he was doing. Did he want to go the backroom with those guys or not? It was strange.
When we got home, he fucked me with this intense passion. It was a mixture of sweet and rough. He was pounding into me relentlessly while holding my hands down. He always interlaced our fingers of one hand, it was just one of those sweet things that he did. I never minded the rough stuff because no matter how intense it got, he always held my hand or played with my hair. But this time, he had both of my hands locked and held tight. I couldn't jerk myself off and neither could he. I kept begging him to touch me but he ignored me. He came pretty quickly. As he was shooting, he let go of my hands, grabbed a handful of my hair, jerked my head back and showered my neck with these extremely passionate kisses. It felt like he was trying to eat me. I was in desperate need to get off, but that feeling of him needing me so bad just went straight to my heart. I was lost in knowing how much he wanted me, how much he was needing me at that moment. My face felt flushed and I felt like I may have actually been glowing. Then he flipped me over and gave me one hell of a blow job. That was by far the best one that I had ever had. I shot into his mouth while screaming at the top of my lungs. He didn't even let me calm down before he covered me with his entire body like a blanket. He interlaced our fingers in both hands again and pulled them above my head as he kissed me. He still had some of my cum in his mouth as his tongue went diving into my mouth. He pushed it into me then lapped it back out without ever breaking the kiss. It just kept passing between us looking for a final resting place. It was the most erotic thing that he'd ever done to me. When I woke up the next morning, he was sleeping so soundly and looked so at peace, I decided not to wake him up and took care of my morning woody myself in the shower.
The next night when I came home, Brian was in the shower. I asked if I could join him. He said he was done, turned the water off and got out. I handed him the towel and leaned up for a kiss on the lips. He kissed me on the head and started drying himself off. We ate the take out dinner that I had brought home and talked for a little while about nothing important. He told me about his day and I told him about the different things that went on at the diner throughout the day. When we went to bed, he snuggled up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, kissed me on the nape of my neck and then nothing. After a few minutes, I just figured that he wanted me to start things up, so I did. He pulled my hands back off of him, kissed them, then wrapped them back inside his arms around my waist. This was so confusing. This was the first time that we went a whole day without any kind of sex at all since I'd moved in. I started to regret not waking him up that morning. I've always loved to cuddle, but it was usually after great sex, not in place of it.
The next day, I came home to find Brian sitting on the couch. He never sat on the couch without me, so that was weird in itself, but when I walked closer to him, I could smell that he reeked of alcohol and he hadn't shaved or showered. I bent down to kiss him hello and he grabbed a hold of me and pulled me over the back of the couch. He threw me down and took me right there. It was such a turn on, I got hard instantly. He was plunging his tongue so deep into my mouth, I couldn't catch my breathe. His whiskers were scratching me and I could feel my skin burning. He more than made up for the lack of sex from the day before.
The third day, I came home to find Brian in a great mood. He greeted me right away and lavished me with kisses as he pulled my clothes off. When I was completely naked he explained that he had hidden a toy somewhere in the loft. If I could find it then I got to use it on him. If I couldn't find it then he would go get it and use it on me. This was one of those games where no one really looses, but since I was still just a tad sore from the rough housing the day before, I didn't think I would be up for much ass play myself. Besides, it wasn't often that I got to put anything but my tongue inside him so I really wanted to win this time. Lucky me, it was an easy find. I was excited at what was coming next and relieved big time when I saw which one it was, the big purple one with bumps on it. My ass was in no shape for that one at all. Brian looked at me like he was shocked that I'd found it so easily and told me that I would have to catch him first as he took off running. I knew he wanted to get caught because he ran into the closest bedroom entrance to him. I just ran through the other one and we crashed into each other right by the bed. How very convenient. We were laughing and pawing at each other. It was so much fun. Once we were done playing, we got in the shower and he rimmed me like he had never done before. His warm, soft tongue felt so good on my battered hole. It was like he was taking care of it. Pampering it to feel better after the abuse it was given the day before. I was in heaven. We got dressed and went dancing at Babylon.
Brian bought the first few rounds and I bought the last two rounds. I thought it was great. We were sharing expenses, sharing the loft, basically sharing our lives. I thought the weirdness of the last few days was over. The next day I found out that I was wrong.
When I got home, he was in the shower again so I undressed and opened the door to get in. He turned the water off and said he was done. It was an okay evening but once again, I tried everything and he wouldn't have sex with me. He just kept telling me he wanted to cuddle. Brian Kinney doesn't do cuddling. I knew something was wrong.
That was confirmed the next day when a very drunk Brian pulled me over the couch and onto the floor. He was all over me again full of this animalistic need. I came so hard.
Then game day came again when I was greeted at the door by a very happy man twirling a string of beads. I have to admit, I was really starting to like game night. Toys, sex and dancing at Babylon. The perfect date night.
We fell into this routine and I was getting comfortable with it. I enjoyed cuddle night, I loved rough night and, well, game night was just awesome. I did think that they were in the wrong order though and I asked him if we could change it. 'Since rough night always gets me sore then couldn't we change cuddle night to come after rough night instead of before it?' I just thought that way, my ass would get a rest and I would have more fun on game night. I guess he didn't agree because he just said that his tongue was giving my ass its due rest and things continued the way that they were. There weren't many surprises. I knew which Brian to expect when I got home and that was strangely comforting to me.
A little over a week ago, I was surprised and my safe, strangely comforting routine was disrupted. I had gotten off work early, just fifteen minutes, but I was still excited because that fifteen minutes would maybe get me some shower time with Brian. It was cuddle night and it seemed I always got home just as he was finishing his shower. I would be able to catch him this time and I was looking forward to some hide-the-soap fun. I ran up the stairs and just as I reached the platform before the last set of stairs, I saw him. This 6' tall guy with brunet hair was shutting the door to the loft. He had that freshly-fucked-by-Brian-Kinney look on his face. He trotted down the stairs happy as a clam and said 'hey' as he passed by me. I caught a whif of him and he smelled like Brian. It made me sick to my stomach. I walked up the rest of the stairs and went into the loft just in time to hear the shower turn on. That fifteen minutes had allowed me to catch him alright. I was devastated. It wasn't that he was tricking, I could live with that, I understood that. I thought he had stopped but we never discussed it or anything. It really didn't matter. That wasn't the problem. It was the fact that the shower clean Brian that greeted me when I got home wouldn't fuck me or have sex with me or make love to me. Some would say that was respectful, who would want sloppy seconds, but you have to understand what I understood about the tricking. The tricks were in addition to me, never in place of me. If Brian wanted it or needed it and I wasn't around, fine, go get it somewhere else. That was Ok, I refused to make myself available 24/7 for his sexual desires, I had to live my own life. So of course, there would be times that I wasn't available and it was those times that he would trick. Fine. But he had never not been with me in order to trick. I was the first priority, not them. This was now different. They were taking away my time with Brian because when they had been here, he wouldn't be with me. They had crept into my space.
So now I understood the 'no-sex' thing on cuddle night and it turned it dirty for me. Everything turned dirty to me. I was sitting on the bed and was wondering. Did he fuck him in our bed? Did he fuck him on our couch? Was there anything special for just us or had he tainted everywhere? I was feeling very hurt. He got out of the shower, walked over to me and kissed me on the top of the head like he always did. So this is why he didn't kiss me on the lips after his shower. The lip print on my head suddenly started to burn my skin. Was he kissing tricks again? We never discussed or set any rules this time, but I just assumed. Fuck. He smelled clean, like soap. He had tried to wash it all away. The soap smell started making me nauseous. Then it occurred to me that this was what I had done to him with Ethan. I had showered when I got home after I had been with Ethan. I remember that night that he wouldn't let me go and he made that comment about liking the smell of me and not soap. I completely understand that now. When I showered, I smelled like soap, if I didn't shower, then I smelled like Ethan. This is why he had told me that night that I stunk. He wanted the smell of Justin back and I had been depriving him of it. Not only was I cheating on him, but I had taken away the smell of me from him as well. He refused to let me shower so he could try to get it back and I guess, when he couldn't find me and only found Ethan, he stopped. I guess soap was better to him than Ethan after all. But either way, I had taken away what belonged to him. Smell is such a powerful thing. I had no idea.
I didn't want him to know that I knew because I figured that he didn't want me to know, and because I didn't want him to think that I wasn't okay with the tricking. I tried to pretend that everything was fine and we went on about the evening. When we got in bed though, I didn't want the cuddling. It had been tainted. Instead of lying in the middle of the bed like we usually did, I scooted all the way over to the edge on my side. He laid in the middle, just looking at me. He didn't cross the imaginery line that I had drawn but he did reach out his arm and put his hand on my hip. I guess he just needed some sort of connection. His touch was burning me, but I let him leave it there.
The next day when I got home, I knew he would be sitting on the couch, drunk. I opened the door and the smell of alcohol reeked through my head. It had been there everytime but this was different. The smell took me over. That trick yesterday had gotten the real smell of Brian. I had gotten soap and now the stench of Jim Beam. I wanted to get away from it. I bypassed him completely and walked towards the kitchen. I didn't get very far before he was behind me, slamming me into the beam. My body reacted and tingled all over when he yanked my pants down, but my mind was racing in a different direction. The thoughts of smell were swimming around. He ran the fingers of one hand through my hair, kissed all over my neck and shoulders and used the other hand to jerk me off. He did everything right. A hard, fast fuck with soft touches and kisses but all my mind was thinking was that he reeked.
The next day was game night and I got the smell of Brian back. It made things a lot easier to take, but I needed to know what was going on with him. Why would he not have sex with me on the trick days? Why was he drinking himself into a stupor on the rough days? I watched his reactions to my every touch and when I had the vibrator buried deep in his ass and brought him to orgasm, I got as close as I could to him and just smelled him and looked for the answers. They say the eyes are the windows to a person's soul and if you look deep enough you can see their demons. They also say that people that wear masks can't help but take them off when they orgasm. This was my chance. I drank in the smell of the real Brian and sought to look deep into those intense hazel orbs at their most vulnerable moment. All I could see was anger buried behind the pleasure of his orgasm. What was he so mad about? What had I done? I had to think about things and got up to take a shower. I told him that I didn't need the usual attention he gave my ass on game night and shut the bathroom door behind me, indicating that I wanted to shower alone. He showered after I did then we got dressed to go out without really speaking. I said that I didn't feel like Babylon so we went to Woody's instead. There was no dancing at Woody's so we could have more space between us. I needed the space.
The next three days went basically the same. I couldn't shake all the smells. I couldn't shake the vision of that guy walking past me. I couldn't figure out why Brian had so much anger in his eyes. I really was starting to hate the smell of soap. Would I ever get past it? Would I ever be able to wash him in the shower again? Would that smell ever stop reminding me?
I knew he would be in the shower when I got home because it was cuddle-don't-touch-me-I've-fucked-someone-else-night. I was pretty sure I would be able to keep my space. I needed to figure everything out. I pulled back on the door and heard glass breaking near my head. There was Brian, drunk, unclean, unshaven, sitting on the couch. Wait. This wasn't rough-drunk-I-fucking-stink-night. I was confused. What was going on? I wanted to avoid him completely. I wasn't prepared for rough, I needed to think. I walked toward the kitchen, passed between the island and the stove, around the dining room table and into the bedroom. My mind was racing. What was going on?
I started to take my jacket off when he came at me from the side and tackled me to the bed. It knocked the breath out of me but before I could take a breath back in, his mouth was covering mine. He pushed his tongue so far back into my mouth that I felt like I was swallowing it and it made me almost gag. I pushed my tongue back at him, trying to regain some space in my mouth so I could breathe. He pulled away and I took in a big gasp of air. I was almost scared of him. What had gotten into him? He had never kissed me like that before. He stared down at me. His eyes were mixed with anger and lust and at the same time they were distant. Like he wasn't inside anymore. I didn't like what I was seeing so I closed my eyes. I just couldn't look at him anymore. I opened my eyes back up while wishing that the Brian that I knew would be there. His eyes changed for a split second and I thought he was there, but then he moved away, pulled my pants off of me and attacked my dick with the same determination as he did my mouth. He had never blown me like that before either. I felt like he was trying to devour my dick whole. He even tried to nip at it like a fucking cat and it made me scream. He stopped immediately. Thank god. In his current state of mind, having teeth anywhere near my dick was terrifying.
I felt weak and unable to move. I was confused. What was happening? Before I could say anything, he flipped me over and pulled at me so I was on my knees. I could hear his heavy breathing. It sounded like an animal. While he was putting a condom on, I started to crawl away but he grabbed my hips and pulled me back to him, then I felt the coldness of lube shooting up my hole. I called out his name. He didn't respond. He put his dick at my entrance but he hadn't even prepared me yet. I felt the heat radiating from his cock. This was not going to be easy so I braced myself for the worst. When he pushed all the way in, the pain that I felt pushed all the air out of my lungs. It swooshed right out of my mouth. Fuck it hurt. I tried to scream but it came out sounding like a skipping record. It alternated between silent rushes of air and pitched vocalization. I don't know if he was responding to my reaction or what, but he didn't move. He just held it there deep inside me. Maybe he was allowing me time to adjust. I don't know. I felt him lean over me and I heard him sniffing at the back of my neck, then he started pumping. Jabbing into me. It was so intense, but it was so scary. I needed him to touch me, to show me everything was alright. I reached for his hand and he slapped it away. I pleaded with him to touch me, 'Brian, please.' Again, he didn't respond. I nudged his arm with my head. I just needed him to touch me the way he always did. If he wouldn't hold my hand, then I needed his fingers in my hair. Just some kind of connection that was softer than the pounding in my ass. He grabbed my hair, but it wasn't soft. He pushed my head down into the mattress face first. I almost couldn't breathe. I tried to turn my head, but his grip was so hard that I couldn't move. I felt his cock swell inside me. He was close. I needed to end this. I'd lost my own erection a long time ago. This wasn't about me, it was all about him and I didn't like it. I tightened my muscles to finish him off. This made him thrust harder and then he did something really weird. He lowered his head to my shoulder and I thought maybe, finally, he was going to give me a sign that I was still safe. But he didn't kiss me, he bit into my shoulder...hard. It fucking hurt. I screamed from the pain and he started to cum. What the fuck was that? My scream from the pain made him get off? He pulled out and plopped down on the bed. I sucked in a big gasp of air, leapt off the bed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I had to get away from him.
I cleaned myself up and took care of the bite on my shoulder. Why did he do that? He's never done that before. The whole scene was so harsh and impersonal. Like he didn't even know who I was. He'd never treated me that way. Not even on our first night together. I tried to figure out why. This was supposed to have been the day that he had a trick over. What happened? Did he not show up? Was that what I was to him just now? A trick. Was that how he fucked his tricks? I felt so used. My emotions and my body both were raw.
I stayed in the bathroom until I was sure that he had fallen asleep. When I came out, he was sound asleep in the middle of the bed. He looked so peaceful. He had his arm draped over the empty spot on my side of the bed. Was he looking for a connection with me even when I wasn't there? I tiptoed to the other side, lifted his arm, slid in beside him and put his arm back around my waist. He tightened the hold around me, scooted closer and nuzzled his head against my neck without ever waking up. I laid there listening to the breaths going in and out of his body. I finally felt safe for the first time that night. I tried to go to sleep but I seemed to drift in and out of it. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and wondering why.
When the alarm went off the next morning, I was already awake. I eased myself out of bed slowly and almost limped to the bathroom...my ass was so sore. I got in the shower, careful not to get soap on the open bite wound. It kind of hurt to raise my arm. When I was washing myself, I felt a slight tender spot on the side of my dick from where he had nipped at me. God, I was a fucking mess. It was like I had been hit by a truck. I shaved, dried my hair, got dressed and made coffee. He never even stirred. He was sleeping so soundly. I put my jacket on and leaned down to kiss him goodbye. When my lips touched his face, his arm flew up and he slapped me across the face. The sting was felt throughout my whole body. Tears welled up in my eyes. Why was he so mad at me? I ran out of the loft, slamming the door behind me.
I walked to the diner in a fog. I couldn't stop crying. Fuck. I knew it was going to be bad because when I cry my eyes get all puffy and bloodshot. I knew people would notice that I was upset. It was so obvious. The minute I walked into the diner, Deb was all over me. She was demanding to know what the asshole had done. I kept telling her that it was nothing, that we'd just had a fight. I wish that were the case, because if we had fought then maybe I would know what the hell was going on. But we hadn't, and I didn't have a fucking clue. She waited on all the customers so I could stay behind the counter and just fill orders and bus tables. I was relieved because I was in no shape to talk to anyone.
About an hour later, I came out of the backroom and found Brian sitting at the table with Mikey. He looked like shit. He hadn't showered or shaved yet. I couldn't believe he was here looking like that. Something was terribly wrong with him. I stared at him, but he didn't say a word to me. What had I done to him to make him treat this way? I couldn't stand to look at him anymore, and I almost started crying again so I went back into the kitchen. I started to hear Mikey yelling at him and he was getting louder and louder. He accused Brian of hitting me. That's not really what happened. Yes, he slapped me and I didn't know why, but since he was asleep I wouldn't really say that he had hit me. It was different. I came out to defend him and stopped dead in my tracks. Brian had a big smile on his face and jumped out of the booth. He planted a big fucking kiss on Mikey then ran out of the diner without even saying goodbye. That was the first time he'd smiled in days and he chose to share it with Mikey. I missed his smile so much. I was crushed. My heart ached.
I worked the rest of my shift in a daze then headed home. Would it still be my home when I got there? I climbed those fucking stairs and approached the door. I was so tired but I had to make Brian talk to me. I had to know what I'd done. What was I going to say? Thoughts were running rampant through my head. What Brian would be there? Would he be sober? I was so nervous. I was so scared.
Pacing back and forth for what seemed like an eternity, I pushed my key into the lock. This was slowly becoming the worst fucking day of my life.
Brian's Story
I never thought that I would say this, but I am a pathetic shit. I have been treating Justin badly for weeks now, but last night was the worst. I have to explain what happened and convince him that it won't happen again. I'm standing here, naked, I mean, really naked. I'm staring at that door, pacing back and forth, waiting for Justin to get home, and trying to remember how I got to this point.
After Stockwell lost the election, I was feeling really good about myself. I had done the right thing. Me, Brian-the-asshole-Kinney had done a noble thing. Ha! Word spread quickly about what I'd done and everytime I went to the diner or to Babylon, people congratulated me and thanked me. I was used to people praising me, or I guess I should say praising my cock, but this was different. I was a real hero. It felt good and helped me forget that I was broke and unemployed.
When Mikey brought the vette back, I sold it, bought another jeep and used the rest of the money to stay afloat with my monthly expenses. I didn't have much money, but it was enough to last at least six months. That's how long I figured it would take for the hoopla surrounding my termination to die down before I would be marketable again. It was hard to take, being broke, but I was still doing okay and I was happy. It seemed none of the bullshit mattered because I had Justin. For some reason, that was enough for me.
I liked the person that I had become. Justin was proud of this person. He had led me down this path and I found myself wanting to be around him all the time. I wanted more of him to rub off on me. Plus, all the mess seemed to not matter as much when he was around. I asked him to move in with me again and I promised things would be better this time. He seemed reluctant to do it. I guess he thought that I would still be distant and maybe he was worried about the tricking. When we got back together he said that he understood, but now I'm not so sure. I thought he would want to be here with me. I decided to prove that it really would be different this time and that I had improved in showing my feelings for him. I told him that the only thing missing in my empty loft was him. I think that did the trick because he jumped on me and wouldn't stop kissing me. I couldn't catch my breath. I thought 'shit, if this is what mushy stuff gets me, I'm all for it'. He did the same fucking thing when I promised to take him Vermont. Why didn't I get a clue back then?
So he showed up on moving day with a suitcase full of clothes for starters. I was going to help him with his art stuff and computer later. I was actually happy to see him. I had been horny all day thinking about him. He barely got his suitcase put down before I started ripping his clothes off. As it happens every time we are trying to fuck, there was a knock on the door. He ran to answer it and the next thing I know two big bears are carrying in the most hideous looking couch that I had ever seen. I instantly asked him what the fuck was going on. He told me that he wasn't going to live here without furniture so he went and bought the essentials. Shit, I had the essentials. I had a fucking bed. What was wrong with staying in bed all the time? Was his butt too precious to sit on the goddamn floor? What a fucking drama princess! This really pissed me off. Not only was the furniture ugly, but who the hell asked him to buy me furniture? I didn't need furniture. I didn't need HIM to buy me furniture. I am not a pity case. This was not the reason that I asked him to move in. I decided to let him have his way anyway because I didn't want to fight on our first day of living together. This was the third attempt. Third times a charm, right? So, yeah, I buried my anger and gave in with the furniture thing but I also decided that I would show him how unnecessary it all was by not using it.
I worked on some advertising campaigns during the day and he went to work. I was surfing the net for some companies that might need a face lift on their advertising and I would develop some ideas for them. Basically, I was building my portfolio of brillance so that I was ready to go when the six months were up. He was working full time now so I had lots of time to build the perfect portfolio. I didn't like that he was working so many hours. I thought it was because he thought he had to because I wasn't. That really got to me. I didn't need him to support me. I had a plan and a budget. I was fine. He swore it just was something that he had to do since he wasn't going to be going to school any time soon. The consolation was that he was working the day shift. This had two advantages for me. It would leave me alone to get my stuff done and it would keep him away from the drunk fucks at night. Ok, so maybe three advantages. He was home at night so we could fuck or go out if we wanted to.
The part that drove me crazy was when he would flaunt his tip money. He would go on and on about how having a great ass got him extra tips. Pissed me off. He accused me of being jealous. Yes, he had a great ass, but sometimes I thought that he was getting the extra money out of pity for what we gave up to correct the Stockwell debacle. He was a hero to them too afterall, it wasn't just me. I didn't want to burst his bubble and tell him that I was pretty sure they felt sorry for us. I hate pity. I don't need it. So, I let him think that I was jealous. It didn't matter what I said, that is what he would have believed anyway. He was also bringing home groceries and household stuff everyday. He was constantly shopping for us. It was really making me mad. I had enough money for the essentials. I wanted him to keep his money, he had earned it afterall. I didn't tell him any of this, of course, he was working hard and was earning money. It was an honorable living. I didn't want to take any of that away from him or make him feel bad.
I don't think he knew what I was working on at home while he was at work. He probably thought I was spending the whole day thinking about him and jerking off. We were fucking or having sex or making love three times per day already. If I was jerking off as well, like he thought, that would have meant I was cumming all day long. Hell, I'm good, but that would be close to impossible even for me. I did make sure to wake up with him every morning though. A high protein breakfast is a great way to start the day and he always tasted the best first thing in the morning. I learned that after our first night together. So call me selfish, but it was one of the perks of having him living with me.
I was trying to keep the money thing in check, but it kept creeping on me. We were at Babylon one night when it really hit home. To keep myself on my 6-month plan, I budgeted how much money to spend when we went out. Once I started drinking, I knew the budget would fly out the window, so to keep from overspending, I only took a small amount with me and spent a lot of time on the dance floor. That would make the money last longer because I would drink less if I was busy dancing. So basically, when the money was gone, it was time to go home. I didn't tell anyone about my budget or my plan. Justin just thought I wanted to get home so I could fuck him, so needless to say, he was fine with our early evenings. But that night, when I ran out of money, he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay because he didn't have to get up early the next morning. I didn't figure that in as part of my plan. We ended up bickering about it and in a heated moment, I told him I didn't have any more money for drinks and wanted to leave. He just nonchalantly said 'no problem, I've got money'. He went and bought the drinks and we stayed.
That pissed me off. I mean, shit, like I didn't know he had money already. He reminds me every fucking day. But this really pissed me off. It wasn't that Justin paid for the drinks, big deal, it was that he HAD to pay for them. I was angry at Stockwell, I was mad at Vance and I was pissed at myself for being pissed which made me mad at Justin. All the pride that I had felt for my good deed had died. Justin and the money weren't the cause of the death, they were just the trigger that created the wound. I started feeling worthless and undesireable and I was mad. I went out on the dance floor, grabbed the first good looking guy and gave him all my best moves until he wanted me more than anything. Then I saw Justin standing there watching me. The guy wasn't who I wanted. Justin was. I pushed the guy away and walked towards Justin to take him home. I got to the bar and what did he do? Bought me another fucking drink. Thanks, rub it in. Back to the dance floor again. After my third trip back to the bar, he was finally ready to go home. I was horny from all the grinding on the dance floor and I was mad.
When we got home, I pushed him down on the bed and fucked him within an inch of his life. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be held down and unable to pleasure yourself. That's how I was feeling. The word about why I was fired had spread and it was holding me down from getting a job right now. I was mad and unable to do anything about it. I wanted him to know, to feel what I was feeling. After I got off, I flipped him over. I wanted to see the helplessness on his face. I was not prepared for what I did see. It was a look of frustration and confusion, but still filled with contentment and happiness. Just pleasuring me was enough? I remember thinking how absolutely beautiful he was at that moment and I just wanted to swallow him whole. Whatever he was feeling, I wanted it. I covered his dick with my mouth and tried to suck it out of him. When he finally allowed me to drink in his happiness, he was screaming and it was music to my ears. I wanted to share it with him so I kissed him.
I went to sleep no longer angry, but it all came back to me the next morning. I woke up to an empty, cold bed. All that anger came back. I needed to get laid. During those first weeks after the election and up to this point, I had stopped tricking. It wasn't a conscious decision, I just didn't do it. I never seemed to think about it. I liked being with Justin. Don't think I started up again because we didn't have sex that morning, that wasn't it. I just needed it. I called someone to come over and we fucked. In a weird way, it felt good to be back in the game and know that I could still get whoever I wanted. After he left, I got in the shower. The next thing I knew, Justin was standing in the bathroom asking to get in the shower with me. I quickly turned off the water and got out. I just didn't want to be with him right now. I was fine being around him, in fact, I wanted to touch him and hold him. I just didn't want to be with him or kiss him. I was able to put him off the whole night, but when we went to bed, it got hard. He tried and tried to get me going. Truth be known, it was working, I had a hard on in the worst way. I just couldn't bring myself to fuck him after what I had done. I just continued to hold him until he finally gave up and went to sleep.
I felt like shit. I had never deprived him before and I didn't really understand why I needed to. This made me feel guilty. Not for tricking but for depriving him without explanation. The stupid thing is, I deprived myself too, so now I was feeling guilty, frustrated and still a little angry. I poured a glass of Jim Beam and sat down to work on my portfolio. I couldn't clear my head, so I drank more and paced around the loft. That still didn't work because all I could think about was Justin wanting it and me wanting to give it to him. Right now. I was getting horny, getting drunk and getting nothing accomplished. Then I would remember that he was at work, earning money and buying things for him, for us, for me. I got mad all over again. By the time he got home, I had worked myself up into frenzy. He came over to kiss me, I pulled him down onto the couch and kissed him hard. I just couldn't get enough. I think I was trying to lick his throat. There was this heady aroma in the air that smelled like pure sex. It set me on fire. I was torn between being mad at him and just wanting him. I yanked his pants down and his dick hardened immediately. I had to have him right then. We fucked three times before we even had dinner. It was fast, hard and long. I know it was rough but I couldn't seem to help myself and I guess he didn't mind it. He was screaming and grunting but he came with me every time.
By the third day, I was thinking that I had been really rotten to Justin the past two days. I was starting to feel regret and I hated that but I put it aside and decided to make it up to him. I planned the whole evening out. I would let him have some fun with me then I would have some fun with him in the shower. I was sure he was a little sore from the day before so I figured a nice slow sloppy rim job would ease his pains. Then I planned to take him out dancing. I promised myself no fuck ups. I wouldn't get upset about the money or the budget, we would just stay as long as he wanted to. It was going to be his night. He loved the little game I planned out. I actually enjoyed it as well. He can be so attentive when he is having his way with me. He pays attention to every move and every sound that I make. He gives me more of the good stuff and backs aways when its just not working. I guess that's the artist in him. He treated my body like a canvas and he was painting a picture that would reflect an orgasm when he was done.
It's really the most awesome thing. I've led him to believe that it's such a hardship to give myself to him, but it's really not. Every time it turns out to be the best that I've ever had. Each time tops the time before. He is such an amazing lover. When he was done with me, I was so relaxed from his deep internal massages. The passionate mood flowed over into the shower and my plan for a soothing rim job. When my tongue was done making love to his ass, he was a bowl of mush. We went to Babylon and danced all night. I never let him out of my grasp. The whole time we danced like we were in our own little world. Some part of our bodies were touching at all times. Our hands, our lips, our foreheads, our dicks, it didn't matter, we had to be touching somewhere. When he was ready to leave, we went home and made love again. It was a really good night.
I don't know why, it was just one of those things, but I had another trick the next day. I went to the drug store to buy more condoms and there he was. I brought him back, fucked him, sent him on his way and got into the shower. I don't think Justin knew anything, he seemed fine with just cuddling when I told him that's what I wanted. Then I guess out of guilt, the next day, I drank all day again. No shower, no working on the portfolio, just drinking. My own little pity party sitting on 'Justin's' couch and thinking about what a shit I was. By the time he came home from the diner, I was so worked up that I attacked him again as he kissed me hello. I dropped him to the floor and pummelled him fast and hard. The next day I came up with another game and it went well. I rimmed him again, but this time as he was lying on the bed. I love the moans that come out of his mouth when my tongue is bathing his hole. Especially when the flesh is already so raw and tender. He almost mews like a kitten. It's so sexy and I get hard all over again. We went out to Babylon again, but I forgot to make my promises to myself and the fucking money thing came roaring its ugly head again.
So there we were, caught in this vicious three day cycle. Tricking, drinking, playing and dancing. Otherwise known as no sex, rough sex and play sex. I don't know if he caught a pattern in my moods or what, but he asked to change the tricking/no sex night to after the drinking/rough sex night. I was like 'what the fuck?' 'What do you mean, you'd have more fun on game night if your ass wasn't sore?' Fuck me. I was taking damn good care of that ass. He loved to get rimmed. What was the fucking problem? I know he didn't know that cuddle night was really tricking/no sex night but now he wanted to change the days? I trick when I want to trick, dammit, not because it was on a schedule.
Okay, so I was doing it on some kind of schedule, but I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. I bet if he knew what cuddle night really was, he wouldn't have asked to change it. That's all I'm saying. I was fucking up royally, but I was trying to keep him happy the best I could. I never really connected the type of night we would have with my self-pity moods about being jobless and hating the fact that Justin was trying to support me. I just wanted to be with Justin, I didn't want to need him or his money. I hated what was happening, but it seemed normal to me and he seemed okay with everything. Justin loved cuddling, always has. He liked it a little rough sometimes, same as me. Sure, he can be emotional and stuff, but he loved to fuck as much as the next guy, so when I threw him down with lust and need in my eyes, his dick immediately got in the game. And regardless of his other comment, I know he loved the play sex night the best, I did too. It was usually the only night that I wasn't racked with guilt. So it was this comfortable, weird, vicious cycle. But it was us.
This past week, just out of the blue, he changed. He started pulling away. He didn't want to cuddle anymore. He slept on his side of the bed the whole night. I didn't push the issue, I just figured he was upset about something and would talk to me about it when he was ready. He always wanted to talk about feelings, so I just decided to respect his space and wait. Then the next day he didn't approach me for a hello kiss when he came home. He walked right by me. In my drunken stupor, he made me go after him. Our rough romp was no longer on his couch or the floor in front of it, it was where I had caught up with him. Wrapped around the support beam by the kitchen. He still enjoyed it, I mean he did come, but it just didn't seem to be the mind-blowing ordeal like they had been. Then on play night, it was really different. When he was playing with me, he never took his eyes off of mine. I felt naked. I was naked, but I mean emotionally. He was looking for something with those beautiful blue eyes of his. He built my body up to orgasm and when I let loose, he moved up close to my face, almost nose to nose, his eyes narrowed and he just watched me get off. It seemed so personal. Afterwards, he got up, went to the bathroom and closed the door. Since when does someone give up a rim job? And since when does he not want to shower with me? Then he didn't want to go to Babylon so we went to Woody's to play pool. Since when does he not want to go dancing?
The last time he changed this much so quickly, he had met Ethan. What had I done to cause this? He promised me. What was he not getting that he felt he had to look elsewhere? It must be something bad, because he wasn't talking and that was so not like him. The money thing crept into my thoughts again. I was no longer the man that could protect him and take care of him. Maybe that was what the allure was with me afterall and I wasn't that man anymore. These thoughts got the better of me as usual and they got worse over the next three days because they went basically the same way. He slept on the edge of the bed again on cuddle night and he avoided me when he came home the next day. He kept smelling me. It was unnerving. On game night, there were no smiles, no chasing each other around the loft, no fun playing. Where was his laughter? I missed it so much. He stripped me naked physically and mentally and roamed my entire body. Every inch of it. What he didn't touch, he smelled. It was erotic, but very confusing. What was he searching for? He refused to shower with me before we went out again and he didn't want to go dancing.
I was bewildered at Justin's demeanor and oddly enough it pissed me off. I didn't have money for hustlers so I had to go out and get the tricks. Yesterday I just didn't feel like it. I wanted to fuck someone into the mattress but I didn't want the hassle of getting dressed up and going out. I had been pacing the loft trying to figure out how I was going to find someone to fuck without spending any money or going out so I did the unthinkable, I called someone that I knew. I ran across his phone number in the bottom of one of my desk drawers. It had probably been there for years. I had never used it because after he gave it to me, things changed and there was no point. He was supposed to have been one of my many tricks way back when, but he had ended up being Justin's. For some reason, being pissed at Justin and feeling like I had lost my role as his protector and provider had made me feel undesireable. The last time that I'd felt that way was with this same guy. He dumped me for Justin, so when I saw his name next to the number, it made sense to me. He would be the one to get me back on track. I could prove that he still wanted me even though he had chosen Justin all that time ago. I called him and told to get his ass over here and to not keep me waiting. I paced the loft waiting for him to show up. What was wrong with Justin? Why had I called this guy? I was definitely slipping into the abyss. I was so fucked. My boyfriend was unhappy and I was waiting for one of his discarded tricks to show up. The whole situation was pathetic. Now I really had to prove something. I was going to make him regret choosing Justin over me.
No one, including Justin is as good as me. Yes, Justin is a great lover, but that is only with me. He doesn't fuck his tricks the way he fucks me so I knew this guy hadn't gotten Justin's best. Neither one of us fuck each other the way we do strangers. It's different with us. Whether its fast, slow, hard, soft, whatever, we have an emotional connection that never waivers. It may only be the interlacing of our fingers or caresses through our hair, but it's something. It always has been. I remember interlacing fingers with him, the second time we fucked. I had never done that before with anybody. I also remember that it surprised me, but it felt good, so that's the way we've had sex ever since. So this was my chance to make this asshole regret the night he chose Justin instead of me. I was going to show this fucking twink what a good hard fuck really is. I was going to fuck him all the way into next week.
All these thoughts about Justin were swimming in my head when Shawn knocked on the door fifteen minutes later. As soon as I opened the door, I grabbed him and kissed him hard while slamming up him against the loft door. My tongue dove deep into his mouth and it felt strange. It didn't feel right to me. My tongue started to search around. I started thinking about what was it searching for? The thought of Justin's warm and inviting mouth, pouty lips and slippery tongue popped into my head. This wasn't Justin's mouth. Giving up the search, I pulled apart quickly, leaving him breathless and confused. So was I, and not in a good way. I stared at his face. My eyes darted back and forth, searching. These were not Justin's sky blue eyes. Fuck! I slammed my eyes shut tight, I couldn't look at him.
I yanked his pants down, got down on my knees and attacked his cock. My tongue washed over every inch of his cock searching for familiarity. It couldn't find it. Everywhere my tongue searched, it just wasn't there. I heard him moan. That wasn't the sound that Justin makes. This wasn't Justin's cock. I didn't know what was happening. Was this guilt? Was this regret? I let his dick fall from my mouth and I just stayed like that. I was on my knees in front of this big dick and I couldn't fucking move. He asked me if we were going to fuck or what. That shook me from my daze and I was more bound and determined to get Justin out of my head. Now I had to prove that I could still do this. I stood up, grabbed Shawn by the shoulders and spun him around. In a split second I had my pants down around my ankles and a condom on my dick. I moved to prepare him for the onslaught and I found him lubed up already. I guess he knew what he came here for. I bypassed the fingering and went straight for the big push. He cried out. Again, it wasn't Justin's voice. I was getting angry. Why couldn't I get Justin out of my fucking head? I squeezed my eyes closed as my dick plunged all the way in. It felt strange. Not as tight. Not like Justin at all. Dammit! Now I was really mad. I bucked hard and fast. I kept telling myself that I could do this. He moaned and yelped at the attack. That fucking voice. I yelled at him to shut the fuck up. I opened my eyes and caught our reflection in the full length mirror by the desk. I was standing there fucking the daylights out of some twink and all I could focus on was this ugly, unshaven, unclean man that looked an awful lot like me. Was this what Justin saw when he looked at me? Was that me? I pulled out, pulled my pants up and pulled open the door. I told him to get the fuck out, which he did, cussing me all the way down the stairs. I turned back to the full mirror. I felt sick, so I ran to the bathroom and threw up.
Now you would think that this revelation would have snapped me out of my self pity cycle, but it didn't. I was fine with not tricking before because I didn't really want it. But this? This was inability and this was fucked. I flew into a rage. I needed a drink. I poured a full glass of Jim Beam and downed it. I poured another one and went to sit down on 'Justin's' sofa and put my feet up on 'Justin's' coffee table. Fuck Justin. I downed the second glass and threw it at the wall. That's when Justin opened the door.
I stared at him, he stared at me. Was that fear on his face? Was it disgust? What was it? He walked towards the kitchen, around the island and into the bedroom through the far door. What? No kiss? No, 'honey, I'm home?' Little twat. I felt my anger surge through my body and it took me over. I bolted off the couch, ran to the bedroom and tackled him to the bed. He grunted as we landed but I hushed him up with my mouth. I kissed him hard. I drove my tongue deep into his mouth, searching for that mouth, that tongue, for Justin. I needed to find him. He finally returned the kiss. Aaah, there he was. I pulled away. He gasped for air. His eyes opened wide. What was that look? Was he scared of me? I stared down at him, searching for those eyes that I love. He closed his eyes and then reopened them. They were softer. He seemed to be pleading. There he was in those pools of blue.
I yanked his pants down and covered his dick with my mouth. I bobbed up and down and ran my tongue over every inch of his cock. It curved just the right way to fill my mouth. I knew every vein and every bump on this cock. This was Justin's cock. I was so hungry for it. I dove for it over and over and twisted and turned my head like a dog with his favorite chew toy. His dick accidentally grazed my teeth and he yelped which got my attention. That was the voice that I wanted ringing in my ears. I released his dick from my mouth, flipped him over and pulled up on his hips so he was on his knees. I couldn't seem to catch my breath. He had such an amazing body. I was panting uncontrollably and all I could think about was searching for his ass. I needed to feel it grip my cock. I rolled a condom on my dick and squirted lube up his ass. He was mumbling something but I couldn't really hear him. I mounted him and pushed all the way in. I heard him scream and it sounded a little strange but I just held it there. I had found what I was looking for. He was tight and slick and warm. We fit so good together. He surrounded my entire cock so snugly. I was starting to feel like myself again. I hadn't lost it. I was still me. I leaned over him, closed my eyes, took in his scent and started pumping. I felt something on my hand and I jerked it away. I don't know why. I just did. He mumbled again but I still couldn't understand what he was saying. I remember he lifted his head and for some reason, I pushed it back down and held it there. I thrusted harder and was very close to cumming. I dropped my head to his shoulder and nipped at the soft flesh. He let out a yelp and I spiralled into a mind-blowing orgasm, shooting my load deep in his ass while listening to that sweet voice echoing in my head. I pulled out and fell back on the bed breathless and relieved. I had found Justin and it felt so good.
Justin skampered off the bed, ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I was startled at first, but then I realized that I was so lost in my search for him that I hadn't gotten him off. I figured he was pouting so I resolved to finish him off with the best blowjob of his life when he returned. I settled into the middle of the bed and waited.
The next thing I knew, there was a slight tickle on my cheek. Fucking flies. I hate them. I swatted it away and rolled over. I was suddenly jarred awake by the slamming of the loft door. I sat straight up. My eyes burned from the bright sun and my head was pounding. I tried to remember the night before. Where was Justin? I couldn't recall anything. It was just a blank slot of time. I felt the urge to pee and got up to go to the bathroom. I held onto the wall as I pissed to keep from swaying. I figured I was hungover. Did we go out last night? I flushed the toilet, moved to the sink, turned the water on, splashed some on my face and felt the stubble. I looked up into the mirror. There was that man again. That man that I didn't recognize. Then all of a sudden, in one big swoosh, the entire night came crashing into my memory. The trick, Shawn, the mirror, the liquor, the fear in Justin's eyes. The fear in Justin's eyes? Oh god! Justin. What did I do? I'm such a pathetic shit. I smashed the mirror with my fist and bolted to the kitchen. I took a swig of Beam to clear my head. I had to figure this out. What could I do to fix this? I needed to know how bad it was, I needed to see Justin.
I put my clothes on and headed to the diner. When I walked in, I didn't see Justin anywhere. I noticed Mikey so I approached him and slumped down into the booth across from him. Justin came walking out of the back room and I was horrified at what I saw. His eyes were puffy and red and they only get like that when he has been crying. Fuck. I had made him cry. Why? What did I do? Why was one side of his face pinkish in color and not the other one? I just stared at him, I couldn't speak. I leaned down on the table and rested my chin on top of my stacked fists. Mikey looked at him, then at me and instantly started in on me.
I deserved this, someone needed to verbally kick the shit out of me. It might as well be Mikey. He started ranting and raving about what a shit I was. He was right, but he had it wrong too. He saw Justin's face and the cuts on my knuckles and thought that I had hit Justin. Fuck. I would never do that, would I? Mikey can be so intense when he is putting you in your place and trying to save your life. He went on with all kinds of things. I was getting such a headache. He said something about a scarf around both our necks this time. I wasn't really paying attention. Then something about my dick and why did I always to have fuck and fuck things up. My head was pounding. Then he said something that struck a chord. My head bolted up.
"What did you say?"
"Jesus, Brian. Pay attention," he whined at me. "I'm trying to save you here, don't you realize..."
"Mikey. Shut up! What did you say, dammit?" I yelled at him.
He looked dumbstruck like he couldn't remember then the eyebrows went up. "Oh yeah, I said as much as you fuck around, you should have invested in a condom company. You know you would be fucking rich by now. You are so...."
"That's it! You're brilliant!"
I jumped out of my seat and planted one hell of a kiss on Mikey's mouth. Thank God for Mikey's ranting lecture. I bolted out of the diner and headed back to the loft. When I got there, I swung the door open and ran to the closet. I pushed everything out of the way and grabbed the metal box that was in the corner on the top shelf. I rushed to the bed, opened it and turned it over to dump out the contents. I sifted through the mememtos of my so-called life. My high school diploma, my college degree, Gus' hospital ID bracelet, a Valentine's Day card from Justin. I paused and realized that I had completely forgot about my problem with Justin and had left the diner without even speaking to him. Fuck. I am such a shit. This was the first Valentine's Day card that I had ever received, it was also my last one. I didn't give him one and I told him that I thought they were meaningless. I tossed it on the table after reading it. He never gave me another one. I'm sure he thought that I threw it away. He would have my ass if he knew that I'd kept it. Actually, he's going to have my ass anyway. Fuck. I have to fix this fucking mess. I tossed the card aside and continued digging. There it was on the bottom of the pile. The most important thing in my life right now. Not the most important person, just the most important thing. I'm not that much of a shit. I do know the difference. I grabbed it, kissed it and ran to the phone.
After making several calls, my suspicions were confirmed. My life was turning a corner finally. I could feel it. Now to fix this mess with Justin. I showered and shaved. I cleaned up the broken glass by the door and in the bathroom. I went to the hardware store and spent this week's drink allowance to replace the broken mirror in the bathroom. I ordered dinner from the Thai Restaurant down the street. When it arrived, I had to pay them out of Justin's stash money so I vowed to pay him back. Besides, I didn't think he would really mind after I shared my news with him. I laid the food out on 'our' dining room table, lit some candles, took off all my clothes, walked over to the front of the door and waited for Justin to come home. I was playing it all out in my mind. What was I going to say to him? Would he understand? Would he believe me? Shit.
Pacing back and forth for what seemed like an eternity, I heard the key in the lock. This was quickly becoming the best fucking day of my life.
